As A Man Thinketh
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed in the book is the power of positive thinking. The author labour to expose the fact that as we think so we are and our character is the complete summation of our thoughts. What we think literally affects every aspect of our lives. The outward manifestaion of our lives is only but a glimpse into our inner man of the mind.
The author emphasises positive thoughts as opposed to negative thoughts because positive thoughts are the key to a happy and fulflled life which all of us desire to have. Positive thougts can also open windows of opportunity in the future as we hold onto them unwaveringly. The interesting thing is that we are the master of our lives through the thoughts that we entertain. We deterimne and define our destines through the kind of thoughts that we embrace.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
One of the ideas that is personally most important to me is the idea that ‘a man’s vision can become reality simply through the power of thought’. Often times i have put my visions and dreams on the shelf for a while as they became more and more impossible to achieve because of the circumstances that i would be going through. I now know that the possibility of these dreams becoming a reality does not lie in the fate of circumstances nbut i can actually make it happen as i focus my thoughts of pursuing them and soon they will be a reality. This idea has greatly motivated me to continue pursuing my dreams inspite of and to keep pressing on no matter what comes my way and to focus my thoughts so as not to be distracted.
The second idea that is personally important to me is the idea of my character being the complete summation of my all my thoughts. That means that whatever i see in my character that does not apeal to me is a reveation that i have been sowing wrong thoughts in my mind. It also challenges me to watch my character closely so as to identify areas in my thought pattern that need to be worked at or improved. It further challenges me to aim for the highest mark, that is instead of naccepting certain things as permanent weaknesses i can refuse to tolerate them as i sow right thoughts regarding that area of my life.
The third idea that is personally important to me is the idea of my mind being likened to a garden. In the past, i have paid so much attention to the outward appearance of things without paying so much attention to tending the garden of my mind. I enjoy reading and do read alot however many times i have sort of planted both the right seeds and the weed seeds of thought at the same time in my mind. This has resulted in mixed fruit in my life. This i have always done thinking am trying to be as open minded as possible so as to accomodate as many many people as possible. Now i realise that i must be particular in the kind of thoughts that i allow to be planted in the garden of my mind so as to have a beautiful harvest of character and life as a whole.
The fourth idea that is personally important to me is the idea that the law of reciprocation is at work in regard to our though patterns. There is no error in it, what we sow we definitly shall reap. This means that monitoring my thoughts is not a one time thing that i do and then forget about it but it must become a part of my daily life. It must be a discipline that i develop and manintain if am going to live to the fulness of my potential and dreams. I know that some times life gets crowded with all the busy schedules and dealines but i must make it a part of my daily routine. Just like i have to bath daily, i now have to watch what goes through my mind on a daily basis.
The fifth idea that is npersonally important to me is the idea that thoughts not only influence my physical and social aspects of life but my spirituality as well. My ability to walk in the blessedness of the Lord has got something to do with how i think and the fact that my answer to prayer has also got to do with me aligning my thoughts with God’s spiritual truth. This blessed my heart because i have always known that i need to align my self with God’s word so as to walk in the fulness of His promises but i had never seen it from this angle. I seem to see it in a new way and it just blesses me.
The sixth idea that is important to me is the idea that my thoughts affect my physical well being. Am the kind of person that often falls sick and am at that point when am fed up of medicine i had actually resorted to herbals instead of tablets. Reading this part of the book opened my eyes to sort of a new revelation. Now when i look back, i agree that it often started in the mind. For example the weather changes and automatically i begin thinking that am going to fall sick and its just a matter of time before i do. Now i am enlightened to see my health from a new perspective. I realise i dont have to fall sick after all, my body is strong enough to handle any weather changes. It all has to do with how i think and focus my thoughts.
The last idea that is personally important to me is the idea of training myself and exercising to think the right thoughts. Like any other training, i realise that this will take time and efforts for me to get there however the good news is that i can and will get there as i work at it. More than ever before i realise that i can be anything and reach for any high call. What will make a difference a few months or years from now is the diligency with which i will have worked at achieving this goal because this will be the out come of my life.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
First of all, these ideas will help me to become a better person as i align my self with the right and positive thoughts. This i believe is going to affect my character, my efficiency and effectiveness at work as well as my ability to influence and impact the lives of those around me on a daily basis.
These ideas are going to help me so much in mentoring and nurturing other people. The knowledge acquired i am going to share it with those in my area of influence so at the end of the day, many people are going to be blessed, happy, live and plan better lives through positive thinking. I am very excited about this course because it is already making tremendous differences in my life. I am already sharing this particular book with those around me and challenging them to act upon it not simply read it. Its just a matter of time and our dreams will be realities.
As a child counselor and facilitator, i intend to pass on this knowledge to these young people that i work with and in so doing lay a firm foundation in these leaders of tomorrow. If children can master the art of positive thinking at a tender or teenage age then they are bound to become great men and women of inluence in future. This is exactly what the world needs. When many of our young poeple are wasting lots of time sitting before television and listening to music, i have purposed to nurture those in my care to be responsible citizens and it starts now! Instill in them a reading culture, challenge their minds to think critically and creatively. This knowledge is a key for me to challenge these young peopl and to provoke them to aim for the highest mark in all that they set their hearts to do.
As a women’s group facilitator, i intend to share this information with the groups that i facilitate. Women many times look down on themselves and choose to aim for the lowest mark in life but as they change their thought patterns, they will discover great and amaizing potentials in themselves. This knowledge is one of the tools that am going to equip them with.
The book has been so timely for me because i have been looking for some answers and it has unlocked with a deep well of revelation and inspiration. I am sure that my life is not going to remain the same, i have decided to make this book a must have in my hand bag because i need to remind myself from time to time. The book shelf is too far for me to keep this book, my hand bag is the nearest and safest i must keep it and review it from time to time.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
One of the quotes that got my attention is; ‘Every man is where he is by the law of his being; the thoughts which he has built into his character have brought him there’. This quote caught my attention because i have always thought that i did not have control over what happens to me though i would determine how i react. It had never occured to me that i can actaully control the things that happen in my life. This was an eye opener to begin taking my thoughts a little more seriously.
The other quote is; ‘Circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself’. This quote caught my attention because i have always thought that circumstances shape us into the people we are but on the contrary i have learnt that they only reveal who we are. This means that instead of waiting for things to happen then i react to them, i should rather prepare way before time so that when they happen the inner strength that i have built will be made manifest and enable me to come out victorious.
‘Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.’ I have often wondered why some of the things i do not want to happen keep happening in my life. I now realise that it is not enough not to want them but i must continously work on the inner person to be those things that i want to attract in my life. I realise that it is an invisible law at work and the only way i can benefit out of it is by working at acheiveing inner change which will soon attract the visible manifestation of who i am.
‘Men imagine that thoughts can be kept secret, but it can not.’ I have always been one of those who belive that thoughts can be kept a secret but now realise that i was wrong all along. I have learnt that nothing happens by chance or coincedence but they all spring from my thoughts because thoughts crystallize into habits and habits solidify into circumstances.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
None
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
None
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 10
B. How helpful were the contents? 10
C. How easy was it to understand? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 10
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 10
Jonathan Livingstone Seagull
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo
1. What is the main idea the author is trying to convey in the book?
The theme of the book is; ‘Aim for excellence’. It is the one idea that runs through out the book. It is made evident in one of Jonathan Seagull’s statements in part one when he says, “… there’s a reason to life! We can lift ourselves out of ignorance, we can find ourselves as creatures of excellence and intelligence and skill. We can be free! We can learn to Fly!”. Jonathan never settled for anything less than excellence, a principle which he passed on to his students more so Fletcher Lynd Seagull.
While in paradise, Jonathan noticed the one common thing about all the seagulls that were they; he thought to himself, “For each of them, the most important thing in living was to reach out and touch perfection in that which they loved most to do…”. This reaching out for perfection is the ability to aim for excellence, the determination to settle for nothing less, the drive to become the best at what we do.
Sullivan seagull in one of his conversations with Jonathan seagull, points out that they had to go through several phases of life before realizing that, “… there is more to life than eating or fighting for power in the flock… our purpose for living is to find that perfection and show it forth.”. This breaking of camp with the ordinary and the usual I believe is the pursuit for excellence. It is like responding to a higher call in life, its like reaching out for the divine and embracing the super natural. It’s a glimpse into eternity, a revelation of heaven kissing the earth and yet it remains real for all around you to witness.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why?
Practice makes perfect
It is a general principle that I so often forget. I want to excel while putting in minimum efforts. With the era of ATM and mobile phones, it is so easy to expect spontaneous results but I have discovered that success comes to those who are willing to pay the price. “… he learned to fly and was not sorry for the price that he had paid…”. No man sets out on an adventure without weighing the cost, I must learn to way the cost before setting out to do something. When you attach value to a thing its enough motivation for you to press on till the end and at the end of it all, it will be worth the pain or the investment.
Hard work always pays, it reminds me of what Madeline Bridges said; “Give the world the best that you have, and the best will come back to you”. It is indeed a very profound statement that holds so much truth.
In order to excel, I must work at it without losing heart. However I must also be sensible enough to know that if something does not work out several times then may be I must change approach. A friend of mine often says that “madness is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results”. When Jonathan tried flapping his wings and it was not working, he realized that there must be another way other than flapping and he soon found out that other way which was the appropriate approach.
Never give up; Never quit
It is so easy to throw in the towel when the going gets tough. But an English man said, ‘when the going gets tough, the tough get going’. It is a principle that I need to work on because am so emotional and sometimes I end up making irrational decisions rather emotional ones. I have learnt that many times it pays to just sleep over a thing before making a crucial decision because by the time I wake up, I am more sober and able to make a sound decision. It is just like how Jonathan seagull had to stay a little longer by himself to forge his way through the thoughts of discouragement that had clouded his judgment. There are moments when no one will encourage you but will have to learn to encourage yourself and pick up the broken pieces.
Every one has what I call the ‘dark night of the soul”, moments when we feel like we have come to the end of our road. At such times, we need to just press on a little and you will realize that there is light (hope) at the end of the tunnel. These are moments when solitude will help you to refocus and re-energize your inner man.
Giving up is not an option for those who have set themselves to excel. All defeats, mistakes and stumbling blocks should be used as stepping stones. Turn your failure into a lesson and soon you will be on your way to achieving excellence.
Be eager to learn
One of the things that is so clear in the book is that learning never stops. At every phase of life, there is always something for you to learn which will equip you for your next level in life, career, ministry or in achieving your dream.
In order to learn, I must have a teachable spirit. This is made evident in how easily I submit myself to higher authorities. My mother often says that good things come to the humble and I have proved that it is very true. When we humble ourselves, we obtain favour in the eyes of those we seek to learn from.
I realize that to keep learning, I must develop a student attitude. A good student takes heed to instructions and is open minded. A good student pays attention because that is the best way to understand and must not only learn from what he/ she hears but must also learn by observing the way things are done. Some one said that it’s better to try and fail than to never try at all. It is always worth trying.
We all need mentors
My mother often said, ‘no man is an island’. The more I have grown, the more I have come to make sense of her words. In life we all need people.
It is also very true that great men and women that have made it in life drew their inspiration from some one who had gone before them. It takes a lot of humility, maturity and wisdom to choose to sit at the feet of another great person. Old age is a well spring of wisdom. Unfortunately we often over look elderly people in our society discarding them as waste material. This book has opened my eyes to see how much I could be missing out by over looking elderly people in my community. I also realize that in order to tap from these wells, I must learn to value and respect elders.
A mentor can also be some one a little older than me but with lots of experience in the field where I seek to excel. Most of these people have busy schedules but if am humble enough, I can win their trust and confidence.
The other out standing quality of mentoring expressed in this book is the ability to re-produce yourself in the people that you mentor. This is something that Jonathan Seagull did successfully.
The greatest of all is love
Love conquers all things, love never fails. The reason we have so many wars today, I believe is because people today are so self centered. It begins and ends with ‘me’. True fulfillment in life I believe is the joy of making a difference I another person’s life.
The greatest leaders that the world has ever known are those who spent their time serving other people. N. Hill said, “If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded”. Ralph Waldo said, “To find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived- this is to have success”.
While anger, rage and fear will cripple you, love will liberate you to do the impossible. When we love people we get a glimpse into eternity where there will be no fear, worry or deaf. To love people selflessly is the greatest strength that one can develop.
Leadership
Part three of the book majors on the principles of leadership. My head teacher used to challenge us as prefects that ‘a leader is no leader without followers’. The quality of one’s leadership is proportional to the quality of the people that he leads.
A good leader must have influence over the people that he/ she leads. Without influence, the people I lead will rebel or simply choose to go their own way. One of the ways to develop influence as a leader is to build my integrity. If the people I lead can take me at my word, they will willing fully follow. Jonathan had won the trust of his students, they simply took him at his word; he had influence over them.
As a leader, I must learn to see the good in all people because as human beings, many times we focus on the bad and get blinded to the good in people. When we focus on the good, it becomes easy to realize the potential in people.
Motivation is very important for any up coming professional. It is therefore my duty as a leader to motivate my students into realizing their full potential. In motivating them, I should be able to rebuke and correct them in love so that they grow up into better, responsible people.
Any good leader is one who is able to teach. Its one thing for the students to be teachable, it’s another thing for the leader to possess proper teaching skills. If I fail to teach my students, I have not only failed as an individual but I will have failed them as well.
There is nothing impossible for those who believe
In order for me to attain my goal in life, I must come to a place where I believe in myself and the potential in me. Head knowledge is not enough, I must have a conviction in my heart about the things that I pursue or they will cease to make sense. Like Chaing told Jonathan, “the trick …was … to stop seeing himself as trapped inside a limited body…the trick was to know that his true nature lived…”.
There is power in knowledge; it’s the truth that I know that sets me free. What you don’t know could be killing you without you knowing. Like Chaing said, “It always works when you know what you’re doing”.
I must have a deep passion for the things that I pursue; it is what will keep driving me to go on despite the challenges.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
First of all, these lessons have opened my eyes to the things that I need to work on in order to better my life. One of those things is to sit at the feet of elders so as to drink from their deep wells of inspiration and wisdom.
I have also realized that I need to develop persistence and consistence if am going to achieve the aspirations that am pursuing. I now know that I have what it takes and that with practice and hard work I will make it to the finishing line.
Part three of the book has given me a vivid picture of what good leadership should entail. I have purposed to emulate these lessons as more opportunities for leadership come my way.
I also realize that as a mentor to some young people, I must not just look for perfection in them but be patient enough as I walk with them through the different phases of life. More than ever before I realize that I am what I am because some one cared enough to invest their life and time in me so I should go and do the same.
I have been reminded of the fact that every minute matters. Like Jonathan spent hours working at his practice while his fellows where wasting their time in un profitable things, I can do the same and I believe will see the same success as he did.
4. Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention?
“There is so much to learn!”
This teaches me that life is a process of learning and that I should never be content with what I already know. It also challenges me to know that there is always room for improvement. I can become better if I work at it.
I think it’s a good motto to live by especially in regard to career. This kind of attitude will help me retain an open mind at all times which works for my good.
“…there’s a reason to life! We can lift ourselves out of ignorance, we can find ourselves as creatures of excellence and intelligence and skill. We can be free! We can fly!”.
I love this statement because it gives new meaning to life. It makes every discouragement, weariness and laziness vanish out of me into thin air. It gives me such a boost to reach the highest.
As I pondered on it I realized that there is more to life than just being ordinary. I have always had this desire to be different from the crowd and this strengthens my passion to simply stand out.
Its one thing for you to go to school, it’s another for you to choose to learned. I don’t want to be schooled, I want to learn. I don’t want to read to pass but rather to read to understand. I want to be able to master skills and wisdom that I will pass on to the next generations that will come after me.
It simply challenges me out of my comfort zone!
“…he learned to fly and was not sorry for the price that he had paid”
I should be willing to pay the price for the things to which I attach value in life. It is never too high a price compared to the glory that shall come with it.
I should never be sorry for having done the right thing.
“…our purpose for living is to find that perfection and show it forth”.
It challenges me to seek to discover my full potential and to put it to work. Like the parable of the talents in the bible, it challenges me to be faithful with that which I have been given and to use it to bless other people.
“It always works when you know what you’re doing”
It challenges me to seek knowledge. Like my uncle often said, ‘knowledge is power, he who has it shall rule over you’. I have made a fresh commitment to myself to study and to allow myself to learn all that I can learn through out life. More importantly to share what I have learnt with others.
“You have to practice and see the real gull, the good in every one of them and to help them see it in themselves”
Although it is something that I have always known, this statement has refreshed my memory about this great treasure. It is possible to see good in every one even those we consider to be the worst because there is good in everyone. When we believe in people, we empower them to change for the better.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about or are there ideas which you disagree with and if so, why?
Yes, I disagree with the idea of perfection as the ultimate mark of excellence.
I personally believe that as human beings, it is impossible for us to be perfect. Only God is perfect. In this life we can aim for excellence but to pursue perfection to set ourselves up for total defeat and disappointment. All human beings are bound to error one way or the other.
No matter how much we try, even the best of us will falter and fall short of the mark at one point or the other. Excellence does not mean perfection; it simply means being the best you can be at what you are doing despite the short comings.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete?
No, it did not
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions?
No, there is nothing.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 10
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 10
E. What is the over all rating you would give it? 10
Keys To Success
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author throughout the book is the importance of a definite purpose in life. All the other sixteen principles hinge on this fundamental principle, without which success cannot be achieved.
Definiteness of purpose is referred to as ‘the starting point of all achievement ‘. Without this principle our efforts would be scattered all over like a man shooting in the air without an aim.
In reading about this principle, my eyes were opened to the fact that it is not enough to possess a vague idea of what i want to achieve in life but rather i must define exactly and specifically what it is that i want to achieve.
It has changed my life in that i had to take off some time to sit and refocus on what it is exactly i want to achieve. I had always had an idea of what i wanted to achieve but had never taken the time to clearly define what i want to achieve.
I am actually at the place where i no longer do things for the sake of doing them but i try to align every thing i do towards achieving my desired end.
My pespective about life has totally changed for the better. I realise now more than ever that nothing comes to us that we have not had a hand in.
Ever since i started focusing my efforts i have realised so many opportunities and so many doors have opened up to me. I have been truly blessed and transfomed by this book.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
First of all, i must note that the book was superb, i loved every bit of it. I learnt so much that i could not have learnt in any school with in such a short period of time.
One of the ideas that was personally importnat to me was the idea of defineteness of purpose which i have already hinted about in the first question. The whole idea was not so new to me because i have often taught and spoken about having a life purpose but i kind of saw it in a whole new perspective.
I had never put so much effort in defining what exactly i want to achieve in life. I had always had an idea of what gives me the greatest satisfaction and what i would really love to do but had never taken the time to specically design it and attach a plan to it.
I am now certain of what exactly I am aiming for in life which has changed me for the better. I no longer take each day as it comes but rather purpose to make each day count in light of my desired end. I live each day purposefully, i make each minute count.
The second idea that was important to me is the idea of assembling an attractive personality. Like the first idea, this too was not a very new concept to me but had actually done so little to assemble such a personality in my own life. Its easy to share what you know than to actually get down and incorporate it into your own life. This is exactly what i had been doing with this concept.
Some of the ingredients to this personality were actually new to me such as promptness of decision, effective showmanship, versatility to mention but a few.
Now i know that an attractive personality goes beyond the basics of being nice, being presenstable and ettiquete. I still hve alot of work to do in regard to assembling an attractive personality but am determined to work at it.
It also exposed some of my weaknesses that i was taking for granted but now realise that i can not afford to leave anything to chance.
The third idea that was personally important to me is the idea of going the extra mile. Frankly speaking i was not any where close to this principle. I had always done just what is expected of me while some times i would even not bother to meet those expectations. I felt so guilty while reading this particular principle because it was talking to me directly. I was not putting in any extra effort especially in regard to my work.
I have purposed in myself to start going the extra mile. I started with an assignment that had been lying on my desk for the past three months because i was waiting for every one else to put in their in put before i could put in my own. Every time i would touch it i would find an excuse to put it down. This time i purposed to work on it till i finish and the amazing thing is that i was done with it in just one day. I could not figure out what had been stopping me all along!
I have continued to incorporate this principle in different areas of my life. I have purposed to do what is right and expected of me whether or not others stand up to their own obligations. I feel so good about myself and life is much more enjoyable.
Another idea that was important to me is the idea of creating personal initiative. Although it seems like a very small thing, i have discovered that it can take you to great heights.
Many times i would have great ideas but would not follow through with them. This time i decided to follow through with one of them. It had to do with incorporating a new program with in one of the projects that we are operating at work. It was a very timely idea that every one literally bought into it. We have started to implement this program and the results are simply out standing. I am as amazed as all the others at the fascinating results it is bearing.
As a result of this, so many doors of opportunity have opened up to us which we had been trying to open for the past many months.
The principle of creating personal inititative enabled me to see what every one else was not seeing and gave me the confidence to share it with them. I feel great, i feel like there is no limit to what i can do if only i put my mind to task.
The other idea that was personally important to me is the idea of building a positive mental attitude. I had always started at it but often gave up half way before hitting the target mark then i would start all over again to no success.
This time it is much easier because i have all these other principles in place to support my pursuit. I am working at it slowly by watching the thoughts that i entertain and the kind of information that i feed my mind with.
I purposed to be positive about life no matter what would happen. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine noted that i was so full of life and humour of late. She was of the view that all things must be going well for me which frankly was not the case but i had purposed to stay on top of my game and i am making tremendous progress. Not that am doing it for people to see but some things are simply contangious, you cant contain them and this is one of those things.
I focus on the positive side of life and endeavour to make the best of every opportunity. Life is good because that i what i have made it to be.
The idea of accurate thinking was also personally important to me. It is interesting how me miss the small things in life that turn out to be very vital to our success. Weighing every bit of information that comes to me had never been my kind of way of doing things until i read about this principle. I realised i had often been a victim of inaccurate thinking but had never learnt my lesson. Most of the times it had to do with who was giving me the information, if i trusted you then there was no need to cross check. I can not say that i am already there but it is some thing that i have purposed to work on while avoiding the extremes.
Personally i have along way to go in learning to strike a balance between my feelings and my thoughts. As a woman, i had always driven on the fact that men are logical while we are emotional. I did much of what i did based on either intuition or how i felt. Now i must learn a new way of thinking accurately.
The last of the seven ideas that were personally important to me is the idea of budgeting time and money.
Yes i had heard of this principle countless times but had done so little. I try to budget for my money and always have a plan for the day. But many times i do not stick to either the budget nor the plan. However after reading this book, i have purposed to make each minute count.
One of the things that i do is to account for my day before i go to sleep every day since reading this principle and i iron out those areas where i did not do so well.
This is having a positive impact on me in that these days i realise am accomplishing more with my time than i did before. Am less stressed and more relaxed because i get things doen in time.
I used to waste a lot of time doing unprofitable things which would cost me at the end of the day but had never had a motivation to change and do things differently. Now that am more alert and conscious i easily get myself back on track.
One of the things that i have come to agree with is the fact that all these principles are intertwined in a way. You can not take up one while ignoring the other and acheive the success that you desire.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
Much of these ideas/ lessons are helping me in my own daily personal life as has been shared in the above question. Therefore i will dedicate this question to high lighting how these ideas are going to help me create a better world.
First of all, am going to integrate these ideas into the life skill training program that i conduct with in school students at primary, secondary and tertiary level. There is a lot of knowledge that i have acquired from this book that will help me offer better services to the young people that we train. Already some of the ideas have been incorporated into some of the sessions. I believe that as we train these young people, we are imparting future generations that are going to change and challenge the world of tomorrow so it is worth giving them the best that we can.
The other way that these ideas are going to help create a better world is through the community work that i do. I work with women in the grass root communities who have little knowledge even on the basics of life like nutrition or how to keep a small business afloat.
I believe that the way these ideas change our lives, they still have the same potential to change the lives of these women if broken down to the simplest form that they can understand which i intend to do. In training these women, we indirectly train families and the nation at large thus creating a better world.
As a mentor, i have so many young people that look up to me for inspiration. By living out these principles in my own life, i will have set the best example that these young girls and boys could ever imitate in their own lives. Also as we share, i share with them the things that i have been learning and challenge them unto greater heights. This i believe is one of the ways that we can change the world. Young people need real role models to look up to and to imitate but unfortunately these are very few.
In training a nation, we must begin right where we are. That is why all my efforts are geared towards influencing the lives of those nearest to me.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
One of the statements which the author made that got my attention is; “whatever your mind can conceive and believe, your mind can achieve”. This is a statement that i have often heard in church just in different words but same meaning.
It inspires me to stretcth forth my faith to as far as i can imagine. My success is basically my responsibility. There is no limit to what i can become, only that which my mind cannot conceive or believe. It encourages me to spread my wings and reach for the highest because it is possible to attain it.
The other statement that the author made which got my attention is; “If you can see an opportunity as quickly as you see the faults of others, you will soon succeed”. This reminds me of the fact that we so often concentrate on non issues that we end up missing the real point. If my mind is set on succeeding, i will be prone to noticing every opportunity that comes my way.
I need to set my mind and thoughts on the things that i want to achieve if am going to attain them. I need to be alert to opportunities.
Another statement made by the author that got my attention is; “ Possessing faith in yourself and in the fact that the universe is constructed to allow you to achieve your greatest potential”. This rids me of all the excuses that i would have for not succeeding in life. There is nothing stopping me from succeeding apart from myself. This is an awakening reality and it inspire me to put all my efforts into achieving the desired end for my life.
“ Opportunity is every where but it is fleet of foot. Even if you have the vision to recognise it without a fast decision on your part, it will be gone”. This is also one of the statements that the author made that got my attention.
It is not enough for me to have an alertness for opportunity without the promptness of decision. This also strengthens the fact that all these principles are dependant of each other. Success is a whole lot of hard work that requires determination and persistence on my part but all the same am determined to go for it.
The author made a statement that caught my attention, that is; “ your best recommendation is the one you give yourself by rendering superior service in the right mental attitude” and “until you begin to render more service than you are already being paid for you are not entitled to any more pay”. Both statements have got to do with going the extra mile.
For some time i have been praying about an increament in my salary to no avail. This hit me when i read it. It seemed like the answer i was looking for all along and i got started at it straight away. I am more positive about my work and i know its just a matter of time before i get what my heart has been desiring.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
Every thing was clear to the best of my understanding.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
The book had more of self evaluation kind of questions where one had to stop and think about a particular point before continuing.
Yes i did respond to those questions during my time of study and yes i found them to be very helpful.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
The book had lots of new words for me that i kept noting down on the side of my note book while reading. Once i was through i would look them up in the dictionary. This may sound funny but i took them as a way to improve my vocabulary and i know it has because i purposed to add at least two new words to my vocabulary each day. I have not yet started using some of them confidently while others am simply waiting for the right moment tounleash my new discovery Funny but true!
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 10 points
B. How helpful were the contents? 10 points
C. How easy was it to understand? 8 points
D. Would you recommend it to others? Definitely and am already doing so
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 100% perfect for any achiever and was timely too for our generation
Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author in the book is the idea of success through a positive mental attitude. The fact that the seventeen principles of success will not achieve the desired goals unless they are coupled with a positive mental attitude. The good news is that we all have the ability to change our mental attitude from negative to positive and vice versa.
To become an expert achiever in any human activity takes practise and the same does apply for developing a positive mental attitude. In order to achieve success and maintain it, we must try and keep on trying with a positive mental attitude. We are masters of our fate because we are first masters of our attitudes. We translate into physical reality the thoughts and attitudes which we hold in our minds no matter what they are. We must work at it until we succeed in developing a positive mental attitude no matter how long it takes.
A positive mental attitude is characterised by virtues such as faith, integrity, hope, optimism, courage, generosity, tolerance, kindness and good common sense. In order to achieve anything worth while in life, we must apply a positive mental attitude.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why?
One of the ideas that was very important to me is the idea of how i can change my world. The fact that victory is built into every living person and that the victory with in us does not assert itself until we are ready. This principle greatly blessed me and has actually worked for me as i share in the experience below. This is because i purposed to apply the principles that i acquire through these books at every given opportunity.
Recently i received an email notifying me about a job opening in one of our partner organisations. When i read through the job specifications i knew i have what it takes to do it but one thing i did not have was the required academic qualifications.
I decided to apply all the same. In my cover letter i made it clear that i was not schooled as they required but i am surely learned. I assured them that i did have the experience and the knowledge to meet their expectations. Out of the fifteen applicants, i was among the five short listed for the interview. I went in full of confidence and answered all the questions with such confidence because i knew that i have the power to direct my destiny. To cut the story short, i got the job and am very happy. Though i was the least qualified in terms of academic qualifications, i came out as the best candidate for the job!
The world around us will change whether or not we choose to change it but we have the power to choose its direction.
The second idea that was very important to me is the idea of clearing the cobwebs from my thinking specifically the idea of balancing my reasoning and emotions. It is not easy but with practise it soon becomes a part of your life. This has helped me to focus more on thinking logically other than simply running after my emotions all the time.
This is helping me in my marriage where i endeavour to see things from a logical point of view before drawing a conclusion. I must note that we are having less arguments since i started applying this principle. I now realise that to think accurately i must use reason not just how i feel. This principle also helped alot in the job interview that i shred with you above because now i know that every conscious act is the result of doing what we want to do.
The other idea that was important to me is the idea of learning creative thinking from the creative thinker. The fact that thinking is not creative unless it is followed through with action also woke me up to the reality of being proactive in all my endeavours. The emphasis on engaging in thinking, planning and study time is still a challenge because it takes alot of discipline and consistence.
The fact that every one has some creative ability came as a revelation to me because i had always thought that creativity is a gift that some people have while others have to either work hard at learning it or learn to live without it. I definatly do not want to be among those who have not learned to use their creative ability.
I know that once a principle has been acquired, it becomes a part of one’s life and is never lost. All the effort i put into acquiring this principle will be worthwhile at the end of the day.
The idea of learning to see was also very important to me because like all other human beings, i have a tendency of seeing what i want to see. I need to learn to observe with my eyes and see with my mind. As a counselor, this is very important because by so doing i will be able to sense peoples feelings from what i see and what they are saying. This would give me a clear picture of what the person is going through and how i can be of help to them.
