As A Man Thinketh
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
Summary
The main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book is that “As a man thinketh in his heart so is he”. But what exactly does this mean? In the forward, Allen fine tunes this phrase as referring to the “inner garment of character and the outer garment of circumstance”. If one wants to be of good character, then one must have pure, good, godly, and joyful thoughts.
Interpretation
The Apostle Paul seemed to grasp this marvelous formula a couple of thousands of years ago when he wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God’s will for you through Christ Jesus.” But you ask, practically speaking, how can this be done? How can one be joyful and thankful always even in the midst of life’s calamities and difficult circumstances? The story of Job in the Bible comes to mind. Through a test of Satan, Job virtually lost almost everything he owned: sons and daughters, cattle and sheep, property, and crops. Since Job was one of the wealthiest men around, he had a lot to lose, and was naturally quite devastated materially and emotionally. Nevertheless, never once did he curse God, as his wife suggested he should do, but stated: “The name of the Lord God be praised”.
Throughout Job’s length of mourning, he had a downcast attitude. Therefore, he did not rejoice always. Nonetheless, he still kept the faith and remained close to God despite his pretty much, helpless condition.
Rejoice and give thanks at all times does not always mean that one must wear a smile glued on their face. Rather, an “inner garment of character” may include seeing the good and positive in the bad. For example, although tornados leave much desolation and destruction when they are finished, watching the tornado itself is certainly one of nature’s wonders and beauties. Consider this Most Beautiful Tornado. One author of other tornado footage described that tornado as a “beautiful and scary view at the same time”. Is it possible to focus on the beauty and downplay the scary, repulsive side of the storm? Allen would answer this question in the affirmative.
In my job as a youth worker, before we ever start to treat a youth, the youth is given a strengths-based assessment by a therapist. When working with a youth who has a lot of problems and severe psychopathology, we want to give them a solid, affirmative scaffold on which to build when working through tough behaviors and issues. This strategy can also be taken when teaching a toddler. The child needs much praise when trying to improve on issues since the child’s ability to rationalize is not completely formed yet, making discipline rather difficult.
Conclusion
In terms of looking at ourselves and other people, even though we all have times of trial or unwanted qualities in ourselves and others, can we challenge ourselves to look for the beautiful characteristics and fortes instead of centering in on the deficits and remaining stuck there, unwilling to go up to the next level?
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) We have the mental power to determine whether we experience joy or discomfort. Quote: If a man’s mind hath evil thoughts, pain comes on him as comes the wheel the ox behind . . . If one endure in purity of thought joy follows him as his own shadow.
Chuck Swindoll said, “Life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I respond to it.” Although challenging, when we seek the joyful, positive side of life, then our demeanor will respond accordingly and be one of gratitude and felicity.
ii.) A heart of gladness does not happen overnight, but takes continual effort and practice so that it becomes engrained in our very nature, that is, who we are. Quote: A noble and Godlike character is not a thing of favor or chance, but is the natural result of continued effort in right thinking, the effect of long-cherished association with Godlike thoughts.
You’ve heard the saying: Practice makes perfect. In regards to our character, we will never be perfect like God; however, like academics, sports, or practically any undertaking, the more we practice, the better off and closer we’ll be at hitting our target.
iii). So much time can be wasted by thinking negative thoughts…about people, life, wrongdoings. At these moments, our thoughts master us. Quote: When he begins to reflect upon his condition, and to search diligently for the Law upon which his being is established, he then becomes the wise master, directing his energies with intelligence, and fashioning his thoughts to fruitful issues.
Our energies do not automatically yield good character. Rather, we need to fashion our thoughts and ideas to a noble state.
iv.) If we monitor our thoughts and filter them through the promptings of the Spirit to be in the image of our Creator God, then they shall be divine. Quote: And that he is the maker of his character, the molder of his life, and the builder of his destiny, he may unerringly prove: if he will watch, control, and alter his thoughts, tracing their effects upon himself, upon others, and upon his life and circumstances; if he will link cause and effect by patient practice and investigation, utilizing his every experience, even to the most trivial, as a means of obtaining that knowledge of himself. In this direction, as in no other, is the law absolute that “He that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened”; for only by patience, practice, and ceaseless importunity can a man enter the Door of the Temple of Knowledge.
As a Christian, I shape my thoughts and conform them to the Holy Spirit moving in me to make my whole being, including my cognitions, more like God. In conjunction with this great Power, I can set my mind on Higher Things.
v). The mind must not only be proactive in seeking good, but reactive in cutting down the weeds of negative, unproductive cognitions. Quote: Just as a gardener cultivates his plot, keeping it free from weeds, and growing the flowers and fruits which he requires, so may a man tend the garden of his mind, weeding out all the wrong, useless, and impure thoughts, and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and fruits of right, useful, and pure thoughts.
Not only must the flowers and fruit be permitted to survive, but the weeds and tares must be sifted out.
vi). It is not enough to wear a smile on the outside while hypocritically holding evil thoughts on the inside. In order to be authentic, inside out must be synonymous and congruent. Quote: Thought and character are one, and as character can only manifest and discover itself through environment and circumstance, the outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state.
The essence of truth is harmony, not discord.
vii). Just like Job, we can learn from both positive and negative experiences. Quote: As the reaper of his own harvest, man learns both by suffering and bliss.
One of my favorite quotes is: The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire” by John N. Mitchell.
Many experiences, both mountaintops and valleys, help one have the sturdiest character.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
These ideas will help me be more successful in life because if I learn to control my thoughts, no matter what curveballs come my way throughout the day, I can use the experiences as opportunities for growth and strength to develop my character and as a person. Instead of reflecting back negative energy, I can radiate a beacon of light by filtering thoughts and experiences through my mind, with the power of the Holy Spirit, transforming them into opportunities to display, respond, and lead with character-building affirmations and expressions that metamorphose not only me but those around me.
This past week, I worked hard at making my thoughts about others and circumstances turn into blossoms instead of dead, fallen leaves. I experienced the joy and freedom of forgiveness, love, harmony, and peace. Hopefully others were blessed by my demeanor. Going forward, I hope to print out and distribute carbon copies of this encounter week by week, day by day, hour by hour!
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves.
Despite the circumstances, God’s character always remains the same, which is what we can hold onto in times of trial; that is, God’s strength, love, and support. Despite the circumstances, is our character the same or do we get bogged down by the alligator in the swamp instead of enjoying the water, even though murky, and the Sonshine?
Quote #2: Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results. Bad thoughts and actions can never produce good results.
There must be simultaneous actions of both good thoughts and actions in order to produce satisfactory results.
Quote #3: A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. And as he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts. He ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of discovering the hidden powers and possibilities within himself.
Sometimes, all the factors in one’s journey are not controllable. Hence, why complain about what is immutable, but rather focus on what you yourself can change, including your thoughts about your circumstances, and make amends.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
I do not agree with always using a male pronoun to refer to all people. I like Mr. Richard L. Munger’s solution to this problem in his manual Rules for Unruly Children:
I am in total sympathy with the view that women feel put down by the use of “he” in reference to a person in general. However, I find a “himself-herself” in the middle of a sentence to be disruptive. Until someone comes up with a set of gender-neutral pronouns, there is no good solution to the problem. Therefore, I have chosen to deal with the problem by making all general references in female terms in some instances, and in male terms in others, randomly alternating throughout the book.
As a Christian, I realize that the mending of my character is not an effort solely of my own accord, but in conjunction with the power of the Holy Spirit.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No, the book did not contain exercises for the reader to complete.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Jonathan Livingston Seagull
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
Summary
The main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book is that “As a man thinketh in his heart so is he”. But what exactly does this mean? In the forward, Allen fine tunes this phrase as referring to the “inner garment of character and the outer garment of circumstance”. If one wants to be of good character, then one must have pure, good, godly, and joyful thoughts.
Interpretation
The Apostle Paul seemed to grasp this marvelous formula a couple of thousands of years ago when he wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God’s will for you through Christ Jesus.” But you ask, practically speaking, how can this be done? How can one be joyful and thankful always even in the midst of life’s calamities and difficult circumstances? The story of Job in the Bible comes to mind. Through a test of Satan, Job virtually lost almost everything he owned: sons and daughters, cattle and sheep, property, and crops. Since Job was one of the wealthiest men around, he had a lot to lose, and was naturally quite devastated materially and emotionally. Nevertheless, never once did he curse God, as his wife suggested he should do, but stated: “The name of the Lord God be praised”.
Throughout Job’s length of mourning, he had a downcast attitude. Therefore, he did not rejoice always. Nonetheless, he still kept the faith and remained close to God despite his pretty much, helpless condition.
Rejoice and give thanks at all times does not always mean that one must wear a smile glued on their face. Rather, an “inner garment of character” may include seeing the good and positive in the bad. For example, although tornados leave much desolation and destruction when they are finished, watching the tornado itself is certainly one of nature’s wonders and beauties. Consider this Most Beautiful Tornado. One author of other tornado footage described that tornado as a “beautiful and scary view at the same time”. Is it possible to focus on the beauty and downplay the scary, repulsive side of the storm? Allen would answer this question in the affirmative.
In my job as a youth worker, before we ever start to treat a youth, the youth is given a strengths-based assessment by a therapist. When working with a youth who has a lot of problems and severe psychopathology, we want to give them a solid, affirmative scaffold on which to build when working through tough behaviors and issues. This strategy can also be taken when teaching a toddler. The child needs much praise when trying to improve on issues since the child’s ability to rationalize is not completely formed yet, making discipline rather difficult.
Conclusion
In terms of looking at ourselves and other people, even though we all have times of trial or unwanted qualities in ourselves and others, can we challenge ourselves to look for the beautiful characteristics and fortes instead of centering in on the deficits and remaining stuck there, unwilling to go up to the next level?
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) We have the mental power to determine whether we experience joy or discomfort. Quote: If a man’s mind hath evil thoughts, pain comes on him as comes the wheel the ox behind . . . If one endure in purity of thought joy follows him as his own shadow.
Chuck Swindoll said, “Life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I respond to it.” Although challenging, when we seek the joyful, positive side of life, then our demeanor will respond accordingly and be one of gratitude and felicity.
ii.) A heart of gladness does not happen overnight, but takes continual effort and practice so that it becomes engrained in our very nature, that is, who we are. Quote: A noble and Godlike character is not a thing of favor or chance, but is the natural result of continued effort in right thinking, the effect of long-cherished association with Godlike thoughts.
You’ve heard the saying: Practice makes perfect. In regards to our character, we will never be perfect like God; however, like academics, sports, or practically any undertaking, the more we practice, the better off and closer we’ll be at hitting our target.
iii). So much time can be wasted by thinking negative thoughts…about people, life, wrongdoings. At these moments, our thoughts master us. Quote: When he begins to reflect upon his condition, and to search diligently for the Law upon which his being is established, he then becomes the wise master, directing his energies with intelligence, and fashioning his thoughts to fruitful issues.
Our energies do not automatically yield good character. Rather, we need to fashion our thoughts and ideas to a noble state.
iv.) If we monitor our thoughts and filter them through the promptings of the Spirit to be in the image of our Creator God, then they shall be divine. Quote: And that he is the maker of his character, the molder of his life, and the builder of his destiny, he may unerringly prove: if he will watch, control, and alter his thoughts, tracing their effects upon himself, upon others, and upon his life and circumstances; if he will link cause and effect by patient practice and investigation, utilizing his every experience, even to the most trivial, as a means of obtaining that knowledge of himself. In this direction, as in no other, is the law absolute that “He that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened”; for only by patience, practice, and ceaseless importunity can a man enter the Door of the Temple of Knowledge.
As a Christian, I shape my thoughts and conform them to the Holy Spirit moving in me to make my whole being, including my cognitions, more like God. In conjunction with this great Power, I can set my mind on Higher Things.
v). The mind must not only be proactive in seeking good, but reactive in cutting down the weeds of negative, unproductive cognitions. Quote: Just as a gardener cultivates his plot, keeping it free from weeds, and growing the flowers and fruits which he requires, so may a man tend the garden of his mind, weeding out all the wrong, useless, and impure thoughts, and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and fruits of right, useful, and pure thoughts.
Not only must the flowers and fruit be permitted to survive, but the weeds and tares must be sifted out.
vi). It is not enough to wear a smile on the outside while hypocritically holding evil thoughts on the inside. In order to be authentic, inside out must be synonymous and congruent. Quote: Thought and character are one, and as character can only manifest and discover itself through environment and circumstance, the outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state.
The essence of truth is harmony, not discord.
vii). Just like Job, we can learn from both positive and negative experiences. Quote: As the reaper of his own harvest, man learns both by suffering and bliss.
One of my favorite quotes is: The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire” by John N. Mitchell.
Many experiences, both mountaintops and valleys, help one have the sturdiest character.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
These ideas will help me be more successful in life because if I learn to control my thoughts, no matter what curveballs come my way throughout the day, I can use the experiences as opportunities for growth and strength to develop my character and as a person. Instead of reflecting back negative energy, I can radiate a beacon of light by filtering thoughts and experiences through my mind, with the power of the Holy Spirit, transforming them into opportunities to display, respond, and lead with character-building affirmations and expressions that metamorphose not only me but those around me.
This past week, I worked hard at making my thoughts about others and circumstances turn into blossoms instead of dead, fallen leaves. I experienced the joy and freedom of forgiveness, love, harmony, and peace. Hopefully others were blessed by my demeanor. Going forward, I hope to print out and distribute carbon copies of this encounter week by week, day by day, hour by hour!
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves.
Despite the circumstances, God’s character always remains the same, which is what we can hold onto in times of trial; that is, God’s strength, love, and support. Despite the circumstances, is our character the same or do we get bogged down by the alligator in the swamp instead of enjoying the water, even though murky, and the Sonshine?
Quote #2: Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results. Bad thoughts and actions can never produce good results.
There must be simultaneous actions of both good thoughts and actions in order to produce satisfactory results.
Quote #3: A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. And as he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts. He ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of discovering the hidden powers and possibilities within himself.
Sometimes, all the factors in one’s journey are not controllable. Hence, why complain about what is immutable, but rather focus on what you yourself can change, including your thoughts about your circumstances, and make amends.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
I do not agree with always using a male pronoun to refer to all people. I like Mr. Richard L. Munger’s solution to this problem in his manual Rules for Unruly Children:
I am in total sympathy with the view that women feel put down by the use of “he” in reference to a person in general. However, I find a “himself-herself” in the middle of a sentence to be disruptive. Until someone comes up with a set of gender-neutral pronouns, there is no good solution to the problem. Therefore, I have chosen to deal with the problem by making all general references in female terms in some instances, and in male terms in others, randomly alternating throughout the book.
As a Christian, I realize that the mending of my character is not an effort solely of my own accord, but in conjunction with the power of the Holy Spirit.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No, the book did not contain exercises for the reader to complete.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
PsychoCybernetics
Assessment by Lindzee Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book is that people can take control of their circumstances instead of letting their circumstances control them by using mental tools to evaluate a situation that reframes one’s current mental set of the situation. One such process is called CRAFT. First, cancel old, negative data. Second, replace the old idea with new, positive data. Third, affirm your new self-image. Fourth, focus on the image of success. Fifth, train yourself in your new attitudes and behavior.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Do not view mistakes or setbacks as personal inadequacy, but rather view them neutrally as an event that took place or “one of many events, positive and negative, that make up your life”. Oftentimes, one can zero in on the negative to the detriment of the positive aspects of themselves or their situation. As Maltz points out, then one is focused on the curb so much that we lose sight of the destination and where we are going. Instead of finding the detour, the road block can have a paralyzing effect. Mistakes are inevitable and everyone makes them. What is one to do about them, though?
