International Institute For Global Leadership
Issue #239 *November 2021
Asheville, NC USA
MBA in Empathic Listening
Charles Kabera (Rwanda)
Have you ever wondered why Nature has given us one tongue but 2 ears? It is that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak. In order to be good speaker, you must also be a good listener. If they think about listening at all, most people think that hearing and listening are one and the same, a natural process we don’t have to think about. That may be why we do not teach listening in schools. In fact, hearing and listening are not the same thing at all. Listening is a skill, one that can be learned and improved. It’s also a lot more complex than it may initially appear. Peace depends on the ability to tolerate those with opposing beliefs. That requires trying to understand them, which is only possible if we work hard at listening despite our filters.
It’s said that we seek 3 things in a relationship: to be heard, to be understood and to be valued. Empathic listening achieves 2 of these and indicates the third. If you listen empathically, to hear, you understand and, by taking the time and making the effort, you indicate how much you value the other person.
Listening pays off daily in the professional world. Smart people have learned that you can talk your way out of business, but you can listen your way into one. They listen to their customers to find out what their needs are, then concentrate on filling those needs. Skilled negotiators know that no progress can be made until they have heard and understood what the other side wants. Listening, like speaking and writing, requires thought and care. If you don’t concentrate on listening, you won’t learn much, and you won’t remember much of what you learn. Some experts claim that professionals earn between 40% and 80% of their pay by listening. Yet, most of us retain only 25% of what we hear. If you can increase your retention and your comprehension, you can increase your effectiveness.
If you listen only with your ears, you’re missing out on much of the message. Good listeners keep their eyes open while listening. Look for feelings. The face is an eloquent communication medium. Learn to read its messages. While the speaker is delivering a verbal message, the face can be saying, “I’m serious,” “Just kidding,” “It pains me to be telling you this,” or “This gives me great pleasure.”
Some non-verbal signals to watch for:
Rubbing one eye. When you hear “I guess you’re right,” and the speaker is rubbing one eye, guess again. Rubbing one eye often is a signal that the speaker is having trouble inwardly accepting something.
Tapping feet. When a statement is accompanied by foot-tapping, it usually indicates a lack of confidence in what is being said.
Rubbing fingers. When you see the thumb and forefinger rubbing together, it often means that the speaker is holding something back.
Staring and blinking. If you’ve made your best offer and the other person stares at the ceiling and blinks rapidly, your offer is under consideration.
Crooked smiles. Most genuine smiles are symmetrical. And most facial expressions are fleeting. If a smile is noticeably crooked, you’re probably looking at a fake smile.
Eyes that avoid contact. Poor eye contact can be a sign of low self-esteem, but it can also indicate that the speaker is not being truthful.
It would be unwise to make a decision based solely on these visible signals. But they can give you valuable tips on the kind of questions to ask and the kind of answers to be alert for. Good listeners make it easy on those to whom they want to listen. They make it clear that they’re interested in what the other person has to say.
One of the factors that affects active listening is noise. Noise makes listening and communication more difficult, obscuring the signal we want to pay attention to. Noise is all around us, so it pays to have a simple system to deal with it when you
want to have an important conversation or get some work done. That system is here abbreviated as MBA.
The M is MOVE. Whenever I see people shouting at each in a noisy environment think: “Why don’t you just move?” It might not be the best idea to try and make a complex sales presentation in a coffee bar, or to propose marriage in a nightclub –
although I’m sure both these things happen! When you know what you want to say, how and to whom, the next question is: where?
The B is BLOCK. If you can’t move, try to block the noise. Close doors or windows. If you’re trying to work or make phone calls, headphones can be your friends here, blocking the background noise.
The A is ACCEPT. If you can’t move and you can’t block, then it pays to have an internal conversation and choose to be there. If we fight the inevitable, getting upset about the noise, the upset itself becomes the problem and adversely affects our conversation or our work. If, instead, you decide to accept the noise and the suboptimal context, and adjust your expectations accordingly, then the upset doesn’t occur and you make the best of a bad job.
(Charles is an IIGL Graduate and current Board Member).
What Others Are Saying
Why I Choose IIGL?
Kathleen Oweegon (USA/OR)
I have been affiliated with IIGL since just after its inception, and have served on the Board of Directors for more than a decade. The work IIGL does in the world has far-reaching and long-lasting positive impacts. What better way to grow strong, wise leaders of high integrity than by planting seeds of wisdom through self-directed leadership studies AT NO COST TO THE STUDENT, thereby assuring that emerging leaders in less developed countries? The positive results are remarkable, tangible and measurable. Go to: https://global-leadership.com to read about our students and graduates, and to learn more about this wonderful leadership institute!
IIGL changes lives, and it is changing our world for the better!
(Kathleen is currently the Corresponding Secretary).
What our Students are Reading
How to Write Articles ($4.99)
The diverse collection of handy desk references designed to help students, business professionals, and all readers become more productive in school, the workplace, and everyday life. A journalist shows the ins and outs to professionals and amateurs who want to break into the business.
Students/Graduates In Action
Extra Help for IIGL Students!