Seeing is a learned skill and like any other skill, it must be exercised. This must be a deliberate and conscious decision.
The fifth idea that was important to me is the secret of getting things done. The fact that what we read and profess not only become a part of our libraries and vocabularies but instead should become a part of our lives. That is why i purposed from the start that whatever principles that i learn from these books i will seek to apply them at any given opportunity.
It is also important that i learn to act immediately because this is the real secret to getting things done. When i received that email informing me about the job opening i acted immediately and submitted my application before the dead line. I realised that i did not have time to consult friends or think about it so i took a spontaneous decision and it has made my dream come true. I will be doing exactly what i have always had a passion for which also is in life with my definate purpose.
The idea of attracting wealth not repeling it blessed me. The fact that i have been dating my own success from the first time i picked up a self help book was very inspirational. I have learnt to never underestimate the value of a book. I have always invested in inspirational books and i am motivated to do so more than ever before.
The fact that the more i give of that which is good and desirable, the more i get is not a new principle to me but i kind of saw it in a whole new perspective. As a result of this, i was inspired to start a ladies group that will be meeting on a weekly basis to share and build each other up but more so for me to be able to pour my life into the lives of these young ladies who are mostly campusers. I know that i have received and learnt alot and its time to share it out with other people. In addition to that i intend to run a once a month ladies inspirational seminar targeting a few ladies that are work and can not make it for the weekly classes. Its a huge dream but i believe it is also the right time for it. Am aiming at small groups so as to allow room for interaction and close fellowship. I am asking of life more than i may be worthy for right now. With a positive mental attitude i will achieve the wealth i am seeking after which is to leave a legacy.
Last but not least, the idea of developing a magnificient obsession to help others was also important to me. The fact that every living person can help others by sharing a part of themself is really beautiful. I personally know that i am blessed in so many ways and can therefore be a blessing to others in very many ways. One of the ways i intend to do that is by sharing my life with these ladies as i have shared above. By giving of what i have, i know that more shall be given back to me.
The other way we are going to do this is by sharing our resources with others. My husband and i have such a small home library and have decided to open it up to our friends such that they can borrow books at a very low cost. The returns shall be used to buy more books to add to our library and may be in future we could open up a real book library where people can come and read or borrow for the purpose of enriching their lives and in this way so many people shall be blessed.
3. How will these ideas help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
Much of how i intend to make use of these ideas in a practical way has been shared in the above question as i elaborated on the ideas that were most important to me. One of the enemies of success is procrastination so i avoid wasting time when i already know what to do. All the experiences and ideas that i have shared in the above question are not for the future but are actually already up and running. Like any other thing, the start is normally slow but the more you keep at it the more clearer it becomes which i believe will be in my case. Like i said whatever principle i learn, i look for opportunities to apply them to be able to make a difference in other people’s lives.
4. Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention?
One of the statements that got my attention is; ‘You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by trying. Success is achieved and maintained by those who keep trying with PMA’. This is abit hard for a person like me who wants to excel in everything that i do. The word ‘trying’ is some thing i had eliminated from my vocabulary. If i sensed that it was not going to work out then i would not try at all but now i realise that life is not all about wining and being at the top of the game all the time but it is also about learning from the experiences that we go through.
Another statement that caught my attention is; ‘Every adversity has the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit’. Well i know according to God’s word that all things work out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes but it does not make it any easier when you are going through a rough time. However this quote inspired me to look at all the tough times i have had to go through and now i realise that in each of them, there was a valuable lesson and experience. Some of them actually turned out to be for my good.
‘Victory is built into every living person’, is another statement that got my attention. This is such a beautiful reality not just for me but for every human being. As a social worker, i get to deal with magnalised people in the community and some times they are so weather beaten that you do not know just what to say to them but now i do have an answer. Every human beings wants to have the assurance that some one believes in them. I blieve this statement will change any one’s life no matter what they are going through even as it has changed mine.
The statement that; ‘Once a principle has been acquired, it becomes a part of one’s life and is never lost’. I live in a country where people hardly live by any principles but rather do things according to how they feel and who they want to impress. I realise that if i am going to stand out and make a difference i must incorporate the principles of success into my life. People will easily follow some they believe has got some thing new to offer them. This is going to be my strength as a leader and as a world changer. I do not want t just be a spectator as history is being written but i want to be among those who write history. It begins now as i purpose to adopt these principles in my daily life.
The other statement that got my attention is; ‘It takes only one idea followed by action to succeed when others fail’. This has challenged me not to measure my success basing on other people’s achievements. Simply because every one is failing does not mean that i too should fail. I have purposed to gauge myself against the potential with in me, to step out and do the things that i ought to do irrespective of what others think or say.as much as it is good to consult, sometimes people can talk you out of your dream so it is important to identify the right people when assembling a dream team and also its important to know when to consult and when you simply have to step out and do something then explain later. This i believe takes wisdom and discipline through applied principles of success with a positive mental attitude.
The statement that; ‘Success must be continually practised or it will take wings and fly away’ also got me attention. This warns me in advance that i should never be too content with the success that i have attained but must keep working at becoming a better person and reaching for higher goals. Success is a process and the good of yesterday becomes the enemy of tomorrow’s best, i must therefore keep aiming higher and never become too comfortable with past successes.
‘One of the secrets of job satisfaction is being able to see beyond the routine’, this statement also got my attention. Job satisfaction is such a big issue for me. Sometimes you just seem to run low as you can not get yourself to go beyond the daily routines of the job. I have learnt that it is important to look beyond the routine as it is the only way i can keep myself from becoming bored with my job. This too takes consistence and discipline.
The statement; ‘There is no glory in being the richest man in the graveyard’, got my attention. This means that whatever i have to do, i must do it now. To me the greatest success is not what you take with you but rather what you leave behind that can benefit future generations and that is nothing other than a legacy. Its value goes beyond monetary terms and yet its value never deprecaites. Its a worth while investment.
The statement; “The burden to teach is upon the person who wants to teach and the burden of learning is upon the person who wants to learn” by J Milburn Smith got my attention. This simply tells me that as a person willing to teach others, its my mandate to do so irrespective of how they take it. The point is, i must do what i ought to do regardless of what others are doing or thinking. Thsi has also got to do with self motivation which in the long run would also motivate others.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about or are there ideas which you disagree with and if so why?
None
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, i completed all of them and even shared some of them with my other friends who do not have the time to read the whole book.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions?
None
Ratings
A: How interesting was it to read? 9
B: How helpful were the contents? 7
C: How easy was it to understannd? 10
D: Would you recommend it to others? 6
E: What is the overall rating you would you give it? 7
Psycho-Cybernetics 2000
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea convey by the author is the idea of personal fulfillment through self image enhancement. Every thing in the book rotates around this theme. The author put emphasis on the fact that our self image sets the limits for what we can and can not achieve and that by expanding our self image we expand the limits of our talents and capabilities.
He goes ahead to describe self image as our own perception of the sort of person that we are. Every one of us always acts, feels and behaves in a way that is consistent with our self image.
Our self image is the key element that determines whether our internal guidance system functions for success or for failure, it is the key to human personality and behavior. As a result of this, no real behavioral change can take place unless our self image has changed.
We can create images of success that by incorporating them into our self image can be turned into actual success.
It should also be noted that maintaining self esteem is a life long process and that change comes about through awareness of a negative self image.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why?
The seven ideas that were personally most important to me were;
* Sense of direction
* Understanding
* Courage
* Charity
* Esteem
* Self confidence
* Self acceptance
Which all together make up the word success.
Sense of direction: In order for me to make a unique contribution to the world, i need to prize my individual worth and pursue my dreams. I must charter a path for a life time. As a wife, mother, mentor and trainer i must strive to achieve my goals and look forward to the fulfillment of my dreams.
This involves a lot of choices to make which can end up pulling me in all sorts of directions.
I have learnt that a sense of direction actually amounts to a sense of several directions. This gives me hope to know that i can juggle all these roles and balance them so as to achieve my goals.
As a woman i must learn to balance living and re-arrange my priorities. I found this part of the book extremely encouraging to know that other women all over the world are experiencing what am going through and are actually succeeding in life.
Understanding: The emphasis of this idea was to understand the art of two way communication. I now know that the path to success must meander through a great deal of mutual understanding. Success in my relationships will depend on my ability to take time to ensure that i understand the fully conveyed message by my spouse, children, mentee and people that i work with.
As a married woman i acknowledge that communication is at the centre of it all. It strengthens the idea of seeking to understand before you seek to be understood. Its hard to listen effectively especially when you have been wronged. I have learnt that it does not matter who is right but what is right. I must learn to hear and appreciate what the other person is saying instead of reacting to the way it makes me feel.
I can not say that am already there but its an area i must continually work on.
Reading this chapter was like going through a refresher course on effective communication skills.
Courage: I have learnt that courage is s prerequisite for creating change. It does not have to mean being a hero in a moment of crisis rather it means acting boldly in the little things. This will take learning to respond decisively to crisis and acknowledging my small acts of courage. Nothing can more effectively make me feel courageous than knowing i have mastered crisis siatuations in the past.
Once i have known the feeling of success that comes from a courageous response, i will be far more willing to take risks in the future.
On a daily basis am faced with situations that challenge my courage but i am equipped to take risks and face my giants with courage and boldness. This applies to all the different roles that i embrace. Life is full of challenges but i have piupose to succeed and to over come.
Charity: Successful personalities have some interest in and regard for other people. They have respect for other people’s problems and needs. They respect the dignity of the human personality and deal with other people as if they were human beings.
As one who works with people from all walks of life, this is a very vital concept for me to adopt and live by.
Though it is not an entirely new idea, it is a good reminder. Sometimes i wear out due to stress but must consciously respect the divinity of human personalities.
It is important to see people as individuals and treat them as so. My formula for success must include allowing my individual energy to make a positive difference in the world.
I have also learnt that building charity into my personality is a matter of habit and like any habit i must work at it consistently.
Esteem: It is a key stone of success. Though it is not a universal solution, it is a universal foundation for a multitude of solutions. My personality is the outward manifestation of my self image. I definitely have a right to feel good about myself.
Esteem is one of those things that i believe is contagious. It rubs onto the people we associate with and vice versa. One of the ways to boost esteem is surround yourself with people who have a positive mental attitude.
I have also realised that word have the power to boost or break my esteem. I therefore need to be very mindful of the word i allow to sink into my inner man because it is a matter of time before the fruit of those words will begin to manifest.
By working on my self esteem i will not only better myself but also have a positive influence on the people that look up to me and those that i work with.
Self confidence: This is not something that comes automatically but must be developed as a habit and virtue.
One of the ways that i can boost my self confidence is by giving myself a mental pat on the back every time i risk something new knowing that any small step i take towards my goals helps to shape my self confidence and point me towards success.
I must learn to see failure as a stepping stone and refuse to acknowledge it as an end it itself
I also realise that confidence is built on an experience of success. On the other hand, i also need to watch out for people who undermine my self confidence by ridiculing my efforts and avoid doing the same for the people that look up to me.
Self confidence like esteem is also very contagious that is why we need to choose our acquinatnces wisely and carefully.
Self acceptance: This basically refers to acknowledging my worth. It is the cornerstone of happiness for us as human beings. It also poses one of the greatest challenge of accepting ourselves in a non judgmental manner.
It has nothing to do with becoming acceptable or worthy but acknowledging the worthiness that already exists.
I have learnt to accept myself and others for who they are without comparing myself or others. I acknowledge that we are all different and are gifted differently. Therefore i should never attempt to live someone else’s dream because that will only lead to frustration.
3. How will these ideas help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
Much of how i intend to make use of these ideas in a practical way has been shared in the above question as i elaborated on the ideas that were most important to me. The principles of success literally apply to every area of my life. These principles along with the ones learnt from the previous books i will incorporate them into my life and as a result will be incorporated in the lives of the young men and women that i mentor and those who look up to me for inspiration.
As a counselor, on a daily basis i come across different people that are in search of answers on how to better live their lives. These principles have been tested by both time and experience and can be offered as wise counsel to such a one.
I believe we all can make a difference in the world around us.
4. Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention?
The statement that caught my attention which is think would be lovely to adopt as a life motto is; ‘Become a person who acts instead of one who just reacts. Live yourklife according to your own plan’ This statement really blessed my heart.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about or are there ideas which you disagree with and if so why?
None
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes it did. Yes, i completed all of them and even shared some of them with my other friends who do not have the time to read the whole book.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions?
None
Rating
A: How interesting was it to read? 9
B: How helpful were the contents? 9
C: How easy was it to understannd? 10
D: Would you recommend it to others? 9
E: What is the overall rating you would you give it? 8
How To Win Friends And Influence People
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea of the author is summed up in the title of the book. It centres around fundamental techniques in handling people both at the personal and professional level. It emphasises the fact that our happiness and sense of worth depends greatly on our skills in dealing with people. The author also emphasises the need to attach value to every human being considering the fact that its one of the greatest and deepest human needs; the need to be accepted and appreciated. The way we approach people and the message that they perceive at first sight will determine their response to what we are presenting before them. The first impression is very important and should not be taken lightly. The author makes it clear that in order to lead, we must serve. By meeting the needs of the people that we come into contact with, we motivate them to follow and agree with us.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why?
I first of all should note that the entire book was and still is very relevant to me. Each chapter spoke to me in a new way. I sinply fell in love with the book, it has been a challenge and an encourgaement to me at the same time.
One of the ideas that stood out for me is chapter one that says, ‘when dealing with people, let us remmeber we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion’. This helped me realise that it is not only women who are emotional but rather all creatures so this principle applies to men as well. It challenged me to think through what i want to say before i go meet a person. It is a discipline indeed especially when you do not have enough time to prepare. As i communicate with people i do my best to sieve my words in such a way that the other party does not feel criticised or condemned. Instead of condemning people, am trying to understand them.
The second idea that caught my attention is from chapter two that says, ‘The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing difference between mankind and the animals’. As a coordinating mobiliser, i work with various teams and working groups all the time and it is not easy to get all of them to rally behind an idea. I now realise that by trying to understand individuals and how they get their feeling of importance, i can easily define their charcater and pamper their ego in so doing make them want to do what is required of them. For me it is a new way of motivating teams other than the ones i have always known. I have learned that asset i possess and the way to develop the best that is in others is by appreciation and encouragement. I now believe in giving people incentives to work. I also believe that every person i meet is my superior in some way, in that i learn from them.
The third idea that appealed to me most is in part two chapter one that says, ‘Be genuinely interested in other people’. I have always been a person who keeps to my circles and i would show very little or no interest at all to people i considered ‘outsiders’ to my circles. This was made evident by the fact that i would not take note of people’s names, work places or personal contacts as long as i considered you an outsider and this often embarrassed me when i would meet people and they addressed me by name while i could not remember them. After reading that chapter i purposed to change my attitude. Today am making so many friends from all walks of life. I purpose to pay attention to people as they speak to me and endeavour to memorise at least their first names. It feels great getting to know other people and getting an insight into their perspective of life. I realise that if am going to have any impact, i must learn to get along with people. This book has helped me a lot.
Another principle that stood out for me is in part three chapter one that talks about, ‘you can not win an argument’. Naturally I am a very argumentative person, i love to make my point loud and clear and so many times it is at the cost of losing a worthwhile realtionship. This chapter spoke to me and challenged me. I now focus on winning the battle instead of the argument. I realise that i do not have to win all the time and the one way to get the best out of an argument is by avoiding it. I also know now that a man convinced against is will is of the same opinion still. I would rather have a person’s good will than simply win an argument. It is better to build bridges of understanding than bridges of misunderstanding.
The other principle that was of importance to me is in part three chapter two that says, ‘show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, you are wrong’. As a person who deals with different kinds of people i know that right words spoken aptly can make all the difference in a working relationship. This chapter helped me realise that i do not have to be blank all the time in rebuking and correcting people. I can be positive even while correcting a person. I have learnt to choose my words carefully, i speak only when am ready and sure of how i want to say it. Many times it is not what we say but how we say it.
The principle in part three chapter three about admitting when we are wrong was also very important to me. Naturally I am one of those people who have a problem saying sorry but would rather write it or demonstrate it out in another way. This also makes it hard for me to easily accept criticism. By reading this chapter, i was challenged to work at strengthening this one weak area of my life. I have tried it a couple of times, to say sorry before some one forces it out of me. I have learnt that it is much easier and less costly to apologise than try to defend my mistakes. The few times i have applied this principle, it has done great wonders in my life. There is also a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit my errors.
The other principle that was actually more of a challenge to me than a confirmation is the principle of letting the other person do a great deal of the talking. Naturally I am a very talkative person even though i talk sense much of the time so this principle was a real challenge to me. One of my goals since then has been to practise active listening. I review my progress in this area on a weekly basis. This principle also ties in a lot with my profession as a counselor. It is a discipline that am still trying to develop, it much easier for me to talk than to listen as much. I must learn to let my friends excel even when they seem to make little sense to me. To do this am learning to ask more questions in my conversations and taking the time to listen to the responses. I have also realised that people will not pay attention to me while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression.
3. How will these ideas help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
The ideas and principles that i have acquired from this book will first of all benefit me as an individual. I have learnt so much from this book and i would recommend it for everyone in a place of leadership. There is so much to learn about how to build strong and healthy relationships with other people. As a person who works with different kinds of people all the time i need these skills in my life. People are the greatest resource that we can ever have so i have learnt to treasure them. I have learnt to look at each person as a resource in their capacity. There is something that i can learn from each person that comes my way.
A beautiful personality is a worthwhile investment and that is what this book is all about. A good reputation is worth more than gold and money. A good personality is not built in one day but rather through things we do on a daily basis. No wonder they say that knowledge is power because if some one enlightens you then they have empowered you in so doing. I have been empowered by the ideas from this book, am putting many of these principles to work and i am already seeing the results. In the last two months i have made more friends than in all my life, i easily get a long with people and people find me likable and lovable. This has boosted my esteem and confidence about myself. From the first to the last chapter, i have been challenged to build a positive and attractive personality.
My desire is that as i acquire more and more knowledge through these books, i pass it on to other people. I believe that giving is the key to increase so whatever i get i want to share it with others. I have lent out this book to all my close friends and have encouraged them to read it. I do not have to encourage them to go past the first chapter because they themselves will be yearning for more. Some of them have actually enrolled for IIGL after reading this book. It is a must read for all people in positions of influence.
Am still waiting for the avenue and opportunity where i can get to teach these principles to a wider scale of people in an informal way. I love teaching and facilitating but the right forum and platform for me to run classes on these principles has not yet presented itself my way. That is one of the things i hope to do with the ideas learnt in the near future. I pray those doors of my opportunity come my way real soon.
4. Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention?
A number of statements made by the author captured my attention and these are some of them among others;
‘My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing with people’. This statement was an eye opener on how much value I should attach on the people that i work with. My working relationships are a reflection of my level of success in life. My reputation is hinged on the principles of successful working relationships. Who i want to be is determined by how well i work and deal with people.
The other statement that caught my attention is, ‘ If you teach a man anything, he will never learn. Learning is an active process. We learn by doing’. As a facilitator, i have always known this but had never applied it beyond my facilitation classes. Reading about it in this book opened my eyes to the wider effects of this principle. I now realise that this is a principle that cuts across all the other aspects of life. Participation is not only for children but also for adults. When you get people involved in a certain project, they feel a sense of ownership for that project. Involving people does not only mean telling them what ought to be done but to take their ideas and opinions and make them a part of the whole project. It is so refreshing to acquire a new approach to teamwork and networking.
‘I will speak ill of no man and all the good i know of everybody- Benjamin Franklin’. It is not always easy to speak well of everybody especially the ones that get to our nerves. It also much easier to speak ill than good. I realise it is a habit as well as a discipline that has got to be developed. I must train myself to see good in everyone even when there seems to be none. But i also realise that what i sow i will definitely reap so it is a worthwhile investment.
‘A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men’; it is so easy for us to respect and be at the service of people we consider greater than ourselves but the reverse is also true. It takes humility to serve people that are little in your own eyes. This statement cautioned me to attach value to every single human being and see them through the eyes of God. It is not easy but am taking one step at a time. Each time i come across some one like that i seize the opportunity to put this principle into practice. I must note that it is very challenging but also gives a huge sense of satisfaction.
‘Every man i meet is my superior in some way, in that I learn of him- Emerson’; This statement just stuck with me. It reminded me of the fact that every aspect of life is an opportunity to learn something new. As a networker, this strengthens my desire to strengthen and build healthy networks and working groups based on this principle.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about or are there ideas which you disagree with and if so why?
It is perfect in my perspective. I just fell in love with it.
6. Did the book conatin exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
The book did not have exercises but would definitely provoke you to stop and think about the principles in particular chapters which i did more often.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions?
None
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 10
B. How helpful were the contents? 10
C. How easy was it to understannd? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 10
E. What is the overall rating you would you give it? 10
Real Magic
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The book is centered on the theme of finding one’s purpose in life by first of all connecting with the higher power (God) and then with the inner power (soul/ conscience). When we connect with our purpose for being and who we really are, we start to create miracles in our everyday lives. Deep within each one of us is a unified field of unlimited possibilities. It is in the realm of our minds that miracles are produced. It is here that real magic takes place which will eventually manifest in our physical world. We must be willing to go in and discover it for ourselves. Part of living a purposeful life is coming to the realization that every aspect of our lives is necessary and perfect. Each step eventually leads to a higher place on the path of destiny and purpose. Every single event of our lives is in some way related to the next event therefore every event must be lived fully and lovingly. The greatest and glorious masterpiece of man is how to live with purpose. By getting ourselves aligned with this purpose we discover the joy and peace of giving not getting, of contributing not acquiring, of doing not competing or winning. Purpose is always about giving. Complete possession is proved only by giving. All we are unable to give possesses us.
The universe is on purpose; all the assistance that we need will be provided by the universe as soon as we convert our readiness to willingness. Our willingness makes the teacher able to help us – when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The teacher makes an appearance in everything and everyone that we encounter. We must ultimately leave behind that which is self destructive or functioning as an obstacle to growth. The universal law that created miracles has not been repealed and never will be. In order to enter the world of real magic we will need to learn how to go way beyond our rational mind and enter the dimension of spirituality.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
One of the ideas which I found to be important to me is the idea of the world being order incarnate and therefore it’s for us to put ourselves in unison with this order. This statement and the chapter expounding on it helped to understand that there are no mistakes or accidents in life. It has totally changed my life ever since I started to look at life from that angle. I have a positive attitude and grateful heart for all that happens in my life whether positive or negative. I see each event as a part of the great plan. I no longer panic or get worked up because I have this confidence that everything will work itself out according to the divine order and purpose.
The other idea that I found to be important is the idea of purpose always being about giving. I must admit this was a totally new concept for me though I had often heard about giving from a religious perspective. I am involved in a number of voluntary services and some times people ask you how you benefit and can not really explain it save for the fact that it gives me such a great sense of satisfaction even if I do not get paid to do much of my voluntary services. Reading this opened my eyes to a whole new sense of motivation and purposeful living. I am so happy doing what I have always believed to be God’s purpose for my life. Being able to share my life and gifts with others is a whole lot more valuable than just a few dollars or pounds. I have purposed to live for purpose because that is the real source of true fulfillment and satisfaction in life. I delight in serving others more than ever before.
The third idea that was important to me is the idea of everyone and everything being a teacher in some way. I had heard it before from my Mum but it made all the difference having it expounded in such a way. It opened my eyes to the vast learning opportunities presented to us on a daily basis as we go about our usual business. When the student is ready, then the teacher will come really challenged me about my willingness and readiness to learn. I realized I had missed a lot of opportunities in the past but it is never too late to start. In the past few weeks I must admit that I have experienced some outstanding occurrences that I could call miracles. I am keen to establish the purpose of what before I considered daily occurrences. I do not take anything or any one for granted. When some one walks into my office, I now know its not just an accident or mistake rather there is a purpose for it. I pay attention as people speak and I have been so blessed. Surely the teacher comes only when the student is ready.
Another idea that I found important is the idea of meditation. For all my life I had always had a distorted perspective of meditation and believed it had to do with false spiritual activity some what close to demonic practices. Reading about it from a positive perspective has opened my eyes to another way I can get in touch with my inner self and it is great. I have tried it a couple of times and it does refresh as well help one get back on course you are losing focus. It is one of those habits that I am working on developing especially considering the fast and busy world in which we live. It’s worth taking off a few minutes to just reconnect with your sense of purpose and being as well as consulting that all knowing well with in each of us.
I found the idea of intuition also very important. From my line of work it is not a whole new concept and yet it was still refreshing. I guess we often get so busy that we forget the little things that really make all the difference in the world. Many a times I have ignore my intuition to my own suffering. I have often made mistakes that could have been avoided if only I had paid attention to my intuition. After reading this chapter I purposed to be a lot more sensitive to the inner promptings as I go around my usual business. I must say it is making all the difference in my personal life as well as work. I find myself on purpose and saving a lot of time that would have been wasted on un important or un urgent things. I find each day fulfilling and achieving more than I have done in the past.
I also found the idea of not setting limits for myself or others very important. Some times even when we know things, we need some one to remind us of what we already know. This chapter not only encouraged me to think and dream big but also to believe the very best of everyone. There is a lot of potential in every one, sometimes all people need is some one to believe in them and they will rise up to the occasion. They way I think will also attract the right kind of people around me so by thinking positive I will attract people of a like mind around me. Like the holy book says, if you walk with the wise, you become wise therefore I must think right to live right.
The last idea that I found to be important to me is the idea of an individual remaining an individual not only from birth to death but actually long before birth until long. I have always know about the need to respect peoples will and opinions as part of their dignity but had over looked the fact that I can not intend for some one to act in accordance with my desires. This insight I found very helpful in line with my profession as a counselor. The fact that no one has a right over another only privileges also opened me up to a whole new way of relating with people especially my spouse. I am really grateful for what I have learnt from this book.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
First and foremost these ideas are already helping me in my personal life to become a better person. This book is more of a personal improvement book than a training guide. The things that I have learnt I am already applying in my life and will continue to use as stepping stoned to better myself. There is a lot of treasures in this book that apply to our daily lives. I already feel like I am not the same since I started reading this book, I could say I have started experiencing miracles in some areas of my life and I am reaching for more so this is only the beginning.
The lessons that I have learnt from this book are also invaluable to my profession as a counselor. The principles that I have learnt have given me a whole new insight on how to deal and approach people on a daily basis. Much of the lessons have got to start with me as an individual and then they will flow through to every aspect of my life so I believe that the lessons are helping me become a better and more professional people helper/ counselor.
The other way I am going to use the lessons learnt is by making them a part of my trainings/ curriculums as a trainer/ facilitator. These lessons are invaluable to any one and yet not every one is able to access them for one reason or the other. Since purpose is all about giving, I believe the purpose for my getting to learn these lessons is so that I can get to share them with other people so this is one of the way I am going to make use of the lessons learnt.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
One of the quotes that got my attention is ‘There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that’s your own self’. This gives me the impression that from the moment we are born to the moment we die we must continually improve and become better in an effort to reach our full potential. Most of the times we focus on the changes that others can make in their lives instead of the changes that we ourselves must and can make.
The other quote that caught my attention is, ‘The world is not to be put in order, the world is order incarnate. It is for us to put ourselves in unison with this order’. This means that the world does not need to be changed; it is us who need to change so that the world can become a better place. This is a timely message for our day and generation where lots of innovations are being invented to reshape and redefine the world without the people necessarily seeing a need to change themselves. I think the reverse is true.
Another quote is, ‘unless you learn from your mistakes, you are doomed to repeat them’. Many are the mistakes that I have made in the past without necessarily stopping to find out what was in them for me to learn so I have found myself having to make the same mistakes over and over because I never took the time to recognize the lessons. From now on I will take the time to learn from my mistakes.
The other quote is, ‘Purpose is always about giving’. More than ever before I now realize that life is not all about what we can get out of it but rather what we can give to those around us. I feel such a great sense of purpose and satisfaction in what am doing and it is more worth than a fortune of money.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
None
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Not really yet it had lots of points to stop and ponder which I have done. I have been able to come up with a couple of action plans that I am following through one step at a time.
The book is really practical not just theoretical, it highlights a number of things that need to be worked on in each of our lives.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
I must a wonderful book for everyone that desires to leave a purposeful life. It is so relevant for our day and age when most people work for the pay cheque with no heart for community service. It is very relevant for the young generations and should be adopted in some of the formal training curriculums; we need a future generation that will have the heart of service at the core. I believe this is the answer to all the selfishness and corruption that is constantly on the rise.
Thanks for the opportunity availed to me, indeed I will never be the same again.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 7
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 7
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Law of Attraction
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The book centers on the law of attraction which reveals that we attract to our lives whatever we give our attention, energy and focus to whether positive or negative. There are no coincidences in life, everything that comes to us is what we have been setting into motion either consciously or unconsciously. By grasping the law of attraction we will be able to attract all that we need to do, know and have so we can get more of what we want and less of what we don’t want. As a result we will have the ideal that we desire in all aspects of our lives.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
Positive and Negative vibrations: This is something that happens to all of us all the time and yet it often goes unnoticed. Now that I know, I am working at being more conscious of what kind of vibes I am sending out and what I actually want to achieve. The good news is that I can only send out one vibe at a time so I don’t have to worry if I sent out a negative vibe a little while ago because all I have to do is to change the vibe to a positive one and give it more energy and attention. And there is no limit to how much vibe I can send out and it totally costs me nothing. Vibes are also contagious so I need to watch out who I keep around me. This idea also relates to the positive mental attitude that is discussed in some of the books I have read.
Observing sends a vibration: By changing what I am observing, I change the vibes that I am sending out. If I want to get more of something then I should keep around me visual aids that portray that which I desire. These can be cut out from news papers, magazines or newsletter. By continually observing the things that I desire, I increase the vibrations in regard to what I want to get.