Maltz/Sommer suggest that in all situations, zero in on the positive events or qualities and not just the negative aspects. When one finds themselves dwelling on the negative event or when a negative event just so happens to arise in the course of a day, use affirming visualizations and relaxations to keep calm and to stay in control of the event. Do not let the event set the tone of your day. Rather, let yourself set the stage with a positive mental attitude. Instead of reacting to the event, act on it. Keep everything in perspective, not allowing one certain circumstance to be blown out of proportion. It’s one’s own choice to remain cool and collected.
ii. If one visualizes performing something in their mind and if the person has the ability to accomplish the feat, the person is more likely to do so and make more progress in comparison to if one does not use visualization techniques. Several examples are given of successful people who have used this practice. General Schwarzkopf illustrated how he played out his battle plans in his mind before authorizing troops for combat. Gymnastics champ Mary Lou Retton portrayed how she rehearsed her routines in her mind, seeing every step of the performance, before physically carrying it out. Governor, weight-lifting champ, and film star Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can do something, you can.”
iii. When a person engages their imagination, one allows their subconscious, right-brain to enter the left brain’s conscious awareness. Creating a mental picture of the way you wish to be, you can remove stumbling blocks that are stored in one’s consciousness.. When these pictures are repeated, there is agreement between the subconscious and the new images. Maltz suggests six weeks of repetition for the left brain to accept these changes.
I personally used this visualization tool when I had the privilege of singing my first vocal solo for my church choir’s Christmas cantata. Even though I only practiced the visualizations about five times, I felt really at ease during the performance. I was free to concentrate on what I really wanted to think about: the music instead of my nerves.
iv. One’s earliest childhood memories are indicative of how one believes and sees themselves. For example, one who remembers being held by a loved one may see themselves as safe, secure, and attached. Their self-image, even in adulthood, will be more positive than one who has memories of fear and uncertainty.
Currently working with children and youth, and with my aspirations of being a mother someday, the deep impact of childhood memories underscores the importance of providing as safe and loving an environment as possible for kids since the impression will not only be short-term but may impact them as young adults with their educational and career aspirations.
v. Our attitudes, abilities, and performance can be redefined through daily practice of reflective relearning and by aspiring towards positive and realistic goals. As long as one rehearses these tools, one can control their circumstances instead of letting one’s circumstances control them. As American Industrialist Founder Harvey S. Firestone stated, “A man with a surplus can control circumstances, but a man without a surplus is controlled by them, and often has no opportunity to exercise judgment.”
vi. When trying to perform reflexive learning, more will be accomplished in a relaxed state. When I do visualizations at nighttime for ten to fifteen minutes, I listen to a soothing relaxation compact disc that is a combination of gentle waves converging with the seashore and slow piano music. This helps to engage the right side of the brain to create positive imagery. Since I do homework many nights of the week, the transition to a cranial hemisphere is easier with the aid of music. Moreover, when the body is relaxed, learning and memory can be accelerated. Some specific relaxation exercises suggested include deep breathing exercises while listening to breaths. Focusing on a mandala also helps to extinguish left-brain activity. Progressive relaxation is helpful in getting the whole body relaxed.
vii. Know when you need to take a break from work. Dr. Rossi studied ultradian rhythms, the mind-and-body cycle of biochemical activity one experiences during the day. The results of his research showed that most people have a “basic rest-activity cycle of about 110-120 minutes, ‘a cycle of arousal, peak performance, stress, and rest in many of our key physical and psychological processes’”. When people try to maintain activity during the 20-minute down time period, then agitation and impaired performance occur. At work, it may be difficult to schedule a rest period during the down time except for lunch, but at home, one can take more initiative to coordinate break periods. There is a whole list of signs to indicate a person is due for a break. Some include: feeling a need to stretch or move about, yawning, the experience of being “stuck” on an idea, feeling “spaced out”, and being prone to making errors. Maltz/Sommer suggests doing some short physical or visualization exercises.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
These ideas will help me be more successful in life because one cannot always control their circumstances, but one can most always change their mental stance towards the situation. When one is more at peace mentally, there are physical benefits that accompany this relaxed state as well. Holistically, mind, body, and spirit can benefit by experiencing more calmness in everyday life.
By using visual imagery and relaxation, I can create a better world by being more mentally fit to meet challenging circumstances head on and by being more productive in finding greater and better solutions to problems. When and if I have the opportunity to work on an international project with other leaders, in a potentially stressful environment, I have the tools to remain relaxed and to teach others to be tranquil so there may be more unity in striving to find a joint resolution.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “Fake it till you make it”—act as if you have already achieved success and your feelings, attitudes and behavior will become consistent with actual success.
The example that was given in the book to illustrate this concept was the exercise of clasping your hands together and determining which thumb was on top. Usually the same thumb is on top each time. Next, the author suggested trying to clasp your hands together with the other thumb on top. She suggested that in six weeks of practice, the subdominant thumb could be trained to be on top with no thought or awkwardness. This reprogramming function is the same goal as visualization exercises.
Quote #2: Be careful what you say to your children. They may agree with you. Before calling a child “stupid” or “clumsy” or “bad” or “a disappointment”, it is important for a parent to consider the question “Is this how I wish my child to experience him- or herself?”
As discussed supra., children need to feel loved but also need to be disciplined as well. There needs to be a balance of both. If one is authoritarian, showing no love, the child does not feel safe or secure. If one is permissive, showing no discipline, the child will still not be safe and secure because there are no boundaries for the child. Therefore, s/he will be aggressive, overbearing, and unresponsive towards discipline and rules. There needs to be a balance between love and discipline, which is called authoritative parenting.
Quote #3: . . .if you persistently challenge your false beliefs with rational thinking, if you practice reflective relearning daily, and if you have a positive and realistic goal that is consistent with your new memories, you will experience your new beliefs redefining your attitudes, actions, and capabilities.
As humans, we are always a work in progress. I don’t care if someone is the smartest or most talented person on earth; there is always room to grow and learn. Using techniques in PsychoCybernetics to fine tune our subconscious and servomechanism daily helps us to work towards being the best person we can be.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, I completed all the exercises and found them to be very valuable in giving me a better insight of areas I need to work on.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9.5
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.5
Giant Steps
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The book conveys 365 daily lessons or tips to become an exceptional leader. Along with these directives are practical exercises for self development and to assist one in thinking about how they can better prepare themselves to become a leader through mental and physical gymnastic exercises, if you will.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Quote: “It’s not what we do once in a while that counts, but our consistent actions. I believe our decisions—not the conditions of our lives determine our destiny.”
One of the most powerful statements that I was taught in graduate school was “No one can make you feel a certain way. Rather, you choose to feel that way.” The impetus behind this statement is that one holds the power to control one’s actions, one’s decisions, and one’s emotions. Even if one is exposed to the worse types of circumstances and the worse types of conditions, one still has the power to decide how one reacts and responds to this situation.
Recently, I heard a Focus on the Family broadcast in which Mr. Fabery, a Jewish man who was held in nine different concentration camps in World War II, told his story about the trials he had undergone. One story relayed was how he tried to save a Jewish baby’s life by hiding the baby away from the Germans. When the baby inevitably cried, the Germans discovered the infant and ordered that Mr. Fabery go to the great oven, accompanied by an officer. When ordered to throw the baby in the fire, he tried to advocate for the infant, stating that the child was just a little baby, pleading for the soldier to save the child’s life. Upon hearing this, the officer asked sternly, “Are you questioning my orders?” Then, the officer grabbed the baby and threw him into the oven himself. For disobeying orders, Fabery received harsh consequences such as being tied to a chair along with his hands bound to the legs while officers took turns kicking and beating him. At that moment, Fabery had an opportunity to allow this extremely difficult trial to take over both his mind and body, thwarting his will to survive. Instead, he choose to keep going, advising fellow Jews with tactics how to survive the brutalities which were taking place in the camp.
When faced with trials, you and I too have the option of overcoming them, using the events as teachable moments, helping one’s self and others to become stronger and wiser because of the experience.
ii. In relaying Rosa Park’s decision to defy an unjust law that discriminated against her on the basis of race, Robbins writes “No matter what her intent, her commitment to a higher standard compelled her to act.”
In each decision one faces, one has the choice to either take the high road or the low road. The high road consists of making good choices that align with a universal moral code, a choice that does not defy one’s own set of values for the sake of being political and attaining immeasurable gain.
iii. Robbins emphasizes writing goals down and the reason why you want to achieve this goal. Actually putting the objectives on paper helps make them concrete in one’s mind and serves as inspiration for completing them if one reviews their goals daily.
Robbins suggests setting not only goals that you know you will achieve but even ones that are a little bit out of reach, ones that you will be stretched by. This one five-year-old girl I worked with always selected ABCs whenever we had an opportunity to work on the computer since they were easy for her to do. Although occasionally I let her play games with ABCs, many times I had her work on something else since she was not being challenged anymore by this activity.
A lot of times, we adults are the same way, wanting to set goals that we know for sure we will accomplish. By encouraging folks to set goals a little bit above themselves, Robbins wants us to be challenged and learn new or greater skill sets so we develop into a more capable individual. He also instructs us to not be afraid of failure; that failure is a stepping stone to success. So don’t fear!
iv. Quote: “The secret to achieving your goals is mental conditioning. Review them at least twice daily. Post your goals where you’re sure to see them every day. Remember, whatever you consistently think about and focus upon, you move toward.”
Even though my goals are in the back of my mind, I think writing them down and reviewing them daily is an excellent idea. It keeps one’s mind focused on what is important.
v. Quote: “There’s a huge difference between achieving to be happy and happily achieving.” Even though I put my best foot forward in the assignments I complete, sometimes the work seems to be a means to an end rather than an end in and of itself with each assignment. There is learning to be gained from each assignment, each task, each interaction, and each action step we take. For myself, I need to savor the moment and make the most out of every opportunity that comes my way no matter how big or how small it is.
vi. Quote: “Rather than jump to conclusions, consider all the possibilities and choose to focus on one that will empower you and those you care about.” In Real Magic, the author suggests to suspend judgment and postpone disbelief. This is important in welcoming people, ideas, and conclusions in order to get a full understanding and to realize one can learn something from anything.
vii. Quote: “The very foundation of leaders’ success is that, despite past experiences to the contrary, they repeatedly imagine obtaining their desired results. In this way they forge the sense of certainty that guides them to tap into their true potential.” In Psychocybernetics, the author stated that one cannot tell the difference between what is rehearsed in the mind and performing the actual action. Therefore, going through the act in one’s mind helps reinforce one’s goals for success by creating a reality for them in which all that is needed now is to perform the actual event.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
This book challenges me to set more goals and to reinforce these goals on a daily basis by reviewing them and putting them down in writing. As Robbins stated, the more we focus on our goals, the greater the chance we have of completing them.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “Obstacles are merely a call to strengthen your resolve to achieve your worthwhile goals.”
Have you ever seen the picture where there are two people in it, one older lady and a younger lady, where the objective is to be able to see both people instead of just one, the older lady and the younger one? Sometimes, people just see problems as obstacles only. But like the picture, if we are to squeeze all the juices out of the grapes, then it is best to see obstacles not only as weaknesses but strengths which will help us grow into a greater person.
Quote #2: “How we deal with adversity shapes our lives more than almost anything else. Achievers usually see problems as transitory, while those who fail usually see even the smallest problems as everlasting.”
Not only is our outcome affected by how negative or positive we see our trials, but also by how long we think they will last. Those who overcome see the hardship as coming and going. They tend to think that hope is right around the corner versus over the lake where it will never be reached.
Quote #3: “Clearly, we must adopt the concept of continuous improvement as a daily principle rather than as a goal to be pursued only occasionally.”
One can always become better at something.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
I completed some of the exercises. Being that the completion of this book is necessary to go on to the next book, in order to give the exercises justice, one must complete one exercise a day instead of cramming them all in a short period of time. I plan on completing one exercise a day in the future.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? yes
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.5
The New Dynamics of Winning
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
There is a parallel between the strategies used by successful athletes and business people. The technique centers on mental strategies that include visualization of the person preparing for and ultimately attaining their goal. Since Denis Waitley is a successful leadership developer, he gives numerous examples of training techniques with highly accomplished athletes and generalizes these principals to the business world or whatever context a person may be in.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. When Olympians were asked how important mental conditioning was to them, even though one would not be able to tell their concept of importance by how much time or resources most put into their practices, most athletes concluded that “70 to 90 percent of the outcome is based on psychological factors”. How does this transfer to leadership outside of the gymnasium? The take home message here is that whether one excels in the workplace or at school is dependent upon one’s mental approach or conditioning after the person has reached a high proficiency in an area. In most jobs, there are basic requirements that need to be met before a person will even be invited to the interview. Although there is some variability as to the amount of skills one learns in the workplace (i.e. internship or fellowship placement in comparison to a regular job), a good majority of the skills needed for that job must be set in place already. The portion that is undetermined in the formula for success must take into account personality characteristics and mental conditioning.
ii. In a Gallup poll which investigated the “success-oriented personality”, the top three traits selected from a pool of 1,500 outstanding individuals were: a) common sense, b) knowing your field, and c) self-reliance. It is interesting to note that, here again, we see that skill only encompasses primarily one, or possibly two, of these areas. Common sense is learned, but also can be taught to some extent I think. The drive and motivation to get one to act and to carry these actions through comes from within.
iii. Jackie Joyner-Kersee was referred to as an excellent athlete, one who never rested on her laurels, seeking even to work harder to break her own records. One technique that helped her accomplish these goals was the stair-step method in which one breaks a big goal into smaller components. By setting mini goals, one can make correction more easily if one becomes off target.
It is important to set both types of goals. The end goal serves as a second target goal for the mini goals, while the mini goals keep one moving forward to reach the final goal. Writing out the goals help them become more concrete. A daily “to do” list is a good tracking record for the mini goals and also serves as a sense of accomplishment when one crosses off a mini goal once completed.
iv. In a section titled “Why Working Hard Isn’t Enough”, Waitley suggests that in order to help commit yourself to an endeavor, one must say to themselves, “This is a major priority in my life. I want to be good at this, and I’m going to do everything in my power to do this as well as I possibly can.”
One must have undying perseverance and persistence to make it through the long hall. Challenges may come during the time one works on a goal, but one must overcome them by seeing the growth that comes when one conquers challenges and hangs with the goal to the end no matter what the consequence is.
v. Speaking of level of commitment, there are even psychological batteries to determine this quality because research shows that those who desire something more will be willing to train longer and harder.
When I wake up in the morning, I have recently started to pray that God would help me do my best. What would be more inspiring would be to specifically target the area of my goal and even cognitively repeat phrases that keep my dedication to the task high. Even though it’s best for motivation to be internal, it does not hurt anything to bring along reinforcements.
vi. Quote: “Your physical well-being is your most precious gift, yet it’s something that many people can’t fully appreciate until they lose it.”
Our physical condition is the gasoline that fuels one’s goals and keeps one going. Therefore, it is extremely important for us to a) eat well-balanced meals with a bedrock of fruits and vegetables, b) obtain proper rest, c) decrease stress levels by praying, talking with friends, and doing meditation, and d) making time for relaxation and rejuvenation through recreation and hobbies.
vii. Waitley suggests that we set our own internal standards for success and not base our goals on others. We are each individuals who are created differently with unique skill sets and gifts. What may be an acceptable goal for one person may not be realistic or reachable for another person.