In December, IIGL will be checking student records to see who has submitted an assessment in the past year. If you are unsure, please email Deb at firstname.lastname@example.org We know that many of you have had challenges in 2021 for various reasons in terms of submitting your assessments. The Board of Directors and I have some possible solutions to help you submit them! If you haven’t submitted an assessment in the past year, you will be considered an “Inactive student” on the IIGL website beginning in January 2022.
Many of the IIGL Level One and Two books are available as Ebooks and on You Tube in audio format! Please email if you are in need of more information as to how you can assess the books and/or to discuss your situation! An Extra Thank You to those students and graduates who have helped build the IIGL Ebook and You Tube Libraries/Resources.
Valuable Resources for Personal & Planetary Transformation
Childhood Education International
The mission is to develop and amplify innovative solutions to education challenges that affirm children’s learning and development as the pathway to sustainable futures for all.
Since 1892, Childhood Education International has been committed to one central mission: ensuring children’s access to quality education worldwide. They direct their efforts toward programs and projects that support pre-primary to primary school-age children so they can learn, grow, and develop optimally. They collaborate with teachers, education leaders, families, community leaders, health professionals, government agencies, the private sector, and civil society organizations to provide innovative solutions that make a difference internationally.
IIGL Named to the 2021 List of Great Nonprofits for 9th Consecutive Year!
IIGL recently received notice that we have been approved on the Great Nonprofits list again in 2021 thanks to student and contributor testimonials! Thank you for your help! Here’s the message from them:
“Congratulations! INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE FOR GLOBAL LEADERSHIP INC has earned a spot on the 2021 Top Rated List! Your community has shared their inspiring stories about your work. We congratulate you on all of your accomplishments. You’ll be featured on our site, our 2021 Top-Rated List, and distributed to media and corporate foundations. The official 2021 Top-Rated List will be announced after October 31.”
To review what has been written or add a testimonial, visit here: http://greatnonprofits.org/reviews/write/international-institute-for-global-leadership-inc.
Select The International Institute For Global Leadership on Smile.Amazon.com!
Just a reminder that each time you shop, at no cost to you on Amazon.com, a portion of your purchase can be donated to IIGL. When you shop at smile.amazon.com, you’ll find the exact same low prices, vast selection and convenient shopping experience as Amazon.com, with the added bonus that Amazon will donate a portion of the purchase price to IIGL! Share this link: http://smile.amazon.com/ch/56-2443621 and ask your family, employees, and friends to bookmark this link so all their eligible shopping will benefit the International Institute For Global Leadership Inc. Disbursements are made to IIGL on a quarterly basis from Amazon.
IIGL Book Sales Continue…
The IIGL Board of Directors shared that the IIGL book, “Creating Your Path Through Leadership” book sales continue to provide a Royalty payment to IIGL each month. It has also helped new potential donors understand more about IIGL! The book is available both on Kindle and in Paperback on Amazon.com! Check it out! Here’s the link: https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1…
Meet Our New Students
There were no new students this month
We had 4 students from 3 countries complete a total of 5 books in October. These students were from Lesotho, Nigeria and Rwanda .
Bob Maepe (Lesotho)
* Nonviolent Communication
Michael Kelechi (Nigeria/UAE)
* The Law of Attraction
Erasmus Rwinkesha (Rwanda)
* How to Win Friends and Influence People
Nkaka Victor (Rwanda)
* Leadership for Dummies
* The Law of Attraction
The following Students completed a new level of study this month
Michael Kelechi (Nigeria/UAE) completed Level Two
Nkaka Victor (Rwanda) completed Level Two
4 enrolled in October
47 enrolled in 2021
5 in October
85 in 2021
0 in October
5 in 2021
Cost of Books
$0 in October
$122.10 in 2021
You Make It Possible
We extend a special thanks to the following individuals and/or organizations who contributed to IIGL last month. Your ongoing support makes this work possible.
Deb Silver (Israel)
Lynne Murguia (USA/AZ)
John Hornecker (USA/NC)
Michael Lightweaver (USA/NC)
Kathleen Oweegon (USA/OR)
Deb Rosen (USA/WI)
Patrice Zorn (USA/WI)
Make A Difference
Dream Team 22
Please join Dream Team 22 as our goal is to have 22 people contributing $22 per month. We understand that money is energy and that to sustain and build IIGL we need a lot of people pouring their energy into this endeavor on a regular basis. We also know that not everyone can afford to commit $22 a month – especially our students, who live in countries with economies in which this amount can be equal to a weeks’ salary. So we are offering two options for those who wish to become a part of the Dream Team. One can commit to a $22 a month contribution or to spending 22 seconds each day holding the vision of IIGL becoming financially sustainable by the end of 2021!
Please join the Dream Team and help us create an energetic foundation to support the transformational work of IIGL! You can really make a difference in the world by making a modest contribution of time or money. To make the $22 a month commitment or a one time donation, click the link below. To become a member of the Dream Team 22 by committing 22 second a day to help us hold the vision, contact Deb for details: email@example.com
Checks on US banks, payable to the International Institute For Global Leadership, can be mailed to IIGL, 11537 N. Lake Shore Drive, Mequon, WI 53092 USA. Contributions may also be made by credit card by clicking the link below. Contributions are tax deductible under the 501 (c) 3 tax code of the United States Internal Revenue Service.
To Contribute By Paypal, go to www.paypal.com and make donation to firstname.lastname@example.org
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