Understanding the significance of my words: words generate feelings which send out a vibe. It is not just the words I speak that send out a vibe but rather words that I read, write, think, see, type and hear in my head. I have always limited myself to the thought patterns and the confessions of my mouth. I have learnt that the best way to send out positive vibration is by using positive words that create in me positive feelings. I am learning to omit words such as ‘don’t, not and no’ from my vocabulary. I have learnt that to get the right selection of words is by answering, ‘what do I want?’. In so doing I turn the negative statement into a positive one that sends out positive vibrations.
Identifying my desire by contrast: often times when I have a bad experience, I just wanted to push it out of my mind and forget about it with no intentions of ever reviewing it again. I now realize that even bad experiences have lots of worthwhile resources that can be used to clarify what I want to get out of life. By contrasting what happened to what I desire to get, I am more able to clearly identify what I want. Instead of complaining and whining about issues, I can decide to spend time focusing on what I want to get the next time an opportunity comes by.
The desire statement tool: It is one thing to think about something and desire it but it is another thing to put it down on paper and continually refer to it. After reading the section of the book I realized that there are lots of ideas and insights that I have lost in the past because I failed to put them down on paper. I now know that by putting my desire on paper, I give it more energy and focus which increases the vibes and the law of attraction will bring that specific thing to me faster. I have also realized that things become clearer when I put them down on paper than when I just leave them in my mind because it is a matter of time and I will have forgotten and so the cycle repeats itself especially if it is something I want to break away from.
Creating a desire statement: The whole process on how to create my own desire statement was very beneficial. I reckon that there is power in words and that is a power I am so determined to tap into. The different options offered are also very relevant because these are the kind of words that I use pretty often. It is a matter of being more intentional in my selection of words bearing in mind what I want to get out of life and different situations. It also emphasized the need to not only create a desire statement but the need to continually read it and review it so that it increase the vibes that come as a result of the feeling derived from the positive statement.
The principle of allowing: I guess the greatest hindrance to all of us is the fear that we battle with almost on a daily basis. Allowing is interpreted as faith in my perspective. We need faith if we are to achieve anything in life. What we believe, we become passionate about and will consistently pursue. I have come to believe that we are shaped by our belief systems. They determine how we see the world and perceive the things that happen to us and others. Fear cripples while faith liberates us to reach for high place. What we believe we expect and anticipate. I choose to live by faith and not by sight. My faith has nothing to do with what is happening around me, it has everything to do with what I believe and perceive regarding the future both near and far.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
These ideas are already helping me as an individual. Ever since I joined IIGL my life has greatly changed for the better. My perspective of life and the world has totally changed. I see things from a positive attitude and I am certainly more in control of my life and shaping my destiny instead of waiting for luck and chance.
As a mentor and role model to other young ladies, these ideas will help me shape the people that look up to me into better citizen that will in the long run be able to replicate the same for other people that will come their way. Mentoring is so much of sharing who you are with other people and allowing them t learn from you without necessarily making the mistakes that you have made. This means that in order to mentor others into becoming better people, I need to be becoming better on a continuous basis and this is one of the ways that I keep bettering myself as I read more books and gain more information.
This is a very small book that can be used for training and facilitating sessions on the law of attraction. I intend to make my own notes out of the book and exercises that I can use when I get an opportunity to facilitate a training or seminar along the same lines. It is a very handy resource that many other people would benefit from. The other idea is that this information can be slipped into the life skill manual for young workers and students in tertiary institutes that I am working on in bits.
As a counselor I come into contact with all kinds of people from all walks of life and such knowledge comes in handy for some of the counseling sessions. I intend to use these ideas in my counseling sessions as I see appropriate in a way that will help better the lives of my clients.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Nil; apart from the title of the book which simply summarizes what the book is all about.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
Nil
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes; the book does contain lots of exercises and I did all of them. Some of the exercises are on going and I am still continuing to work on them and implement them in my life. I found the exercises backed up with the illustrations to be very effective and practical. They are simple and the instructions are very clear which made them very enjoyable for me.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
It is a very interesting book though the flow of the book drags a bit for some one like me who loves literature. It is more for ‘hands on ‘, kind of people. It is the relevance of the exercises that kept me coming back to the book.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 6
B. How helpful were the contents? 10
C. How easy was it to understand? 8
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 7
Goal Setting 101
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author is the fact that what we accomplish or fail to accomplish in life is dependant on the kind of goals that we set and how well we follow through on those goals. What we are and become is linked to our ability to set or not to set a goal. Careful planning, thoughtful strategy and faithful execution are the factors that lead to success. Our primary interest in goal setting should be to move ourselves from where we are to where we want to be and to accomplish more than we thought possible. Clearly defined goals allow us to travel towards another horizon that represents the end of one experience and the transition to a new and better existence. It takes study and good practice to produce good results. With diligent effort toward the achievement of our goals, our results can be substantial. The difference between what one person and another achieve depends more on goal choices than on ability. The profound difference between successful people and others are the goals they choose to pursue. Individuals with similar talents, intelligence and abilities will achieve different results because they select and pursue different goals. And it should be noted that to achieve our goals will require careful periodic monitoring of the actions taken and the measurable results of those actions.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
I must say that this is a life transforming book. After reading and applying all of the level one books, I thought I had reached some where in reaching my dreams but this book has shown me that I still have a long way to go and a lot of things to improve in my life. Its like my eyes have been opened for the very first time in regard to being on target in regard to goals and staying on course. I feel so challenged in a positive way. I had relaxed in many areas of my life and it felt like a wake up call. I am glad I could read it at the start of a new year with lots of room for improvement even though it is never too late to start. I have been totally blessed and challenged. I believe I am a better person than before I started working on this book. The whole book was really important to me but I will pick out seven principles among others;
Having a vision:
The word vision is not necessarily new to me but I guess I had never thought about it in personal terms like I have the past few weeks. I have always known what a vision is but had never though of actually writing down one for myself. I know what I want to be and achieve but had never put it down on paper in an organized way. Reading this book has challenged me to have a personal vision for my life and to actually write it down. Its big challenge for me that I am taking one step at a time with. I am still working on it and am sure that by the time I am done, I will be more focused and motivated to reach out and pursue that which I desire. Because I had never written down my vision, I also had never shared it with those it will impact except in passing. That is another action point for me to work on after putting my vision, goals and objectives on paper.
Dealing with facts:
Often times I generalize and assume things while drawing up plans and setting goals. Now I know that decision making is much easier when get all the facts even when it feels like a lot of work that’s seemingly demands a lot.
I am planning to venture out into some private business to supplement on my day job but besides desiring and encouraging myself, I had not gone out to get the facts rights. I was basing my decisions on assumptions and faith. Now I know that I have to get my facts right before I make any decisions more so the major one’s. I know that true and accurate information is essential to my success even though I don’t enjoy the whole process of information gathering. Many times I just want to go out there and make things happen. I also know that the quality and integrity of the information also counts therefore I have to go the extra mile and to look in the right places for that kind of information. It is not enough for me to have accurate information, I must act on it. I am the kind that lets many things pass but now I have to watch out for every detail and to try and be particular as much as possible. This is a learning process for me and I am starting to consciously pay attention to details more so the ones that affect the kind of goals I set and decisions that I make.
Being authentic:
I must be able to identify success or I won’t have any way of monitoring my progress or knowing if I have achieved my goals. I have often times been tempted to venture out into things simply because it was working for the other person. I now know that I need own my goals and to proceed happily without being side tracked by the accomplishments of others. All too often, people pursue things that they see other people achieve. I don’t want to get carried away by the crowd any more so I have chosen to review my goals to find out which ones are authentic and those that are as a result of others accomplishments so as to retain those which I own and are authentic to me. This process is also allowing me to do a lot of soul searching and to focus on who I am and want I want to achieve. I want to pursue things that I will take pride in.
The ten crucial life dimensions:
These just took me to another level all together. I have always set annual, monthly and quarterly goals but I had never done it in such an organized way like the ten life dimensions. This I implemented immediately, I have come up with my own template that covers these ten dimensions and set 5 annual goals under each dimension that I hope to accomplish by the end of this year. This has helped me refocus while balancing to ensure that no area of my life is neglected while I work at improving one area. For example I had never set goals in regard to friendship though I would always have it at the back of my mind. Another area that I have been neglecting is the area of recreation. I have not been keen on accomplishing the goals that I set in that dimensions and often times I have left like I have no social life because I am so busy meeting targets that a month can go by without really having fun time. This is all going to change with the new goal setting template that I have which covers all the eight dimensions. I am so excited about the new outlook my life is taken and feel more relaxed as well as balanced.
Using SWOT analysis:
The SWOT analysis concept is not necessarily new to me but one of those things I do once in a while. After reading this book I have decided to do them more often. I was able to down load a SWOT analysis template from the internet which I have adopted for myself. The beauty about this template is that it can be used for several and various aspects as well as activities. I am doing SWOT analysis on different aspects of my life and the discoveries are amazing as well as challenging. There are aspects of my life that I had actually never analyzed which I am doing now for the very first time. I am realizing opportunities that I had not seen before and recognizing strengthen that I have been taking for granted instead of making use of them. I am making major changes in my life at the moment.
Always set a deadline:
I have always limited deadlines to work related activities but not my personal life. I have goals and resolutions that I have been setting year in and year out without necessarily achieving them because I never set a deadline for them in the first place. I often take it easy on myself with the view that it is just personal and I am not bound to give a report at the end of the month or year. As a result, I have often been side tracked and lost focus along the way thus failing to attain my goals. I am currently reviewing my goals and I am certainly attaching deadlines to them so as to stay focused and on course.
Inspecting what I expect:
This is related to the above point. Part of my failure to accomplish certain goals can be traced back to my lack of periodic evaluations and monitoring. For example in the case of yearly resolutions, I have not been periodically monitoring them but would wait till the end of the year to review them and often times I would accomplish only half of what I had set out to accomplish or less. I need to attach review dates to my goals and I am glad it is still the beginning of the year so I have lots of room for improvement. This is going to be a new experience for me and I look forward to the changes it will bring in my life. I anticipate a great year with lots of accomplishment as a I apply the things that I am learning.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
Much of what I have learnt from this book I am already applying in my life as expressed in the above question. I have already come up with a goal setting template that covers the ten crucial areas of life. I am currently reviewing my goals to ensure that they cover all the ten areas as well as put in place a monitoring tool. I am currently making major changes in the way I do things and approach life as a result of this book.
I am also working on a PowerPoint presentation that I want to use for organizational capacity building because I believe that these principles cut across all facets of life. The information received is so mind opening that I do not want to keep it all to my self so I intend to use them to build the capacity of others.
I am working on a life skill manual in partnership with a colleague of mine and I think this is one of the components that we can include. The manual is meant to be used for young adults as well as youth to equip them and empower them to live positive lives that have impact of their immediate communities.
The goal setting template that I derived from this book will be shared with some of my counseling clients that need it. I already shared it with my supervisor who was as blessed by the template as I am. He too is making major changes and adjustments in his life so I believe it will be used to help many more other people.
And I intend to lend out the book to a few people in my life that I know need these skills to better themselves and their work which is a strategy to interest them into joining IIGL. I hope that the things I have learnt can be an inspiration to many other people.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Goals determine what you will or will not become or achieve:
In the books covered in level one I learnt that I am the master of my life and can determine the course of my destiny. I could do this by having a positive mental attitude and many other factors. The goal setting idea was not as emphasized as it has been emphasized in this book. Its like adding a new spice to an already existing recipe. I am conscious of what I want to achieve in life but now I am also equipped with the necessary skills to follow through with my goals as part of the process to achieve the final goal, dream, and legacy.
People can not help you achieve your vision unless they know and understand why your vision is important:
This is a real challenge for me because I often keep much of my dreams and ambitions to myself unless some one probes. I am challenged to first of all identify people that can help me accomplish my goals/ vision and to be able to sell my vision in such a way that they will want to buy into it. It’s a challenge for me to step out of my cocoon and interact with the reality world.
Success is the intentional, pre-meditated use of choice and decision.
It has cautioned me to begin thinking about what it is that I am meditating about. What I meditate on will definitely affect the course of my life. I must become more rational in the way I make decisions and choices because I tend to be irrational. This is a wake up call for me. It is time for me to order my private world.
What you want out of life should be reflected in your planning:
Helped me realize that many of my plans, goals and strategies did not fully portray the quality of life that I want to attain in the fear of setting the standard too high and failing to attain it. Now I know better and I am working on attaining that balance.
Information is like eggs, the fresher the better:
I am not so keen to details and facts because I am more of spontaneous and often make irrational decisions. I need to step up and style up in this regard. I have realized that I am even not up to date with general current affairs so I have resolved to go back to the habit of reading news papers which I deemed time wasting in the past. I must gather first hand and up to date information. Seems like a lot of work but I have to style up. Like I said, I make major changes in my life and it involves restructuring my schedule, priorities and mindset.
A decision to achieve a goal is never made just once, it happens continuously:
This challenged me to review my annual goals because in the past I would set them at the beginning of the year and would evaluate and review them at the end of they year. Problem was that I would never accomplish all my goals in a single year so they keep recurring for years. This year is bound to be different because I purpose to continuously pursue them and to periodically monitor my progress.
Be unreasonable:
I must set the bar higher than even what I think reality warrants and to challenge myself to meet that standard. I must leave my comfort zone and challenge myself.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes it did, I completed all of them and more. They were more than helpful in enabling me to grasp the concepts laid out in the book.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 10
B. How helpful were the contents? 10
C. How easy was it to understand? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 10
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 10
The Winning Attitude
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The book centers on the theme of ‘Attitude’ which is described as an inward feeling expressed by behavior. An attitude can be seen without a word being said because it is often expressed by our body language and the look on our faces. It can be contagious. Sometimes the attitude can be masked outwardly and others who see us are fooled but usually the cover ups will not last long. There is that constant struggle as the attitude tries to wiggle its way out. A person can not travel within and stand still without. Soon what is happening within us will affect what is happening without. Attitude is the librarian of our past, the speaker of our present and the prophet of our future. Our attitude tells us what we expect from life. We are individually responsible for our view of life. We help create our environment by the attitude we develops. Success of failure in any undertaking is caused more by mental attitude than by mere mental capacities. The little difference in people that makes a big difference is attitude.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Our attitude tells what we expect from life; If my attitude towards the world and life is positive, I will receive positive results. What is happening within my attitude will definitely affect what is happening in my outward life. The good news is that I am responsible for how I view the world, meaning I can make the necessary changes at any point of my life. By checking what is happening in my life, I can establish what kind of attitude I have and vice versa. I can create my own environment by the attitude I develop.
ii. The most important single ingredient to the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people; I have realized that I can not get along with all of them yet I can not make it to my destiny without them so I have to learn to build proper relationships with others in my crowded world. If I am going to achieve my ambitions, I must learn to care about people as well as profits and that is not an easy balance but one day at a time.
iii. When God wants to educate a man, He does not send him to the school of grace but to the school of necessities; this has taught me to look at my challenges and difficulties as opportunities for better things. Learning to look on the positive side of life and knowing that the end is always justified by the means. It all has to do with my attitude. I have already seen some amazing opportunities spring from some of the difficulties I have gone through. I just have to keep looking in the right place and the opportunities will keep coming.
iv. Our surrounding controls our soaring; we quickly blend into the color of our surrounding. We easily change to fit our environment. If I want to see change in my life, one of the things that I have to change is my environment. I can choose to change whenever I see the need to. I have had to change some of the attitudes I had embraced as a child and where shaping my adulthood life. These are not easy to change but with time and patience it can be done. I now know that my attitude needs adjustment with every change that comes into my life.
v. We usually act in direct response to our self image; it is impossible to act consistently in a manner inconsistent with the way we see ourselves. It is almost impossible to change outward actions without changing inward feelings. How I see myself reflects how others see me. What other indicate about their perception of us affects how we perceive ourselves.
vi. The key to success in decision making is as much timing as making the right choice; those who make bad decisions after another makes their major decisions during the ‘lows’ of life. The more decisions that I make in the calm of life, the fewer times storms can bring me down. I have learnt that I can compound my problems by making decisions at the best time.
vii. The man who never made a mistake never did anything; I know that failure is not an end in its self rather a stepping stone to better things. Accepting failure in the positive sense will become effective when as I start to believe that the right to fail is as important as the right to succeed. It is still an issue of attitude and I can not allow the fear of failure to keep me down, I must dare myself to try and reach for my high places.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
I am at that point in my life where what I learn must first and fore most make sense to me before I can try to sell the idea to other people. So what I am learning I am working on implementing them into my life.
I am working on some curriculum development work so that ideas and knowledge that I am getting out of these books I am integrating into some of the short trainings that I am working on and the results are amazing. What is seemingly simple ideas is magical in the ears of some people when they hear it for the very first time.
As a counselor, I will also use the information gained to help some of my clients to be able to deal with life in a more effective way. The clients some with different issues and some of these ideas can be integrated into the therapy to enable them better cope and live fuller lives.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
‘The test of your character is seeing what it takes to stop you’; this was a challenge statement for me. It made me question what it would take to stop me and to evaluate whether it was that easy to stop me. As a result I have been able to re-evaluate my priorities and to strengthen my resolve to go all the way and to keep on keeping on.
‘We always hurt ourselves when our reaction toward those who criticize us becomes negative’; like in all other cases, we can choose to respond negatively or positively to other people’s criticisms. We can keep them from sabotaging our attitudes by avoiding people that belittle us and finding friends who have the gift of encouragement.
‘When our attitude crashes, we can either alter the difficulties or alter ourselves’; what can change must be changed or adjust to the circumstances in a positive way. Even in the worst of cases, we still have a choice on how to respond. There is no situation so hopeless that it leaves us without an option.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No, but I took personal notes and came up with my own action plans.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 10
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 8
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 9
Leadership For Dummies
By Noeline Kirabo Mulongo
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main theme of the book is people centered leadership that springs from a servant hood attitude that places the needs of others above our own. People are not interested in how much we know until they know how much we care. In a world that is so self centered there is need for people centered leaders contrary to goal and value oriented leadership structures. How well we lead is dependent on how we view people and the value we attach to human resource. The strength of every leader is how well you listen and elicit cooperation from the people that you lead.
2. What are the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
The first idea is that I should make a contract with my team. I found this to be very interesting because often times we set out to work with people before laying down any ground rules and clearly defining expectations as well as responsibilities. Even in the field of work, many people work without job descriptions or clearly defined codes of conduct apart from the verbal communications here and there. This is something I am so watchful for in that I will not work without a written job description and I intend to do the same even for the people that I partner with in different fields of work. I have been thinking about employing the same principle even for my house helper, it will help iron out many issues that I have been complaining about over and over.
The second idea is that fact that I am not going to be able to please everyone. This is very true and yet often times I had struggled in that area. I am a people person making it very hard for me to challenge and rebuke even when I should. I struggle to say ‘No’ often times and avoid confrontation and challenging. After reading this book am practicing how to say ‘No’ when I should and to confront people in love.
The third idea is responding to situations flexibly. Being a very systematic person, I often want to stick to the rule of the game without having to bend them. Flexibility often comes when I think it is worth changing but not because others think so. Flexibility in many cases is anchored in how well I trust the other person to make the right decisions. I am learning to look at things through the eyes of others and to be more open minded so at to welcome new ideas. I also realize that my ability to respond flexibly is dependent on my ability to effectively listen to others.
The fourth idea is making the goals and objectives of the team visible. Visuals not only enhance learning for children but for adults as well. We easily remember what we see than what we hear. By making the goals visible, I not only keep myself in check but keep the rest of the team on track. I often think about brilliant ideas when am in different places but often lose them because I did not write them down. Even when I write them in a book I easily forget them if I do not continuously review them to refresh my mind. This is an aspect that I need to incorporate in my daily work and life.
The fifth idea is the fact that I have to motivate my team into action. As a person who has so many ideas much of the time, I find myself flooding my team with lots of ideas and paper work that a lot is actually not done because we are so busy evaluating new ideas. I must learn to not only motivate people into creativity but also into action while at the same time balancing both ends. My challenge some times has been challenging people to action but failing t follow up to see how the task has been tackled. I think action must be followed by mentoring and evaluation in order to achieve the desired goals.
The sixth idea is the need to relentlessly search for the truth. Being a very spontaneous and emotional person, I often make rush decisions before hearing every piece of information. Often times I am in a rush to get to the end of an issue that I do not invest in research and information collection. This has cost me a lot in many cases and I am slowly learning to wait for all the information so as to make an informed decision. This is an on going progress in my life, I am slowly learning to search for all the truth before drawing conclusions.
The seventh idea is responsibility of a leader is to communicate the vision so clearly that no room is left for doubt among those who must execute it. As vision bearers, often time we have the vision and dream in our heads and expect others to run along with us even without knowing where we are heading. I must learn to communicate the vision clearly to those I lead beyond a shadow of doubt and that has to be catalyzed by effective communication skills.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so how?
First and foremost, these ideas and lessons are helping me become a better leader. They have given me a criterion for evaluating myself from time to time. As a leader, I must be above the average line at all times and these ideas are helping me keep myself in check. There is so much I am learning from these ideas and I can say that it’s a growing process not a one time event. I am certainly not where I was a couple of moths ago and I am getting better and better by the day.
As a team builder, these are very valuable resources for building the capacity of my team members. Knowledge is power and often time we fail because of ignorance. By empowering my team, I will be equipping the team for success. Some of this information is very expensive through the formal education system but am glad I can access it at no cost and still be as good as those who have gone through formal training. I have seen my team grow through the various team meetings where I take the time to share with them some of the things that I learn from the various books. Many times I have been asked if I have a master’s degree and I just laugh it off. I believe we are living in a competent world and its not so much of how far I have gone in school but how much I can deliver. Am gad IIGL has given me a chance to reach my full potential and I am not hesitant about doing the same for others.
4. Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
The first statement is “Great leaders inspire people to go beyond what they think they are capable of doing, making it possible to attain a goal that was previously thought unattainable”. The one thing that IIGL as taught me is to believe in people and to give others a chance to prove themselves. There is enormous potential in each one of us and often times it only takes a skilled person to draw out that potential. This has changed the way I look at people and how I relate with others. I attach so much value to relationships and endeavor to look out for the best in others.
The other statement is; “Leaders ask the what and why questions, not the how questions”. This was a real blow for me because I am guilty of focusing on the ‘how’ instead of focusing on the ‘what’ and ‘why’. I am challenged to change my perspective as a leader and to start asking the right questions so as to get the right answers. I often get carried away with all the details thus losing focus of the big picture. I am working on this one; like I said, am getting better by the day and it is a process.
“People work toward a goal when their lives or livelihood depend upon it”; is another statement that got my attention. Often times as a leader am focused on where I want to lead the team irrespective of how that may reflect on their personal lives and as a result I lost some of my team players along the way. Now I know better that if I want to win the cooperation of my team players, I need to seriously think about how the set goals will affect their personal lives and what costs may be involved. This is not easy when you seem consumed by the big picture but I guess it becomes easier when I consciously adopt it each time I have to share goals and recast the vision with my team.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
None.
6 . Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them useful?
Yes, I completed all of them and found them very useful. I intend to continue using some of them for myself and also from time to time in our team building meetings.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions?
None.
Ratings:
A. How interesting was it to read? 7
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 7
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8
Unlimited Power
By Noeline Kirabo Mulongo
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The theme of the book is unavailing our ultimate power in attaining success in whatever we set our mind to achieve. We can provide our brains with the most effective signal to empower us to take successful action in spite of any fear and do what was previously thought impossible. The book captures a few aspects of self motivation and living a health way of life.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
One of the ideas that is important to me is the fact that we can create our emotions like every other result in our lives through specific mental and physical actions. I have always believed that emotions are an external force that manifests from with in of which we have very little control. I struggled with mood swings much of my childhood and often felt helpless, thinking that it was out of my control. Now I know that I can actually shape and direct my emotions in the direction I want them to go. I have greatly improved in that I rarely experience mood swings and when I do, I consciously deal with it.
The second idea is that in each of our lives; there comes a point of ultimate challenge, a time when every resource we have is tested. I could relate this to a time when I had to drop out of school due to lack of tuition. I had big dreams and the future looked blink. This challenged me to look for other alternative to reach my goals with the others resources and opportunities that I had available to me. This experience taught me to always look beyond the obvious; I always look at all the alternatives each time I feel like I have come to the end of my road. I appreciate every small opportunity that I get because I know that it is a stepping stone to my next level. Each time I am stretched beyond my limits, I look back at how far I have come and it gives me the resolve to move on.
The third idea which is related to the above is that; ‘people do not always lack resources, they lack control over their resources’. The above experience taught me to always do the best that I can with the limited resources that I have. Lack of resources is no excuse for failure because we all have enormous untapped resources at our disposal or we have enough but fail to control it the way we should. I had been limiting myself to my small salary to acquire the things that I desire and attempt to reach my goals until I read this book. I decided to stretch forth and reach my dreams. I purposed to start saving more consistently and I have been able to accomplish so much. The resources are still limited but I am able to do more because I control them better.
Another idea which is important to me is; ‘physiology is the most powerful tool we have for instantly producing dynamic results’. This is a big challenge for me because I start on work our programmes and weight loss programmes only to give up after a short while. I am more conscious of my need too keep health and fit but not limit myself to it. It is a slow progress but I am working on this aspect of my life. I know that part of my ability to reach my full potential is limited by my physical well being. I am eating healthy and trying to exercise as often as I can though still very inconsistent.
The other idea that impressed me is that I can produce any result that I desire as long as I am willing to pay the price of time and effort. The only limit there is to who and what I can become is myself. I have quit admiring other people and wishing I could be in their shoes and have resolved to finding out what cost they have had to pay to get to where they are. Some of them have really paid a very high cost that I am unable to pay now but all the same I take the time to learn from those who have gone before me. It is inspiring to know that some of the people I look up to have actually been where I am and have made it to where they are. I can also learn from their mistakes and set myself a better pace and for those that look up to me.
The idea of the ‘power of modelling’ is also very important to me. It has challenged me to think of what legacy I have built so far and what others would model after me. Some things I have really done well while others I am struggling whereas others I have totally failed. I draw strength from the positive reports that I get from the people I mentor and desire to do much more and better. I am at the point in my life where am conscious about building a legacy that will last for generations. I want to be the best role model I can be to the people that come in my life. It calls for a lot of sacrifices but it is worth it at the end of the day.
The last idea is; ‘our beliefs determine how much of our potential we will be able to tap into’. This is one aspect that has cut across in many of the IIGL books and it always comes out in a new and inspiring way in each book. If there is anything that I have learnt from the IIGL curriculum, it is the fact that my attitude is the key to my destiny. I am the master of my destiny and the controller of my achievements. By changing the way we think and view life, we shape and define our destinies. Before I seek people to believe in me, I must believe in myself and others. What we give, we definitely receive back in a different measure. I am more conscious of my thought patterns and belief systems. I endeavour to maintain a positive mental attitude at all cost. Not that I have achieved it but I constantly aim for that.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
These ideas are mind blowing and eye opening. I believe that they should first of all work in my life before they can work in the lives of other people. I am keener to see the principles produce positive results in my life before they can produce results in the lives of the people around me. I am challenged to continue reflecting on my life and what impact it is having in the short and long term.
The ideas also come in handy in regard to my counselling career and mentoring programme. These are some of the things that people do not learn in school yet they need them to survive. Countless times I have been able to make a difference in the life of a young person because of the skills and ideas and I have acquired through this programme.
4. Quotes: Are there brief quotes from the book which really got your attention? If so, please list and comment on them.
People who have attained excellence follow a consistent path to success. (The ultimate success formula). This quote got made me evaluate which path to success I have been following and I realized that there are some things about my life pattern that need to change in order for me to attain the success that I desire.
You can have an idea or product that can change the world, but without the power to persuade, you have nothing. Communicating what you have to offer is what life is all about. It is the most important skill I can develop. I am aware of the fact that with all the many ideas and dream that I bear on the inside of me, I must learn to effective communicate them to those I consider to be my dream team in order to see their fruition.
Powerful tool are not of much if you don’t have a good idea what you want to use them for. Boasting of my potential and great ideas will take me nowhere if I am unable to define how and what exactly I want to accomplish with them. To whom much is given much shall be required. I must strategically look at the opportunities and possibilities at my disposal and consider who to make the best of them.
Consistency of a stimulus is a powerful linkage or anchoring tool. If you hear something often enough (like advertising slogans), there is a good chance it will become anchored into your nervous system. This statement made me evaluate what I have been constantly listening to in regard to what I want to accomplish. I am making changes in order to anchor the things that matter to me in my system. I have changed certain bits of my daily routine so as to incorporate the things that add value to my life.
The world we live in is the world we choose to live in, whether consciously or unconsciously. We do not choose where to be born, who our parents should me, the condition we should be born in, circumstances in which we are born in or state but you have the total control of changing all this to suit what we wanted or pictured in the back of your mind as the ideal world for you. I may not be able to change the past but I can surely change the future and that I am determined to do. I purpose to leave a legacy for my children and the generations after me in spite of what my parents built, I can start a new generation and I am taking one day at a time.
Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes I did though most of them are more of on going than a one time event. I am consciously re designing the patterns of my life to suit that which I desire to accomplish. I have changed my daily routine to incorporate the things that add value. For example I have cut down on how much TV I watch on a daily basis, changed my diet and out look on life generally.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 10
C. How easy was it to understand? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Non Violent Communication
Assessment By Noeline K Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main theme of the book is the ability in human beings to communicate from the heart in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish. We all have the ability to communicate though it’s more developed in some people than others. There is a deposit of compassion in each one of us that can be tapped in as we relate with others. Every human being has a soft side to them that can be tapped into to build healthy relationships and no one can resist compassion for long.
2. What are the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
Make requests not demand: In life people have a choice to either cooperate with you or not. Every human being has a will that we must all learn to respect. As a global leader and communicator, I reckon that I have no right to make demands of others rather to request for their cooperation. That is a sign or respect and everyone wants to be respected.
Use empathy: As a leader I am often more concerned about getting the job done and achieving results. In order to do this effectively I have learnt that I must try to understand the other person before seeking to be understood and this can be done by trying to stand in their shoes and see things from their perspective. When we empathize, we are less judgmental and others will easily grant us their cooperation.