It is perfectly okay to compete with another to try to heighten your goals. For example, Mary Lou Retton chose to move to Texas when she was only 14 years of age in order to train and compete with other Olympians since she was already a state champion in West Virginia and winner of world competitions. Nonetheless, one’s goals should be created based on one’s own individual talent.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
These ideas will help me be more rigorous about setting smaller goals and using the stair-step method each day to get me to the next level, finally attaining the prize.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “Desire + Action = Motivation”
It is not enough just to have a goal, but one must place concrete steps underneath the target, in the form of mini goals, to reach that goal. Keeping with the Olympic theme, anyone can dream to win the 500 yard dash in the Olympics, but only a true, hardcore athlete can actually achieve the feat.
Quote #2: “Today, being a champion requires the ability to embrace change. For many, change represents a threat to the status quo. For you, let it represent unlimited opportunity. Don’t become so well-adapted to a specific set of circumstances that you can’t change when conditions begin to fluctuate . . . the way of the dinosaurs.”
Back when my grandparents, and even my parents to some extent, were alive, people tended to stay in one location and not move around so much. Now that we are such a global society and market, most folks’ relatives are scattered all across the United States. An unwillingness to change means a loss of opportunities.
Quote #3: “Winners work at doing things the rest of the population won’t even consider trying.”
By keeping an open mind, commitment, inner drive, motivation, and action, winners pursue the extraordinary and succeed in doing so.
Quote #4: “Most of our hurdles in life are self-imposed limitations that can be overcome if we never, ever give up on ourselves.”
Limits can be overcome if we are willing to work at them.
Quote #5: “Realize that no opinion and no judgment is so vitally important to your own growth and development as that which you hold of yourself.”
Along with God, we are captains of our own ship. Act accordingly.
Quote #6: “A skater may have hit almost every requirement in a long routine, but barely missed hitting a perfect edge on one particular landing. Fixation on that single imperfection can needlessly destroy any sense of personal accomplishment.”
Leaders acknowledge their mistake, think of how they can prevent it in the future, but then move on with a forward focus as well as thoughts of current performance and improvement in the given task.
It’s going to happen sooner or later: people will let you down . . . with their comments and actions, even family members. The solution to this problem is to be your own best cheerleader, next to God, of course. No one knows you better than yourself.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
The book contained an exercise at the end. I did not complete the exercises now but will complete them in the future.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? yes
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.5
Real Magic
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
Real Magic is about suspending disbelief and judgment when information is presented to a person in order to wait until all details are offered before making a judgment call or decision. The book discusses widening the possibilities of one’s thinking.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Quote: “Nothing is more likely to help a person overcome or endure troubles than the consciousness of having a task in life.”
When there is trouble or trials in one’s life, focusing on a task to diminish the problem rather than placing all of one’s attention on the problem itself is very effective because it decreases anxiety by taking steps to overcome the problem. Problem-solving versus problem-focusing is definitely an advantage.
ii. Quote: “Everything in the universe has a purpose. Indeed, the invisible intelligence that flows through everything in a purposeful fashion is also flowing through you.”
Practically every author I have encountered so far in the leadership program has emphasized the importance of a relationship with a divine being. When trying to come up with solutions, the recognition of a God who is infinitely more powerful than one’s self is very beneficial because God may have a resolution that is not humanly possible but doable when divine power is taken into account.
iii. Quote: “If you are candid, you will discover that each experience in your life was absolutely necessary in order to have gotten you to the next place, and the next, up until this very moment.”
Even with negative experiences, we have the opportunity of turning lemons into lemonade if we find the ups in all situations instead of focusing on the downs. Author and entrepreneur Napoleon Hill wrote in one of his books that whenever he encounters a trying circumstance, he states “Good!” and then discovers what is beneficial after the fact. We can be assured that Infinite Intelligent does in fact take our pain and present calamities, using them for good and for us to become a more apt individual.
No doubt, if we think back upon our lives, we can all pinpoint a time when we felt pain going through a trial. But once we stepped outside of the forest and gazed upon the trees from this vantage point, we could reminisce and say, “Even though at that particular instance the incident did not make much sense, now I can see God’s hand in it.”
iv. Quote: “When you know in your heart that every single person you encounter in your lifetime has something to teach you, you are able to utilize their offerings in a profound way. The ability to create real magic involves first of all being a student of life.”
It really doesn’t matter who a person is, what they do, or what their social status is. One can learn a lesson from all people. In the Bible, people in leadership roles were certainly not perfect. Nonetheless, we can read these stories and learn from people’s mistakes, knowing what not to do.
v. Quote: “It seems ironic that as a people we have been obsessed with what divides us, with war and the building of more and more powerful delivery systems of hatred and killing, yet the most influential and revered of the world’s teachings all have a message of love.”
Instead of focusing so much on war, it would be great if our focus shifted to peacekeeping. Several weeks ago, the United States had a conference which focused on decreasing the supply of nuclear missiles around the world. This is a good start, heading in the right direction.
vi. Quote: “The spiritual being is focused on empowering himself and others to higher and higher levels of consciousness and achievement. The use of force over another is not a possibility for the spiritual being. He or she is not interested in collecting power, but rather in helping others to live in harmony and to experience real magic. This is a power of love that does not judge others.”
Spiritual people not only empower themselves, but also other people. When a person is filled with infinite intelligence, then there is fuel to build others up because the person’s tank is full, ready to overflow. This type of person enjoys the success of others in addition to success by themselves because they do not feel threatened by others and know they have a duty to “love thy neighbor” as God had done.
vii. Quote by Mother Teresa: “The fruit of love is service, which is compassion in action. Religion has nothing to do with compassion, it is our love for God that is the main thing because we have all been created for the sole purpose to love and be loved.”
When one genuinely loves humanity, this love shows in service to one another. It is through this service that is the heart and soul of the mission of love and helping out one another.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
These ideas will help me create a better world by sustaining my focus on serving and helping others. A better world is created because, oftentimes, lending a hand to another is contagious. Others will be more inspired to help other people which will create a world filled with people who are concerned about others and not just themselves.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “The spiritual being knows about the enormous power of the practice of meditation. He knows mediation makes him more alert and able to think more clearly. He knows the very special effect meditation has in relieving stress and tension.”
Through the art of meditation, one can crystallize goals through visualization. This positive imagery triggers motivation and commitment in carrying the goal out because the goal becomes more user-friendly by being seen as a real possibility of success rather than a moment of fear and anxiety.
Quote #2: “Spiritual beings do not order their lives to be against anything. They are not against starvation, they are for feeding people and seeing that everyone in the world is nutritionally satisfied. They work on what they are for, rather than fighting what they are against. Fighting starvation only weakens the fighter and makes him angry and frustrated, while working for a well-fed populace is empowering. Spiritual beings are not against war, they are for peace and spend their energy on working for peace.”
Once again, from another leadership author, there is a focus on the positive rather than the negative in finding solutions. In contrast of feeling angry and frustrated for being against something, when one is in favor of something, one can feel love, peace, and joy.
Quote #3: “If all people in the world who are against terrorism and war were to shift their perspective to supporting and working for peace, terrorism and war would be eliminated.”
The focus needs to be on love and common ground versus hate and differences.
Quote #4: “The spiritual being behaves as if the God in all life matters, and he feels a sense of responsibility to the universe. He is in awe of this life, and that he has a mind with which to process the physical universe. That awe leads him to look outward at all life and the environment with a sense of appreciation and reverence, to engage with life itself at a deeper level than merely the material world.”
In applying this quote to creation, as a spiritual being, since creation is God’s, I feel strongly about conserving resources, recycling, and protecting nature. Since everything belongs to God, as a spiritual being, I have an obligation to use gifts given wisely.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, the book contained exercises. I completed some exercises and found them helpful for expanding my outlook.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 8.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? yes
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8
What to Say When You Talk to Your Self
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea the author is trying to convey is to use self-talk to get oneself into a proper frame of mind in order to accomplish a desired goal. Mental conditioning is a majority of accomplishment of a goal once skill and ability are at a high level.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Good leaders are made and not necessarily born. The author states that becoming a goal setter, organizer, and a “true achiever” is a learned trait. By affirming that one can do these achievements through self-talk, the more likely one is to excel at these functions and at being a leader.
ii. Quote: “Your success or failure in anything, large or small, will depend on your programming—what you accept from others, and what you say when you talk to yourself.”
There is a saying that states: You are what you think. To a large degree, this is true. Since cognitive programming is essential to the outcome of your goal, it is crucial that one is positive in their self-talk and in filtering talk that comes from others. Constructive criticism from other folks is welcome because sometimes others can see traits in you that you are unable to see. In addition, since people are giving an outside perspective, the information is less subjective to bias. Nonetheless, people that tear down one’s goals without sufficient reason or evidence to do so should be scrutinized.
iii. The author expresses how important it is for children to have positive feedback, stating that many words that are expressed to them at a young age have a profound impact on self image and self-efficacy for years to come. The author states: “Out of those early years, each of us formed a composite picture of ourselves. It made little difference whether the pictures of ourselves which we created were true or not. Our experiences, our acceptance of what we heard from others and what we told ourselves became the foundation for the mental programming which directs us today.”
When working with youth, it is crucial to affirm their positive traits since these affirmations will serve as a basis of a positive self image. In addition, when expressing areas for improvement, one needs to be careful to offer criticism in a constructive manner instead of saying words that tear down the youth. Focusing on goals for improvement rather than making derogatory comments about abilities is an ideal way to improve upon a deficiency.
iv. Quote: “Every action we take is first filtered through our feelings. How we feel about something will always determine or affect what we do and how well we do it.”
When one finds themselves feeling negative about a goal or circumstances surrounding the goal, it is important to focus on the positive and benefits in order to generate good feelings to increase efficiency and success rate.
Alternatively, equally important is working with the negative emotion directly and changing it to become a positive emotion. Everything we do has both positive and negative aspects to it. By working with faulty cognitions, one can create positive self-talk and improve performance.
v. When creating self-talk statements, it is preferable to keep the tone of the statement in present tense and positive versus negative. For example, instead of saying “I will”, one would state “I am”. Moreover, instead of stating “I never”, once again, state “I am”.
vi. Each of us has moments of the day in which we feel tired, most likely after a good-sized meal. Instead of saying “I’m tired”, one can say “I am healthy, happy, full of energy and enthusiasm”. The power of suggestion does wonders. Another writer, I believe it was Robbins, called this technique self-suggestion or auto suggestion. The author recommends saying to yourself “I feel terrific! Today especially! I feel good, I like who I am and I’m glad to be alive and going for it!” When I pray before my morning meal, recently I have started asking God to help me do my best today. One can create their own self-talk statement that works for them, pinpointing an area where one needs encouragement.
vii. Quote: “Effective management always begins with successful self-management. You can be a graduate student of management and never attain the essential skills of managing others if you do not first master the management of yourself. True leaders have their own selves firmly in control; they are in command of their actions, their feelings, their attitudes, and their perspectives. The second essential ingredient of being a good manager is knowing how to develop the qualities and skills of others.”
In the Bible, the Apostle Paul states that a leader must have their own family in order before they become a leader in the church. I believe this is true. If one does not do a good job exhibiting leadership in their own life and in their family life, then how is one going to demonstrate this quality among others. One’s management of themselves is a good microcosm of how they will manage others.
Both the Army and Marines lead by example. That is, leadership does not expect others to do what they themselves are unwilling to do. I believe this is an excellent leadership philosophy. Other people are more likely to do what their leader does; or in the reverse, are unlikely to do what their leader does not do. The motto of a leader should not be “Do as I say, not as I do”, but “Do as I say and as I do.” People take direction better if they see congruency between what leaders say and what the leaders actually do.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
As suggested, if I constantly monitor my thoughts and screen out negative ones by immediately transforming these cognitions into positive self statements, then I will be more effective as a person and as a leader of others.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “It is our choice to see things any way we want to see them. If we want to view our circumstances as dark and discouraging, we can. If we would rather view our circumstances as acceptable, hopeful, changeable, and positively possible, we can.
It is up to us individually to set the tone for our lives, whether it is a positive or negative one. The choice is up to us.
Quote #2: “I have found that in most cases any specific problem, no matter how large, or any goal, no matter how important, can be covered with as few as a dozen or so well-chosen Self-Talk suggestions.”
If one possesses the skill and talent to accomplish the goal, success is possible accompanied by self-talk.
Quote #3: “I am able to achieve any goal which I set for myself. I see, in my mind, a clear picture of myself having already accomplished my goal. I create it, I see it often, and I achieve it.”
Numerous authors have stressed the importance of meditation and visualization in which one sees themselves successfully performing steps to accomplish their goal and actually accomplishing the goal. Since the mind cannot tell the difference between visualizations and reality, doing these mental exercises is very highly recommended.
Quote #4: “Everything we do is affected directly or indirectly by our attitudes. A change in a person’s attitude can affect just about everything else in that person’s life.”
A good attitude is vital as an instrument of success.
Quote #5: “There is no problem which I cannot conquer. I am strong in mind, body, and spirit. My will, my strength, and my determination are always greater than any problem I face.”
Positive affirmations can conquer problems that stand in the way of achievement of one’s goals.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, the book contained exercises for the reader to complete. I completed most of the exercises except for making a self-talk tape. The exercises were helpful in creating my own positive affirmations.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 8.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? yes
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8.5
Keys to Success
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea the author is trying to convey is that success does not just happen overnight and there is no magic formula. Rather, based upon the study of successful people, Hill found 17 principles that enable a person to reach a high level of achievement in their given career field. These principles include, but are not necessarily limited to: 1) Definiteness of purpose, 2) the establishment of a mastermind alliance, 3) an attractive personality, 4) use of applied faith, 5) going the extra mile, 6) creating personal initiative, 7) building a positive mental attitude, 8) controlling one’s enthusiasm, 9) enforcing self-discipline, 10) thinking accurately, 11) controlling one’s attention, 12) inspiring teamwork, 13) learning from adversity and defeat, 14) cultivating creative vision, 15) maintaining sound health, 16) budgeting time and money, and 17) using cosmic habitforce.
Hill suggests taking one principle per week and developing it within one’s self.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) The importance of setting short-term, daily goals and long-term objectives is underscored throughout the whole book. Hill writes, “Everyone wants the better things in life—money, fame, respect—but most people never go beyond just wishing for them. If you know what you want from life, if you are determined to get it to the point that it becomes an obsession, and you back that obsession with continuous effort and sound planning, then you have awakened and developed definiteness of purpose.”
I am great at setting long-term goals, but I need improvement in being purposeful about construing mini goals each day to achieve the end purpose as this applies to a long-term project. Steps to assist me in this process include making a daily to-do-list and referring to it often. Also, I am not afraid to rearrange or add items depending on what day’s surprises come, in an attempt to be most efficient throughout the day.
ii.) What is crucial to lasting success is a desirable personality. There are numerous traits that make up a presentable persona which include: Positive mental attitude, flexibility, sincerity of purpose, promptness of decision, courtesy, tact, tone of voice, the habit of smiling, facial expression, tolerance, frankness of manner and speech, keen sense of humor, faith in infinite intelligence, keen sense of justice, appropriate use of words, effective speech, emotional control, alertness of interest, versatility, fondness for people, humility, effective showmanship, clean sportsmanship, a good handshake, and personal magnetism.