Observe without evaluating: Human nature is quick to draw conclusions and some times I rush to fill in the missing gaps with my own assumptions. I am slowly learning to observe others without evaluating then which also includes listening without trying to assume the conclusion or solution. It is slowly transforming my relationships with my subordinates. I now know that I do not always have to draw a conclusion to everything that I observe, some time I just need to take in the information gathered through observation.
Express your feelings: This does not come naturally for me but I have purposed to work on it so as to become a better person. An example is a disagreement I had with a colleague but chose to keep quiet about it thinking it would go away. After keeping it in for a while I was ready to explode. In the meantime he had apologized and tried to give his side of the story but I still kept quiet. One day he tried to talk to me and without thinking I just started labeling him and calling him names which hurt him so much because he thought I had already forgiven him. This could have been different if I have expressed how I felt at the right time. That has become a lesson for me.
Listen to people’s needs and feelings: As a counselor I have learnt to listen to the feelings of my clients and to respond to their needs but I rarely pay attention to my own feelings and some times needs. I get so caught up trying to help others and meet their needs that I tend to sweep my own feelings under the carpet which often catches up with me after a short while. I have decided to start taking a weekly journal and evaluation on my own feelings and unmet needs so as to keep myself in check and balance. I also intend to share these finding with a close friend to whom I will be accountable.
The difference between the cause of anger and stimulus: I guess I have been a culprit at this. Sometimes I get so emotionally involved that I fail the draw the lines between the root and the symptom. Often times the real cause of an issue is far deeper than the case presented. People may act as stimulants but the real cause of my anger is far deeper than what might have happened. This calls for soul searching and dealing with the roots of the anger which may go as far back as early childhood.
We are responsible for our feelings: There is no need for me to blame my negative attitude or feelings on others. I may not be able to control what happens to me but I can control how I react and respond. I can choose my own feelings in a given situation. The real influence is not from without but from within. Like some body said, ‘your greatest enemy is yourself’. To become a better person and leader, I must first of all learn to deal with myself and then I will better relate with others.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so how?
The book was a both a reminder of the things I already new and a refresher on the things that I had forgotten. I have identified areas that I need to work on and improve and have come up with my own action points. I am already working on these action points and beginning to see positive results in my relationships with others.
The skills are helping me in my career; in that I consciously choose how to relate and approach my colleagues. I am learning so much about people through observation and empathizing with them. I feel more equipped to deal with the challenges in the work place and my relationships with subordinates are getting better.
As a life skill trainer, the skills come in handy for compiling the training materials on effective communication and problem solving. Many of our youth here are violent due to the different kinds of trauma that they have gone through. Teaching them how to communicate and deal with issues in a non violent way is timely and I believe will bring about the desired change in their lives and relationships.
4. Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“When we are internally violent toward ourselves, it is difficult to be genuinely compassionate toward others.” This is so true, we can not give what we do not have. If I can not love my self it will be hard for me to love others. I am more conscious of how I look at my self because it will reflect in the way I relate and communicate with others.
“We say a lot by listening for other people’s feelings and needs.” As a counselor I know from experience that most people who come for counseling are not looking for answers but rather seek to be heard. Countless times a client will feel better after being listened to and will be more equipped to deal with their life. Being listened to and understood is a fundamental need in all of us.
“The message we send out is not always the message that is received.” It is so easy to be misunderstood and to misunderstand others. I now endeavour to get feedback from the people that I am communicating with to ensure that we are on the same wave length and try to ask for clarifications just to be sure I got the other person right
“What others say and do may be the stimulus, but never the cause of our feelings. Our feelings result from how we choose to receive what others say and do, as well as from our particular needs and expectation in that moment.” This realization has stopped the blame game cycle in my life.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
None.
6 . Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them useful?
Yes, I completed all of them and found the expression feelings exercise particularly relevant.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions?
None.
Ratings:
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 10
E. What is the overall rating you would give it?
Goal Mapping
Assessment by Noeline K Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The theme of the book is made evident in its title. It is centered on the concept of goal setting, emphasizing the importance putting down our goals on paper, referring to them from time to time so as to achieve the desired end. It is not enough to know what you want to get out of life, its important that you clearly define it, map it out and continually refer to the strategic plan so as to achieve that goal.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
* “In every community, there is work to be done. In every nation, there are wounds to heal. In every heart, there is the power to do it.” This was very important to me as a counselor because it has a direct relation to my field of work. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the number of people who are hurting and in need of help and healing. I am encouraged to know that what I see in my community is a universal issue and the solution has already been provided- it is in each of our hearts. I am reminded of the fact that each one of us has something to offer to the human race. We all can make a difference in the lives of those around us. This quote came as a timely word for me and it up lifted my soul. That’s why it stood out for me.
* “The secret to productive goal-setting is in establishing clearly defined goals, writing them down and then focusing on them several times a day with words, pictures and emotions as if we’ve already achieved them.” This was more of a challenge for me because I rarely put down my goals on paper and when I do, I do not go ahead to visualize and meditate on them. I would normally just write them down and some times even forget to refer to them until some time has passed. I have decided to get a small book that I can easily carry along with me where I will be writing my goals so that whenever I get free time, I refer to them.
* “He who knows much about others may be learned, but he who understands himself is more intelligent.” This too was timely for me in regard to other things that I have been tackling in my life. I had taken off time to just do some soul searching as well as reflection. My soul aim was to focus on me as a person irrespective of what is happening around me. I must say it has been very refreshing and now I feel like I am more in touch with myself than before. Because my inner world is organized, it is hard for me to get worked up by what is happening around me.
* “You never know what you can achieve until you try. Reach for the stars and you may only get to the moon, but it is still a great step up. Maybe you’ll reach the stars next time.” I am reminded that the only obstacle between me and my destiny is myself. I learnt earlier on from the previous book that I am a master of my destiny and I can determine what I get out of life. I am challenged to reach forth for that which is seemingly impossible in the midst of great discouragement. I will dare to reach for the stars at least I might reach the moon. It’s an inspiring quote to live by.
* “The key to finding flow is to love what you do, and do what you love. You find the flow through holding your intention with heart, not hate.” Passion is a very important aspect of all that we do and hope to achieve. When a person sets their heart to a certain task, there is no limit to what they can accomplish. A pure heart produces pure results. I must continually keep my heart in check so as to achieve my desired goals.
* “One of the great differences between successful and unsuccessful people is that successful people have learnt a major life lesson and do not see failure as a negative dead end that stops them in their tracks.” This is a reminder of what the previous authors had all been echoing in the previous books. It is refreshing to find such truth affirmed by various authors. Every setback can be a stepping stone. We do not have control over much of what happens to us but we sure have control over how re respond to them and how we allow those situations to affect us.
* “You don’t fail when you fall, you fail when you refuse to get up.” I think this is a good point as well. Like in the previous case, we don’t determine what happens to us much of the time but we sure have a choice over how it affects us. We all fall down at various points of our lives, what makes the difference is whether we choose to give up or not.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
The book has challenged me to reevaluate my life and my goals. To develop new and better habits geared to helping me reach my destiny. I am currently reviewing some of the goals I had set at the beginning of this year and some of them are so vague no wonder I have not been able to achieve them but with the help of this book I hope to do better in the near future.
As a counselor, I often come across clients who are in need of such life skills. Besides bettering myself, the skills and information acquired will also help me offer better services to my clients. It begins with empowering one person at a time. Freely I have received, freely I will give.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Most of them are the ones I have shared in the above question.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, I completed all of the exercises and found them helpful in discovering how to write and identify clear and concrete goals.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 10
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 8
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
The Power Of Intention
Assessment By Noeline K Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The theme of the book is desired action coupled with focus being the keys to making any dream a reality. It is not enough to desire, we ought to act as if the desire has already become a reality. We are all connected to an invisible force called ‘intention’ that allows that act of creation to take place. It is about tapping in the essence of originating spirit, emulating the attributes of creative force of intention, and manifesting into our life anything that we desire that is consistent with the universal mind-which is creativity, kindness, love, beauty, expansion, abundance, and peaceful receptivity.
2. What are the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
* Beautiful thoughts build a beautiful soul; it is often that I forget to clean up my thought closet and set it straight again. It is so easy to get carried away with our daily activities at the expense of the one thing that affects every aspect of our lives- our thoughts. I have purposed to set aside two hours on a weekly basis to evaluate my thoughts and set myself back on the right path. I would love to have a beautiful soul and it comes with consistence, commitment and practice.
* Simple act of kindness directed toward another improves the functioning of the immune system and stimulates the production of serotonin in both the recipient of the kindness and the person extending the kindness; total blown away by this statement. It was all new to me. I can save up a whole lot on medical bills by simply being nice and kind to other people.
* Let go of the need to be right; I have learnt that I do not always have to be right because I am not. It is okay for other people to have a different opinion from what I think and yet still be able and willing to work with them. It’s a whole paradigm shift for me because I naturally love winning and being right but now I know better and I am slowly learning to let go of the need to always be right.
* Our imagination is an invisible connecting link to manifesting our own destiny; I naturally have a creative mind but often would not pay attention to all the ideas that I could imagine. Many things have been lost because I do not take the time to write them down. I have got a small note book that I can easily carry along so as to take note of whichever bright idea I get.
* The power of intention is seeing beauty in the things and circumstances that surround our lives. No matter which walk of life we come from – rich or poor, healthy or sick – there is always something in life that we can be thankful for. This may include the blessing of a new day, food, shelter, clothing, a roof over our heads, a job, transportation…and so on. It is important to see the cup as half full instead of half empty, focusing on our blessings and not on our emptiness.
* We need to be in harmony with love, including performing activities that we love to do. This gives us energy, vitality, and the power of intention. Each of us has been given unique gifts and talents that we should be using whenever possible. Life is too short to waste doing something that you were not created to do. I am re-discovering the things that I really love and enjoy doing which could increase my vitality and energy.
* Banish doubt in order to create the world we choose; like all the other authors in the curriculum, Dye emphasizes the crippling effect of doubt. Faith is the key to making every dream a reality while fear and doubt accomplishes the exact opposite.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so how?
There is so much I would love to accomplish in a very short time and its not just going to happen like that unless I set my heart to them. I realize I can use my imagination, focus and intention to make some of these dreams a reality. I know that I have all the resources I need to make my dreams a reality on the inside of me and around me. I need to focus and zero in on the things that really matter to me.
4. Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
The Ancestor of every action is a thought; it all begins in the mind. As we think so are we. For all that I want to accomplish, I must first internalize it through thought before they can become tangible results. The mind is a great resource yet so often we under utilize it or use it for all the wrong things instead of maximizing our mental potential to achieve the things that we desire.
Everyone is born a genius, but the process of living de-geniuses them; like in the above point, many of us me inclusive live to tap into less than our average potential. We were created with all that we would need to prosper and excel but we lose it along the way as we grow up. The good news is that we can still tap into this God given potential if we purpose to and give it our best. We all have the capacity for creativity and geniuses.
What you think of yourself is what you think of the world; my self esteem and perception does not only affect me as an individual but also all those around me. How I look at myself has a direct effect on how I perceive the world. If I think I am a failure, I will be pessimistic instead of optimistic about life. When I think I have been treated unfairly, I will treat others the same way and the cycle continues. In order to break the cycle in my life, I need to change the way I look at myself.
Self-importance is man’s greatest enemy, what weakens him is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of his fellow man. Self-importance requires that one spend most of one’s life offended by something or someone; I have learnt over time that no body owes me anything so I do not sit around expecting others to meet all my needs and make me happy. I have come to expect less of people because they are human and have their own limitations.
The act of making amends sends out a signal of respect for your adversaries; I am the kind that does not easily apologize but I have learnt over time that it something I must do in order to keep healthy relationships with others.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
The book was clear to me
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them useful?
No, there were no exercises.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions?
None
Ratings:
A. How interesting was it to read? 7
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 8
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8
The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success
Assessment Noeline Kirabot Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main theme of the book is the fact that success is the experience of the miraculous. Success in life is the continued expansion of happiness and the progressive realization of worthy goals. The ability to fulfill your desires with effortless ease. It is a journe, not a destination. It is the unfolding of the divinity within us. It is the perception of divinity wherever we go, in whatever we perceive.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. The Law of Pure Potentiality:
When we realize that our true self is one of pure potentiality, we align with the power that manifests everything in the universe. Practicing silence periodically as it is convenient to you is one way to experience the law of our potentiality. Through meditation you will learn to experience the field of pure silence and pure awareness. We must learn to get in touch with the inner most essence of your being. The affluence of the university is an expression of the creative mind of nature. The more tuned in you are to the mind of nature, the more you have access to its infinite, unbounded creativity. You have to go beyond the turbulence of your internal dialogue to connect with that abundant, affluent, infinite, creative mind. Stillness alone is the potentiality for creativity, movement alone is creativity restricted to a certain aspect of its expression.
ii. The Law of Giving:
Giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. Every relationship is one of giving and take. In reality, receiving is the same thing as giving because giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. That which does not multiply through giving is neither worth giving nor worth receiving. The intention should always be to create happiness for the giver and receiver because happiness is life- supporting and life sustaining and therefore generates increase. The return is directly proportional to the giving when it is unconditional and from the heart. The art of giving has to be joyful. The easiest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want. If you want to be blessed with all the good things in life, learn to silently bless everyone with all the good things in life. The more you give, the more confidence you will gain in the miraculous effects of this law. Our true nature is one of affluence and abundance; we are naturally affluent because nature supports every need and desire.
iii. The Law of Karma (Cause and Effect)
Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind. What we sow is what we reap. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices. We are infinite choice- makers. Unfortunately, a lot of us make choices unconsciously and therefore we do not think they are choices and yet they are. There is only one choice out of the infinity of choices available in every second that will create happiness for you as well as for those around you. Only the heart knows the correct answer. The future is generated by the choices you are making in every moment of your life.
iv. The Law of Least Effort:
If you observe nature at work, you will see that least effort is expended. Least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love because nature is held together by the energy of love. When your actions are motivated by love, there is no waste of energy. When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates.
v. The Law of Intention and Desire:
Inherent in every intention and desire is the mechanics for its fulfillment. The whole universe in its essential nature is the movement of energy and information. Intention triggers transformation of energy and information. Intention organizes its own fulfillment. Intention in the fertile ground of attention has infinite organizing power. Infinite organizing power means the power to organize infinity of space- time events, all at the same time. Your intent is for the future but your attention is in the present. As long as your attention is in the present, then your intent of the future will manifest because the future is created in the present. Both the past and future are born in the imagination, only the present is real and eternal.
vi. The Law of Detachment:
In the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom from our past, from the known which is the prison of past conditioning. In our willingness to step into the unknown, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe. Attachment is based on fear and insecurity and the need for security is based on not knowing the true self. Attachment comes from poverty consciousness. The search for security is an illusion. The known is nothing other than the prison of past conditioning. Uncertainty is the fertile ground of pure creativity and freedom. The unknown is the field of all possibilities.
vii. The Law of Dharma (Purpose in life):
When we blend our unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit which is the ultimate goal of all goals. There is something that you can do better than anyone else in the whole world and for every unique talent and unique expression of that talent there are also unique needs. Expressing your talent to fulfill needs creates unlimited wealth and abundance. Each of us is here to discover our higher self or our spiritual self. When your creative expressions match the needs of your fellow humans’ then wealth will spontaneously flow from the un manifested in the manifest.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
I have been personally challenged by the law of giving not because it is a totally new concept but because it was presented in a totally new perspective. The aspect of purposing to give something to everyone that you encounter on a daily basis is what I consider to be a sweet challenge. I have taken on this challenge and purpose to work at developing it as a habit. I daily remind myself of this objective at the start of my days. It is so fulfilling knowing that you can give something even as small as a heartfelt prayer can impact the life of another person who could be in need of divine intervention. I can testify that in the last couple of days and week I have experienced more answers to prayers and wishes in my own life than I have in such a long time. I do agree that the more you give, the more confident you become on the miraculous effects of the law of giving. It is amazing but I have what I need when I need it and often times as I would have desired to have it.
The law of least effort was an eye opener and a new concept in the way it was presented. The fact that we can achieve more by simply being than striving was simply new to me. The example of how plans and nature thrives by simply being all that it was created to be was an amazing revelation. I have learnt that part of being able to apply this law is by accepting the present instead of ignoring it. I have practiced this law in the last couple of days and life is so beautiful. I realize that if I live like this, stress is bound to be history. In this state of being, it becomes so easy to appreciate every opportunity that comes your way and see every circumstance is being the way it was meant to be instead viewing it as a mistake. Life becomes more interesting and many things come naturally.
On the general, the principles learnt in this book are helping me become a better person as I rightly apply them in my life on a day to day basis. I am glad I got to read this book at the beginning of the year because it has helped me set more relevant goals for myself in the area of character development. I like the fact that it was not just head knowledge but rather very practical in its application.
On the other hand as usual, I use the principles that I learn from books to develop training materials that I use when I am called upon to offer capacity building sessions or inspiration talks to people from walks of life. The skills and knowledge always comes in handy when I am preparing speeches and training notes for various purposes. The books have become my referral database for my writing purposes and building up others to achieve more out of life instead of settling for less.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“All relationship is a reflection of your relationship with yourself. Only intimacy with the self will bring about true healing”
I was reminded of the fact that true success in life begins with self and then is emulated in the other facets of our lives. How we view and relate with ourselves will determine how we view and relate to the people around us as well as our environment. This means that it is important to have the right attitude and perspective of myself because this will influence how I approach and deal with the world around me.
“The past is history, the future is a mystery and the moment is a gift”
This has been a good reminder of the fact that there is no worth trying to live your life in the past because there is no good that comes out of it. I am reminded to leave the past where it is and not worry about the future but focus all my energies on making the most and the best out of the present. The choices that I make today will definitely shape what my tomorrow will be.
“Whatever you put your attention on will grow stronger in your life”
This got me thinking about where I was focusing my attention and to evaluate those things to affirm that they are the things I want to grow in my life. As usual some of my attention was focused on the wrong things and that answered why they were not going anywhere even when I wanted to get rid of them so badly. I now realize that the trick to getting what I want out of life is by focusing my attention on those everything so that the others become a shadow in the light of them.
“Accept the present and intend the future”
There is so much joy that comes with having to go through the day without worrying or trying to control the outcomes of that day. It is as if one has gone back to a state of childhood where they have no single care in the world. It is as simple as taking life as it is without having fear of what will be but rather viewing with challenge as an opportunity for growth and betterment.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
None
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 8
D. Would you recommend it to others? 7
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 8
The Five Languages Of Love
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author is the fact that the emotional need for love is at the center of our emotional being. The need to be loved is a primary human emotional need. The need to feel loved by one’s spouse is at the heart of marital desires. The desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. If we are to communicate effectively across cultural lines, we must learn the language of those with whom we wish to communicate. Being sincere is not enough, we must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love. Love need not evaporate after the wedding but in order to keep it alive, most of us will have to put forth the effort to learn a secondary love language. We need love before we fall in love and we will need it as long as we live. Something in our nature cries out to be loved. Keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintain the proper oil level is to an automobile. People behave differently when their emotional love tanks are full. The emotional need for love must be met if we are to have emotional health. We feel secure when we are assured that our mate accepts us, wants us and is committed to our wellbeing.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
One of the ideas that is personally important to me is the idea of dialects within a particular love language. I had read about the five love languages in summary and kind of thought that I had grasped what they were all about. This in-depth study has opened my eyes to the fact that even when two people speak the same love language, it is possible that they could be using two different dialects and thus not effectively communicate to each other. This also explains why often times I have found it hard to clearly define the love languages of some of my close family members. Being able to understand that there could be several dialects within a single love language is enabling me relate better with close friends and family members than I had done before. I know realize that it is not enough to simply communicate in their language but to go a step further and communicate in the dialect one understands.
The other idea that has is important to me is the fact that at the center of all our endeavor to speak the love language of our spouses is to do something for the wellbeing of the one you love. This was more of a challenge because often times when I go out of my way to express love to my loved one, it has more to do with how the expression makes me feel or how it contributes towards having my own emotional needs met. I am learning and adjusting to a new attitude that enables me to do things for my loved ones without any consideration of how it makes me feel or how I benefit. I am learning to love people not based on emotional feelings but rather as a result of a choice I have made to love without expecting anything in return even when it will pay off in the long run.
The third idea that is important to me is the difference between the ‘in love experience’ and the ‘true love experience’. This is something I have always had an idea about but had never understood it in depth like I do now. I had often times struggled to explain this difference to my clients but seemed to lack the proper vocabulary and illustrations. The difference is now very clear and I can easily explain it to another person coupled with the relevant examples that I have acquired from this book. Understanding this concept has also helped me find answers to some of the questions that the young people I work with often ask regarding relationships and marriage.
The fourth idea that is important to me is the fact that love makes requests not demands. If we make our needs and desires known in the form of a request, we are giving guidance not ultimatums. When we make a request of our spouse, we are affirming their worth and abilities. A request creates the possibility for an expression of love where as a demand suffocates that possibility. It is not easy to always remember to make a request of our loved ones more so in the hit of the moment. I guess this too can be learnt like any other practice by consistent practice and goal setting.
Another idea that is important to me is the idea of love not erasing the past but making the future different. When we choose active expression of love, we create an emotional climate where we can deal with our past conflicts and failures. Meeting our spouse’s need for love is a choice we make each day. Love is not the answer to everything but it creates a climate of security in which we can seek answers to those things that bother us. The decision to love one’s spouse holds tremendous potential, learning their primary love language makes that potential a reality.
And the final idea that is important to me is we all have the ability to first of all discover our own love language but also to learn a secondary love language so as to communicate effectively to our spouses/ loved ones. Love is a choice and cannot be coerced. Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love our spouses. We are limited only by our imagination on ways to express love.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
First of all; the lessons from this book are helping me understand myself better as well as my spouse. The lessons have provided some of the answers I have been looking for in order to revive the sparks in my marriage where they had grown cold. I am re learning to speak my spouse’s love language and communicating to him in a way that he understands. It is also helping me not to expect too much of people because I now realize that most of us communicate in our own love languages and not the dialect of the one with whom we seek to communicate. I am now able to appreciate the efforts others put in to actively express their love to me even when they miss my dialects, I appreciate their trial and efforts and my relationships with others are growing stronger and deeper as I seek to learn the love dialects of the people close to me.
The lessons are relevant in enhancing my therapy and counseling skills. In my career as a therapist and counselor, I meet people from all walks of life who are dealing with different issues in their lives. The skills and knowledge acquired will be used as I interact with my clients and seek to help them live their lives to the fullness. It is always a delight for me to learn skills that I can practically apply to my own life but also help others apply the same principles in their lives. I have also been able to extract some assessment tools that I can use to help my clients discover their own love languages and those of their loved one. I feel empowered and equipped to help others in this field with the knowledge acquired.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“Inside every child is an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave”
As a person that works with children from time to time I know that love is not only important to the healthy development of a child but it is also their right. This statement has given me a new perspective into the lives of children. Seeing this invisible tank in each child that I interact with challenges me to think of ways to hep fill these tanks as I work with children on an ongoing basis. I ask myself; ‘have I filled or withdrawn?’ each time I interact with a child and this is enabling me to consciously and actively express love to children.
“I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday and they pollute a potentially wonderful day”
I have been reminded of the fact that the best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history. Often times I am a victim to this phenomenon where I drag the past into the present and it always makes matters worse instead of solving them. I am relearning to constantly choose to live in the present and not carry the past with me into the gift of a new day. I realize that this makes life more enjoyable and fruitful. It is a principle that I am also attempting to share with my colleagues at work and the results are tremendous. This does not mean that we sweep issues under the carpet but rather deal with them, let them go and move on to the future. Life is much easier when we live with such a mindset.
“Whatever there is of me resides in my body. To touch my body is to touch me”
This concept came in handy when I was attempting to explain to a gentleman why women react so badly when they feel used by a loved one even when they offered their bodies willingly. This statement helped me to sum up what I wanted to say and the light bulb seemed to go on in the mind of my male friend.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
The book had a couple of suggestions and a questionnaire to discover one’s love language. I took hid to most of the suggestions and took the profile test which confirmed what I had always known to be my love language.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 10
B. How helpful were the contents? 10
C. How easy was it to understand? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 9
How Can I Get Through To You
Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea that the author tries to convey in the book is the fact that our culture teaches neither boys nor girls how to have a healthy relationship with themselves and others. In our culture, boys and men are not now nor have they ever been raised to be intimate. They are raised to be competitive performers. Traditional socialization teaches girls to filter their sense of self-worth through connection to others while it teaches boys to filter their sense of self-worth through their performance. While both genders are rationally wounded and both need to heal, their injuries are not equal.
The paradox for girls is that their ticket into relationships is silence, over accommodation and indirect expression. The paradox for boys is that in order to be worthy of connection, they must prove themselves invulnerable, buttoned down warriors in the world’s emotional market place. While it is true that girls and women struggle predominantly with shame, boys are subject to a two-step process of first feeling shame and then fleeing from it into grandiosity. Women disassociate not because they are split off from their unconscious fantasies but because there is no safe place for them to stand in the truth of their own experience.
The most reliable predictor of long term marital success is a pattern in which the wives in non-offensive clear ways communicate their needs and husbands willingly alter their behavior to meet them. Partners almost always play out a template for relationships they first learned while growing up because we are the relational matrix we grew up in until we do the hard deliberate work of transforming.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
Love is not for the faint of heart:
love hurts not just in its absence but equally in the simplicity of its presence. Love acts like a giant magnet that pulls out of us like iron filings every recorded injury and every scar. The prospect of deep connection stimulates a visceral recall of each instance of disconnection we have encountered. As a therapist I know that most of the clients that I encounter end up in the counseling room either in search for answers on how to find true love or how to heal the wounds that have been birthed in their search for love. It is interesting to look at it from this perspective because then it answers the question of why it so happens that people who tend to love the most also hurt the most. The phase caught my attention and has made lots of sense in the context of my work.
Real self-esteem comes from within:
real self-esteem is the existential spiritual truth that we have value and worth intrinsically not because of anything we have or can do nor have others regard us. If there is a danger in speaking, there are also dangers in not speaking. Feeling uncherished; many wives unwittingly shut down their own sense of pleasure as well as their willingness to please their partner. This was a good reminder for myself but also in the context of my work and how I can use it to relate to my clients.
Men experience emotions more strongly than women do: living in a culture that dominantly treats men as if they do not have any feelings, it is important to note that it is the surfeit of feelings not the lack that causes so much male withdrawal. It is even more interesting to note that according to research, many men are babies when it comes to bearing emotional discomfort. Before we can bring men back into intimacy, we must understand that coming to occupy a position somewhere along the spectrum of contempt is synonymous with bearing to be a man.
Violence is boyhood socialization: it was interesting to learn through the various case studies that the way we turn boys into men is through injury. The very phrase; “Be a man” means suck it up and keep going. Disconnection is not fall out from traditional masculinity but rather is masculinity. The most tender part of sons has been offered on the altar of masculinity. Damaged as boys, men often combine a boy’s vulnerability toward being wounded with a man’s entitlement to withdrawal or lash out. Such an arrangement renders many men at best frustrating and at worst dangerous.
Real passion requires surrender: while women appear to be overly dependent and men appear antidependent actually both genders are taught to renounce their wants and needs. The paradox is that if a wife truly demands that her emotional needs be met, she may indeed put her marriage on the line while on the other hand few women who back away from their needs manage to bury their resentment. Women it turns out want more than to be understood by their men, they want men to change which is a major source of conflict on relationships.
Beneath the impulse to hurt others lies a deeper impulse to heal: revenge is really a perverse form of communication, a twisted attempt to repair. We rarely increase other people’s capacity for empathy and responsibility by being cruel to them. As a therapist I also acknowledge that is is very true for the clients that we engage with. Often times it turns out that people who come across as the meanest turn out to be the ones with the deepest need for love and acceptance from those around them.
Majority of men and women come into their marriages ill equipped to face the continuing challenge of pushing through disillusionment: the traditional gender arrangement fails to acknowledge that men at their core are just as dependent, emotional, wired for connection as women are. We first learn to have a good relationship to ourselves by internalizing the healthy relationship our parents and other caregivers had with us. We are predisposed to restore the families in our relationship to ourselves, we tend to treat ourselves the way we were treated. It is what we know. While falling in love is primarily about spontaneity, staying in love demands craftsmanship and craftsmanship must be learned.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
The book has been more an academic reference book than a mere self-help book. As a therapist I have gained lots of insights on how to conduct couple and marriage therapy. The approach that the writer uses in confronting his clients was totally new and interesting to me. I was intrigued to get a grip of the approaches and theories that he employs in his therapy sessions and I must say that I have learnt a lot which has added value to the context of my work and practice as a therapist.
The book has given me a whole new insight and understanding of men and their emotional make up. As a woman it is sometimes frustrating having to work with men both as colleagues but also as clients and I guess this is because I lacked a deeper understanding of their emotional packaging. With this new insight, I feel for men and I would be more patient and understanding in my dealings with them. I feel that I am more equipped to engage with male clients more effectively and efficiently.
The awareness of how boys at a tender age as early as four years are taught to disengage with their emotions has challenged me as a social worker to raise awareness on how our culture is negatively affecting the breed of men that we raise and how this cycle if not broken will continue to affect the men in general. It is no wonder that in Uganda today we have a father less generation. This is because either the fathers die or they have been absent throughout the lives of their children. In my experience the latter is more rampart and this has led to a wounded generation of young people that we are encountering in therapy.
On the personal level, the book has given me insight into the world of my husband and is helped me to understand some of the things about him that I previously found to be frustrating and unbearable at times. I now empathize with him because I have an idea of where he might be coming from in his approach to relationships and marriage. I am also more away of what I need to change so as to create a better environment for intimacy in my marriage. I have benefited from this book more that I could have ever imagined when I picked it up the first time.
I intend to share this book with my academic supervisor and encourage him to read the book himself. I believe that this book is relevant to anyone that is keen on psychology and wants to specialize in family and couple therapy. There is so much that psychology students can learn from this book that is relevant to the day to day running of therapy and counseling psychology. It is one book that every couple therapist should have on their shelf for referral purposes.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“Strength is not the absence of vulnerability, strength is knowing what your weaknesses are and working with them”
sustaining relationships with others requires a good relationship to ourselves. We will not heal the profound and abiding enmity between the sexes until we start naming the truth on all sides. In order to begin the work of recovering passion, we must understand both what has been lost and what has come to replace it.
“A man may have achieved great things in the world, may be acclaimed, enjoy the wealth of a king but the one thing most men do not possess is a stable sense of self-worth”.
It is predictable that men, wounded early and bereft of the skill of introspection would be prone to hyper arousal. Most men do not work their relationships very well because working a relationship is a foreign concept, the prospect seems daunting and odds of success slim.
“Relationships are the crucible in which we get to work on ourselves, in which we have the opportunity to stretch, grow and if we are fortunate- thrive”.
Relationships do not make us happy. Developmentally arrested, each gender’s longing when they reemerge often carry the flavor of the age the person was when passion was first out behind bars. Like they say, intimate relationships will bring both the best and worst out of us so they are the right place for each of us to remove the masks and face who we really are.
“The paradox inherent in relational esteem is that our capacity to stay in deep connection rests on our ability to bear solitude inside the relationship”.
Mature love requires us to acknowledge our full experience, our feelings and wants while making grown up choices about them. It by wrestling with the relationships shadows with disillusionment that deep intimacy is sustained. Changing one’s own behavior is a much more promising strategy than insisting on change from the other person.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 10
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 8
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 9
Love Without Conditions
Assessment By Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author is that we are all joined with the mind of God. This mind seeks the establishment of the kingdom of love in our minds and hearts. The end of human suffering comes when we decide together that we have suffered enough. What we hear has a great deal to do with what is already present in our minds. We hear according to our perceptions and preconceptions. We interpret what happens in our lives according to our core beliefs and the emotional states that arise from them. All experiences happen for this one purpose which is to expand our awareness. Our primary freedom lies in learning from the experiences that come our way.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
Clarity is found only in self-responsibility: we should not concern ourselves with what others do or leave undone. It is not our responsibility to evaluate their thoughts or their actions but to simply be responsible for how we think and act. We are not responsible for the choices that others make nor are they responsible for ours however we can and we must learn from one another because we make many of the same mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities for learning. Mastery of our own thoughts is essential for our own enlightenment.
All wrongs must be corrected in the right manner: to oppose, to seek to over power or to argue with a false idea is to strengthen it. You cannot love in an unloving way; you cannot be right and attack what is wrong. Error must be undone and since the root of all error is fear, only the undoing of fear will bring correction. Working something out with another when you are not aware of your own complicity in the event is unlikely. Asking others for forgiveness demonstrates that you are ready to change your own mind about what happened. Those who withhold forgiveness only withhold it from themselves. Neither justice nor salvation are to be gained by attacking your brother. Every nail you pound into your brother’s hand holds you to the cross. As you choose to treat your brother/ sister, so do you deliver the same judgment upon yourself. Your brother’s freedom is but a symbol of your own.
You are the judge who pronounces sentence: in your mind you establish your innocence or guilt. Judge and jury live within your own thoughts. Until you undo your guilt, you cannot find your innocence. The whole scenario of our lives is territory for self- inquiry. In your interactions with your brother, you have a simple choice to find him innocent or to find him guilty. Your interactions with your brother help you see what you must forgive in yourself.
Until you understand that everyone is good, it will be hard for you to find goodness in yourself or others. There is no human being who does not deserve your forgiveness. There is no human being that does not deserve your love. Every judgment I make on another person states very specifically what I hate or cannot accept about myself. What deprives us of love is our insistence on being right when we are not. You cannot receive from another something that you have not given to yourself.
The more you try to figure things out, the more confused they get: perfection comes spontaneously and without effort only when you tell the truth when you let go of your desire to impress others and surrender your false pride. The more you learn to listen from within, the more you will begin to be with your experience as it happens. When we refuse to take time to be with our experience, it seems as if we are victims of what happens in our lives. Life is neither a blessing nor a punishment; it is working with us to help us awaken to the truth of who we are.
you wish to understand the meaning of what happens in your life, you need to stop giving it your own meaning: allow it to teach us why it has come into our lives. We experience darkness and scarcity only when we find fault with the situation we are presented with at the moment. Our lives have only the meaning we give them and we can choose to give them a positive or a negative one. To see things accurately, we must understand our emotional investment in a situation as well as its external appearance or behavior. We must learn to see the truth in every form, in each situation.
Scarcity thinking results from your perception that you are not worthy of love: if we do not feel worthy of love, we will project lack outside us. Lack is the result of negative perception; it is the remembrance of old wounds. To end scarcity thinking we must forgive the past. Gratitude stems from worthiness and supports the experience of abundance. Our dignity lies in becoming fully human, fully receptive to our own needs and those of others. We cannot know the glory of God unless we appreciate the divine essence within us. When we are in touch with our essence, we know that we are acceptable exactly as we are.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
The book has helped me as an individual to better understand myself and the people around me. It has given me a higher perspective of myself and the dignity of human life. I now know that I am the judge and jury over my life and all guilt or innocence begins with how I view myself in light of my God given worth and potential. More than anything I have been reminded of the fact that the only person I am responsible for is myself and even though I work in a helping profession I can only help people but not be responsible for their choices and actions. It is such a relief to know that all I need to do is my best and leave the rest to God.
This book has been more of a link and continuation from the previous book I worked on. It has a lot of content that is relevant to my profession as a therapist and counselor. I have a learnt a couple of truths and insights that have equipped me to better deal with people that could be struggling with a low self-esteem or a poor self-image. The book is also relevant in dealing with people that could be grieving over the loss of different things or people in their lives. It gives a whole new perspective to life that makes it more meaningful and worthwhile. The emphasis it places on the human life is worth sharing with clients in therapy.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
You see what you choose to see because all perception is a choice”; we all identify with thoughts that we think. If I want to effectively communicate with people, I need to find a way to acknowledge and include their ideas. Dwelling together with others requires that we see what links us to them and not what separates us. The less I have to protect, the more help I can be to others. Understanding people and things requires appreciation and sympathy.
Facing your fear is the first step in the process of undoing”; we cannot receive if we do not give who we are away. Only when we face and begin to take responsibility for the situation before us in the present will we begin to address them meaningfully. Distancing others physically or psychologically is a fear tactic. We can’t learn anything through avoidance and denial.
Only one who is hurting strikes out against others”; each one of us lives in a prison of reactivity until the wound in us is made conscious. Everything that I do, think or say to others, reflect back to me what I think about myself. My ability to see beyond my ego based perception will help me get important and helpful information. The seed of all actions is to be found in our thoughts.
Your enemy reflects back to you everything that you don’t like about yourself”; if we listen to what our enemies are saying to us, we will know exactly where we must make correction in ourselves. Only those who oppose us can be such effective teachers for us. Our enemies are simply mirrors into which we look until gradually the angry face that we see smiles back at us. It takes wisdom and foresight to maintain an environment of equality in which all perspectives can be considered.
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel in order to make a meaningful contribution to life”; if we look around us, we will see many avenues for self-expression. The world does not offer perfection but an opportunity to grow and change if we are not attached to the form of expression. Cooperation with the natural laws of earth is essential for survival. All the information that we need in our lives is obtainable in the present moment through a simple method of inquiry.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
I enjoyed the author’s style of writing because he inter changeably used the first and second persons without fore warning you. You have to be very keen and attentive to follow the flow of ideas conveyed by the author. Some parts of the book sounded very poetic and as a lover of poetry I really enjoyed reading this book. There is so much truth hidden in his figurative writing that it takes a keen heart and mind to grasp them.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 7
C. How easy was it to understand? 6
D. Would you recommend it to others? 7
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 7
Power of Infinite Love and Gratitude
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main theme conveyed by the author isthe fact that each moment provides us with opportunities to embrace life with open arms and a full voice or to endure it with closed hearts and silence. Every challenge is an opportunity. Every symptom and challenge is an opportunity for change and healing. Infinite love and gratitude is the key to unlocking the subconscious prison that has trapped us for far too long. Once the portal is open, we are free to soar, free to embrace our unlimited potential and live healthy, fulfilling lives. How life flows through us determines the nature of the streams of energy through the body. The direction of your health is dependent upon the unfettered flow of energy to and from the brain. In order to heal, energy must be able to flow through the physical body unimpeded. It is energy that promotes the body’s self healing potential.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
The greatest obstacle to your health and well being is the subconscious disconnection from your emotions
Paying attention to symptoms is the key to understanding what is going on in your body. Symptoms are symphonies that the body composes to get your attention. Popping a pill for every ailment without addressing the underlying causes inhibits the body’s natural capacity to heal itself. By suppressing symptoms, you mask the body’s ability to warn you to danger lurking within. Recurrent symptoms and chronic stress are the warning signs that emotions are trapped within the subconscious mind. This was a totally new idea and it has enriched my approach to symptoms and the natural healing abilities of the body.
Love is a learned behavior
Love begins in our own hearts. It is a choice, each choice we make along the way becomes an important step on the path of life. Love is the product of fully embracing our experiences without judgment. Life provides endless resources and opportunities for learning how to master love. We have been taught that love is an innate ability within all human beings and yet now I realize that though we may all have that potential, it is a choice that we make to fully and rightly express this love in meaningful ways both to ourselves and the people around us.
Words have a profound life altering impact
Not only can words hurt us emotionally but the ones that we choose to use represent the flow of our subconscious mind. Words are powerful; when you speak in effect, you are programming yourself and you will manifest the physical results. An example is when you use the word ‘my’ when speaking of a symptom or a disease; you create an identity as if the condition defines you.
Every human being has a choice
You may not be able to pick your circumstances but you can choose your reaction to them. It is very important not to deny your feelings so that the potential pain does not evolve into suffering. Your will is the engine that propels your spirit along its journey and it is your spirit that feeds your body and makes it possible for it to adapt and heal. Be open to feel and you will gain access to and understand the infinite ways in which the body is ready to heal. It is crucial that you actively participate in the conversation that your body is having with you at every moment. Thoughts, feelings and beliefs are a by product of your experiences.
You are your own best doctor
Every thought, feeling and belief you have is a piece of your own personal artwork. Healing begins when you love yourself unconditionally. The human body is the best pharmacy on the planet. It is able to produce every chemical known and unknown to humankind. Our bodies are miraculous self healing organisms built to monitor anything that happens. Our body already knows exactly how to repair itself. We have often be fooled to think that the solutions to ailments and symptoms lie without the body yet the truth is that our bodies have the innate potential to restore and heal themselves without external interventions but by simply reconnecting to our subconscious and emotions therein.
You are what you believe yourself to be
Values give the world meaning. It is through life experiences that you learn to identify with the value of a moment. Your perception of the outside world sends signals to all your cells telling them what is going on so that the body can adapt to its environment. We can fool ourselves and the people around us but we can not fool the natural system of our bodies because it reads the messages that we harbor within our sub conscience. For most of us, the fear of healing stems from our anxieties about change. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Fear of our own power causes us to maintain dysfunctional connections no matter what the consequences. As we let our light shine, unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
What you have is not what you have always got
What you have is a symptom which is the result of multiple autonomic reflexes that your body has produced throughout your life to warn you of imbalances. Treating the symptom will not heal the root cause of the pain. Nothing is ever wasted in life. Every experience you have had in your life has shaped you to be where you are at this very moment.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
The book was insightful in many ways. I have gained knowledge and insights on how my body works and functions. I am aware of the most conducive environment through which my body can thrive and function optimally to heal it self. This book has helped me improve the quality of my life and also to help those around me to do the same for themselves.
Some of the ideas and skills shared in the book are also applicable to therapy more so for clients who need to develop a healthy self esteem and acceptance. The idea of self love and how it helps the body to heal itself is relevant in helping the clients develop a healthy self image. So this means that the skills acquired from this book are relevant in my career and professional development.
Some of the principles like the seven principles in regard to mastering the game of life can be used for training other people in regard to living life to the fullness as well as leadership development. The principles are universal and can be applied to any circumstance and by anyone. I hope to use these principles in developing future training contents and materials as the need arises.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“You are here to learn and awaken to the infinite potential that exists within you”
No matter what situation you are experiencing, it is vital to view it through the authenticity of your heart. Life is not about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself. There is no purpose in suffering except as a guide to your truth.
“Problems can be transformed into an opportunity for growth”
You do not really have problems, you only think you do by the way you interpret your circumstances. A problem is a situation that creates an opportunity to react or respond in either a productive or destructive manner. We all have the choice to discover the pearl in the oyster of life. The meaning and purpose of life is discovered in the process of overcoming difficulties with dignity, courage and faith.
“Your will is the driving force that allows you to expand your potential to succeed”
Free will is the infinite number of choices you have in any given situation and ultimately the one you make based on what is right for you. Free choice is the choice you have to express your thoughts, feelings and beliefs. It means being authentic not only by living your truth but also by how you treat others. The key to fully expressing your free will is maintaining rapport. Respecting other people’s free will directly impacts your ability to exercise yours.
“Man’s mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions”
Once you know, you know forever and that means you must be authentic in how you live your life. The evidence of new knowledge is reflected in a changed lifestyle.
“The quality of our life is directly connected to the quality of our water”
Water is the very source of all life on this planet, it’s quality and integrity is virtually important to all forms of life. It is of utmost importance that the body be nurtured and nourished so that it is healthy enough to integrate and conduct its life force. As human beings, we are affected by every experience we encounter through the molecular structure of water in our bodies.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 7
B. How helpful were the contents? 7
C. How easy was it to understand? 6
D. Would you recommend it to others? 6
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 6
Parent Effectiveness Training
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author is that when people are accepted, when they are free to express themselves and can participate in making decisions that affect them, they enjoy greater self esteem are more self confident and lose a sense of powerlessness.
Everybody blames parents for the troubles of youth and for the troubles that young people appear to be causing society yet parents are not trained. Millions of new mothers and fathers take on a job each year that ranks among the most difficult anyone can have but without any training. With a certain kind of training many parents can greatly increase their effectiveness in parenthood. Parents can learn not only methods and skills but also when and why they are to be used and for what purpose. Adolescents do not rebel against parents but certain destructive methods of discipline almost universally employed by people.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
a. When people become parents, something strange and unfortunate happens. They begin to assume a role or act a part and forget that they are persons. Now they have entered the sacred realm of parenthood, they felt they must take up the mantle of ‘parents’. They earnestly try to behave in certain ways because they think that how parents should behave. Forgetting the reality of their own humanness when people become parents they frequently cease to be human. They no longer feel free to be themselves. This terrible burden of responsibility brings a challenge to these person turned- parents. Forgetting one’s humanness is the first serious mistake one can make on entering parenthood. An effective parent lets himself be a person- a real person. Children deeply appreciate this quality of realness and humanness in their parents. They respond favorably to their parents as people not as actors playing some part, pretending to be something they are not.
b. Professionals learn from experience that you can have faith in the capacity of children to deal constructively with their own life problems. Parents underestimate this capacity. Active listening helps the child express feelings about a situation, get them off her chest and feel accepted by someone for having those feelings. The main thing the child wants is recognition from the parents of how deeply the child is feeling. The child’s words are merely the vehicle for communicating feelings.
c. Parents should respect the child’s need for privacy in her world of feelings and not try to push her to talk. Feelings are generally transitory- they come and go, leaving no permanent damage to the child. There are times when kids do not want to talk about their feelings even to two empathetic ears. We should rely much more on our children’s inner capacities to work through their own problems helped by active listening. To be effective in helping a particular child with his own unique needs and problems, a parent is obliged to acquire an understanding of that child. The principal responsibility for developing accurate communication in the relationship rests with the parent. The ultimate goal of most parents should be to help the very young child gradually develops his own resources to be weaned away from dependence on the parent’s resources. Children never learn responsibility when parents take away every chance for the child to do something responsible on her own.
d. Children often do not know how their behavior affects others. In the pursuit of their own goals they are often totally unaware of the impact their behavior might have. Thoughtlessness frequently turns into thoughtfulness once a child understands the impact of his behavior on others. Adults often underestimate the willingness of kids to be considerate of adults needs once they are honestly and straight forward told how others feels.
e. Not enough parents try to change the behavior of their children by changing their children’s surroundings. Too often parents forget that children need interesting and challenging activities to keep them occupied just as adults do. Failure to offer a child an alternative before taking something away from her will generally produce frustration and tears. Children frequently accept a substitute without fuss provided the parent offers it gently and calmly. Many unacceptable behaviors can be prevented by preparing the child ahead of time for changes in her environment. Children have an amazing capacity to adjust comfortably to change it parents would only discuss these things ahead of time. The more parents use environmental modification, the more enjoyable living with their children can be and the less parents need to confront the kids. Too many parents act as if children must do all the adjusting to their surroundings.
f. Parental authority fosters conformity rather than creativity. Creativity comes from freedom to experiment, to try new thing and new combinations. Power produces fear and fear stifles creativity and fosters conformity. Common sense and experience strongly supports the idea that children do want limits in their relationship with parents. It is one thing for a child to want to know the limits of her parent’s acceptance and an entirely different thing to say that she wants her parents to set their limits on her behavior. Children do not want the parents to try to limit or modify their behavior by using of threatening to use their authority. Children prefer to be their own authority over their behavior.
g. Many parents see their children as extensions of themselves. In healthy human relationships each person can permit the other to be separate from him. A child has the right to become what he is capable of becoming no matter how different from the parents or the parents blueprint for the child. Do not want your child to become something in particular, just want him to become. There is an infinite variety of children brought into this world and an infinite variety of ways in life for them to go. Effective parents more often feel amused at their children’s immaturity or their foibles rather than devastated.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
The book had a lot of insights for me in regard to my career as a counseling psychologist. There is a lot that I have learnt that will be helpful in enabling become a better counselor more so to children and youth. Some of the stuff was not new but there were lots of new insights that have given me a new perspective on how to approach children and adolescents through active listening and other skills shared in this book.
The book is also very effective for preparing parenting skills trainings. I intend to use the content of this to prepare parenting skills trainings for future use and reference. This book is so resourceful and I highly recommend it for any parent that wants to do better parenting or even those in child care work because the skills are practical as well as applicable.
This book is so resourceful, I am using it to develop a couple of articles on parenting and proper child up bringing that I intend to send to the leading news paper in Uganda that provides space for guest writers. I cannot over emphasize how insightful and resourceful both for my personal as well as career development.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
You do not have to be consistent to be an effective parent. All parents are persons who will from time to time have different kinds of feelings towards their children. No parent ever feels accepting toward all the behavior of a child. In a relationship as close and enduring as the parent- child relationship, the parent’s true feelings seldom can be hidden from the child.
Parents are people not gods. They do not have to act unconditionally accepting or ever consistently accepting. While children undoubtedly prefer to be accepted, they can constructively handle their parent’s unaccepting feelings when parents send clear and honest messages that match their true feelings. When a person feels that he’s truly accepted by another as he is then he is freed to move from there and to begin to think about how he wants to change how he wants to grow, how he can become different, how he might become more of what he is capable of being.
Acceptance is like the fertile soil that permits a tiny seed to develop into the lovely flower it is capable of becoming. The soil releases the capacity of the seed to grow but the capacity is entirely within the seed. A child contains entirely within his orgasm the capacity to develop. Acceptance enables the child to actualize his potential. Children often become what their parents tell them they are. The language of acceptance opens kids up, it frees them to share their feelings and problems. When parents learn how to demonstrate through their words an inner feeling of acceptance toward a child, they are in possession of a tool that can produce some startling affects.
To feel accepted is to feel loved. Feeling loved can promote the growth of mind and body and is probably the most effective therapeutic force we know for repairing both psychologically and physical damage. Unless a parent’s acceptance comes through to the child, it can have no influence on him. A parent must learn how to demonstrate his acceptance so that the child feels it. True acceptance does originate from within but to be an effective force in influencing another, it must be actively communicated or demonstrated.
When any two people co-exist, conflict is bound to occur just because people are different. Conflict therefore is not necessarily bad but exists as a reality of any relationship. A relationship with no apparent conflict may be unhealthier than one with frequent conflict. Conflict in a family openly expressed and accepted ass a natural phenomenon is far healthier for children than most parents think. The critical factor in any relationship is how the conflicts get resolved not how many conflicts occur.
Parents get fired by their kids when they hassle and harangue them to change cherished beliefs and values. Adolescents dismiss their parents when they feel they are being denied their basic civil rights. Parents lose their opportunity to have a constructive influence on their children by too desperately and too persistently trying to influence them where kids are the most eager to determine their own beliefs and their own destiny. Much of the rebellion of today’s adolescents can be attributed to parents and other adults who put pressure on them to modify behavior that the kids feel is their own business. Children do not rebel against adults, they rebel against adults attempts to take away their freedom. When parents try to use their influence to try to modify behavior that does not interfere with the parent’s own lives, they lose their influence to modify behavior that does interfere.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 8
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 9
Difficult Conversations
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea that the authors are conveying is the fact that we have we all have different perceptions, thoughts and feelings therefore difficult conversations are part and parcel of life. We do not outgrow difficult conversations or get promoted past them. Engaging in difficult conversations is a sign of health in a relationship. Relationships that deal productively with the inevitable stresses of life are more durable. The long term success and even survival of many organizations may depend on their ability to master difficult conversations. The ability to handle difficult conversations well is a pre-requisite to organizational change and adaptation. The ability to handle difficult conversations effectively is foundational to achieving almost any significant change. Breakthrough performance is going to depend on people learning to deal with conflict more effectively and leveraging it for competitive advantage.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
The first idea is that delivering a difficult message is like throwing a hand grenade. There is no way to throw a hand grenade with tact or to outrun the consequences. Choosing not to deliver a difficult message is like hanging onto a hand grenade once you have pulled the pin. Better the ache of muscles growing from an unaccustomed workout than the sting of wounds from an unnecessary fight. Breaking out of your comfort zone is rarely easy and is never risk free. It requires you to look hard at yourself and sometimes to change and grow.
The second idea is that dealing constructively with tough topics and awkward situations strengthen a relationship. At heart, the problem is not in our actions but in our thinking. So long as you focus on what to do differently in difficult conversations, you will fail to break new grounds. We need to understand what the people involved are thinking and feeling but not saying. We need to understand not only what is said but also what is not said. In difficult conversations, this is where the real action is. The gap between what one is thinking and what they are saying is part of what makes a conversation difficult. Most difficult conversations involve disagreement about what has happened or what should happen.
The third idea is that we should not assume to know all we need to know to understand and explain things. Difficult conversations are almost never about getting the facts right. They are about conflicting perceptions, interpretations and values. They are not about what is true; they are about what is important. The quest to determine who is right and who is wrong is a dead end. Most difficult conversations focus significant attention on who is to blame for the mess we are in. Talking about fault is similar to talking about truth; it produces disagreement, denial and little learning. It evokes fear of punishment. In the presence of strong feelings, many of us work hard to stay rational.
The fourth idea is the fact that engaging in a difficult conversation without talking about feelings is like staging an opera without the music. Difficult conversations are at their core about feelings. There is nothing that will make dealing with feelings easy and risk free. Bringing up feelings can be scary, uncomfortable and can make us feel vulnerable.
The fifth idea is that arguing inhibits our ability to learn how the other person sees the world. Arguing results in a battle of messages, it inhibits change. People never change without first feeling understood. To get anywhere in a disagreement, we need to understand the other person’s story well enough to see how their conclusions make sense within it. What we notice has to do with who we are and what we care about. Even when we have the same information, we interpret it differently- we give it different meaning.
The sixth idea is that the past gives meaning to the present. It is only in the context of someone’s past experience that we can understand why what they are saying or doing makes any kind of sense. Every strong view you have is profoundly influenced by your past experience. Our past experiences often develop into rules by which we live our lives. Our conclusions often reflect our self interest. We look for information to support our views and give that information the most favorable interpretation.
The last idea is that intentions strongly influence our judgments of others. People’s intentions only exist in their hearts and minds. However real and right our assumptions about other people’s intentions may seem to us, they are often incomplete or just plain wrong. We make an attribute about another person’s intention’s based on the impact of their actions on us. Once we think we have someone figured out, we see all of their actions through that lens and the stakes rise. When we think others have bad intentions towards us, it affects our behavior.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
The ideas learnt from the book have given me deeper insight into how people relate to difficult conversations and has given me knowledge to better handle and approach difficult conversations in my day to day affairs with others.
Some of the information has also given more insights on how to approach my clients during counseling. The book is beneficial for all people in social work and human resource management. It is one of those books that I will refer to from time to time so as to refresh my mind on some of the principles.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
‘Feelings are too powerful to remain peacefully bottled’ Feelings are part of what makes good relationships so rich and satisfying. Our failure to acknowledge and discuss feelings derails a startling number of difficult conversations. The inability to deal openly and well with feelings can undermine the quality and health of our relationships. Feelings are at the heart of what is wrong. The potential costs involved in sharing feelings make raising them feel like too big a gamble. When feelings are at the heart of what is going on, they are the business at hand and ignoring them in nearly impossible. It is only at the level of feelings that the problem can be addressed. Framing the feelings out of the conversation is likely to result in outcomes that are unsatisfying for both people.
‘Good listening requires an open and honest curiosity about the other person and a willingness and ability to keep the spotlight on them.’ Buried emotions draw the spotlight back to us. It is hard to hear someone else when we are feeling unheard even if the reason we feel unheard is that we have choosen not to share. Our listening ability often increases remarkably once we have expressed our own strong feelings. When you are more concerned about other’s feelings than your own, you teach others to ignore your feelings too.
‘Working to keep negative information out during a difficult conversation is like trying to swim without getting wet.’ If we are going to engage in life, we are going to come up against information about ourselves that we find unpleasant. There are aspects of who you are that you will struggle with for a lifetime. Accepting those parts of yourself takes serious work. People are reluctant to admit mistakes because they fear being seen as weak or incompetent. Learning that you cannot control the other person’s reaction and that it can be destructive to try can be incredibly liberating. Instead of trying to control the other person’s reaction, prepare for it.
‘Our sense of who we are as a community is often defined in terms of who we are not, who we are against and what hardships we have endured.’ We feel threatened by the prospect of reconciliation because it robs us not only of our role but also of our communal identity. We do not want to give up who we are unless there is something better to replace it. Often we are unable to let go because we fear that if we do, it will mean we no longer care. Difficult conversations operate at the core of our being where the people and the principles we care about most intersect with our self image and self esteem.
‘The heart of good listening is authenticity.’ People read what is going on inside of you. If your intentions are false, no amount of careful wording or good posture will help. If your intentions are good even clumsy language will not hinder you. Listening is only powerful and effective if it is authentic. Authenticity means that you are listening because you are curious and because you care not just because you are supposed to. Only when you are fully aware of your own thoughts can you begin to manage them and focus on the other person.
‘The deepest form of understanding another person is empathy’ As an empathetic listener, you are on a journey with a direction but no destination. We are each more interested in knowing that the other person is trying to empathize with us. Your primary task in a difficult conversation is to express what you see and why you see it that way, how you feel and may be who you are. We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
Difficult conversations require a certain amount of compromise and mutual accommodation to other’s needs. Many difficult situations are amendable to creative solutions that meet most of everyone’s needs but which may not be obvious and may take some effort to find. Both the challenge and the spice of relationships is in people’s differences. Occasional frustration is the price of admission. A good relationship will usually require each party to accommodate or perhaps to reciprocate.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 7
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 8
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 8
How To Write Articles For Newspapers & Magazines
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author is that the power of an article derives from the extent to which the writer selects from a myriad of facts and the manner in which those facts are arranged. Newspapers publish both hard news and soft news articles; each type calls for a different commitment, approach and result from the writer. Ideas for most newspapers and magazine articles arise in a more mundane manner. The trick is in taking a wide angle views of the situation and in narrowing your focus to only the one aspect of the situation. Place yourself in someone else’s role when looking at a specific issue. Identify what your new view of the issue might be and how it would affect your life.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
A. One of the ideas that stood out for me is the fact that before I consult files, I need to have created them so I need t begin saving interesting articles in specifically identified folders. The filing system does not have to be elaborate but it should contain folders labeled with every possible topic in which I have interest. I know this will come in handy on days when I feel completely without article topic possibilities; I will be able to read through the files to angles or possible topics. I know there have been many times when I had a deadline for handing in an article and truthfully I had no idea where to start from but this idea has given me insights on how to prepare for such times. This also makes referencing much easier.
B. Another idea that stood out for me is the fact that newspaper or magazine article isonly as good as its weakest source of information. Most people believe much of what they read thus the negative consequences of inadequately incorporating false or misleading information an article can be far reaching. As a writer, I am accountable for what appears under my byline, even errors in information given by a presumed expert or falsehood provided by a subject in an interview. I have learnt that I must be careful in checking facts, judicious in selecting my sources and meticulous in reporting my observations.
C. The third idea that stood out for me was the fact that interpretation of hard newsshould be left to the reader not expressed by the writer.When my thoughts are included in an article, they should be clearly labeled as such and the source of the opinion should be identified. Care must be taken to play fair with the reader. The ability to discern the difference between facts and opinions is important in information gathering.
D. I have also learned that observation skills are important in writing both hard news and feature stories. The inclusion of descriptive details based on my observation is vital in bringing a story to life and providing readers with a sense of immediacy. The benefit of my observation is that it eliminates the need to rely on possible inaccuracies in the reports of others regarding accuracy. I must learn to role play as I observe.
E. The other idea that was important to me is in regard to having a well plannedinterview. Although I have not yet ventured into this aspect in my writing experience, I have learnt that a well planned interview is a good source of information that can provide me with opinions, quotations, observation and facts. The subject of the interview must be carefully selected and the interview must be carefully planned or nothing of value will emerge. My approach is as important to the success of the interview as choosing the right interview subject. Part of that has to do with me being a good listener who can set the subject at ease. I need to research the background of my interview so as to avoid embarrassment by asking basic factual questions.
F. It is worth noting thatthe most important paragraph in an article is the lead; which is the first paragraph of a hard news story and the first several paragraphs of a feature. If I lose readers at this point then I will have lost them for good. We could think of the lead as a personal sales pitch designed to lure readers into your story and to give them a clear idea of the rest of the article. The impact on readers has to be immediate in a hard news article. The nature of the information it is significant and immediacy determines the type of lead to use.