Like the 17 traits of success, one could focus on one characteristic that needs work each week, waiting until one masters the trait, and then moving on to another.
iii.) Quote: “In faith, you temporarily relax your own reason and willpower and open your mind completely to the inflow of Infinite Intelligence . . . your mind is the only thing over which you have the right of complete control. You must control your mind so that it is regularly open to the power of Infinite Intelligence.”
Even though we may not like it very much, God gives or allows us to go through trials to further develop our character to make us more like the Lord. During these periods in the fire, we can be melted, molded, and shaped to totally depend on the Lord if we allow Infinite Intelligence to guide us through the sculpting process.
iv.) Quote: “Find out what you want, and look for it all the time. Demand much! Set a high goal, believe that you will attain it with the aid of Infinite Intelligence.”
You have heard the saying, “You’re your own worst critic.” It also could be said that “You’re your own best critic and motivator.” Anyone can say anything they want to a person, but the person must decide whether it will pass through the filter into the conscious mind. Therefore, no one can make a person feel a certain way, but a person chooses to feel that way. Conversely, by giving oneself positive feedback and encouragement, transforming negative “cannots” into positive “can dos” by canceling and reframing unwanted messages or “bad seeds”, as one writer puts it, one can be their own encourager and surplus of strength together with Infinite Intelligence.
When athletes compete in athletics of any sort, a majority if not all their attention is spent focusing on being the best they can be instead of worrying about where the competition is. Sure, it may be inspirational to look back or forward to see where the competition is, but in order to win, the athlete must focus on his or her own performance. Therefore, one needs to center in on how they can perform at their ultimate peak.
v.) Hill wrote a formula for compensation: Q1 + Q2 + MA = C. Q1 is the quality of service rendered, Q2 is the quantity of service rendered, and MA is the mental attitude in which it is rendered. You may ask, why is mental attitude in there? What does this component have to do with it? From the numerous authors I have studied thus far, they would state that mental attitude has everything to do with it whether this is in the form of positive reinforcement or visual imagery before the event actually occurs. One author stated that the difference between a pessimist and an optimist is that the pessimist sees the situation how it really is while the optimist sees the optimal, favorable forecast with sunny spells. Go for the gold!
vi.) Hill suggests stopping and evaluating a major task once it has been completed with the following questions:
* Is it the best job you could have done?
* What might have made it better?
* Why don’t you take that step right now?
An excellent leader does not dwell on the mistake but asks how they can convert shortcomings into a teachable moment, learning from it, and moving on.
vii.) Quote: “Form the habit of saying or doing something every day which will make someone else feel better. You can do this with a phone call, a postcard, or a simple act of kindness.”
When we assist other people, a strange phenomenon takes place: we are helped in return by feeling good that we did something nice for someone. Performing an act of benevolence has a reciprocal effect on the one who performed the good work and actually has physical rewards as well. A nice act a day helps keep the doctor away.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
By setting goals for both my personal and professional life, excellence and improvement in work will impact those around me. By sharing this information and program with other people around the world, more leaders will exist worldwide and have a global impact.
Currently, I have started to become pen pals with people from other countries. As the friendships develop, sharing these principles with them would be great.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “Going the extra mile means that you strengthen your ability to do your job and to do it well. By imposing systematic self-discipline, you understand the process every time, and you impress upon your subconscious the need for quality work.”
Although I always put my best feet forward, sometimes it gets difficult juggling multiple responsibilities. However, if one has the mindset of always reaching their full potential in their work, then this focus is the horse that drives the cart which will enable one to accomplish such a feat. Recently, I have started praying in the mornings to the Lord to help me do my best throughout the day. This helps to put my goals in perspective right from the get go and enlists the Authority to help. Many people unconsciously or consciously aspire only to meet status quo each and every day; leaders take it to the next level to max out their abilities and talents on a daily basis.
Quote #2: It is better to act on a plan that is still weak than to delay acting at all. Procrastination is the archenemy of personal initiative, and if you let it become a habit this early in the game, it will plague your every move.
Don’t delay. As the famous theme in the Nike commercial proclaims, “Just do it!”
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, I completed all the exercises and found them to be helpful in goal setting and character building.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9.5
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.5
Success through Positive Mental Attitude
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
Success not only has to do with physical qualities, intelligence, fitness, skills, and abilities, but also mental characteristics. Just like two people are needed on a teeter-totter in order for the playground equipment to be effective, both physical and mental characteristics are needed in order to reach new heights. The two capabilities are like two people on a tandem bicycle. Unless the cyclists both pedal together simultaneously, then the bike will remain stationary.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) Quote: “When you receive a flash of inspiration, write it down! This may be the something more that you are looking for. We believe that communication with Infinite Intelligence is through the subconscious mind.”
As I journey throughout the day, little “ah-ha! moments” come to mind of things that I should do or even items I need to purchase at the grocery store. Now, I jot these down because they surfaced for a purpose.
ii.) When trying to fix problems, Hill suggests:
a.) Asking for Divine Guidance for assistance in finding a solution.
Infinite intelligence is a power greater and beyond ourselves who can unlock limitless possibilities and resources to tap into.
b.) Engaging in productive problem solving activities.
Using a positive mental attitude helps facilitate more creative and better solutions I think. Negativism and unconstructive criticism of yourself or others stifles production.
c.) Stating the problem, analyzing it, and defining it.
It helps to acknowledge clearly what exactly the problem is. More energy should be focused on the solution than on the problem and resulting emotions stemming from the issue.
d.) Stating to yourself enthusiastically, “That’s good.”
I have tried this tip lately and it has proved beneficial. There is a good side and bad side to everything. When we see what’s good, it allows us to become more solution-orientated and industrious.
e.) Asking yourself some specific questions about it:
i.) What is good?
ii.) How can I turn this adversary into a benefit or asset?
A choir director told me to ask “What can I learn?” from all situations, but the question is especially apropos here because a good practical education can be gained from every circumstance.
iii.) Quote: “The secret of getting things done is to act. The self-starter is the self-motivator DO IT NOW!”
There are many procrastinators out there, but like the outcome of the tortoise and the hare, if one stops and rests for too long, the golden opportunity may pass one by.
On the flip side, I once heard the practice of waiting for 24 hours before making a major decision. I try to implement this policy on crucial turning points in my life in order to leave room for all the arguments to be heard before entering a final judgment.
iv.) Quote: “While your emotions are not always immediately subject to reason, nonetheless they are immediately subject to action. For you can use reason to determine the needlessness of the negative emotion and thus motivate yourself to action.”
In psychology, the process of working with thoughts to change negative and irrational ones to rational ones is called cognitive therapy. Not only in this book, but also in Psychocybernetics, the authors discussed stopping unwanted, negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. Each one of us has had moments under stress and fear when we have not realistically interpreted a situation, but instead felt only the aftershocks. Instead, we need to cancel these falsities and put in place positive affirmations.
v.) Quote: “A thought can be just as stimulating and effective as a deed in changing an emotion from negative to positive.”
Not only is it good to remember to mentally change a mood but also physically. Say, for example, you do not feel like exercising a certain day. Just the act of preparing to exercise and then doing the exercise can conquer that feeling or emotion.
vi.) If we each invest fifteen minutes a day in planning or reading material that is positive and has good leadership tactics, then we will be growing each day instead of just passing time. Hill suggests 14 minutes a day or one percent, but another leadership author suggests a half an hour. However many minutes it is, the point is that if we are not investing in things that help us grow on a daily basis, then we are shrinking and falling backwards instead of springing ahead. The IIGL program has been very rewarding to me in this aspect because I am constantly reading books on leadership which keep my morale high and my steps in forward motion.
vii.) Quote: “If you have a worthwhile objective, find the one reason why you can achieve it rather than hundreds of reasons why you can’t.”
When I was in youth ministry, I read that for every one uplifting comment that is given to a youth, there are five “put downs”. I imagine when we calculate the proportion of how many encouraging thoughts we have to those which are discouraging, the ratio might be the same or perhaps even worse! Since the most important feedback that our brain takes in is our own internal thoughts or what results from filtering other people’s remarks about us, the ratio needs to be reversed so that we are constantly giving ourselves a pat on the back, not with our hand but with our words.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
I can help other people be productive by being encouraging but honest to them and by relaying what I have learned so they can grow as well.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “It is well known that the power of the Bible has been instrumental in changing even the attitudes of human derelicts from negative to positive. And because of the special power in this Written Word, they were inspired to clear the cobwebs from their thinking.”
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The Bible certainly is a very inspirational book for all who read it. It has been a pervasive source of power in my life and in many of the authors of the leadership books I am reading. It is a wonderful thing to be able to cast your cares and worries onto God because he cares so much about us.
Quote #2: “We need to learn how to look at our world with fresh eyes—seeing the opportunities that lie all about us, but simultaneously looking into the future for the chances that are there.”
Most successful leaders do not rest on their laurels, but congratulate themselves for what is good and strive for improvement as how to conquer the next hurdle.
Quote #3: “One of the greatest services you can render to children is to motivate them to motivate themselves to select the right kind of friends and associates.”
When I was reading today from another book in the curriculum, What to Say When You Talk to Your Self, the author Helmstetter stated that a good deal of the decision-making of how a youth chooses their friends is based on their self-esteem and self-efficacy; that is, how they conceive themselves and their ability to accomplish tasks. Helmstetter stressed the need for parents to stress the positives in the youth and help them see good qualities in themselves too.
Quote #4: “So you’ve got a problem? That’s good! Why? Because every time you meet a problem and tackle and conquer it with PMA, you become a better, bigger, and more successful person.”
Oftentimes, it is easy to focus on the bad when a problem arises. In contrast, if we turn the focus of our lens on the good, then we can see how the event has taught us new skills and made us stronger because of our success in working through the calamity.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with, and if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, I completed all the exercises and found them to be helpful in goal setting and positive thinking.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 8.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9.5
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Law of Attraction
Assessment by N. “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book is that in order to accomplish one’s goals, we must be mindful and thoughtful of one’s dreams and objectives rather than spending a lot of time thinking about obstacles, shortcomings and difficulties along the way.
Currently, I am unemployed. When studying to take a civil service exam for a position, the study guide booklet stated that there were going to be times when the applicant would not know the answer. If the examinee believed they had not performed satisfactory on a particular section, the examinee was told to maintain a tranquil composure and focus on doing well for the rest of the exam.
After reading these instructions, I realized that this advice was not just applicable for a single test but towards difficult situations in life. Many times when we go through hardships, it is easy to become caught in the trap of giving our undivided attention to the current circumstance instead of a bright future that is yet to come. As one songwriter so eloquently put it, at times, “You have to face the clouds to find the silver lining.” For example, if you think of a bull’s-eye used when playing darts, when faced with tough times, we have the choice of either centering in on our target for the most points, or alternatively, all the little dividing lines between each scored segment that yield us zero points. The choice is up to us.
None of us is talented in every activity there is on earth. And even if we are talented in a certain area, we are not going to perform at 100 percent capacity all of the time, 24/7. Nonetheless, Losier encourages people to focus on their strengths versus their weaknesses, their dreams versus their disasters, stating:
I attract to my life whatever I give my energy, focus and attention to, whether wanted or unwanted.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) Quote: “Your unconscious and conscious mind filters out the words don’t, not, and no. Whenever you use these words, you are actually internalizing in your mind the exact thing you are being told not to.”
The point here is to focus on the positive. In addition, if a negative thought comes to mind (even the most upbeat person has their share of negativity that creeps in every once in a while), reframe the idea to make it affirmative. For example, maybe a person comes home from work at night after a really long day and thinks “There’s absolutely no way I can clean the house tonight.” One might rethink the goal and state it as such: “Tomorrow evening, I’ll be really energized to clean house when I come home from work.”
ii.) Losier introduces the concept of The Clarity Through Contrast Model. This idea really piggybacks from the first principle in that a person can find what they really want by taking the opposite of what one does not want, hence restating unwanted or negative goals in the positive. I tried out this model to help me clarify what type of job I want to have in the future (since I am currently unemployed), and it really helped me obtain a good map of the conditions I would like to work under. I would recommend this exercise to anyone to help them get a better idea of some type of goal they are trying to achieve. Other areas in which this model is helpful includes: money, finding a spouse, friendships, business relationships, business referrals and education.
iii). Quote: “The purpose of life is to know and experience complete joy…Be open and willing to learn and uncover what would bring joy to you—in all areas of your life.”
For me, joy comes in living out my Christian life by going to church, reading my Bible, having fellowship with believers, and serving God; reading, playing with my dog, jogging and singing. Nevertheless, I’m sure there are other activities that I haven’t discovered yet which will also bring me joy. Whether one is five or fifty-five, one needs to be open to discovering new paths of happiness to seek greater fulfillment and to be a well-rounded person.
iv.) Quote: “One of the keys to making the Law of Attraction work for you lies in keeping your desires at the forefront of your mind, thus giving them positive attention, energy and focus.”
Losier is not the only author who suggests this. While most of the leadership authors in the curriculum strongly encourage the reader to set goals, one author stated that it is good to write those goals down and keep them in a place where it is handy, where you can refer to these objectives multiple times throughout the day. Putting goals in writing helps make them become a tangible reality. Additionally, having those goals in plain sight helps to keep them a central focus of one’s attention, spurring momentum to work on them.
v). Quote: “Allowing is the absence of doubt.”
Moving forward and taking the steps necessary to accomplish the goal is central to walking in faith and confidence that the goal can be met instead of being held prisoner to fear and doubt. Moreover, another author suggested that one must be and embody one’s goal before it ever occurs, to help one be in the right state of mind to accomplish the goal.
vi). Quote: “A limiting belief is a repetitive thought that prevents you from attracting your desire.”
Referring back to the first idea presented, one should not let thoughts of doubt be turned into obstacles that prevent one from reaching their goal. Rather, take these negativities and do a 180 degree turn with them, changing the ideas to affirmations that will serve to propel one’s movement forward in reaching one’s written objectives.
vii). Quote: “Appreciation and gratitude are the highest forms of vibration.”
Whenever one is feeling kind of doubtful or low, one can always give thanks for blessings one has received to realize what a great position one is in. No matter what condition one is in, whether it is rich or poor, healthy or sick, possessing a lot of education or none at all, one can always find a reason to be grateful if one makes an attempt. When one thinks that humans really deserve nothing or no one owes one anything necessarily, as Dr. Dyer has suggested when stating not to be in a relationship expecting certain conditions be met from the other person, then one can be truly grateful for the gifts they have received.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
In previous assessments, I have had some trouble answering this question because even though one’s “world” can be right where they live, I think of the word “world” in a broader context at a global level. About a month ago, I decided to start an organization called God’s I. International (GII) whose mission is: “To bring God’s love, peace, reconciliation and hope within and across borders, today and tomorrow, for generations and generations to come.” Through dialogue, prayer and song, I hope to promote peace to overcome sectarian and geo-political barriers across borders in Ireland and Northern Ireland.
One of the tools I use to communicate is the social networking site Twitter. I periodically tweet relevant prayer requests. One of my latest petitions is: “Pray4: Folks to focus on their gifts God has given them and using these talents v. throwing their lives away doing dissident activity.” Focusing affirmatively on the good dissidents could do with their lives helps them to see that they can have a bright future if they choose to do the right things instead of going down the path that leads to destruction by planting bombs and delivering bomb threats, risking getting caught and spending a good deal of their lives rotting away in prison because of crimes committed.