G. Lastly, the definition of news was an eye opener for me. To be news, the event musthave just occurred, will soon occur or is occurring. Therefore it’s important to start with a lead sentence or paragraph that clearly presents the most significant information of the story. My job is to make certain that essential information appears at the beginning. Each incident imposes its own structure on the order in which information appears in the lead. This clarification has given me new insights on what type of article to write for the different magazines and to clearly select the content of my articles.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
I write for a magazine on a quarterly basis and for a news paper as a guest writer periodically so the information acquired from this book has equipped with lots of skills to enable me improve my writing skills. I am certain that my next articles will be much better than they have been before. Writing is one of those things that I am passionate about and would love to do on a more professional and commercial scale. This book is going to be a referral book that I will use from time to time in order to refresh my writing skills. I know that I have the natural ability to write but like all other skills, I need to continue learning and sharpening my skills in order to be the best that I can be.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“Short, even shocking statements punctuated by terse explanatory narrative material work best to excite reader interest and to create the desired tone that will convince readers to go on.” The description of the person, place or occurrence that serves as the lead to a feature article has a weighty task. The description must be well chosen to symbolize the entire story. The most effective description moves quickly, using a combination of literacy devices the impact of the lead include vivid detail and graphic imagery.
“Good ideas require good writing to create an article that keeps readers interested beyond the lead”. Well constructed sentences and strong paragraph organisation along with correct grammar usage and spelling, produce effective copy. Many writers mistakenly believe that they have to focus only on ideas, leaving the expression of those ideas including grammar and spelling to the copy editors. As a good writer I should not become lazy or sloppy and leave the rewriting of sentences and the paragraphing of prose to someone else. The article is under my byline so I must make it mine entirely.
“Simple sentences are still the best way to express your thoughts in an article”. My words must be well chosen, expressive and consistent with the tone of the article topic. My sentences must clearly say what they mean without making the reader labor through needless description or jargon. The basic building block of article structure is the sentence. Created with care, sentences provide strong material for building solid paragraphs that in turn become the well written article. Awkward sentences are often the result of fast writing and sloppy editing.
“After the sentence, the paragraph is the next important building block in writing the article”. Each paragraph represents one point in the over all body of information presented in the newspaper article. Paragraphs are tools for making the information manageable, each starting when a new idea begins but not actually flowing smoothly from the preceding idea. Each paragraph is somewhat independent unit of thought. A paragraph may be moved around or incorporated into other paragraphs or subsections of an article, placed wherever it affords the greatest use in explaining the subject.
“A good writer is a trained observer, a person whose senses are always alert to the surrounding world”. Even when no story is lurking in the background, most writers continually gather material and store details in memory. As a writer, I should carry a note book wherever I go because I know that everything in life has the potential to become a story. To obtain material to create the type of description that will maintain reader interest, I have to become highly observant and record even the minutest details. I must however devise connections between these details and my subject. I must also be highly selective in deciding which details to include in an article and which to omit.
“The lead and the ending of the feature article must function as a partnership”. They are a joint effort that shows the reader where you are headed and where you have arrived in examining the topic. The effective ending to a feature article comes full circle to show that the work begun by the writer in the lead has been satisfactorily completed. The effective ending reinforces the writer’s intention that is stated in the lead.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
It did not have exercises per say but lots of case studies to stop and analyze as well as ponder over. They were helpful in that they gave me a kind of hands on experience and skills that I am able to use to evaluate and analyze my own articles which has been a good experience for me.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 10
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 8
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 8
The Complete Idiots Guide to a Healthy Relationship
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author is that in order to find true health in life and love, we need to be open enough to share what is deepest on our mind and in our heart with someone who really cares. Then we would be known, appreciated and loved for who we are at the core. Achieving a long lasting, loving and healthy relationship is a process not an end goal, it keeps growing, changing and evolving. When it comes to making relationships work, active involvement and doing is as important as understanding.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
We are captains off our ship; partnership, friendship, lover ship.
We just don’t wake up one morning in a bad relationship. The unhealthy symptoms have been there all along, we just were not paying attention to them or we chose to ignore them. For a relationship to last, the two must have similar priorities. For most men and women, dishonesty is intolerable just as honesty is the most desirable quality. In a healthy relationship, there are three people involved- each of the two and the relationship itself. All three have to be number one at appropriate times. Each mate needs to have enough self-esteem so they matter in order to respect themselves.
Opposites can be harmonious when they blend together to create a whole.
It is interesting to note that men have feminine energy and women have masculine energy. The goal is to achieve a state of balance in which energies complement each other. To get to the soul, close your eyes and sense the other person feeling what is in their heart and inner being. Two people in love similarly make beautiful music together. They don’t have to be the same, in fact they are more well-rounded when they have differences like the harmonized musical notes. Their individual choices of notes fit. They make a harmonious duet together. Opening our hearts to one another exposes our deepest feelings and connecting our hearts binds us deeply and inextricably.
We learn from childhood that making agreements and keeping them makes us feel secure. It is a sign of friendship. I remember as a child, we used to make pacts with each other to either stay friends for life or keep a secret for life. As adults some of those pacts are still binding. For example I told my matron in secondary that she would be my matron and when the time came, I felt obligated to honor my vow and in turn she did the same. She is still one of my closest friends with whom I can share almost anything to this day. From a tender age I learnt to value and keep my word and commitment to other people. Each stage of a relationship requires making agreements. Keeping those agreements gives us a sense of integrity within ourselves, is a sign of dedication to the relationship and instills trust in us by our mate. Breaking agreements destroys trust, breaks down communication and erodes our intimacy. When agreements are broken, it is crucial to acknowledge that and make new ones.
Spirituality is an inner sense of being that is beyond anything you can touch or express in words. It is beyond pace and time, something we sense when we are quiet enough to tune in to our inner being. The goal to a healthy relationship is to sense this within ourselves and then connect this spirit with that of another person. A fundamental step to connect with spirit is understanding the meaning of heart. Once we have an open heart, we are ready for a connection in spirit. This journey is open to anyone, not just those who are religious or feel the ultimate divine or the source of all being. The journey is important for all, to heal ourselves and to achieve peace in the world. A spiritual connection requires unconditional love that means being seen, heard, accepted and honored just as we are and offering the same to another person.
Love has different meanings for different people depending on their personalities, needs, experiences and even their age. We have to know what love is for us before we can begin to know if our partner is the one. For relationships to work, our concept of love should coincide even though they don’t always have to be identical. Everyone wants to love and feel loved although fears and past experiences often interfere with expressing or accepting it. Deprived of love, we fall into many addictions to fill a gaping emotional hole.
The balance of give and take in a relationship is critical to our happiness.
Being an extreme love giver can present just as much of a problem as being an extreme love taker. In relationships where a serious imbalance exists, there will be trouble eventually. Often giving comes with strings attached. In a good relationship, the balance between giver and taker is a fair one at least most of the time. Achieving this balance requires work and concentrating on behaviours that don’t immediately come naturally. But learning to receive when you give too much is worth the effort.
Cooperation is a major player in the success of a relationship.
Few relationships would last if the partners did not know how to cooperate with each other. Cooperation like public speaking is a learned skill, it is not an innate ability for most of us. Cooperation is a necessity in any healthy relationship and occurs when both partners work together for a mutual benefit. Each partner has to contribute as much as they can. People who cooperate well with each other do so willingly so as to achieve their shared and individual goals.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
The book was very helpful in helping me evaluate my relationship with my spouse. There were so many points that came as good reminders for some of the things that I either had slacked on or had begun to take for granted. I have been reminded of my dating and the first years of my marriage and inspired to keep the romance and fire burning in my relationship with spouse.
As a counselor who deals with both pre and post marital counseling, the book has been very relevant in equipping with insights and skills that I will use to help my clients cope better in their relationships. I was able to pick up some ideas that I intend to use as visual aids during my couple counseling and therapy sessions.
As a motivational speaker, I am often called upon to facilitate sessions with young people more on issues of sexuality and relationships. The book has been very relevant for me in this regard. I have used the book to come up with a standard training manual to be used for such purposes. The book clearly and simply addresses the different facets of relationships at the various stages which is quite enriching.
As a leader and team player, the book had insights that can generally apply to all kinds of relationships even in the formal setting. Some of the principles I have found them to be relevant and applicable to my working environment in building strong and healthy teams with my colleagues. There is so much to learn from this book no matter what kind of relationships you are considering to better.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“Every relationship goes through its share of crises”.
A crisis can involve real or perceived losses of many kinds. The reactions to crisis or loss follow expected stages from denial and anger to acceptance and resolution.
“One of the best predictors of marital success is a couple’s ability to handle conflict constructively”.
Rather than fretting over disagreements, we ought to welcome them as opportunities to heal individually and to bring us closer together. I have learnt to pay attention to the words I use during an argument with my spouse because words have a lasting impact on people’s lives. Often times apologizing will not automatically take away the hurt and the effect of our words.
“Love ghosts of the past are specters of past relationships that interfere with your present love match”.
We bring ghosts of our past into our present love. Knowing how these ghosts affect our present relationship and preventing them from interfering with it is important for long lasting, healthy love.
“Romancing and seducing one another aren’t dispensable frivolities”.
To keep up a lasting and healthy relationship, you have to keep dating each other with enthusiasm and passion just like you did when you were first trying to win each other over. Keeping these qualities alive and fresh in a relationship take time and requires ingenuity. You can have a continuously exciting love life if both you and your mate care enough to make it happen.
“When it comes to making relationships work, active involvement and doing is as important as understanding”.
Achieving a long lasting loving and healthy relationship is a process not an end goal, it keeps growing, changing and evolving.
“True love endured the inevitable ups and downs of both partners individual lives and disagreements with each other”.
True love survives the test of time.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
Nil
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes it did and I was able to work through all of them while I also shared some with my spouse so we could compare notes. They were very helpful and enriching for us as a couple to be able to evaluate and assess ourselves after years of being married and to analyse possible areas for us to work on and aim at improving.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Nil
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 7
C. How easy was it to understand? 8
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 8
Dancing with the Beloved
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main theme conveyed by the author is that of love and how it plays out in our lives on a day to day basis. Love is really an inside job that starts in our own hearts and then expands to include others. Until we can bring all of ourselves, the person looking back at us will never meet our expectations. One of the most important things about love is that it requires our trust. We need to trust in ourselves, our partner and in the inherent order and goodness of life. Lack of trust in any of these areas undermines our relationship and makes it impossible for us to penetrate the veil of fear that separates us from each other.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
One of the ideas is the fact that trust is based on acceptance. We simply cannot trust a person we don’t accept. Without trust, love is infantile and selfish. The inability to see and hold our partner’s wholeness is symptomatic of our inability to see and hold our own. Most of us have a deeply divided and antagonistic relationship with ourselves. This inner division plays itself out in every intimate relationship we have. Our soul mate can’t come into our lives until we learn to like and accept ourselves warts and all. Nobody is excused from the great work of self acceptance especially in the context of an intimate relationship. The intense our relationships, the more essential it becomes that we take time alone to re-centre and love as well as accept ourselves. Our partners love and acceptance can never be a substitute for our love and acceptance of ourselves. Loving ourselves is the foundation, our partner’s love is carried by the strength of that foundation. It is our responsibility to keep our own foundation strong. You can care for your partner but you can’t help them build the foundation of self acceptance and self love.
Another idea is the fact that life is constantly asking us to make adjustments. When we let life be, it’s thoroughly magnificent. We don’t have to agree with life to be present in it. Each moment is a chance to play happily. When we give life to reveal itself, it eventually does. When we surrender, that is when the meaning of life becomes clear to us. For most of us, life is continuously struggling against the natural tide and at the end of the day we are worn out and exhausted from all the aimless struggle when we could just sit back and enjoy the natural flow of life and events in our lives.
The third idea is that life is a circle. It does not matter whether we are inside it or outside it. The nature of love is that it brings everything that is not love to the surface. It is not easy for us to submit to something more powerful than we are. We must in a sense be forced to do so. There comes a time when we realize that we have no choice but to submit. The cycle of life is something we can’t cheat or even avoid but must learn to work in harmony with it if we are to enjoy the quality of life that it offers.
The fourth idea is that the people we love are brought into our lives because they are our perfect mirrors. Sooner or later, life brings us a mirror that we can’t avoid or reject. Progress on the spiritual path has to do with softening our rough edges. We need to find the place where we are vulnerable and learn to accept it and let others see it. We need to soften into our humanness and be imperfect, incomplete, ragged, unfinished.
The fifth idea which is about romance may open the door to love but it does not help us walk through it was also very important to me. We keep finding love even as we move awkwardly and sadly through the pain. Love must be strengthened beyond neediness and self-interest. It must die a thousand deaths to learn to rise like the phoenix beyond adversity of any kind. There is no one who learns to love without encountering the depth of her pain and her partner’s pain. We must be responsible for our thoughts and feelings and yet still learn to share them.
The sixth idea the author brings out is the fact that to walk gracefully, both people must adjust not just once but countless times. This means both will have to do equally well not one better than the other. It requires constant awareness of strain and awkwardness so that corrections can be made. There is nothing abstract about living with another person. The mind must realize that union requires it to stretch beyond its familiar boundaries. The synergy of mental and emotional landscapes happens through the mutual surrender of thoughts and feelings of separateness in both hearts. True relationships require the death of ego. The separate sense of self must die for the transcendent self to be born.
The final idea was the fact that a relationship is a covenant between two people. It defines what both people are willing to do. It must be about what people bring willingly to each other. It must be about what they take pleasure in giving and receiving. A relationship is not about demands. A covenant is an ongoing commitment. If we are not willing to give what we promised to give then the promise has no meaning. Coercion is not an aspect of relationship. Real love has no possibility to come into its fullness without a true and firm commitment from both people.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
The ideas and insights are first of all applicable in my own relationships and they are yielding positive results. I also intend to use the ideas in helping my clients through ongoing counseling and therapy.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“Successful relationships require that we have the strength to stand our ground when it is necessary and the flexibility to adapt when circumstances change”
Each intimate relationship tests the depth of our commitment to ourselves and others. In the crucible of relationships selfish love dies and it reborn as love without conditions. The very act of letting go of our partner’s hand is an invitation to take it once again.
“Commitment could not exist without your willingness to offer it”.
Our potential for committed love is universal but we don’t trust it. We live in our heads and think love to death. We expect perfection and forget to offer forgiveness to ourselves or others. When we trust, love is a fountain of promise and a river of hope.
“Love may be born in the shadows but it’s not a shadowy thing”.
We all want to mege into something greater than ourselves. That is the fiat of love. Love is not something that happens when we are fearful or insecure. The movement of love offers a new engagement with life, a new possibility for growth and transformation. Love expands our sense of self to include others.
“All life is a poem about separation and joining”.
Fear separates, love unites. When we can hold our fear in a loving way, it no longer has the power to undermine us. Fear does not need to be opposed; it needs to be held compassionately. For what love can do; fear can undo. Though fear is powerless in the face of love, love’s power can’t be experiences as long as we listen to our fears.
“Love does not come to you until you are ready”.
It does not matter whether you feel ready or not, love knows. Love always arrives at the right time. When you are ready to honor the beloved, they arrive.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
None
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Sitting in the fire
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author is the fact that behind the world’s most difficult problems are people who don’t get along together. The bottom line is that people cause our problems. The fire that burns in the social, psychological and spiritual dimensions of humanity can ruin the world or it can transform trouble into community. We can avoid contention or we can fearlessly sit in the fire, intervene and prevent world history’s most painful errors from being repeated.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
Creating freedom, community and viable relationships has its price.
It costs time and courage to learn how to sit in the fire of diversity. It means staying centered in the heat of trouble. There is more to democracy than awareness and the courage when necessary to sit in the fire but few of us are willing to pay even this minimum price. Yet we must learn to handle chaos and complexity if we are to survive increasingly rapid change. If one person in hundred will pay the price, our cities and world will evolve faster than we believe possible. Many of us would like the world to change but we don’t want to endure the trouble of helping make that happen.
How much conflict occurs is a matter of group consensus.
It involves allowing conflict within safe limits and what safe means is a matter of debate. This is evident in many African countries. We seem to permit certain levels of violence which we have come to be accustomed to and wonder when the western world dares to get involved because to us it’s a normal occurrence. We begin to panic when these limits are exceeded and then we come to places where external interventions are desirable to us. As a facilitator I need to be open to anger and despair but must also listen to those who are afraid of anger and who feel they can’t protect themselves against it. As a facilitator I require additional skills when violence threatens; yet acquiring world work skills is the best expensive price to pay for freedom.
Before we can transform communities with conflict, we have to be able to survive it ourselves.
A special kind of inner work is needed to transform us into elders who can sit in the fire place. Without such a transformation, we will continue to repress our awareness of group tension and thereby perpetuate the world’s troubles. Trying to facilitate without training is like climbing to a roof without a ladder. Every time I work to free myself from a sense of internal oppression, I begin to transform the cultures I live in. This means that I will best be able to facilitate the resolution of tension if I can make contact with the elder in myself.
We all have some form of rank.
Our behavior shows how conscious we are of this rank. The more we have, the less aware we are of how it affects others negatively. When conflict erupts, those with more power are also vulnerable. Rank does not show in the mirror. It results in a subtle state of mind. Rank is not inherently bad and abuse of rank is not inevitable. When we are aware of our rank, we can use it to our own benefit and the benefit of others as well. Rank conscious people know that much of their power is inherited and is not shared.
People often try to submerge their ethnicity or other aspects of their background to avoid social abuse.
These become ghosts in personal relationships, third parties that can’t be seen. Whether or not we embrace our ethnicity and cultural background, other people identify us with them. We see this ever where we go where we are identified based on our ethnicity and often time’s people will do unconsciously because it has become part of who they are. We naturally warm up to people of similar or familiar ethnicity and culture.
Wanting change in the world drives us to use all sorts of power.
Once people experience the power of revenge to create dissent and change the world, terrorism can be addictive. It should really be no surprise that those of us who are driven to correct the wrongs in culture can be over bearing, intolerant and ready for factionalism and infighting. We are all burdened by internal domination. Any of us can be the victim of one process and simultaneously a perpetrator of another. In warning others not to abuse power, we are heard best when we remain aware that our use of power can be blind and addictive.
Almost everyone who lives or works in a place of conflict is abused by the overall situation.
People go numb or become chronically angry since these are their only defenses against the pain. When we can’t protect ourselves from overt, covert or institutional abuse, we unwittingly internalize our attackers, adopt their style and accept their criticism. Repressed pain from the past often leads to repressing pain in the present which results in our over compensating by getting tough, over work or despairing.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
The ideas expressed in the book have helped me to evaluate my relationships and to better understand some of the conflicts I have had in the past that I was never able to effectively deal with. The book has lots of insights in regard to solving issues even on a day to day basis. More than anything, I have learnt that freedom comes at a price which I must be willing to pay if I want to experience freedom in my interactions with other people.
I had previously taken a course in negotiation and mediation and this book has helped me build on the previously acquired skills to relate them in a practical way to the daily occurrences in life. The book has rekindled my passion for mediation work which is very much needed in many African countries. I would recommend this book for those who are interested in undertaking negotiation and mediation work.
From a therapeutic point of view, the book has been relevant in helping me better understand some of the things that my clients might be struggling with in regard to dealing abuse they might have gone through and how I can better help them deal with these issues. As a counselor the book has given me valuable insights in the world of some of my clients and equipped me with skills on how to help them better because I have a better understanding of where they are coming from.
From a leadership perspective, the book gives a clear distinction between a leader and an elder. I now know that more than building my leadership muscles, I must aim for maturity which is an outstanding mark of an elder. An elder is a channel for information pouring from the vast potential of nature into the moment in everyday life.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“Doing nothing does not mean being totally passive”.
It means not pushing; following what is present and using the energy of what is happening instead of forcing things. Rather than forcing things, it’s worth waiting until the winds blow and then follow it.
“We need the freedom to dream at all times and especially during group processes”.
Deep democracy means that everyone must be encouraged to note and express whatever they are feeling. It means that everyone gives internal permission for these altered states to occur.
“Any community committed to healing must become a wailing wall or a screaming room”.
If people don’t experience healing together, individual progress is inhibited. If one person changes because of a deeply felt experience, everyone benefits.
“Each group is its own expert on solving its conflicts”.
Handling conflicts, each people needs its own psychology. I have experienced this to be true in that there is no standard approach to all kinds of groups in regard to conflict resolution because people are different and must be approached as individuals.
“Because we are witnesses of public abuse, each and every one of us is guilty of provoking the criminal acts of others”.
It takes almost heroic effort for an individual witness to stand up and protest. This is so true and it affirms what we do experience almost on a daily basis especially in the third world countries where abuse and violence are the order of the day.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
Nil
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Nil
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Nil
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 7
D. Would you recommend it to others? 6
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 7
You Just Don’t Understand – Women and Men in Conversation
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Ugranda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the books?
The main theme conveyed by the author is that women and men can walk away from the same conversation with completely different impressions of what was said. Men and women can interpret the same conversation differently, even when there is no apparent misunderstanding. The author gives out tools to understand what goes wrong in a conversation and equips us with the skills to find a common language with which to strengthen relationships both at work and home. Men and women in conversation is a cultural and intellectual phenomenon, that lays out the gender differences in how we speak and approaches to public awareness. The reason gender differences are so much more troubling than other cross cultural differences is that they occur where the home and heart are. To learn how to interpret each other’s messages and explain your own in away your partner can understand and accept is a life going process for all of us.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
The first idea is the fact that even if boys and girls grow up in the same neighborhood, on the same block, or in the same house, they grow up in different worlds of words. Girls adopt a different kind of vocabulary from that of boys even at a very tender age. It has been psychologically proven that baby boys are more keen on exploring the world around them with their eyes while baby girls are keen on looking at faces which shapes their relational abilities. Though the differences between males and females is quite straight forward, we prefer to over look them and assume that boys and girls are the same but this is far from the truth.
The second idea is the fact that although we all come from different worlds, in some ways all people are the same. We all eat and sleep and drink and laugh and cough and often we eat, and laugh at the same time. But each person is different and individual differing in wants and preferences which may conflict with others. It is interesting that even identical twins have distinct differences which become clear when you stay long enough with them. We are all human in many ways and yet we still express our humanity in many distinct ways and avenues which is the spice of life.
The third idea is that we all want above all, to be heard but not merely to be heard. We want to be understood – heard for what we think we are saying, for what we know we meant. With increased understanding of the ways women and men use language there should be a decrease in the frequency of the complaint “you just don’t understand”. We need to understand the proper use of words and communicate clearly so as to be understood. The way we frame our questions matters a lot in that it determines the kind of response we are bound to get. The author echoes the fact the women are more indirect in their communication while men come across as being straight forward.
The fourth idea, according to the stereotype, woman talk too much yet studies show that it is men who talk more at meetings, in mixed groups discussions, and classrooms where girls or young women sit next to boys or young men. When a public lecture is followed by questions from the floor, or a talk show host opens the phones, the first voice to be heard asking a question is almost always a man’s voice and when they ask questions or offer comments from the audience, men tend to talk longer. The author points out that more men feel comfortable doing public speaking while more women feel comfortable doing private speaking. Men think women talk a lot because they hear women talking in situations where men would not: on the telephone, or in social situations with friends, when they are not discussing topic that men find inherently interesting.
The fifth idea is the fact that gossip has become part and parcel of our daily lives in its various formats and publications. When people talk about the details of daily lives, it is gossip, when they write about them; it is literature, short stories and novels. So written novel, short stories about somebody is also gossip, but put down in literature and by request from that person. The most negative image of gossip reflects a situation in which destructive rumors that have no basis are spread. Rumors are effective even if they are later disproved and retracted; the damage is done by their mere existence, because most people assume “where there is smoke there’s fire”. Once the rumor has been spread, even if you are compensated the damage has been done. If a news paper or magazine contains sensitive rumor, be it fault or true, the newspaper sells go higher, by many people purchasing it which explains the pleasure that we derive from the pain and down fall of others.
Another idea – the sixth one is the fact that women and men have different ways of talking. For girls talk is the glue that holds relationships together. Boys relationship are held together primarily by activities doing things together, or talking about activities such as sports, or politics, Right from child hood boys behavior is different from girls. Boys in early age tend to take control of situations, grab other’s property by force, jump on the seats, run up and down; unlike the girls who tend to watch out for each other and be more concerned about the effects of their conduct to their friends and people they consider close to them. Men usually glue themselves together by doing business together, having common interest, in stock market, being associates and this dominates their daily talk, by venturing in new careers, business and new endeavor. Women on the other hand thrive in building strong relationships with their peers and families because their world rotates around these relationships.
The final idea is noticing of details shows that women care and creates an environment of involvement. Men, however often find women’s involvement in details irritating because women are concerned first and foremost with establishing intimacy which is by telling of details. Women may get the impression that men aren’t listening to them even when the men are really listening. This happen because men have different habitual ways of showing they’re listening. Women are more inclined to ask questions; they also use more listening response through someone else’s talk, providing a running feedback loop. They respond more positively and enthusiastically, for example by agreeing and laughing. Women use “yeah” to mean I’m with you whereas men tend to say “yeah” only when they agree.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily Personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
First and foremost, the book is helping me understand the men that I work and interact with a new perspective. I kind of understand where they are coming from and why some times they do get confused by the way I put my points across. The book is relevant to all of is who are keen on building strong and healthy relationships both at the work place and at home. So the book has given me lots of practical application action points to follow through in my daily interactions with people of the opposite sex.
The book is also relevant for me in regard to my career and profession as a counselor and family therapist. Most of the examples the author cited in the book are very similar to some of the cases that are presented in the counseling room. How the author approaches the various cases has also given me insights on how to better approach similar cases in future. I think this is a great referral book for people involved in the helping ministry because it helps you understand people better. The skills are worth taking not of as a leader because leadership involves working with people from time to time.
The book is also good for use as a referral in developing training content on the topic of effective communication across different cultures and genders. There is also of insights that can be effectively used to train and facilitate a training or seminar on that topic.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your Attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
A women’s tongue wags like a lamb’s tail.
A lamb will keep on wagging even when there is nothing to chase, women will never keep quiet, they will keep on talking unless there is something, that makes them suffer internally, (internal wounds) but they will get a way to speak it out unlike men.
Foxes are all tail and women are all tongue
Women are very active in terms of talking and pouring out words, nothing can stop them from talking, even if it is a secret, they will tell another one and tell them not to tell anyone, and the cycle will go on and on.
The older a boy gets, the more his fights tend to be verbal rather than physical
When boys are young they will use physical fight, grabbing one another, but once they grow older, they start using words, which are verbal to solve conflicts rather that physical fights.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercise for the reader to complete? If so did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 7
C. How easy was it to understand? 8
D Would you recommend it to other? 7
E What is the overall rating you would give it? 8
The Unschooling Handbook
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author is the fact that there is no magic formula, no simple solution in a box for every child’s educational problem. Un schooling is a way to tailor learning to the specific needs of each child and each family. It is a style of child rearing, an approach to education, a way of life that allows children so many advantages over conventional schooling that it often sounds too simple and easy to be credible, too good to be true. No two un schooling families follow the same path and no two children within the same un schooling family are likely to go exactly in the same direction.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
The whole idea of unschooling was a new and fascinating idea for me.
I have heard and even interacted with homeschoolers but I had never heard of un schooling. Now that I understand the concept I do realize that this is a whole new concept in the African context but is also not very new in that people in the rural area with limited access to formal schools do practice un schooling more of a default system than an intentional approach to learning. I have found this concept mind blowing and I am inspired to find out if there are any families using this approach in the African context, I would love to know how they have approached this system and how its working out for them. The title of the book was intriguing but the content is even more amazing than I thought.
Trusting that the child will learn is one of the most difficult hurdles to understanding how un schooling works.
I realize that this partly reaction to our own educational experiences and our observations of school children. Years in school teach most of us to rely on what the experts tell us we need to know. Developing the trust that kids can and will learn on their own is usually easier for parents who start home schooling before their children reach school age. It is hard to watch your children learn to walk, learn to understand and use language and learn to get into anything and everything within reach, without believing that they are capable of learning about anything they are curious about.
Un schooling is easier than more structured approaches to learning because there is far less formal work required.
To un schoolers, learning is as natural as breathing, something that happens all the time rather than in a specific place at a specific time according to a set schedule. Un schoolers realize that different people learn different subjects at different times. The process is not one that is imposed on them, it is a highly collaborative process. We learn from our surroundings without even thinking about it. Un schooling families work to remain aware of how much we all learn from what we find around us. Part of the process means that we make sure there are plenty of interesting things around to learn from.
Reading and writing are considered universal mandatory skills.
Un schoolers opt for non combatant status in the language wars. With the natural emphasis on truly individualized learning observe the ways and help them pick and choose from among the many available tools to find the ones that work best for them. Reading is the first big scary learning hurdle for un schoolers. Un schooling parents discover that there is no standard age at which children naturally learn to read. In general, the pattern they follow in learning to read is pretty much the same no matter what their ages or how long the process takes anywhere from a few months to several years. One of the basic tenets of the whole language approach to literacy is the fact that children will not learn to appreciate reading if they never see it being used. Reading aloud will do more to turn your kids into readers than any other single thing you can do. How much assistance each child wants or needs varies enormously. What seems to be important is for parents to provide plenty of support. Un schooled children seem to derive enormous confidence from learning to read at their own pace with their own methods. Young children learn to write along with learning to read.
Toddlers and preschoolers start playing with the idea of numbers quite early before we really think of them as doing math.
Once kids begin to grasp numbers and counting the steps they take to begin to understand more can vary tremendously depending on the style and interests of their family. Almost everything we do involves math in one way or another. This makes it easy for un schooled kids to become comfortable with the concepts and processes that are math. Games of all kinds are a great way for kids to become comfortable with numbers. Card games involve not only addition but patterns and probability and to play them will require fairly quick thinking. Most board games also use at least counting and basic addition. These are simple basics that most of encounter almost on a daily basis but then to take them for granted.
Science is largely a matter of attitude, a way of looking at the world to learn as much as we can about it.
A child’s passion for a particular field will become apparent in the course of achieving basic literacy and once ignited it will lead that child far more effectively than the most rigorously taught lab science course. Children from earliest infancy are natural scientists. They spend most of their waking hours observing, predicting and testing those predictions in a constant effort to understand their world. In many un schooling families with younger children, science is a family activity or a matter of shared excursions and projects. When parents show their own curiosity about what they see and explore further to learn more, they send a far stronger message about what science is and how it works than the most colorful and appealing textbook ever could.
If there were no other reason to un school, history would be enough.
The first step is letting go of the idea that history must be learned strictly in chronological order. It is a major shift to realize that there is no particular necessity for learning things exactly in the order in which they happened. There are dozens of ways to explore history and how it was made. Aside from making history more interesting, they also make it easy to tie history to current events and all the other people disciplines. Fiction strangely enough often provides a better understanding of historical events than even the most accurate factual account. The best historical fiction puts the reader in the midst of events, seeing and feeling what life was like and brings an immediacy completely lacking in textbook accounts however accurate they may be. Knowing that something is fiction gives you the freedom to question what you read. Once you develop the habit of questioning the truth of what you read or view, it is easy to transfer that habit to nonfiction as well.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
The book has been an eye opener and has wet my appetite to want to research and read more about Unschooling and how it is being rolled out in the African context. I have heard and learnt so much of homeschooling using different curriculums and approaches but this is the first time I am hearing about Unschooling and I bet there are many who have never heard about it. First and fore most I am interested in getting to know more about this approach to parenting and education.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“All too often we find children’s programs in art too prescriptive, too product oriented to hold our kids attention for very long”.
What works most is to let children experiment with the arts- singing for the pure fun of it, drawing, painting, dancing, playacting, sculpture and other three dimensional work; playing drums, keyboards or other musical instruments. Over time kids discover what they enjoy and what they are good at. A few find their intense interests developing into a vocation while others are simply content to have found hobbies they can enjoy for years.
“Human intelligence is not a single unitary property”.
Instead it is the existence of several distinct competences or intelligences. Each of us possesses a combination of intelligence and the relative strength of each determines what we are good at and enjoy. By allowing individuals to follow their interests and learn in the ways they learn best, unschoolers tend to work from their strengths instead of focusing on their weaknesses.
“As important as to learn about and from are people to learn from”.
What matters is that unschooled children have people around them who provide learning models by the way they live, in that activities they pursue. For most Unschooling parents, learning becomes something they do along with their children. There are plenty of times when the parent’s role is more overt and deliberate.
“The whole philosophy of Unschooling is based on the premise that learning is a natural, enjoyable and impossible to avoid drive that we are all born with”.
Children want to learn about life and will learn if they are not interfered with. You have to trust children in order to unschool.
“Unschooling is basically a matter of attitude and approach”.
Most of the learning is quiet, even invisible as there is not a focus on creating a lot of products. The aim is to live more fully rather than manufacture educational experiences to fill the gaps in our lives.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 7
C. How easy was it to understand? 8
D. Would you recommend it to others? 7
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8
The Complete Idiots Guide to a Perfect Marriage
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The author offers expert advice on breaking through barriers to a healthy love. He emphasizes the fact that in order to find health in life and love, we need to be open enough to share what is deepest on our mind and in our heart with someone who really cares. We should be known, appreciated and loved for who we are at our core. Research proves that the more love we feel, the more emotionally healthy we are, the stronger our immune system, the more physically healthy we are and the longer we will live. The journey of love is rarely smooth and the key to getting through is to support and care for each other and yourself. Choosing a life partner is the most important decision most of us will ever make that is why it matters that we keep wise criteria in mind when deciding if this person is it. Surely we would want to exercise good judgment.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. One of the ideas is the fact that opposites can be harmonious when they blend together to create a whole. Men have feminine energy and women have masculine energy. The goal is to achieve a state of balance in which energies complement each other. Two people in love make beautiful inaudible music together. They don’t have to be the same because they are more well rounded when they have differences like the harmonized musical notes. Their individual choices of notes fit and they make a harmonious duet together. Opening your heart to one another exposes your deepest feelings and connecting your heart bind you deeply and inextricably. This affirms the fact why opposites always attract.
ii. Another idea is the fact that spirituality is an inner sense of being that is beyond anything you can touch or express in words. It is beyond space and time, something you sense when you are quiet enough to tune in to your inner being. The goal to a healthy relationship is to sense this within yourself and then to connect this spirit with that of another person. A fundamental step to connect with spirit is understanding the meaning of heart. Once you have an open heart, you are ready for a connection in spirit. This journey is open to anyone, not just those who are religious or feel the ultimate divine or the source of all being. The journey is important for all to heal ourselves and to achieve peace in the world. A spiritual connection requires unconditional love that means being seen, heard, accepted and honored just as you are and offering the same to another person.
iii. The other idea is the fact that love has different meanings to different people depending on their personalities, needs, experiences and even their age. You have to know what love is for you before you can begin to know if your partner is the one. For relationships to work, your concepts of love should coincide even though they do not always have to be identical. Everyone wants to love and feel loved although fears and past experiences often interfere with expressing or accepting it. Deprived of love people fall into many addictions to fill a gaping emotional hole. I find this to be so true in my own relationships and also in the African context from the perspective of counseling and therapy.
iv. The idea of romance stops working because two people fail to recognize and respond to the differenced in their love styles stood out for me as well. The romantic gestures and seductive moves may not be working because you are not taking the time to personalize them to your partners love style. What looks like indifference, even rejection is often nothing more that different preferences for what is romantic and seductive. When you learn to be more in tune with each other’s love styles, you will find accommodating the other becomes easier. A romantic or seductive gesture means so much more when it is spoken or delivered in the lover’s language.
v. The fifth idea was the fact that the balance of give and take in your relationship is critical to your happiness. Being an extreme love giver can present just as much of a problem as being an extreme love taker. In relationships where a serious imbalance exists, there will be trouble eventually, often giving comes with strings attached. In a good relationship, the balance between giver and taker is a fair one at least most of the time. Achieving this balance requires work and concentrating on behaviors that do not immediately come naturally. But learning to receive when you give too much is worth the effort.
vi. The sixth idea is the fact that compatibility means being able to exist together in harmony. It is rare for two people to exist together in harmony all the time. It would be unrealistic to expect to be happy with every single thing your partner does and says. Couples with healthy relationships do feel harmony of being a team most of the time. The crucial factor in healthy, long lasting relationships is the couple’s agreement on a core group of key life values. It has also to do with appreciating the diversity in your team and seeing them as opportunities to complement each other instead of points of contention.
vii. The fact that commitment is a promise you willingly make to follow a course of action was also a good reminder. To cultivate true commitment both people need to know what they want from the relationship and from themselves. A committed couple acknowledges the strength and depth of their feelings for each other and pledge to be a continuing, significant part of each other’s lives. Honoring the agreements you make in life is essential to feeling good about yourself and nurturing a healthy relationship.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
First of all, the book was very timely in helping me assess and evaluate my own relationship. The several exercises in the book were relevant in helping me assess where we are at as well as identify action points for my relationship. So it has been very helpful and it kind of came at the right time when I really needed to be reminded of some of these facts.
From a professional perspective, the book is very useful and essential in counseling couples and intending couples. There are lots of exercises that I have marked out and intend to use for future reference when I have to offer counseling/ therapy to couples. These can be used as counseling worksheets or teaching aids in case of training people who want to engage in couple counseling and therapy. It is a book that I would highly recommend for any one that does couple counseling and therapy.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“Every relationship goes through its share of crises”. A crisis can involve real or perceived losses of many kinds. This is encouraging because sometimes it feels like it’s just the two of you who seem to have crises and other couples are immune to them. Accept that you and your mate can react differently to the same situation so that you do not break up because of these differences.
“One of the best predictors of marital success is a couple’s ability to handle conflict constructively”. Rather than fretting over disagreements, welcome them as opportunities to heal individually and to bring you closer together. Pay attention to the words you use during an argument with your mate. Couples who learn to argue fairly and effectively are at a lower risk of splitting up or becoming violent.
“Love ghosts of the past are specks of past relationships that interfere with your present love match”. We bring ghosts of our past into our present love. Knowing how these ghosts affects your present relationship and preventing them from interfering with it is important for long lasting, healthy love.
“As with any other behavior, you can go overboard with love”. Loving too much ceases being love and becomes obsession or possession. Becoming dependent on a relationship destroys the possibility of a healthy exchange. Needing to have someone in order to feel good prevents you from freely allowing each other to grow and be yourself. Learning to love requires being open to caring about another without fear or rejection or hurt.
“True love is to be able to let go”. All too often in love we are terrified of loss. There is no loss in love on the spiritual realm. The love you have is always inside you even if the person is not physically in your presence. When you love on a spiritual level, you do not possess another being.
“Disagreements are not automatically unhealthy in a relationship”. They can be a way of considering your opinions, creating new options, expanding your individual and collective vision and testing your ability to compromise. Healthy disagreements can lead to resolutions that make you more resolved about staying together. When you are in a healthy relationship you feel connected.
“When it comes to making relationships work, active involvement and doing is as important as understanding”. Achieving a long lasting and healthy relationship is a process not an end goal. It keeps growing, changing and evolving.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes it did, they were very helpful and I took the time to work through all of them.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 10
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 8
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8
Real Boys
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo Mulongo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author is the fact that our culture is doing a bad job raising boys. The evidence is our overcrowded prisons and domestic violence shelters. It is our adult bookstores and white supremacy groups. There is enormous cultural confusion about how to raise sons. Boys are made to feel ashamed of their vulnerable feelings. Ironically only late in life are men allowed to be so publicly loving to their mothers. They are misunderstood if they act tough and misunderstood if they act nice. So many boys grow up avalanched by macho images that are unmitigated by the influence of real, kind men such as their grandfathers. Our outdated models, rules and assumptions are making boys sick. Boys need more nurturing and permission to express their feelings than they currently get. They need emotionally present fathers with unique fatherly gifts such as father-son play. A thousand models of boyhood have accumulated and become melded into an all-purpose stereotype.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
A. One of the ideas is the fact that the problem is not that we introduce our boys to the world; it is how we do it. We expect them to step outside the family too abruptly, with too little preparation for what lies in store, too little emotional support, not enough opportunity to express their feelings and often with no option of going back or changing course. We do not tolerate any stalling or listen to any whining. We believe that disconnection is important, even essential for a boy to make the ‘break’ and become a man but we do not expect the same of our girls.
B. Another idea is the fact that boys feel ashamed of their vulnerability; mask their emotions and ultimately their true selves. This unnecessary disconnection causes boys to feel alone, helpless and fearful. He has no way to talk about his perceived failure, he feels ashamed but he cannot talk about his shame either. Over time, his sensitivity is submerged almost without thinking until he loses touch with it himself. We want our boys to be sensitive new Age guys and still be cool dudes. All of this gets absorbed by boys and promulgated by the society at large as an unwritten Boy Code. In effect we hold up a mirror to our boys that reflect back a distorted or outmoded image of the idea boy.
C. The idea that many adolescent boys suffer from a crisis of self-confidence and identity was also personally important in my discoveries. Boys may exhibit bravado and braggadocio; they find it more difficult to express their genuine selves even in private with friends and family. Their voices as loud and forceful as they may sound may not reveal what is really in their hearts and souls. Many of our boys feel they can’t reach out for the emotional compass they so desperately need. On the outside the boy who is having problems may seem cheerful and resilient while keeping inside the feelings that do not fit the male world. Boys learn to wear the mask so skillfully they do not even know they are doing it that it can be difficult to detect what is really going on when they are suffering. The Boy code puts boys and men into a gender straight-jacket that constrains not only them but everyone else, reducing us all as human beings and eventually making us strangers to ourselves and to one another.
D. The fourth idea that was important to me is the fact that it is important for us as adults to anticipate situations that are likely to bring up the kind of painful feelings that force many boys to retreat behind the mask. Researchers have found that at birth and for several months afterward, male infants are actually more emotionally expressive than female babies but by the time boys reach elementary school much of their emotional expressiveness has been lost or has gone underground. Little boys are made to feel ashamed of their feelings, guilt especially about feelings of weakness, vulnerability, fear and despair. The use of shame to control boys is pervasive, it is corrosive.
E. The other idea is the fact that the trauma of separation is one of the earliest and most acute development experiences boys endure, an experience that plays a large role in the hardening process through which society shames boys into suppressing their empathetic and vulnerable sides. What few people realize is that this shame-based hardening process begins as early as the first month of a little boy’s life as a narrowing emotional expressiveness and then continues during early childhood following boys right through adolescence and manhood. It is a lifelong process. What real boys actually need from infancy forward is a complete and unconditional empathy and understanding for a full range of feelings. When boys become hardened, they become willing to endure emotional and physical pain even to risk their lives if it means winning the approval of their peers. Boys can become so thoroughly hardened that they literally anesthetize themselves against the pain they must cope with.
F. The sixth idea that was important to me was the fact that underlying ‘the boys will be boys’ myth is a misconception about the role of testosterone. Testosterone does contribute to a boy’s natural pattern of behavior but is not necessarily the major factor in determining a boy’s behavior. The unfortunate effect of the myth is that it allows us to shrug off a boy’s behavior when it crosses the line from active to aggressive. The idea that high levels of testosterone equate with high levels of violence stems from a mistaken assumption that it is the only force that inclines a boy towards both active, rough, tumble play and violent behaviour. The level of testosterone in any boy and the way it affects him has less impact on his behaviour than how he is loved, nurtured and shaped by his parents and by the context of the society within which he lives. The truth is that we can do a great deal to shape how a boy behaves.
G. The seventh idea that was important is that fact that boys are immensely loving and they yearn for relationships far more than we have ever recognized. Even at a very young age, boys may show their love not so much with words but through action. Boys tend to seek attachment less through asking for it directly and more by trying to bring it about indirectly or through action. Boys love and protectiveness may show themselves through a unique form of action. Boys will undertake a project or a task as a way of expressing affection. It is important to be aware that boys often choose to express their love through actions and we should work to recognize and respond to it when they do.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
All I can say is that the book has been a big eye opener to understanding the world of boys and men in general. I thought I knew a bit about the male species but I realize that I too had so many misconceptions about the male world. I have learnt so much and there have been points where I had tears in my eyes as I read on. I realize that just like many other people I have pushed the little boys in my life and those that I have worked with to limits in an attempt to help them fit into the stereotype of men which I know realize that was not necessary at all. It is sad and a pity to know how much damage boys and men have had to endure in the name of trying to meet the expectations imposed upon them.
I recommend this book to every mother, sister or woman that has boys and men in their life. It is a real eye opener that will bring you to repentance about some of things you might have done in innocence but have had adverse effects on these boys and men. It is unfortunate that we may not be able to undo some of the effects but I believe that it is never too late to make a fresh start.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“Boys friendships with girl’s help boys come out from behind the mask and experience feelings and activities traditionally forbidden by the old Boy Code”.
Although boys are frightened of connection with girls, they search for it desperately. They fear rejection and vulnerability perhaps even more than girls do. As a boy grows older and feels more constricted by society’s old rules about masculinity he may increasingly turn to girls for friendship to experience at least fleeting moments of liberation when it is safe to break the rules and just be himself.
“Fathers provide a flexible surface for their sons to bounce off, a play space with elastic but firm limits, a secure sense of love expressed not just in words but through actions”.
I think this is very true and relevant for all of us to hear in this day and age where many people are growing up with single mothers and many fathers absconding their duties and obligations.
“Mothering and fathering involves striking a delicate balance between supporting a child and allowing him to grow on his own”.
The best parenting of sons will be achieved when mothers and fathers transcend gender straight-jackets in actions as well as words. Parents should discuss issues of masculinity and agree in principle on how to raise their sons but they need not worry if they don’t do things exactly the same way.
“Mothers help make boys into men”.
Boys benefit tremendously from the love of their mothers especially the kind of unlashing parenting as the way to bring out the best in boys. The love of a mother can and does actually make boys stronger, emotionally and psychologically. The absence of a close relationship with a loving mother outs a boy at a disadvantage in becoming a free, confident and independent man, a man who likes himself and can take risks and who can form close and loving attachments with people in his adult life.
“Shame is such an undesirable experience that boys and men will do anything to avoid the possibility of experiencing it”.
Rather than expose themselves to this kind of potent embarrassment boys in the face of suffering shame engage in a variety of behaviours that range from avoidance of dependency to impulsive action. Boys can feel separation and disconnection and a resulting shame from an isolated experience as well as from a more prolonged separation.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 7
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 8
A Higher Standard of Leadership: Lessons from the Life of Gandhi
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The book is centered on the life of Gandhi and the leadership experiences that we can learn from him. Gandhi stood alone in representing the best in the human spirit. He was a man of action who devoted his life to service within the context of political and social reform always striving to live up to his ideals of truth and non violence. There seems to be a widely held view that our leaders especially those in business and politics have lost their idealism and sense of moral purpose. There is therefore a need to develop a leadership framework within which lessons drawn from Gandhi’s life can be used to bridge the moral and spiritual dimensions to leadership and guide us to a higher standard. Those of us not in power have a responsibility to raise our standards so our leaders will have to follow. It is at the individual level that we must commit to principled actions and service.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
A. The standard of leadership not only depends on the qualities and beliefs of our leaders but also the expectations we have of them.
As long as we believe that our leaders lack integrity, our expectations are likely to be mirrored in their conduct. It is up to each of us to improve our own standard of leadership and thus raise our expectations of those who would lead us. Our standards will be reflected in the things that we accept and agree to go by from our leaders. If we raise the standards at the individual level, we shall expect so much of our leaders and the challenge will be up to them to meet those expectations. I believe this is core at the current trends we see in our governments and communities. Because we expect so little, we let so many things pass in the guise of minding our own business. Leadership is a cooperate responsibility. Gandhi reminded the world that the human spirit is indomitable and that courage and love are more powerful than force. His life was governed by principles and values. He never asked any of his followers to do work he would not do himself.
B. A single standard of conduct in public and private life.
A standard founded on integrity derived from the absolute values of truth and non violence. Gandhi believed that individuals must have ideals and try to live up to them. He demonstrated that an idealist could be practical and effective. He believed that moral principles had to be included in setting goals, selecting strategies and making choices. It becomes self evident every day that if we do not embrace his ideals of non violence, societies all over the world will deteriorate to the point where life will be intolerable. We have all either witnessed or been victims of violence at one point of our lives on another. When we turn on our televisions, the news headlines are all covered in violence, war and all forms of human destructions. We have all contributed towards the violence in the world either by taking part, being silent about it or just being indifferent. It all starts with the ideals that we choose to embrace as individuals. These will reflect in our homes, our children, our communities and soon the world can be a better place.
C. Continuous improvement is the path to a higher standard of leadership.
The object is to try and do everything a little better tomorrow than it was done today. If we are to stay on the path to a higher standard of leadership, the application of continuous improvement must be expanded to include moral conduct. The journey towards an ideal never ends; there is always room for improvement. When the ideal seems far away, think of the distance as a measure of your potential not of your imperfections. Evaluating everyday activities is essential to avoid straying from the path, by evaluating our everyday actions; we develop the skill to exercise moral judgment on the bigger issues. The discipline of evaluation will help us raise the level of our performance as leaders.
D. Secrecy is the enemy to trust and is responsible for much of the distrust that exists.
A commitment to minimize secrecy forces us to think of the consequences of our actions and provides a discipline that helps us stay on the path. Gandhi was of the view that individuals and organizations committed to truth and non violence could not have secrets. As societies we acknowledge that the conduct of our leaders and organizations in the political arena should be help up to scrutiny. If we reduce secrecy and are explicit about our criteria for advancement, we impose discipline on ourselves that encourages diversity and discourages prejudice. Leadership must have a personal commitment to openness so the people they lead can evaluate their leader’s commitment to the path of a single standard. This needs to be a matter of principle, not something driven by legal and regulatory requirements. Leaders should take personal responsibility for providing the information necessary for the evaluation of their leadership. Those who ask for and evaluate information have a responsibility to use the information in accordance with a commitment to absolute values. If information is taken out of context and used selectively to advocate a particular point of view, the commitment to truth has been violated.
E. We must place service at the core.
The ideal is self service. You see everybody as yourself and expect no reward. If we all refuse to serve until we attain perfection, there will be no service. The fact is that perfection is attained through service. Service must be conducted within the bounds of moral values, it must be truthful service. As leaders we must build organizations committed to service. I am challenged because I come from a country where leadership is associated with giving orders and telling others what to do while the leaders simply supervises and takes mush of the credit at the end of the day. I realize that each time I go down this road, I met with resistance from my fellow leaders who feel I am demeaning their authority and setting a bad example but I am convinced that this is the way to go for all leaders.
F. Understand the needs of the people you serve.
To understand the needs of the people we serve, we must get personally involved. We must learn to look below the surface and identify the hidden or unarticulated needs that others cannot see and create a bond with those we are trying to serve. To achieve a higher standard of leadership, we must go further to feel and not just intellectualize the needs of people. Personal observation and a commitment to the truth allow a leader to understand the true needs of the people. We must spend time among the people so as to get a true picture. If the people do not see our personal commitment to serve them, they are not likely to share with us information about their deepest needs.
G. Develop harmony between service and the power that is necessary for the exercise of leadership.
The ideal is power derived solely from service and is used only for service. This is the power that lasts through the ages. It is the power that influences the spirit of humanity. By balancing control with service, the leader can exercise decision making authority without diminishing the personal power of the individual. The power and privilege that comes with leadership have the potential to corrupt a leader if channeled to the wrong sources.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
The book has greatly challenged me to evaluate my own leadership style and ideals. I believe that my ability to influence others must begin with my own willing to change and commit to a higher standard of leadership. I truly had lots of moments to reflect on my own life even as I went through the book. The book was also timely in that I read it just before setting off for India and to arose my curiosity to learn more about Gandhi and his principles right in the country where he lived. His memory is held in high esteem and this confirms that indeed he built a legacy that still lingers on. That is a life worth living.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“There are many opportunities for sharing experiences but it has to be done with humility and a spirit of service.”
Every step we take to understand the needs of the people we strive to serve will increase our bond with them and move us in the direction of a higher standard of leadership.
“The challenge for leaders is to live up to their fundamental responsibility as human beings to treat others as themselves.”
Leaders set an example that will inspire all of us to live to our individual responsibilities in our families, communities and among our circles of friends. When we fail to meet our responsibilities to others, they have to insist on their rights. If we meet our responsibility to treat others as ourselves, the fabric of society does not have to be threatened in the struggle to achieve rights.
“All of us have attachments.”
Attachments are relationships, possessions, privileges and other components of our lives we don’t want to give up. We need to acknowledge that attachments such as power, privileges and possessions can make it difficult to maintain high moral standards. The recognition that attachments are a powerful force in influencing the quality of leadership is the first step to controlling their influence.
“Complete adherence to truth and non violence is the ideal.”
Doing what is right is what keeps us on the path towards the ideal. It is easy to believe something intellectually but living your beliefs takes a commitment and that is what staying on the path requires. To move along the path, we must evaluate all of our actions in terms of the absolute values of truth and non violence and increase the number of actions that adhere to them.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
None.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
None.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give 9
Principle Centered Leadership
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that author is trying to convey in this book?
The author stresses that three integrated elements comprise the heart of every organization and its culture: its primary purpose; its desired future; and its core beliefs about itself and others. The source of long–term health and quality performance for any organization is the extent to which management in unity with its employees and other primary stakeholders share these elements.
Stephen Covey encourages us to utilize four central principles (security, guidance, wisdom, power) as the core in our personal and professional lives. Covey believes that centering our lives on these principles is “the key to developing [the] rich internal power in our lives”. The book is divided into two sections: Section 1 addresses personal and interpersonal effectiveness, while Section 2 examines managerial and organizational development. Covey offers guidelines and tips on how to achieve a more principle-centered perspective
i. Principle Vs Values
Both values and principles can dictate our behavior and how we judge and evaluate our environment. Values are subjective, temporary maps that show us where to go or what to do given a particular situation. They can become obsolete when the situation changes. Values represent our cultural influences, personal discoveries and family scripts. They vary from person to person or more accurately from role to role. We each carry different sets of values for our different roles. Sometimes the values can contradict each other and change over time depending on our newly acquired experiences and insights.
On the other hand, principles are like compasses that point us to our future direction. They are objective, unchanging natural laws that are correct and relevant regardless of the external circumstances. They are timeless, universal behavior standards that have governed the social values of all the great human societies and civilization. They apply to all of us and all roles at whatever time and place and in whatever situation. Examples of these include equality, fairness, justice, integrity and honesty.
ii. A principle centered life
When our lives are not governed by principles, we have no real power. Our strength will be based on other people and external circumstances which are never reliable. When we center our lives on correct principles, we become our own masters. We learn to chart our own course and remain steadfast no matter what happens. We are neither threatened by change or other people’s opinions. This is a very strong position for one to have no matter what course of life they take. I have realized that when I hold fast to my governing principles, I have so much inner peace, a clear sense of direction and sense of fulfillment unlike when I base my actions on other people’s opinions or external circumstances.
iii. Day of Rest
The universe and its system has been set in a way that it operates in seasons. The ground needs time to rest before the next planting, a car needs to be periodically serviced and in the same way, the body needs periodic rest. In a fast paced economy and generation, it is so easy to ignore the signals that our bodies offer us. I have found myself running for weeks without rest until finally my body gives way. I know this is not healthy and yet from time to time I find myself in this same position. Taking a day of rest is a discipline that is much needed in our day and age. Much of the stress related illness could be avoided if we take the necessary measures and precautions to allow our bodies the so much needed rest. When we make time for rest, we also make time for our minds to recollect, evaluate and refocus so as to stay on the cutting edge of life.
iv. Trustworthiness at the personal level
Trust is the basis of all personal relationships. In order to gain other people’s trust, you should first earn that trust by showing that you are trustworthy. Trustworthiness on the personal level is based on one’s character and competence. In order to get people to consider your trustworthy, you need to convince them that not only are you good and honest but also that you can do what they expect you to do. I have realized that it is easy to acquire skills that increase your competence but the hard part is developing the character that matches that competence. In order to develop character and achieve primary greatness, it is essential to cultivate integrity, maturity and an abundance mentality.
v. Obstacles and Opportunities
Its true there are many obstacles a leader must overcome to steer the ship to shore. Equally, true are numerous opportunities life provides for the individual leader to navigate the tough unfamiliar territories in personal, professional, business and marriage life among others. Majority of obstacles can’t be solved by quick fix solutions. That is not to suggest, these obstacles are unsolvable. Many times, it isn’t the magnitude of the obstacle as it is the method used which presents great challenges to the leader. It also good for a leader to be aware that there are natural laws and principles governing the solution to problems in life. One such is the law of the farm. A leader expecting good returns must in the same manner prepare the ground, lay aside excess baggage and nurture his followers in the process to attain maturity. In this way the team is able to achieve the goals set together. Throughout this book, the author emphasizes the need for team spirit in principled leadership.
vi. Obeying your conscience:
Training and following one’s conscience is a key to developing character. This also means that you learn to hold yourself accountable for your life and life choices. over the years I have come to learn that truth always lies in the heart though often times we try to look for it from other people and things. I have learnt to listen and to follow my conscience and each time I do, I save myself a whole lot of trouble and errors. It is a discipline that can be developed and can become a way of life that we adopt. I believe that for every leader, you will be faced with tough decisions and in times like that; the best place to look for direction and answers is within, by obeying your conscience. I have practiced this principle often and I have not gone wrong so I believe that it works.
vii. Blind Spot
Everyone has a blind spot. A blind spot could be a stop downhill or simply an area on the road where wild animal’s jump straight in front of your car from the bush unexpectedly. A leader must be able to acknowledge and accept the shortfalls to forge ahead. Instead of explaining it away and giving excuses to justify the blind spot, in personal, professional, business, marriage, health and fitness, a leader must be prepared to analyze the situation if indeed the situation requires adjustment to ease tension in the organization. Principle centered leader also recognizes the inadequacy in human being and accepts their own blind spot and those of followers. Only then is a leader capable of providing quality leadership skills devoid of pretense to the followers. It takes courage, scrutiny and honesty to acknowledge and adept you too have blind spots as a leader.
3. How will these ideas or lesson help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you t create a better world? If so, how?
This book was a timely refresher course for me as it spoke to many circumstances that I was going through at the time. It gave me time to re-evaluate my leadership skills and abilities. It helped reflect on my own leadership styles and to incorporate what some of my team members have been trying to get across to me in different ways but was seemingly not getting it right.
The principles that I have acquired from this book will go a long way in shaping me as a leader at different levels and roles. I feel blessed to have read this book at a time as this because it is like a working manual that I have embraced in my daily walk and work.
The fact that I am working with you, I acknowledge that these are vital and relevant principles that these young people need in their lives even as they chart the course of their lives. The principles shared in this book will be used to impart skills and knowledge into the lives of these young people.
4. Quotes. Are there any statements, which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they are important to you.
“If you’re proactive, you don’t have to wait for circumstances or other people to create perspective expanding experiences. You can consciously create your own.”
We can cultivate the habit of being self driven irrespective of the circumstances around us. This is one of the things I learned to do during my training in India and even now that I am back to my country, it keeps me going. It is a worthwhile habit to invest in.
“People can’t live with change if there’s not a changeless core inside them. The key to the ability to change is a changeless sense of who you are, what you are about and what you value.”
The changeless core is based on the governing principles that we embrace as individuals. As leaders people are always looking up to us and so it is very important that we come across as dependable and reliable. This is only possible if we have infinite governing principles.
“As a principle-centered person you try to stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on you, and evaluate the options. Looking at the balanced whole–the work needs, the family needs, the other needs that may be involved, and the possible implications of the various alternatives — you’ll try to come up with the best solution taking all factors into consideration. We are limited but we can push back the borders of our limitations.”
None.