4. Quotes:
Quote #1: “Saying ‘lots can happen’ will remind you that there are infinite possibilities as to when and how your desire will be manifested.” Leaders need to concentrate on possibilities instead of problems to make their goals become realities.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, the book contained exercises. I completed the goal worksheets. I found them most helpful in assisting me with the formation of specifics for accomplishing my goals.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? yes
E. What is overall rating you would give it? 9.5
The Power of Intention
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book is that simply having the desire to accomplish a task is not enough. One must be intent upon doing something and focused on taking desired action or else the dream will not become a reality. Dr. Dyer encourages readers to “act as if the desire is already here.”
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) Quote: “Research has shown that a simple act of kindness directed toward another improves the functioning of the immune system and stimulates the production of serotonin in both the recipient of the kindness and the person extending the kindness.”
I find North Korean President Kim Jong Il an interesting character to watch but not emulate. In general, the President bestows ill-will on people instead of demonstrating expressions of kindness and generosity, the very opposite of what Dyer suggests. Actions that stick out in my mind include a) testing nuclear missiles without approval from the United Nations, b) sentencing two American journalists who crossed over the border to nine years hard labor (fortunately, they were able to be released because of the advocacy of several American politicians), and c) sentencing the coach of the North Korean soccer team to hard labor, working on buildings, as well as publicly berating the players for losing all three of their games in the South African World Cup this year.
I just read recently that the President had a thorough medical check-up. I am uncertain whether or not this was do to his kidney failure or continued monitoring of his condition after a stroke in 2008. Whatever the case may be, the acts of hatred that he has taken against people and in response to political authorities have no doubt influenced his health condition in a negative way.
Leaders should not only take good self-care including eating healthy foods and getting proper exercise, but also must permeate their lives with acts of loving-kindness towards others and treat people how they themselves want to be treated.
ii.) Dyer states we need to be in harmony with love, including performing activities that we love to do. This gives us energy, vitality, and the power of intention. Each of us has been given unique gifts and talents that we should be using whenever possible. Life is too short to waste doing something that you were not created to do.
iii.) The power of intention is seeing beauty in the things and circumstances that surround our lives. No matter which walk of life you come from – rich or poor, upper or lower class, healthy or sick – there is always something in life that we can be thankful for. This may include the blessing of a new day, food, shelter, clothing, a roof over our heads, a job, transportation…and the list goes on and on. Let’s try to see the cup as half full instead of half empty, focusing on our blessings and not on our emptiness.
iv.) Our compassionate energy that we show to other people can make them feel good about themselves and have a profound impact on others. This thought should resonate with us for each person we meet and greet throughout the day. How we communicate by thoughts converted into actions and speech can have a huge impact on people’s lives.
v.) Dyer is another leadership author who stresses constantly focusing on goals. In addition to this pervasive focus, one needs to be confident that they will reach their goals no matter what circumstances they face or what trials come along the way.
I watched a movie recently about the great basketball player Pete Maravich. Pete’s dad was an excellent coach/basketball player and a lot of the plays Pete was skilled at were learned from his father. One particular exercise that the father taught Pete was placing the basketball on the back of a player’s neck, dropping the ball, and having the player clap once in front of himself, and still catch the ball before it dropped to the ground. After the father executed the skill successfully, he has Pete try. After Pete is unable to accomplish the task, the father said to the lad, “You THOUGHT you could do it, but I KNEW I could do it.” We need to KNOW that we can complete a task, having the utmost confidence, so our actions can follow our thoughts. If we picture we accomplish something successfully in our mind, to our brain, it is as if we accomplished the task in real life. Visual imagery is very powerful.
vi.) Even though family and friends’ input is important to consider, Dyer states that ultimately, your mission or purpose in life will have a strong link to the Creator God. Though relatives, friends, and the church may confirm one’s calling, the Spirit places the desire in one’s heart. A person will not be experiencing complete joy unless they do what the Spirit instructs them to do.
vii.) Readers are encouraged to maintain an attitude of gratitude and awe. Currently I am on unemployment. I work tremendously hard to fill out long, 15-20 page government applications and exercise tons of patience to find out the results since virtually all of the positions I am applying for require lengthy background checks. Since there are relatively few jobs out there in comparison to other times I have applied for positions, and in an age of massive government cutbacks in the employment sector, I feel as if I am walking on eggshells, wondering if I will find a job before my security blanket wears out.
Don’t get me wrong – I am so grateful that I receive these benefits. Practically everyday, I thank God for food, shelter, and clothing because I could be in a far worse situation right now. Even though it is a really tough time, giving thanks helps me realize all the blessings that I have instead of what I am lacking, keeping me in a positive frame of mind.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
Working for peace in Northern Ireland, although there have been vast improvements made to the Troubles because of the 1998 Good Friday agreement, there is still a long way to go to change people’s bitter, stereotypical attitudes toward the opposing group. Many are stuck in these conditions, preventing them from experiencing the energy of love and forgiveness that the Spirit intends. Guidance from Dyer about how to propel people to these higher emotional states is well taken and is something I can share in my letters and responses to leaders and natives.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “The act of making amends sends out a signal of respect for your adversaries. By being big enough to make amends and replace the energy of anger, bitterness, and tension with kindness…you’ll respect yourself much more than prior to your act of forgiveness.”
When exhibiting the kind of treatment that we would like ourselves by placing the negative emotions under the rug while putting forth love, forgiveness, and peace; we take the lead in the relationship, demonstrating the higher order qualities. The spirit of love leads us to a higher energy level.
Quote #2: “Seize every opportunity, no matter how small, to give your life away in service.”
For the past eight years, I have been a steady volunteer almost every week either at church, in a local service group, or by writing an inspirational online abstract. I receive many blessings back by touching the lives of others. It is amazing how once you give your time and talents to people, the Spirit replenishes those quantities so you are able to give more. Be a blessing to others and be blessed!
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
Dyer tends to think all Higher Powers are the same. Even though gods may be similar, I believe that they are different from one another. I believe power emanates from this Source, but when Dyer writes about the power of intention, sometimes it seems as if he thinks these two are not related.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, the book contained some exercises for the reader to complete. I completed all of them and found them useful.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 8.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? Perhaps.
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8.75
Goal Mapping
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea that the author is trying to convey is that setting goals, putting them on paper, and then referring to them often helps one have better success in carrying them out. Mayne delineates a step-by-step approach to assist the reader in carrying out this process and shows examples of actual goal maps.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) Quote: “He who knows much about others may be learned, but he who understands himself is more intelligent.”
Today, I was listening to a radio program that interviewed a psychologist. The interviewer asked the psychologist what her approach was to helping others. She stated that many people go into the field to analyze others and be the one who has all the answers to give. However, in reality, many folks are in the field to try to avoid dealing with their own issues. For herself, she stated that she had to be aware of her own problems and know how to address them before she helped others. She referenced Scripture that talks about removing the log in your own eye before trying to remove the log in someone else’s eye.
In a way, I think this is what Mayne was trying to communicate as well. In essence, in order to be good leaders, we must not only know about other people, but also must know ourselves. We must be willing to look at ourselves in order to do self-examination. The attitude that “I am always right and you’re always wrong” does not enable one to be honest with themselves or others, and certainly does not facilitate one in becoming a good leader.
Many times, it is easier to see the shortcomings in others, but not in ourselves. Like a racehorse with blinders who is unable to see other horses but can only look straight ahead, we humans are somewhat the opposite: we can see others’ path but not see our own. Lao-Tsu suggests that the more intelligent, stronger person is able to obtain insight and understanding about their own areas that need improvement. Along with this is the need for willingness to work on these skills, donning an attitude of humility and meekness instead of acting like a know-it-all.
ii.) Quote: “One of the great differences between successful and unsuccessful people is that successful people have learnt a major life lesson and do not see failure as a negative dead end that stops them in their tracks.”
One can learn from failure, just like success. Each experience we have in life is an education in and of itself, whether good or bad. Sometimes a person cannot control what happens to them. For example, an “act of God” like a hurricane or tornado coming through town cannot be stopped…unless by God himself.
Nevertheless, there are other circumstances that one can have control over. For example, an Olympic swimmer will not always perform at 100 percent capacity every competition they are in. Likewise, if you play in a sport or exercise on a regular basis, you know this as well. Factors which may affect performance include the type of food one eats, how much is eaten, the amount and quality of rest one receives, and the emotional and physical state at the time of the performance. These same factors, and others, affect how people perform at school and work.
After each situation in which one is being evaluated, one should ask themselves some questions to assist them in evaluating their own performance:
1. On a scale from 1 to 10, how well do I think I performed?
2. What external factors impacted my performance?
3. What could I do differently to improve my performance, if anything?
iii.) Quote: “You don’t fail when you fall, you fail when you refuse to get up.”
Michael Lightweaver, Founder and Director of the International Institute for Global Leadership, distributed an email with a quote that stated that mistakes are lessons to be learned. We can either dwell on our shortcomings or learn from the past, look ahead, and continue to do our best in the days ahead.
Another quote that is relevant here is “Tough times don’t last, but tough people do.” Difficult circumstances can be likened to weights in a gym. Although they are heavy, when utilized regularly, they can help to strengthen muscles. Like weights, difficult circumstances in life can be used to build and strengthen our character and mental muscles.
iv.) Quote: “The secret to productive goal-setting is in establishing clearly defined goals, writing them down and then focusing on them several times a day with words, pictures and emotions as if we’ve already achieved them.”
Since several of the authors have suggested writing goals down, a few months ago I picked up a pink, flowery writing tablet so I could journal my goals and aspirations. I use it in my quiet time or meditation time to help me maintain focus, refocus if need be, and jot down what goals I need to accomplish that day. I have found that communicating my goals tangibly and referring to them often really does encourage me in accomplishing them.
v). Quote: “Our High Self represents all of our positive qualities such as: self-motivation, inspiration, responsibility, self-belief and confidence. These are the qualities that ultimately produce successful results in ourselves and our lives, even in the face of failure.”
When we do face failure, it is good to refocus on our good qualities. My “High Self” qualities include being: hardworking, creative, intelligent, caring about others, persistent even when experiencing adversity, and setting high goals. These types of self-images will inspire us to continue to do our best.
vi). Quote: “You never know what you can achieve until you try. Reach for the stars and you may only get to the moon, but it is still a great step up. Maybe you’ll reach the stars next time.”
I have always been one to set really high goals for myself because I truly believe this principle. The higher you set your goal, the more you will be able to achieve.
The converse of this statement is true as well. The lower you set your goal or expectations of yourself, the lower you will achieve. Hence, why not reach for the stars or moon?
vii). Quote: “The key to finding flow is to love what you do, and do what you love. You find the flow through holding your intention with heart, not hate.”
I believe God has given everyone special gifts and talents to use for a greater good, a calling that is unique to each person just like their own fingerprint. The key to real joy is finding this gift and using it as much as you can.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
The best take-home message out of all these principles for me is to look at shortcomings like they are lessons learned instead of failure. I have a little bit of a perfectionist tendency in me, although I am certainly not obsessive about it. Therefore, I feel badly when I do not do things just right. A better approach would be to focus on what I learned, the road ahead, and trying to do my best.
In my leadership role with God’s I. International, even though as a mediator and meteor of peace, my color is yellow between the Northern Ireland blue and Ireland green, I tend to be “green” without specific experience serving in this capacity. However, I have had tons of educational training in counseling, psychology, music, and law to prepare me, and various service and leadership roles in the church.
Moving forward, I need to focus on doing my best, learning as I go along by continuing to do research on history, issues, and techniques that will better equip me to do the job, and looking at the experience as a lesson no matter what happens.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “Of all the music that reached farthest into heaven, it is the beating of a loving heart.”
As Lightweaver wrote in an essay titled “A Galactic Fairy Tale,” love exerted to others is the highest quality a person can hold.
Quote #2: “In every community, there is work to be done. In every nation, there are wounds to heal. In every heart, there is the power to do it.”
People have the capacity in their hearts to do good; it’s just a matter if they choose to do it. In every community, we can choose to build walls or tear them down to build bridges. In every nation, there are wounds to heal. The question is: Will the people reopen the wounds or let them fester through hate, or let the wounds heal by spreading the love around to both friends and enemies alike.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, I completed all of the exercises and found them helpful in discovering how to write and depict clear and concise goals.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Leadership for Dummies
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
There really isn’t one main idea in this book; however, there are many chapters on various topics of leadership. Practical examples of leadership are given in several different fields such as business, sports, and non-profits. The book thoroughly covers the topic of leadership from many different angles which makes it useful for a wide readership.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) The type of structure that you set up as a leader matters because so much of a leader’s success depends on how much support you receive.
Every parent is a leader, whether one owns up to the task or not. I heard of one household who thinks of open communication and honesty so highly that if the children come to the parents and tell them negative news upfront instead of hiding it or the parents finding out about it later from a different source, then the children will not get punished so severely. In taking this course of action, this family provides a supportive structure, a gateway for discussion to flow back and forth.
Likewise, the workplace needs to provide this type of support for their employees where one can contribute feedback. Instead of being authoritarian and harshly speaking commands, a leader needs to encourage their employees and offer constructive comments with criticism.
ii.) If you are going to be a leader, you must have effective personal communication skills.
The writers advise that even though much work is done by consensus, there are three skills that are invaluable to a good leader. First, the leader must be able to listen to others. One of the examples given was that of the United States Secretary of State. An employee of the Secretary stated that before the secretary made a decision, he was open to feedback from all the people on his team. However, once a decision was made about policy, he directed that all team members follow it wholeheartedly without dissent. When a leader listens to their team members and seeks feedback from them, the team members feel important and valued by the leader because a person higher up on the food chain was open to their ideas and considered what the subordinates had to say.
Second, the leader has to foster cooperation between others. In essence, the leader must be a good negotiator. In an interview of former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, he stated that in order to mediate Northern Ireland’s peace process, he withheld some information from both sides because he thought if he revealed all of the information, the peace process would crumble. In order to get people to work together, there will be a give and take. A good leader determines critical information and works with people to get them to subscribe to the main goals in order to attain the mission at hand.
Third, the needs of others must be placed higher than one’s own needs. Work is not the only activity in a person’s life. Other considerations include family, friends, volunteer and social commitments, etc. If one shows sympathy and regard for a worker who must leave the office midday to pick up their sick son from school, then the employee will be more willing to bend when the supervisor asks them to put in some non-mandatory overtime to meet a project deadline.
iii.) In order to obtain more success for the company, the leader should “flatten the pyramid” by placing more emphasis of responsibility on the worker instead of just leadership.
By this method, all the staff are informally looked at as leaders. The accomplishment of the mission is not just for the executives to worry about but every employee of the company. In order to do this, the leader must make the connection how the employee’s duties relate to the mission very visible. Thus, the employee will feel a stronger sense of purpose and pride when executing their tasks.
iv.) Look for leaders to emulate in your everyday life.
There are many examples of leaders right before our eyes that we oftentimes take for granted. For example, the authors suggest looking for leaders in the newspaper. One can also find leaders to emulate at their church, volunteer, social, or sports/recreation group. One should watch for actions they think are characteristic of a good leader and actions that they would not repeat to learn from them. On my “My Yahoo!” page, I have numerous international leaders bookmarked. It’s interesting for me to watch what they do, how they respond to what other people do, and the like. Not only can one gain knowledge of leadership by a book, but also by watching others in real, live action.
v.) As a leader, one will never make everyone happy all the time.
For most issues, there will always be two sides of the story. A decision will not be clear cut. Thus, it is better not to try to please everyone, but to make the most favorable decision possible.
When I have a real tough decision to make on a personal level, it helps me to make a pros and cons list to see what factors I should take into account when making the decision, having all the “cards set out in front of me.” The writers have suggested a 2×2 “SWOT” tool to analyze leadership situations. “SWOT” stands for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. Whatever method one chooses, for most people, it is good to visually track all the options on paper instead of in one’s head.
vi.) A good leader listens to what everyone has to say first before deciding what information they will use to make their next move.
I just heard on the radio today that numerous writings of the late Francis Schaefer are being transferred to a university. A spokesperson interviewed on National Public Radio stated that Schaefer loved dialoging with people and was non-judgmental towards them.
In order to get a better idea of where people are coming from and what their wants and needs are, leaders need to be good listeners and good speakers. A proverb of Solomon states, “The thoughts of a man are like deep waters, but a person of understanding draws them out.”
Good speakers can detect the mood of the audience, even when the audience is silent, and can adapt or cater to this. This skill is called emotional intelligence.
A person can relate better with another when they know and feel they are understood. On the other hand, when they sense a disconnect, the person might distance themselves from the speaker, thinking they are insensitive or clueless to their needs.
vii.) A leader puts others needs higher than their own.
How does one accomplish this? Acknowledge the hard work and accomplishments that people have done. Also, highlight group sacrifices and the mission. When problems arise, focus on correcting the problem versus blaming people, which is distracting.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
Many, many great leadership lessons are given throughout the book. In fact, this assessment could go on and on. Practically, I will use them as I begin to incorporate other volunteers’ participation in Gods_i_international and in corresponding with clergy and politicians. These tips will help me have more productive interactions with others as a volunteer and interpersonally with friends and family.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “Leadership is often about stepping into situations and imposing yourself between warring factions until you can cool both sides down and get them to talk to each other.”
Sometimes leadership can mean performing peacekeeping duties between groups of people. The authors state that a lot of times, the most difficult part can be getting groups to trust you because they might be suspicious of your motives.
I personally have had this experience happen when trying to get people to work with me. When I detected the lack of trust, then I immediately explained why I was doing what I was doing. After this experience, I learned to communicate my purpose upfront so that when approaching others with my organization’s mission, I did not have history repeat itself. By anticipating responses people may have, one can be ready and confront these defenses at the get go.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, I completed the exercises and I found them helpful in improving leadership strategies and strengths.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 10
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? 10
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.75
Nonviolent Communication
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
By communicating to another person what your needs are, you can generate responses that are prone to peace instead of violence. Although no one makes a person react a certain way or say certain things since only the person themselves are responsible for their own behavior and statements, just as the Bible warns against provoking a person to wrath, we can also pacify a person towards tranquility by how we initiate and respond to conversation.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) People filter their sense of sensitivity to violent situations by judging if the recipients are similar to us.
The Omagh bombing in Northern Ireland claimed the lives of 29 people including children, local business owners, and Spanish-speaking tourists. God has put a burden on my heart for the people of Ireland and Northern Ireland in the terrorist attempts and actual tragedies that have occurred there since the Troubles began in the early 1970s. Nonetheless, activities like this happen on a daily occurrence in some places, claiming the lives of scores of people, yet I don’t feel the same response I do for the Emerald Isle. Part of this could be that if God called me to tackle tragic events on a world level, I would not be able to have the capability to handle such a mission. Nevertheless, just because events are commonplace in one part of the world does not mean that my attitude should become all the more complacent about these occurrences. In summary, even if The Divine calls us to one ministry, it does not mean that other ministries or parts of the world where similar events are taking place should be neglected in awareness and prayer activity.
ii.) Dr. Rosenberg states that if we are cognizant that what others do to us is just an attempt to get their needs met, then we should not have any real enemies.
Although I do not think that the motive behind one’s behavior makes their actions towards a person any less destructive, it is good to be cognizant about why people act a certain way towards us. Many times, people focus on what their response is going to be to another’s negative behavior aimed at them. However, if we think about the rationale of another’s behavior, we may discover that another’s actions do not facilitate the person getting their need met. Perhaps, we can meet on middle ground to work with the party in generating a more positive means to be successful in reaching their goal that would not cause such devastation to other parties that are involved.
iii.) “NVC is a combination of thinking and language, as well as a means of using power designed to serve a specific intention. This intention is to create the quality of connection with other people and oneself that allows compassionate giving to take place.”
The resolution of any conflict requires a give and take from both parties. Instead of focusing so much on what we need, if we see what the other party needs and center on finding a sustainable solution to both meet this need as well as maintain boundaries that we have that are not negotiable but giving compassionately in areas that we have flexibility, we can be a more helpful mediator.
iv.) The best way to confront someone about an issue is to be honest, but to speak in a way that does not suggest “wrongness, criticism, insult, judgment, or psychological diagnosis.”
People are sensitive, especially when it comes to admission of a wrong or other’s discovery of a fault about the person. Thus, if we give someone destructive criticism out of hurt or pain experienced because of this person, then the cycle of bitterness continues and the other person is placed on the defensive. Instead, we want the person to cooperate with us in working towards a mutually beneficial solution. As the saying goes, speak the truth in love. This may be accomplished by “stepping into the other person’s shoes”, so to speak, and imagine how you would feel if you were the recipient of the message you deliver to the other person. Dr. Rosenberg states that this type of truthfulness is honesty from the heart instead of honesty that implies wrongness.”
v.) When we want a person to do something, it is helpful to communicate this in precise language.
First, it is best to express the need in what you want instead of what you don’t what. In addition, especially when you are making a request to children or youth, the need must be stated using concrete language. Here again, focus on what you want to happen instead of blaming the other person or what they did wrong. For example, if you want your child to clean their room, then state specifically how you want the room to look. Jane, I would like you to make your bed, hang up your clothes, and put away games after you are finished using them.
Also, if this is a work situation involving subordinates, let them know they can express disagreement with you and be understood. Rosenberg adds, “Anytime somebody does what we ask out of guilt, shame, duty, obligation, or fear of punishment, we’re going to pay for it.” In a supervisory situation, you are not going to please everyone one hundred percent of the time, but when the channel of communication is open for them to express their ideas and feedback about a request, then at least people are able to see that their input is important and that there is the capacity to be heard.
vi.) When a leader gets someone to do something, they can either do it by power over or power with.
Power over gets people to do something by forcing them to submit. Negative results of this practice include problems with morale, violence, and slight actions against the system. In contrast, power with gets people to do something because they see how it will benefit and enrich everyone that does it. In order to accomplish this task, people need to see that leaders are not just interested in their own needs, but are concerned about the other people’s needs as well. Questions that may be asked to accomplish this include:
a) What are the other person’s needs?
b) How is this task meeting everyone’s needs?
Then, make sure you address their needs when you make a request and how the action will benefit all people in order to accomplish power with others.
vii.) Mistakes are the growing pains of wisdom. Without them there would be no individual growth, no progress, no conquest.” – William Jordan
It is quite easy to feel upset, frustrated, faulty, or guild-trodden when we error. Nevertheless, it is very freeing to realize that we are not perfect, to see our mistake as a learning experience instead of failure, and to focus on our current and future endeavors, applying what we have learned to be productive and focused on success instead of being burdened by the past. Let’s recycle our experiences in anticipation of something bigger and better ahead.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
These lessons have taught me to be more productive and positive in my communication with others by focusing more on their needs and how to get these needs met while trying to resolve conflict. This information should benefit my volunteer work and interpersonal relationships.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “I have found that talking about what happened in the past not only doesn’t help healing, it often perpetuates and increases pain.”
Concerning The Troubles, as I stay current with the news, there are very frequent occurrences of people bringing up heinous crimes that have been committed in the past, either seeking truth, justice in the form of punishment through the system, or an apology. I am not opposed to any of these purposes. Nevertheless, the fact remains that when wounds are reopened, oftentimes they still bleed with the same intense hurt and pain that was present at the time of the original injury.
My grandma always said that each time you open up garbage, you still smell the stink. There is a time to hurt and a time to heal, to put the events in the past behind us and move forward with life that is to come. If one still brings up past wrongs committed against them to produce pain and guilt on another, the goal of healing will be that much harder to accomplish.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
Regardless of understanding the opposition’s motive, I think that one still needs to be aware of potential continuation of disagreeable behavior towards one or their organization. Even so, God still challenges folks to love even those who are against us. The exercise of NVC may turn the tides of an opposing relationship to that of a mutually beneficial one.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, the book contained exercises to complete. They were very helpful in strengthening my ability to understand, use, and apply nonviolent communication.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 10
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9.5
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.5
Unlimited Power
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea is that many circumstances in life can be reframed to the positive by mind over matter. Author Anthony Robbins says people have the capability of changing quickly from one emotional state to another but that people often remain stagnant in one state for a long period of time. By practicing some mental exercises in the book, people can become more proficient at making lemonade out of lemons, turning clouds into sunshine.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Personal power is the ability to achieve the results you want to achieve by controlling your own thought patterns and behavior to meet the desired goal.
This philosophy is very in-tune with an inner locus of control. That is, success is based on the goals you set, how hard you work, and how diligently and enthusiastically you pursue your goals. Robbins believes everyone can obtain success because although external factors may make achievement more difficult, the burden of accomplishment primarily rests with each person. Robbins states, “Successful people’s lives have shown us over and over again that the quality of our lives is determined not by what happens to us, but rather by what we do about what happens.
ii. We must keep pursuing our goal until will succeed if it is a reasonable, attainable goal.
Robbins speaks about the true story of Colonel Sanders entrepreneurial journey, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Initially, the only two major tools that were in his box were his chicken recipe and a lot of time on his hands as a retiree. Prior to making it to the top as a national success, the Colonel had a restaurant that continued to lose money since the main highway to the business was rerouted elsewhere. Oddly enough, it is reported that he made 1009 attempts traveling around the United States, sleeping in his car, to find someone who would back his recipe before someone generously shook hands with him to back his business. From this story, we learn that a good idea and a mouthwatering recipe don’t always take the cake without perseverance, hard work, and unending determination.
iii.) Modeling is paramount to the path of success.
Robbins states that any effect can be duplicated as long as you are willing to pay the dues of time and effort to achieve the same result. While I think mirroring someone is an important concept for one to reach a desired goal they have set, not all ambitions can be accomplished since the Divine has given each one of us gifts of individual skill sets that are unique to our personhood. Nevertheless, I agree that time and effort are key ingredients to success.
iv.) The energy you have is directly proportional to what you eat, so you better eat right by choosing the “fuel of excellence.”
Recently, I participated in a personal muscle-building regimen. I was told from a friend that in order to develop large muscles, I had to consume one gram of protein per every pound I weighed. I took this message to heart and was drinking 100 grams of whey protein for a good three weeks plus eating additional foods which contained a lot of protein in them (e.g. I was eating a whole 7 oz. package of nuts, seeds, and fruits daily). Then, quite out of the blue, I began to feel a dull pain in my stomach that pretty much lasted chronically and consistently for ten days straight. To try to figure out what was causing the pain, during this time I made one emergency room visit (without even seeing a doctor, mind you, because of the terribly long waiting period), followed immediately by one trip to my doctor, had multiple conversations with two of my cousins, one who is a doctor and one who is a nurse, and a conversation with my IIGL mentor who has had similar symptoms.
Although I never did find out for sure exactly what the problem was other than the lining of my stomach was irritated and/or disintegrated, when reading Unlimited Power, I stumbled upon a section that talked about good eating habits and nutrition. One of the key principles was that effective food combining is crucial to healthy living. Robbins stated that protein foods like meat, dairy, seeds, and nuts require the production of hydrochloric acid and pepsin for digestion. During the time that protein is digested, the level of acid in one’s system is pretty high compared to at other times. This information clued me in to the fact that one of the reasons I probably was having trouble was that too much acid was in my body, eating away the lining of my stomach. This piece of information gained from required reading in the IIGL reading plan literally saved me from not only another trip to the hospital but also my very life! Thus, I can’t thank IIGL enough. Needless to say, I have cut down my protein intake, only ingesting moderate quantities after I run but no where near the level that I had been ingesting before.
Many other helpful eating suggestions were also given in the book. Since starchy foods (bread, rice, potatoes, etc.) require an alkaline digestive medium, the exact opposite from protein foods, starchy foods and protein foods should not be eaten together. The result of eating these two foods at the same time is impaired or arrested digestion since the two cancel each other out. According to Robbins, what happens in concrete, physiological terms is that the body produces even more acid when there is trouble digesting foods, which in turn causes the blood to get thicker and move more slowly throughout the body, reducing energy. Remember how you feel after eating two or three platefuls at an all-you-can-eat oriental buffet or after a holiday dinner? Now you know why! The best advice is to eat a sufficient amount of food but no so much that you are stuffed, in which case the body is working overtime to break down the foods while you are paying time-and-a-half for the work in decreased energy levels and fatigue. The bottom line is think before you eat and don’t overdue it!
v. To imitate and act successfully, one must ask a lot of questions to find out how success is obtained by other people.
Today, a college student came to my door. He said that in order to obtain points for a scholarship pertaining to the career class he was taking, he needed to know my occupation, how long I worked in the field, and my likes and dislikes about the occupation.
What took place here was akin to a very brief, informal mentorship. The student was learning about careers firsthand from people who worked in these occupations. If we want to be an insightful leader, we must pinpoint people who have had great personal and/or professional achievements, and not hesitate to ask them questions about their journey to get to the top.
vi. When we are associated with something that people like (i.e. “anchors”), in turn, their admiration for us will be greater.
The example used in the book was politicians taking their picture with the national flag. Since most of us love our country, since the politician linked themselves with patriotism, we have a tendency to like the person as well. This same effect may be initiated by talking with someone about activities or items that they are passionate about.
vii.) We can change from a negative to a positive state like a flip of a switch. The real question is: Do we want to?
Robbins gave the example of seminar attendees going to his house that is beautifully situated on the coast of California overlooking the Pacific Ocean. He said that when they saw the view, they were joyful and at peace. However, when asked to talk about their problem, their posture became bent over, their mood became sad or upset, and all the joy was lost. When Robbins asked them to return to the mood they first entered with, they could do so without a problem. Do we want to wallow in the mud, or by the grace of The Divine, stand on higher ground knowing that our attitude is nine times greater of how we conceive the problem in our mind versus the actual problem itself?
Being jobless right now, I received a message early this week that my unemployment benefits may end as soon as at the end of two weeks, although there is a possibility they may continue under an emergency clause. Since the economy has not returned to its full strength yet, there is still a shortage of jobs, especially in the areas that relate to my skill set. I have been very jumpy about this situation the past two days, but I keep reminding myself that even if provision does run out, there are agencies set up to provide for this type of situation. If I used these services, however, it would result in a substantial change of life for me. Nonetheless, I keep telling myself that this will only be temporary and that at some point, my life will be restored and back on track.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
My diet change will have huge effects on my physical well-being, making me healthier.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 8.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Book Title: Goal Setting 101
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea of the book is about what exactly a goal is and how to prepare, plan, and set goals in a manner in which one will be able to accomplish those goals.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) A goal has three main elements. There must be a) an accomplishment to be achieved, b) a measurable outcome, and c) a specific date and time to accomplish the goal.