6. Did the book contain exercise for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful.
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1–10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 10
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 10
Leading Consciously
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The author presents and explains diverse threads of ancient wisdom teaching, relating these insights to the challenges of leading contemporary organizations. Ideas that might otherwise be regarded as hopelessly impractical emerge as bedrock notions of what it might mean to lead and to work together effectively. He emphasizes the fact that leadership is not a privilege of a handful of the high and mighty but rather a quality of fellowship that exists in all of us. Each role we perform in various spheres of life creates a certain impression of our self in our consciousness.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Words are metaphors for real experience.
By themselves words mean nothing but if you can connect your words to your experience, they can set you on course towards a transformational journey. In this journey, words become live channels for the transfer of experience. They serve as spiritual guides for the growth of our consciousness. I had never perceived words from this angle or perspective so this was enriching. As a motivational speaker, I need to be more conscious about how I choose and use my words. Words have far reaching impact on the lives of those that receive them. Not only do words carry meaning, they also convey feelings and as leaders it is crucial that we learn to use words for the betterment of others.
ii. Personal mastery is a function of the quality of our seeing.
This is not talking about the usual ordinary seeing but rather involves the discipline of seeing through events to the invisible processes that shape those events. True seeing is not merely glancing at the visible surface of objective reality. True seeing involves perceptive vision of the invisible potential of objective reality. Learning to see is the foundation of all disciplines. Sight as well as insight constitutes a perspective. Our perspectives are shaped by what and how we see. From a clear perspective we get clarity of vision. Our vision is a reflection of our perceptions about life, people, relationships and things. It is vision that provides guidelines for our actions as leaders. To see is also to know and to understand with clarity. Seeing is an act of interpretation. This is really an in depth perspective that takes discipline and reflection to develop.
iii. Leadership requires a quality that is often called common sense.
We can’t quite define what common sense is yet we “sense” it when we see it. Common sense comes from a freshness of perspectives. Common sense demands the childlike innocence of looking at reality without the conditioning of our senses. Unfortunately, common sense is not always common. Those with common sense not only ask the correct questions but also question the very premise from which their questions come. Life is basic and yet often times we complicate it for ourselves. The older we grow, the more we are prone to become more prejudiced, biased and suspicious of people and about things. Maintaining a childlike innocence takes a conscious commitment and it is that conscious commitment that will lead us to common sense.
iv. One amusing definition of a specialist is that he or she is a person who knows more and more about less and less.
The specialist is conditioned to see the world from the perspective of instrumental knowledge. Many specialists fail to solve problems they cause because their thinking becomes frozen and paralyzed in a given context. It is ironical that when a plan in an organization fails because of too much planning which stifles action, the planning department hardly notices it. Instead it indulges in even more rigorous planning without consulting the implementers. Now this is a real life example that many of us can identify with and yet it will often go unnoticed. I found this perspective to be hilarious and yet very true. It reminded me of a work experience where we were unable to meet proposal targets because the person who was writing the proposals would not take time to consult with us the team that was implementing. This caused a lot of frustration and tension on both ends of work. When I read this principle it resonated with some of the work experiences that I have gone through and has challenged me to do things better I my current role.
v. Quality of life deals with an internal sense of well being.
A leader strikes a harmonious relationship in the inner world. S/he achieves a measure of equilibrium between her active and contemplative life. Leaders are not caught in the whirlpool of meetings and office politics all their working hours. A leader sets as side time to have an appointment with themselves in a quiet corner of their chamber every day. Setting aside time for self acquaintance helps restore the much needed harmony in our lives. All great leaders instinctively know this. It is important for leaders to demonstrate emotional equanimity and balance in dealing with colleagues. This is a very good reminder for me because I often get buried in my work. Sometimes I forget to make appointments with myself but now I am more conscious about making time for my inner well being which is crucial to the quality of leadership I am able to exhibit in my work.
vi. Organizations are not human inventions.
The unwritten book of nature scripts in vivid details the fundamental quest of all life forms to manifest their fullest potential for collective action. A honeycomb is a realization of the organization instinct inherent in bees. Ach In many ways organizations resemble the working of a human body. The theory of organization as an organism is not a new one. There is a spiritual affinity that connects one member of a team or an organization with another. Each member of an organization possesses the capacity for synergy just as each cell of the entire body. Each member of the organization has the emergent intelligence that brings the organization into being.
vii. In the context of leadership, learning may be described as building capacity for action.
This capacity for action does not come merely from knowledge, it comes from learning. Knowledge is the process of accumulating information or experience in a given context thus knowledge is an event. Learning on the other hand is the movement of knowledge beyond an event. It is a continuous process. Learning is the capacity building in one’s self. Learning is the process of self knowing. When knowledge deepens into learning, the self acquires the capacity for creative action. Learning is the development of creative intelligence to transform information into action. Knowledge deals with the what of reality, learning deals with the law of it. Learning is the ability to draw energy out of information into the arena of action. It is the discipline of learning that separates the true leader from the rest of us. Leaders acquire the discipline to operationalize knowledge into learning. Their learning is synonymous with action.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
Like I have already shared in the above question, a lot of the principles are applicable to my day to day activities. It is a timely book for me as I embrace a new leadership role in my life that also happens to be a learning experience. It was interesting to see how some of these principles play out in real life settings and being able to see the expected results is empowering.
Through my IIGL journey, I have learnt that change must always begin with me and as thus I have committed myself to rightly apply the principles that I am learning from these studies at a personal level before sharing them with others.
In future, I intend to work on translating these IIGL books into training manuals and contents that can be used by other IIGL members and probably people all over the world to build and better the lives of others. This is definitely one of those books that I shall work on and go ahead to use the content for training other leaders.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“When we pay total attention to the reality of the moment, we become one with the moment.”
The wall between us and reality comes down. We become the reality itself. A great degree of energy is released as a result of our participation with reality. Personal mastery is the embodiment of the energy of this participation.
“Personal mastery is a function of both capability and copability.”
Our capabilities are measured in terms of our skills in negotiating the outward environment. Capability is the visible, tangible aspect of our competence while copability is the energy that the self gathers together to face an unpredictable environment. It is a discernible niche of experience and expertise in one’s inner environment. To a great extent, our capability depends on the way we interpret the reality of our environment.
“Many of our problems are self centered.”
The source of self centered problem is the fact that we mistake self image for our real self. Self image is nothing but the accumulated projections of our identity. Self image is a cluster of names and forms by which we differentiate ourselves from the rest of our environment. Each role we perform in various spheres of lie creates a certain impression of our self in our consciousness.
“Personal mastery is the ability to differentiate what we desire and what is desirable for us.”
This discipline not only enables us to make an intellectual distinction between the two but also empowers us to act on that distinction. All great leaders, all stable organizations and all enduring civilization have made this crucial choice in the course of their development.
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”
Difficulties challenge us to invoke our higher capacities for thought and action. They call for greater involvement. Difficult situations may appear insurmountable but if we hold on to ourselves in the middle of difficulties, we emerge triumphant.
“All leaders nurture their inner spirits in silence and solitude.”
They are unwavering in their commitment to their chosen ideal. They all nourish their dreams. After years of inner preparation, when they emerge on the public arena of life, their indomitable spirits carry them forward. All their actions bear the unmistakable imprint of their spirits.
“Trusteeship upholds the value of relationships in leadership work.”
Leadership is not a position or a rank, its primarily and fundamentally a relationship of trust between leaders and followers. The more leaders honor this trust, the greater will be their credibility with their followers and the more effective their leadership will be.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
None.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
None.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
None.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 7
D. Would you recommend it to others? 7
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8
Think and Grow Rich
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author is the fact that we all have riches within our grasp and these riches can’t always be measured in money. There are great riches in lasting friendships, harmonious family relationships, sympathy and understanding between business associates and inner harmony which brings peace of mind measurable only in spiritual value. The philosophy of the book is to prepare the reader to attract and enjoy these higher estates which always have been and always will be denied to all except those who are ready for them. Money, fame, recognition and happiness can be had by all who are ready and determined to have these blessings. When one is truly ready for a thing, it puts in its appearance.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Desire
When a man really desires a thing so deeply that he is willing to stake his entire future on a single turn of the wheel in order to get it, he is sure to win. Desire is the starting point of all achievement. One ought to stand by their desire until it becomes the dominating obsession of their life and finally an act. If you desire something so keenly that your desire becomes an obsession, you will have no difficulty in convincing yourself that you will acquire it.
I happen to work with vulnerable youth empowering them to develop passion driven desires and I testify to the fact that when one’s desire becomes an obsession, there is no turning back. They will do everything in their power to find the means and the opportunities to turn that desire into a reality. I have seen young people scale impossible walls to make their dreams a reality because they are fully convinced that is the way to go. The world requires practical dreamers who can and will put their dreams into action. The practical dreamers have always been and always will be the pattern makers of civilization.
ii. Temporary defeat and failure
The most common cause of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat. Before success comes in any person’s life, they are sure to meet with much temporary defeat and perhaps some failure. All who succeed in life get off to a bad start and pass through many heartbreaking struggles before they arrive. Being the team leader of a start up enterprise in its infant stages is tough and demanding. There have been moment when I have felt like quitting but such encouragement has kept me going and still anchors my passion and vision in the midst of the storms. Every failure [discouragement] brings with it the seed of an equivalent success. With every set back, I have learnt to look for the good that I can learn from it and also to aspire to do better when the next opportunity comes. This helps me learnt from my failures and to get better at what I do.
iii. Thoughts
As we think so we are. we are the masters of our fate, the captains of our souls because we have the power to control our thoughts. Our brains become magnetized with the dominating thoughts which we hold in our minds and these ‘magnets’ attract to us the forces, people, circumstances of life which harmonize with the nature of our dominating thoughts. Every man is what he is because of the dominating thoughts which he permits to occupy his mind. Any idea, plan or purpose may be placed in the mind through repetition of thoughts. We are what we are because of the vibrations of thoughts which we pick up and register through the stimuli of our daily environment. Often times we beat ourselves down before anybody else does it for us. Many of us have mastered the art of self destruction through negative thoughts and it is paramount that we consciously develop the habit of thinking and speaking right to ourselves. I am a work in progress and I constantly have to remind myself to stay on track.
iv. Knowledge
Knowledge is only potential power. It only becomes power when and if it is organized into definite plans of action and directed to a definite end. As knowledge is acquired, it must be organized and out into use for a definite purpose through practical plans. Knowledge has no value except that which can be gained from its application toward some worthy end. The way of success is the way of continuous pursuit of knowledge. Any man is educated who knows where to get knowledge when he needs it and how to organize that knowledge into definite plans of action. This realization challenged me to evaluate the non formal education program that we are running for vulnerable youth. We agreed to put more emphasis on practical learning than theoretical learning and as a result we have witnessed amazing impact among the participants and alumni. Knowledge that can’t be practically applied to better the life of an individual is such a waste of time and resources because it remains redundant. We place emphasis on empowering the youth to organize and use the knowledge they acquire to better their lives and communities just like the IIGL model.
v. Imagination
Imagination is the workshop where in are fashioned all plans created by man. The desire is given shape and action through the aid of the imaginative faculty of the mind. Man can create anything which he can imagine. Man’s only limitation within reason lies in his development and use of his imagination. Ideas are the beginning points of all fortune and ideas are products of the imagination. A lot of the education systems in Africa don’t nurture children and youth to use their imagination or creative abilities to enhance learning. When we decided to make use of creative learning approaches in our youth program, it was indeed foreign even for the participants but it has highly paid off and the results are amazing. I have often been blown away by some of the business concepts and ideas that some of the participants come up with through the use of their imagination and creativity.
vi. Auto-suggestion
Applies to all suggestions and all self administered stimuli which reaches one’s mind through the five senses. No thought can enter the sub conscious mind without the aid of the principle of auto suggestion. Nature has so built man that he has absolute control over the material which reaches his sub conscious mind through his five senses. Faith is a state of the mind which may be induced or created by affirmation or repeated instructions to the sub conscious mind through the principle of auto suggestion. A state of mind which can be developed at will. We all have the ability to develop the desired state of mind that we need to succeed. This is a fundamental truth that we share with the youth we work with and it totally changes their minds. Mindset change is a foundational step in empowering people to break the cycle of poverty and unemployment especially among youth and young adults. Often times when the right mindset is developed, the person id able to take charge of their lives.
vii. Planning
To be sure of success, you must have plans which are faultless. The most intelligent man living can’t succeed in accumulating money nor in any other undertaking without plans which are practical and workable. Your achievement can be no greater than your plans sound. Intelligent planning is essential for success in any undertaking designed to accumulate riches. It is not until I started putting my plans on paper and setting deadlines for them that I started to accomplish them. It is a simple basic principle of life that makes a huge difference in the quality of life that one lives.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
These ideas are already applicable in my personal life and in the lives of the youth that I work with. This book is about practical application and it has challenged me in many ways to evaluate how I am doing things and to adopt better ways of doing things. I have also shared the copy with some of the participants we work with and their testimonies have been amazing. The principles have been incorporated into the curriculum we are using to empower vulnerable youth and the results are both positive and amazing. Indeed it was a timely book for me. I read it some time back but it has taken me a while to type up this report and even as I type it up, the insights are still very fresh and inspirational for me.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“No man is ever whipped until he quit in his own mind.”
We give up at will not because we have run out of options. Where there is a will there is always a way. We can push ourselves beyond all manner of limitations if we resolve it within ourselves that it is doable and that there is still hope. The man who quits is one who has convinced himself that it can’t be done and that is as far as he wants to go. This realization is both challenging and transformational to know that all the power to succeed lies with you.
“Anything acquired without effort and without cost is generally unappreciated.”
This is a standard fact and we see it happen in our daily encounters. When I started running the youth program, my desire was to offer it totally free of charge to the participants even if I was not sure how we would keep raising the money to cover operational costs. Along the way we had to introduce subsidized fees for the participants and we realized that the commitment of the participants who paid for the program was way much higher than that of those who received the program free of charge so this fact is very true. People value the things they feel like they have earned in some way or another.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
The book had some personal assignments that were not mandatory but very helpful in terms of getting the best out of the book and I took up the challenge to work through them for my own good.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Nothing.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 10
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 8
D. Would you recommend it to others? 10
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 9
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea conveyed by the author is the fact that we can learn about success by observing the natural and spiritual principles that govern the universe. We can make use of principles that nature uses to create everything in material existence to create abundant wealth in our own lives. Success is referred to as the ability to fulfill one’s desires with effortless ease. With the knowledge and practice of spiritual laws we put ourselves in harmony with nature and create with carefulness joy and love. True success is the expression of the miraculous; it is the unfolding of the divinity within us. When we begin to experience our lives as the miraculous expression of divinity, not occasionally but all the time then we will know the true meaning of success.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. The law of pure potentiality
We are in our essential state pure consciousness. Pure consciousness is pure potentiality which is the field of all possibilities and infinite creativity. Pure consciousness is our spiritual essence. Our essential nature is one of pure potentiality. The field of pure potentiality is also the field of infinite creativity and pure knowledge. The affluence of the universe, the lavish display and abundance of the universe is an expression of the creative mind of nature. The more tuned in you are to the mind of nature, the more you have access to its infinite, unbounded creativity. I was specifically challenged by the aspect of connecting with nature because it is something that I am often times unconscious about. Living in the city and being surrounded by concrete walls often times makes it hard to connect with nature so now I have chosen to be intentional in periodically taking off time to just make this vital connection because there in lies my greatest potential to be creative and I definitely need for myself and the work I do.
ii. The law of giving
The universe operates through dynamic exchanges; giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. In our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives. The flow of life is nothing other than the harmonious interaction of all the elements and forces that structure the field of existence. We must give and receive in order to keep wealth and affluence. The more you give, the more you will receive because you will keep the abundance of the universe circulating in your life. Anything that is of value in life only multiplies when it is given. That which does not multiply through giving is neither worth giving nor worth receiving. And the most powerful form of giving is non- material. One of my resolutions for the year is to be generous in every way and to every person that crosses my path. I have chosen to be intentional in my giving and to be a blessing to others in every way that I can. Sometimes it is not easy more so when you are caught up in the race of life and its demands but with precise intention and focus it is possible. Sometimes all it takes is a smile, a hug, a word of affirmation or compliment and the world is a much better place.
iii. The law of karma/ cause and effect
Karma implies the action of conscious choice making. We are essentially infinite choice- makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinite of choices. Everything that is happening at this moment is a result of the choices we have made in the past. The future is generated by choices that we are making in every moment of our lives. All actions are karmic episodes. It is an interesting reminder of the fact that everything we choose and do actually has long lasting consequences. As human beings we are often times driven by our selfish desires and ambitions at the expense of other people’s happiness without realizing that we are setting in motion a cycle of negative energy that is bound to come back to us in an upgraded version. I am of the view that life has to be lived intentionally and consciously in a way that nourishes us and everyone else who is influenced by our actions.
iv. The law of least effort
Nature’s intelligence functions with effortless ease and abandoned carefulness. Least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love because nature is held together by the energy of love. When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates and the surplus energy gathered can be channeled to create anything that you want including unlimited wealth. If you embrace the present and become one with it and merge with it, you will experience a fire, a glow, a sparkle of ecstasy throbbing in every living sentient being. The secret to operating in this law is learning to live in the moment and allow nature to take its course. It is not easy more so when you have to deal with different deadlines, demands and expectations. It all comes down to choosing to be intentional in how we live our lives. If you set your heart to something, you can make it happen.
v. The law of intention and desire
Whatever you put your attention on will grow stronger in your life. Intention triggers transformation of energy and information. Intention organizes its own fulfillment. Intention in the fertile ground of attention has infinite organizing power. In the scheme of nature, everything correlates and connects with everything else. As long as you don’t violate the other laws of nature through your intent you can literally command the laws of nature to fulfill your dreams and desires. Just by introducing the intention, you activate the field of infinite correlation. Intention is the real power behind desire. Intent is desire without attachment to the outcome. Your intent is for the future but your attention is in the present. As long as your attention is in the present then your intent for the future will manifest because the future us created in the present.
vi. The law of detachment
In order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it. You give up your attachment to the result. Anything you want can be acquired through detachment because detachment is based on the unquestioning belief in the power of your true self. Detachment is synonymous with wealth consciousness because with detachment there is freedom to create. Uncertainty is the fertile ground of pure creativity and freedom. The unknown is the field of all possibilities, always open to the creation of new manifestations. When you willingly step into the unknown, you step into the field of all possibilities.
vii. The law of dharma/purpose in life
The law states that we have taken manifestation in the physical form to fulfill a purpose. We all have unique talents and a unique way of expressing them. Expressing one’s talent to fulfill other people’s needs creates unlimited wealth and abundance. When our creative expressions match the needs of our fellow human, then wealth will spontaneously flow from the un manifest into the manifest. Life is about using the skills and talents we have to help meet the needs of others through self less service. This has become more evident for me as I run a social enterprise that seeks to empower youth who can never monetarily pay us back for the services offered. I have come to the realization that fulfillment in life has nothing to do with money but everything to do with fulfilling one’s life purpose. Being able to answer the questions –“who am I & why am I here?”
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
This book has been a great inspiration to my life. It has helped me reflect on some core concepts that I knew but had kind of lost track of. It is such a small book that is worth reading periodically to remind oneself of these vital laws that hold the keys to locking great wealth and abundance in one’s life. I am exceedingly inspired and motivated to live consciously in a way that incorporates the seven laws shared in my life on a daily basis.
It is inevitable to incorporate these ideas in my work context. The Kyusa curriculum has been developed mainly from my lessons learnt through the IIGL studies. It is hinged on many of the life transforming principles that have been imparted in my life through these studies. So these principles will be incorporated in the different aspects of our training curriculum and content.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“There is one thing you can do and one way of doing it that is better than anyone else on this entire planet.”
This is the core purpose of living, to find one’s life purpose and commit to it for the rest of one’s life. It has been a journey for me and I am grateful that my life purpose is clear for me. I am constantly amazed at how many people are living seemingly successful lives but still they are very unfulfilled. I am grateful for level three of IIGL because it set me on the course of seeking to discover my life purpose which has greatly paid off. That was a turning point for me and what I am today is a result of choices I made at that point.
“Everyone has a purpose in life; a unique gift or special talent to give to others. When we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals” Kahil Gibran
This is so true and I have tasted the fruit of such living and service. When I set out to pursue my life purpose, I was not thinking about money but rather working towards making the world a better place. In the long run I am very fulfilled and accomplished in terms of living a purposeful life. in a generation that highly focuses on money and material gain, it is encouraging to know that there is a new breed of IIGL students who are constant choosing to make the world a better place through voluntary and selfless service that seeks to make the lives of others as well as communities much better. It is what the world needs and my desire is that all IIGL students can work past level three because it totally changes your life for the best.
“When we harness the forces of harmony, joy and love we create success and good fortune with effortless ease.” Lao Tzu
True success is one that promotes harmony, joy and love in the universe because these are principles upon which the universe operates. It is quiet contrary to what the current world system and culture perceives success to be. It is unfortunate that our generation is willing to amass wealth at the expense of nature and the environment which are the very pillars upon which our well being hinges and is supported. True success is living in harmony with all creation.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
None.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
None
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
None.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 10
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 8
D. Would you recommend it to others? 10
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 9
Create Your Own Future
Assessment by Noeline Kirabo (Uganda)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The author focuses on the keys and tools that any person can use to create a better future for themselves. He focuses on the fact that almost everything that happens to us is in our hands. Our destiny is very much up to us. The future is largely determined by our own choices and decisions. What we achieve is the result of what we do, or fail to do, day-by-day and year-by-year.
Peter Drucker wrote, “The very best way to predict the future is to create it.” Everyone wants to be happy, healthy, popular, prosperous and successful in whatever they do. But the only way for us to achieve and enjoy all that is possible for us is to create our own future. This is something that we all need to realize.
The majority of people tend to be passive in their responses and reactions to life. They constantly wish and hope that something good will happen to them. They resent successful people but are not willing to make the efforts that others have made to achieve what they have achieved. They live their lives like a person waiting for a bus on a street where no busses go. Hope is not a strategy for success. Your life is too precious and important to be left to chance. Your greatest responsibility is to take command of your future and shape your destiny the way you want it.
I must note that I totally enjoyed reading this book and working through the exercises. It felt like taking a refresher course. I was reminded of some of the things I had learnt in my earlier studies but had kind of forgotten or put it to hold. It has been a great inspiration for me working through this book. I feel revived and fired up in my pursuit of excellence and personal development.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. “The greatest thing that a man can do in this world is to make the most possible out of the stuff that has been given him. This is success and there is no other.” (Orison Swett Marden)
Perhaps the most important of all luck factors according to the author is knowing exactly what you want, in each area of your life. The primary reason for great success is clear, specific, measurable goals and plans, written down and accompanied by a burning desire to accomplish them. Knowing what you want dramatically increases the probabilities that you will get it.
Clarity is a critical luck factor. The clearer you are about what you want, the more rapidly you will attain it. When you are absolutely clear about your goals, you activate all the powers of your mind to help you to achieve them. You develop a better sense for the specific activities you can engage in to move you faster toward them. You can make better and faster decisions about the allocation of time and resources. This is true in both personal and business life. One of the exercises given is to review personal and career goals plus the challenge to set more clear goals for the near future. I loved this refresher exercise.
ii. The age of communication
‘We have gone from muscle power to mind power, from brute power to brainpower. We have evolved from a focus on making and moving things to a focus on the creation and dissemination of ideas and knowledge. I found this statement very intriguing and mind opening. It gave me a much clearer picture of the age am living in and how best I can prepare myself to thrive in it.
For the rest of your life, the knowledge content of your work, and your ability to communicate it, is largely going to determine the value of what you do, the amount of money you earn and the overall quality of your life. We have moved into the Information Age so quickly, with knowledge as the primary source of value, that most of the major institutions of society have not yet caught on or caught up. This is one of the great challenges, and opportunities, of our time.
iii. “If your personal knowledge is not increasing at the same speed that general knowledge is in your field, you will be in great danger of becoming obsolete.”
The future does not belong to the well-meaning, the sincere or the merely ambitious. It belongs to those who are very good at what they do. The future belongs to the people with the critical knowledge of how to get results, and those who are adding to their knowledge base every day.
To move ahead faster, especially in your financial life, you must remember that: “to earn more, you must learn more.” You are maxed out today at your current level of knowledge and skill. Your “glass ceiling” is within yourself. If you want to increase your income and your earning ability, you have to learn new information, ideas and skills that you can apply to your work to create added value for your company and your customers. This is a challenge for all of us who want to stay relevant in our different career fields.
iv. Ideas are the keys to your Future
You can dramatically increase the odds in your favor by constantly seeking new ideas to help you to achieve your goals. The fact is that, “Your success will be in direct proportion to the quality and quantity of ideas that you can generate to improve your current circumstances.”
Ideas are the keys to the future. Ideas are the primary source of value today. Ideas are the cream of knowledge rising to the top. They represent a synthesis of information crystallizing into a usable concept. The more ideas you generate, the more likely it is that you will discover the right idea at the right time for you. This is a global challenge and an indicator that the education systems need to be changed so as to nurture more critical and creative thinking among children and youth. The education system in most African countries cripples us from thinking independently and outside the box, we are nurtured to think in a straight line so as to stay in the box. This has to change if we want to see development on the African continent. This is one of the concepts that we pursue in Kyusa, to unlock the potential of youth to think outside the box.
v. There are two types of reading, maintenance reading and growth reading.
Maintenance reading consists of the current magazines and publications that keep you up to date with your field. Growth reading, on the other hand, consists of the books you read that actually increase your knowledge in your field. They enable you to grow rather than to stay even. This was a totally new concept for me. Every change or improvement in your life comes as a result of your mind colliding with a new idea. Your aim must be to increase the probabilities that you will bump into the right idea or insight at the right time for you. You put luck on your side by consciously and deliberately placing yourself in the crossfire of new information and ideas.
vi. The Practice of Service
Dedicating yourself to serving others is the way of life that will bring you more luck than you can imagine. The commitment to service helps you to focus on contributing value to those people whose satisfaction determines your own success. The rule is: “Your rewards in life will always be equal to the value of your service to others.” The universe is always in balance. You get out what you put in. If you want to increase the quality and quantity of your rewards, you must focus on increasing the quality and quantity of your service to others.
One of the best questions that you can ask yourself, every single morning, is, “How can I increase the value of my service to my customers today?” And who are your customers? Your customers are the people who depend upon you for the work that you do. Your customers are those people, the satisfaction of whom determines your rewards, your rate of promotion, your recognition and your progress in your financial and work life.
vii. All really successful people have great admiration and respect for the top performers in their industries.
Since you always move in the direction of what you most admire, the more you look up to and admire the best people in your field, the more you become like them. Make the top people your role models. Compare yourself against the accomplishments of the top people as you evolve and grow. This was a fresh new insight for me and a line of action that I have set my heart to pursue. I have chosen to associate and learn from the best in my field of work even as I aspire to be the best at what I do.
Never resent the ability or success of another. Instead, you should look up to that person and try to emulate his or her best qualities. The good news is that within reason, whatever anyone else has done, you can do as well. The success of others is proof that you also can succeed in that field. You are engineered in such a way that you cannot intensely desire a goal or quality without having the ability to acquire it. You can become whatever person you want to become if you are only willing to work at it long enough and hard enough.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world? If so, how?
I have had a great time working through this book and it kind of feels sad that this is my last IIGL assignment. I could not have chosen a better book for such a time as this. It has been a refresher course and a reminder of all the many things I have learned through my IIGL studies. It kind if summed up all the previous lessons and tied up the lose ends. I enjoyed working through the exercises even though some of them were not entirely new, they refreshed my memory and revived my enthusiasm in applying these success principles to my life. I know that I am a much better person than I was before reading this book.
This book has profound wisdom, insights and life application principles. As I read through the book, I also summarized several lessons that I have begin to share on my personal blog. As a leader I have people who follow me and take the time to read through my postings. The blog is one of the avenues I use to influence others to reach their full potential. By posting these insights and sharing them with a wider community, I open doors for others to excel through inspiration and acquiring new knowledge.
Some of the exercises were very important and I have written them down to share with the Kyusa participants at an opportune moment. They have had such a positive impact on my life and I am certain that they will bear the same results for the youth we work with. I shall also suggest to the team I work with the possibility of incorporating these concepts and exercises into the standard Kyusa curriculum.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“The greatest revolution of my generation is the discovery that by changing the inner attitudes of your mind, you can change the outer aspects of your life.” (William James)
Your attitude can be defined as your general emotional approach to any person or situation. It is the one thing about you that people notice immediately. It radiates from you in your facial expression, your tone of voice and your body language. It is seen and felt immediately in every human interaction. This is another way of saying that your outer world will be a reflection of your inner world. Your outer world of relationships will be a reflection of your inner world of personal worth and value.
“Your life only gets better when you get better.”
This rule is both simple and inescapable. It says that any part of your life can only improve on the outside, when you improve on the inside. You can improve any part of your outer world if you just go to work on yourself and get busy improving yourself on the inside.
“Feedback is the breakfast of champions.”
It is virtually impossible for you to get better without getting honest, candid feedback from others who can view your performance from the outside and tell you what they see. But this is not for you. If you want to be the best in your field, you must ask for constructive feedback from others so that you can continually improve at what you do.
Your most powerful ability is your ability to think.
This is your ability to apply your remarkable mind to getting the critical results that determine your future. For you to excel in your field, you must continually analyze and evaluate your performance, and look for ways to make it better. You must identify the individual components of skill that you will have to master to move to the top. You must engage in “CANEI,” continuous and never ending improvement.
“Success is not a result of the will to win. Everyone has that. Great success comes as a result of the willingness to prepare to win.”
Every extraordinary achievement is the result of thousands of ordinary achievements that no one ever sees or appreciates. Every great accomplishment is the result of hundreds and perhaps thousands of hours of painstaking effort, preparation, study and practice that very few people are even aware of. But, if you put it in, you will eventually get it out.
“All you really need is an idea that is 10% new to start a fortune.”
All you need is a new piece of knowledge, a new idea, a new insight and the willingness and ability to apply it in the marketplace and you can become a big success in our economic system.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes each chapter has action points to be followed through and yes I worked through the exercises. As a matter of fact they have been very beneficial and helpful.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
None.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 10
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 10
E. What is the overall rating you would give it 9