There was an interesting, little exercise in the book in which the reader was given a list of statements to mark whether or not they were goals. If one did not complete the assignment by Blair’s definition of a goal, a person might have marked each item in the whole list as a goal. The key ingredients include a measurable outcome and specific date and time to accomplish the goal. Before reading this book, at times, I left out setting a specific date or time for completion; however, this is a necessary piece to accomplish the target in a timely manner. In the future, I will be working more on setting concrete deadlines.
ii.) Every thought, decision, and action moves you closer or further away from your goals.
In other words, what we think, what we decide, and how we act either moves us towards finishing the goal or backwards away from our goal.
We constantly need to be thinking about the goal, having it in the forefront of our gray matter so that we may act accordingly. Another author says that after a goal is written down, it needs to be reviewed daily. As Blair states, each action we take is an opportunity to grow, learn, and improve ourselves.
iii.) We need to plan for success in all areas of our lives.
Some categories include personal, health, recreation, family, friends, community, career, financial, household, and spiritual. In the next level, I am pleased that I will have an opportunity to make detailed goals for each of these areas.
iv.) Gather all the facts that you need to make a good decision.
As I write, the Christmas season is here. Many stores lure people in to purchase an item by saying that it is 60% off. This sounds like a good deal at first, but if it is only 60% off the manufacturer’s price versus the regular price, the “bargain” may not be much of a discount after all. Thus, we need to know all pertinent facts in order to make the best decision possible.
v.) As a leader, when you set a goal, others need to “buy-in” to the goal for it to be successful.
When one is a leader of a team, the goal must be adopted and embraced by the group as a whole since each member will be performing their skill specialty to carry out the vision. When you set a goal, you must first ask if the goal is doable, but also if the goal will be met with resistance or readiness and openness.
Another way to do this is to give the people you are leading more responsibility so they can take ownership of the goal and make it their own. Emphasize that all personnel or volunteers can lead in their particular area of skill specialty and give more responsibility to trustworthy workers. Also, people feel more included if you invite their feedback when forming the goal. The ultimate decision can be the leadership team’s judgment call, but giving folks a chance to have a say allows them to feel included and valued as a viable team member of the organization.
vi.) Create a buy-in for your goal.
This can be done in one of two ways. Design part of the goal for an individual. Another way is to shape the individual for part of the goal.
An accomplished buy-in is comprised of three components.
a.) Discussion – talk about the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the goal.
b.) Compromise – Encourage give-and-take between participants. Negotiation and mediation are factors in the process of accomplishing your goals.
c.) Agreement – Obtain the settlement of the goal, achievement process, and assigned responsibilities.
vii.) Think positive.
Even if you are the most positive person on the planet, I imagine negative thoughts still will creep into your gray matter every once in a while. Then, you can turn the thought into a positive one such as: a) I can, b) I will rise to the challenge, c) you can count on me, d) consider it done, e) it’s a done deal etc. The more one practices positive thoughts, the easier and more natural they will become and before you know it, you will have formed a habit!
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
Reading and applying pointers in Goal Setting 101 has not only helped me to better brainstorm ideas, but also increase productivity and performance.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “Plans inform everyone around you that you are a person with a purpose.”
Without a purpose for our day, our year, and our life, we just float around aimlessly like a helium-filled balloon let loose in the world without a hand holding on to the curly pigtail to guide it. I strongly believe the Divine has given each and everyone of us gifts, skills, and abilities to fulfill a purpose on earth that no one else can fill as excellently as the fulfiller since we are uniquely handcrafted by the Creator.
Quote #2: “One does not plan and then try to make circumstances fit those plans. One tries to make plans fit the circumstances. The difference between success and failure depends on the ability.”
Currently, I have been listening to the audio version of Iron Wolf, a free gift downloaded from Learn Out Loud. (Check this out online to get their free daily download!) The author states that the difference between those who finish the race well and those who don’t is due to doggedness and persistence – the ability to persevere in times of trouble. There’s no doubt that the road will not only be paved with a smooth surface, but also stumbling stones. The divergence between a champion and a quitter is gumption, strength, and the ability to surmount what seems to be insurmountable. When all else is equal between education, intelligence, and talent, the person with a stronger character will be able to finish the race ahead of all the rest. When the going gets tough, the tough get going and triumph.
Fortunately, we have opportunities to improve on our character every day while waiting in traffic going to and from work, raising children or pets, standing in a line to check out at the grocery store, or waiting for the perfect job in an extremely tough job market. By winning these mini pop-quizzes, we will prepare ourselves to go for the gold in greater races throughout the course of life.
Quote #3: “Your goals gain credibility and clout through the process of writing. You increase the probability of achieving a goal when you write it down.”
I have always written my goals down. This action is possibly, positively hereditary since one of my aunts is an avid goal-setter, daily making a list and checking it twice. What I have added to my goal-setting procedure, though, is making a list for duties to be done with God’s I. International. I actually purchased a journal at the dollar store to scribe aspirations, generate first drafts of letters and petitions, and doodle random ideas. Much like a journal kept for schoolchildren’s literary-arts assignments, my God’s I. diary generates ideas and keeps the creative juices flowing.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, I completed the exercises and found them to be very practical.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? Yes.
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8.75
Public Speaking for Success
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
Like leadership, public speakers are made not born. With “practice, practice, practice” and exercise of the tips and techniques in this book, one has the potential to develop into an excellent and adept public speaker.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Preparation is not just half the battle but 90 percent of the battle – the iron scaffold to success.
Preparation is the key to feelings of self-assurance, self-confidence, and self-command instead of fear, anxiety, and nervousness. But what exactly does good preparation work entail?
For the past seven years, I have written a weekend devotional called Random Abstract that I publish on my website www.discoveringjesusfishing.net. Until reading this book, my idea of preparation was sitting down at my computer a day or two in advance, or even the evening before since I work well under pressure, and cranking out my devotional, 99 percent of the time in one sitting. Only once in a blue moon would I ever think of material for my article in advance of when I sat down to write my final copy. Now, I think of and gather supporting materials as the week goes by instead of leaving this all to the last minute. As a result, I am much less stressed and much more creative when it comes time to put pen to paper, fingers to computer keyboard.
Much to my surprise, many of the authorities interviewed about speech preparation suggested that the writer should spend time soaking in thoughts, ideas, and illustrations for a week, a month, six months, or even a year in advance before actually giving a speech. Carnegie suggested, “Brood over your text and topic.” Speech writers are encouraged not to hurry along the process of gathering materials, but to collect bits and pieces of information, illustrations, and interesting clippings as one ponders the topic before writing. In fact, Carnegie encourages a writer to select a topic one week before the presentation date and to think about the topic many times a day – when one rises, goes to bed, eats, takes a shower, talks with friends, etc.
ii. Excellent speeches contain a mixture of materials including quotes, illustrations, stories, and one’s own personal thoughts and interpretations.
The best speeches are ones that are birthed out of one’s own interests, perhaps consisting of a cause that one is truly passionate about. In fact, the same question for setting good goals can be used to select a topic for speech. This particular question posed by Michael Lightweaver is “What makes your heart sing?”
In addition to talking about one’s interests, a good practice is to know one’s audience and appeal to their interests as well. Don’t bore them with technical details unless one is speaking to a highly technical audience. Pay attention to what drives their team of horses and relate to this so that an emotional and intellectual connection can be made with the group of people whom one is speaking to. Facts presented must be painstakingly researched and acknowledge both sides of the issue. Carnegie stated, “All the facts on both sides of your subject must be collected, arranged, studied, (and) digested. Prove them; be sure they are facts; then think out yourself the solution those facts compel.”
In order to avoid information overload, Carnegie suggests sticking to one or two points and expanding on these concepts. For example, one might give a lecture on their own business, sharing information about how one entered into the business. The topic can be developed by expanding on the business’ struggles, defeats, hopes, and triumphs. Good content may also include what one has learned about the business enterprise.
iii. Use visualization techniques to improve memory recall.
At one point in Mark Twain’s career, he was delivering a lecture every night. To help him remember his points, he created pictures to correspond with each number and then associated his point with the picture. For instance, for number one, he would match his point with the word “run”; for number two, “zoo”, etc. Then the complete picture with all the objects would be rehearsed in his mind. Another strategy is repetition, which can be practically played out in usage, application, and discussion of talking points with others. A simple example of repetition is repeating someone’s name after one has been introduced to them in a sentence or by asking them a follow-up question.
iv. In the book, strategies are given in case of a speaker’s 911 emergency: a complete breakdown in which the script is completely forgotten.
One can use their last word, phrase, or sentence as a trigger and link for the beginning of a new sentence and ad lib from there. Carnegie identifies this as the “chain method of talking.” At that point, one can use a technique likened to Virginia Wolfe’s free association practice in which one can say whatever comes to mind. Moreover, perhaps time can be bought to recall the next bullet point on one’s outline. Similarly, another way to buy time is to divert the audience’s attention by asking: “Can everyone hear me in the back?”
Even though Carnegie encourages speakers not to use notes, one is more prone to having their mind go blank with this method. Nevertheless, the benefits of being able to speak freely to the audience include a better psycho-social relationship with the group since there is no distraction of visual aids and better body language with constant eye contact and attention to the crowd.
The laws of memory are impression, repetition, and association. Tasks associated with impression include concentration, close observation, and use of senses.
To assist in memory recall, it is helpful to employ these devices.
v. To keep the audience interested and awake, one must exude enthusiasm, passion, feeling, spirit, and heart.
The word enthusiasm comes from the Greek “en” meaning in and “theos” meaning God, translating as “God in us”. May the spirit of the Divine Presence be present in us when communicating with others. Carnegie gives several suggestions for boosting one’s enthusiasm when public speaking. First, dig deep down into one’s mind, heart, and life, bringing forth convictions and enthusiasms which are within one. Second, make gestures with one’s hands. Practice them when rehearsing a speech in front of others. Third, look in the audience’s eyes and be confident. Fourth, make proper use of the microphone, adjusting height, distance from one’s mouth, and volume if necessary. Fifth, love one’s audience.
vi. The key to good delivery, according to Carnegie, is personality, which is physical, spiritual, and mental. Tips to help one be more dynamic before an audience include being well rested. Prepare the speech way beforehand in comparison to at the last minute to avoid “bodily poison and brain fatigue.” Eat a light snack versus a large meal so that more energy can flow to the brain instead of the stomach. Synonymous terms to personality include: energy, charisma, life, warmth, and smile.
vii. Having a strong opening to a speech is absolutely crucial.
Professionals plan almost the precise words of both the opening and closing. The opening need not wander but seize the audience’s attention immediately. Good introductions may contain any of the following: quotations, questions, illustrations, exhibits, and shocking facts.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
In the future, as a counselor, mediator, or pastor, speaking is a key ingredient to successful job performance. By learning how to be a better speaker and writer step by step, I will be more effective in engaging my audience, communicating more clearly, and obtaining better results in the goals I am trying to accomplish.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “The truthful, inside story of almost any man’s life – if told modestly and without offending egotism – is most entertaining.”
Don’t be afraid to tell one’s own stories versus relying on materials from others. People will sense and resonate what one is passionate about because they will be able to sense the topic’s importance by the degree of one’s enthusiasm.
Quote #2: “Every great movement in the annals of history is the triumph of enthusiasm.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
People love others who are enthusiastic because the energy presented is catchy and electrifying to the audience. Like finding just the right kind of sauce to make one’s barbecue lip-smacking delicious, find the right flare to the topic one is presenting so that one is genuinely in love with the subject so much so that the audience will be able to detect this spark in the speech.
Quote #3: “Your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.”
No matter what anyone tells you, all other factors being equal, you are the one who determines your success.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes. I completed some of the vocal exercises and found them to be very helpful in practicing diaphragmatic breathing and good vocal technique and relaxation.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? Yes.
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.5
Difficult Conversations
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
There are many reasons difficult conversations occur. Each conversation has many components, and depending on how individuals respond to each other, the conversation can go smoothly or hit some rough waters. The authors dissect phrases of communication and give suggestions for building relationships and healthy discussions.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i) Each conversation is really three conversations involving three topics consisting of: a) what happened, b) feelings, and c) identity and self-worth.
The first conversation is about what happened or what should happen. Just like there are 5 Ws and 1 H to good reporting – the who, what, when, where, why and how questions – there are also several questions that are asked in the “what happened” segment of the conversation. In addition to the “what” question, focus is also placed on “who.” Who is responsible for the mishap? Who should have prevented the error from occurring? In summary, what and who questions are significant in this segment of the conversation.
The second conversation is about feelings. Similar to the first conversation, there are also several inherent questions that are often asked at this stage. Are my feelings legitimate? Should I recognize them or deny them? Should I share my feelings with the other person or not?
The third conversation is about identity or what the conversation tells us about ourselves as a person. Possible inquiries may include: A) Are we good or bad, competent or incompetent, lovable or unlovable? How will this issue affect our well-being or our future? Our answers to any of these questions are not always black and white, but most of the time, a mixture of gray. Nevertheless, the assessment of our responses indicates if we feel a sense of balance or not.
Based on studies of hundreds of conversations, research indicates that these three components are part of the structure of talks. Awareness of this fact allows one to dwell on the impact of these factors and plan their responses and behavior accordingly.
ii) People must feel understood and heard before they will even be willing to make a change.
A good conversation is a two way street consisting of listening and talking. The authors say that too often, people want to make sure their view is heard because they think they are right, and to them, this is the only opinion that matters.
A more helpful approach is to listen to the other person’s story. Just like you want to share your own story, they want to share their story and to be heard as well.
In studying the topic of peace and mediation for my dissertation, many of the peacebuilding models focus on deep listening. Listening to others shows you care about the other person, their perceptions, perspectives, and attitudes, spurring them to be more cooperative and conciliatory in their relationship with you.
iii) We see the world differently for three reasons.
a) We all have different information. At the scene of an accident, a detective interviewing three people can obtain three different stories because people have selective attention and different perspectives on the same event. The Bible is another good example because there are four different accounts of the same gospel story emphasizing different details.
b) We have different interpretations of the same facts. We interpret events according to our past experiences and our own implicit rules for how things should be done.
c) Our conclusions are impacted by our own self-interest. In psychology, this concept is related to the self-attribution theory in which people associate positive characteristics and events to their own behavior while negative characteristics and events are attributed to the other party.
iv) We often have wrong assumptions about people’s intentions based on their impact on us.
As humans, it is natural to try to figure out other’s intentions. Nevertheless, in the search for truth and in order to satisfy curiosity, people tend to assume their own rationalizations about others’ motivations and behaviors are correct when these hypotheses are based on their own subjectivity and self-interest. There is a necessity to get into the minds and hearts of the other to analyze behavior from their standpoint. Oftentimes, a person’s inability to empathize and understand another’s behavior from their point of view is the primary reason for continuous disagreement.
v) Good intentions do not prevent a negative impact.
Just because someone doesn’t intend to hurt someone doesn’t mean the person will not get hurt. There are two aspects to address: a) intention and b) impact and feeling. A person must not only examine what they intend to do but also the impact their actions will have on the other person, including taking a look at how the person’s feeling will be influenced, before they go through with their actions. Failure to perform this analysis may end up in a difficult conversation.
Assumptions can be made based on action and impact, but realize that assumptions are just this – guesses and hypotheses – not fact or truth.
vi) When a problem exists, one may either choose blame or contribution. Contribution is by far more productive and helpful.
Blame leads to defensiveness and inhibits another’s ability to learn the actual cause of the problem or take productive measures to correct the action. For example, I overheard a gentleman at the gym who attributed one hundred percent of the blame of his divorce to his ex-wife. He stated that she had been married a total of three times, and that with each marriage, she had been fiscally irresponsible. According to him, their breakup was all her fault.
The authors suggest that parties in difficult conversations need to be willing to take responsibility and own up to their contribution in the mishap. Good questions to ask to assist with this process include:
1) How did we each contribute to bringing about the current situation (versus a “who did it” mentality)?
2) What did we each do or not do to get ourselves in this mess?
3) How or what can we change to move forward?
vii) There are four barriers which prevent contribution.
1) Procrastination or avoidance of addressing an issue while it is fresh
2) Being unapproachable or “uninterested, unpredictable, short-tempered, judgmental, punitive, hypersensitive, argumentative or unfriendly”
3) “Intersections” – These are roadblocks in conversations which may include differences in background, preferences, communication style, or assumptions about relationships
4) Assumptions of role
viii) The authors offer three suggestions to assist in bringing about a change in another’s behavior.
1) Tell them the behavior that you would like them to change.
2) State what you want them to do differently.
3) Explain how their change in behavior would help you change your behavior.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
These ideas will help me be more successful facilitating reconciliation with clients and their families. The ideas will also help me be more thoughtful in my conversations with others and a more skilled artisan with my words to craft better conversations and relations with others.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “There’s only one way to come to understand the other person’s story…Instead of asking “How can they be so irrational?” ask “How might they see the world such that their view makes sense?”
When we experience differences with others, not only is it important to acknowledge these differences, but also to try to empathize and step in the other person’s world to see what they are thinking and why in order to try to understand their communication and behavior towards us.
Quote #2: “Our feelings are based on our perceptions and our perceptions are negotiable. As we see the world in new ways, our feelings shift accordingly. Before sharing feelings, then, it is crucial to negotiate – with ourselves.”
Our assumptions about other people, their attitude, and their behavior are not always correct. We need to examine how we understand others and make changes of how we see our world and the other person’s world knowing that our perceptions are impacted by a great many factors.
Quote #3: “In a difficult conversation, your primary task is not to persuade, impress, trick, outwit, convert, or win over the other person. It is to express what you see and why you see it that way, how you feel, and maybe who you are.”
When we are open and real with our conversations with others, they respect our sincerity, and have more of a tendency to be honest and true with us. Lines of communication are more likely to be kept open for better, fluid discussion.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Mediator’s Handbook
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The book is a treasure chest of tips and practical tools for one to be well underway at becoming a successful mediator or to fine tune the skills that one already possesses. Many wonderful examples are given of what to say in different circumstances or situations. In addition, there are numerous policy documents, worksheets, and evaluation forms in the appendix.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) There are many purposes for mediation, not just a goal of reaching an agreement.
a.) Mediation helps parties see the big picture. Not only are immediate, pressing complaints discussed, but also the general situation. All parties have the opportunity of bringing to the table issues that brought them to the mediation session that are not part of the official problem.
b.) In contrast to a counseling situation, venting one’s emotions is not the primary focus or goal. Expressing strong emotion is fine as long as one is not attacking the other party.
c.) Like the art of counseling, parties come up with their own solutions; mediators only facilitate with this process. Solutions are mutually agreed upon.
d.) According to the Quakers’ point of view, success is more than just an end, but a means and an end. The goal of mediation is to assist people in improving future relations and gaining confidence and skill in handling conflicts. Although problem-solving is both important and necessary, a detailed agreement is not the only determinant of success nor is it the ultimate measure of success.
e.) Even though parties may not leave a mediation session as the best of friends nor do mediators push parties to reconcile, a goal is for parties to come to a better understanding and obtain more empathy for the other person’s point of view.
Before reading this book, my thoughts were that the chief, central aim of mediation was to obtain an agreement. Now, I have come to see and agree with the authors that mediation is just as much or even more so about personal growth, reconciliation, and understanding of another’s worldview as it is a formal piece of paper.
ii.) Meditation isn’t just an automatic, quick fix. There are certain conditions that must be present in order for the process to work.
a.) The involved parties must want a resolution or a change.
In my informal mediation work with contentious parades in Northern Ireland, it is a fact that the Orange Order has continued to have the same policy of not even speaking to parties who have a legitimate interest and concern with their activities let alone meeting with them to open up the opportunity for understanding and dialogue. This is why there has been a stalemate for over several decades.
b.) All the important stakeholders come to the table. All parties must be given an opportunity to have their say.
c.) Eventually, the parties are able to express the reasons for their distress and discomfort. Just like the formation of a relationship, building trust and an environment of safety where people feel comfortable to share their grievances may take time, but the waiting period is such a good investment in relationships and in making progress.
d.) The mediator functions to sustain and control the process.
e.) The parties have the ability and capacity to live up to and honor their promises.
iii.) A mediator has certain traits and characteristics that make them suitable for the job.
a.) They are a good communicator with strong interpersonal skills and the ability to pay close attention to what another is saying.
b.) They are able and comfortable to be directive and to confront.
c.) They are okay with intense emotion, arguments, interruptions, and tears.
d.) They are respected and trusted.
e.) They are creative and imaginative in solving problems.
f.) They are patient and perseverant as parties slowly make their way to resolution.
g.) They are able to empathize, understand, and withhold judgment.
h.) They are fair and impartial, possessing the ability to place aside one’s own opinions, reactions, and possibly principles.
i.) They do not have a lot of need for recognition, credit, or having things turn out their way.
iv.) There are several components to a solid written agreement:
a.) Details should be specified and include specifics of who, what, and when. The clearer the document is, the less there are chances for misunderstandings in the end.
b.) The document is fair, evenhanded and not conditional. Whenever possible, emphasize mutual actions of both parties. For example, John agrees to ____ (task) on ____ (specific time and day). Jane agrees to ____ (task) on ____ (specific time and day). This is better than saying: If John agrees to this, then Jane agrees to this.
c.) Use wording that is clear, concise, familiar, and understandable. Whenever one is able, use the particular wording of the parties. Avoid legalese, but do make short, straightforward sentences. Avoid ambiguous words such as (respect, soon, take care of, neighborly, communicate). Anything that can be interpreted more than one way needs to be clarified so that there is ideally only one meaning.
d.) Emphasize positive action rather than the negative or what parties say that they are not going to do. (E.g. Jane agrees to _____ instead of Jane must _____ and will not _____.)
e.) If there are any pending proceedings, the agreement should say what will happen to those proceedings.
f.) The agreement will give directions as to what will happen in the future. If problems arise, who will handle them and how? Usually a part of case managers’ duties when working for social service agencies is to make up an emergency plan with each family they work with in case the unforeseeable arises. This activity is very similar to the work of a mediator’s duty of trying to predict what will happen in the future and including this in a document to attempt to provide for what may happen.
v.) There are four elements of good attention.
a.) Focus – Pay attention to the speaker only, not thinking about how one will respond back. This skill may not be as easy to put into practice as it sounds considering research shows that untrained listeners only retain about 50% of what they hear. Nevertheless, as Dale Carnegie has suggested, half the battle with remembering is focusing and paying excellent attention to the words being said.
b.) Suspend and withhold judgment – Put aside thoughts of a) what the person should do, b) who is “right”, and c) what one would have done in the same or similar circumstances.
c.) Impartiality and openness – One shows that they are listening by their facial expressions and posture. Give head nods and murmurs to all, not just the speaker.
d.) Caring – Be aware of the speaker as a person and human. Acknowledge the pain they have experienced living and in conflict. Be interested in their concerns.
vi.) Although subtle, setting the tone to the mediation session is a necessary part to success.
A tone can be established by many factors such as dress, room set up, offer of food, greetings, responses to outbursts, and through characteristics such as respect, honesty, confidence, kindness, attention, seriousness, and friendliness.
It is important to remember that an environment that promotes “civil interactions and the courage to be honest” is the goal. Also, don’t depersonalize an individual, but treat them as a person and not just as a role or case.
vii.) Encouragement is an important ingredient to infuse parties with the strength and motivation to continue to work on and overcome difficult issues.
Being a motivator means helping others see potential and hope in themselves and in possibilities they may not be able to see.
a.) Remind them of the positive steps that have already been taken.
b.) Give them a progress report on what you’ve seen them accomplished.
c.) Express your confidence that they can resolve the issue.
d.) Offer them your active support.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
The lessons will help me in my volunteer work as an informal mediator, in my career, and in my relationships with others, enabling me to be more productive and fruitful when seeking conflict resolution.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
No.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9.5
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.5
Mediation and Facilitation Training Manual:
Foundations and Skills for Constructive Conflict Transformation
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The book is a compilation of articles by various authors which provide helpful information about different aspects of mediation including communication, conflict resolution, culture, and peace.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) There is a cycle of reconciliation within the context of relationships.
a. Open relationship. A certain degree of risk is involved in a healthy relationship. Promises are made and accepted. Trust is developed on the basis of if the information is handled responsibly or not.
b. Injury. Injury results when expectations are not met. According to the author, injury happens in all relationships. The risk results in a “bad outcome” or a “good outcome”.
c. Withdrawal. When injury occurs, there is a response which can include withdrawal either emotionally and/or physically. Physical withdrawal may result in a party leaving the room and avoidance of the other person. According to the author, emotional withdrawal always occurs. Although this coping mechanism may seem negative on the face, the tactic is actually a healthy reaction and akin to a survival skill when facing real and present danger. After a time, people oftentimes try to “head reconciliation” or reconcile on an intellectual level.
d. Self-awareness. This step allows one to move beyond withdrawal and is comprised of several steps.
* Being aware of and accepting one’s emotions. It’s helpful to name one’s emotions to others.
* The mindfulness that an injury may trigger reminiscence of an older, more painful memory.
* Acknowledge one’s own power in the conflict. One’s responses to others hold tremendous authority.
e. Internal Commitment to Reconciliation. This is primarily a head decision versus that of the heart to put forth the required effort to be reconciled. This is a commitment that is made after careful consideration and willingness to take risks again.
A good book to determine how deep to dive into the relationship again is Fool-proofing Your Life by Jan Silvius.
f. Act of Risk. Once a choice has been made, there are opportunities to take a risk. Nevertheless, the authors point out that it is essential to choose a risk one is able to be rejected from on an emotional and intellectual level.
ii.) Conflict is oftentimes necessary for freedom and justice.
Joseph J. Fahey, author of the article Conflict Creation, states “there can be no authentic harmony or reconciliation without justice, and justice will almost never be secured without struggle since, in King’s words, ‘freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor.’”
The fact that mediators tend to both stir up conflict and work towards peace is widely accepted by scholars in the area of conflict resolution. Instead of seeing conflict as a deterrent, conflict needs to be embraced as a positive source and catalyst for social change and justice.
iii.) A party’s feeling of powerlessness is at the heart of conflict.
There are many sources of powerlessness including outcome, process, social esteem, self-esteem, and existential issues. Even if the powerlessness is legitimate and not just perceived or created by someone’s internal psychic state, one can offset the imbalance by maintaining a high self-esteem and sense of being loved. A good source of this love can be from the Divine.
Ron Kraybill writes, “If I know that I am loved eternally in the universe, I possess greater tolerance if my neighbor or colleague communicates disrespectfully with me. If I truly respect myself, I am less likely to feel threatened by a bad decision-making process. Not that I will be indifferent or acquiescent to violations by others. Rather, I possess the inner strength and calmness to respond with constructive assertiveness, not with frantic aggressiveness.”
Even though Kraybill’s friend mediates between people who have much more power than she, she stated that when mediating between groups, very seldom does she feel like there is nothing she can do when difficulties surface. She states, “Even when others have more institutional or political power than I, I am able to respond constructively. Often this influences others.”
iv.) People have a need to portray their identity to others, a component that states “this is who I am.”
There are many elements which comprise one’s identity which include a) race, b) sex, c) religion, d) age, e) class, f) education, g) region, h) sexual orientation, i) language, j) family, etc.
A source of conflict are forms of identity based on differences. These differences can create divisions by contributing to a simplified view of reality such as seeing people as just good or bad. Cliques can form and materialize as in-groups and out-groups.
As humans, we are not perfect. We all make mistakes and have some less than positive or desirable traits. If we recognize these humble truths about ourselves and one another, love and grace towards humanity becomes easier and flow more smoothly. Then, one must take this awareness one more step by putting it into practice towards the people we are in conflict with or by helping groups act on the principles of love, grace, and mercy.
v.) Centered speaking invites others to share from their center by providing information about what is happening on the inside of us at the core of our center or heart.
One centers their speaking by providing information about one’s emotions, needs, preferences, and the impact of the situation on oneself. This technique is known as “I-messages.”
An effective format to use for centered speaking includes: “I feel…when you…because…” or “The effect of this situation on me is…”
This communication is most effective when:
* The feelings which are relayed are the ones experienced in the current moment
* Events and problems are specific and not general
* Responsibility is taken first for self
vi.) There are four essential values and principles of peace.
a. Conflicts cannot be resolved and peace cannot be made unless the roots of the conflicts are identified and dealt with. The symptoms or surface issues need to be addressed, but the cause such as underlying substantive and emotional issues must be treated as well.
b. Peace can only be attained by justice and fairness of the process as well as the outcome of the settlement.
All parties rights must be acknowledged. A good settlement balances both the interests of the parties in conflict as well as those of non-represented parties and society in general.
c. People’s needs are not totally incompatible.
Common interests and objectives can be discovered oftentimes with the help of an uninterested third party. If human needs are acknowledged, a creative solution for all contestants may be possible.
d. Successful conflict resolution includes the restructuring of relationships.
John Burton states that these relationships consist of “a transition from an order based on coercion to one based on voluntarism; from a relationship characterized by hierarchy to one marked by equality, participation, respect, mutual enrichment, and growth.”
Mutual respect and egalitarianism towards humanity is much more conducive to peace and the building of strong, positive relationships than dominance, coercion, shame, humiliation, inducement of fear, and incitement of violence.
vii.) People bring their own cultural assumptions to the table when performing cross-cultural work.
When contacting various churches in Ireland and Northern Ireland for Gods_i_international to attempt to start a web-based economic forum, I discovered important differences between the social welfare system and pastoral ministry there in comparison to here in the United States. First, the churches are not as involved in supplementing the social welfare program because the government provides an excellent, comprehensive program. Second, since there are many small country churches, a pastor may have three or four churches s/he may be in charge of in comparison to here where most of the time the maximum number would be two churches.
Initially, I approached the project from my worldview instead of theirs. When doing cross-cultural work, it is best to research the cultural backdrop initially to check to see if there are any differences, and if there are distinctions, how to accommodate for these upfront.
a. One must learn more about themselves to see what cultural assumptions they bring to the table.
b. One must learn more about others and the cultural assumptions present in others’ culture and draw from the resources of the culture.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
When working with different groups for Gods_i_international, I will be more aware of special dynamics which are present such as culture, power, balance, and communication.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
No. My quotes are inserted into the answers to the questions.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 8.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 8.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? Yes.
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8
Ten Days to More Confident Public Speaking
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The book is divided into ten days of tips and techniques to empower one to become a more proficient and prolific public speaker.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) There are many techniques to help a speaker become more relaxed before and during their presentation. Some of these same exercises are ones utilized in meditation.
a. Deep Breathing. Laskowski says this is one of the best activities to do for five to ten minutes before speaking. Basically, one sits very relaxed in a chair and then inhales and exhales very deep breaths. One can do this with eyes open or eyes closed. After inhaling, hold the breath three to four seconds and slowly exhale. Repeat.
b. Visualization. One closes their eyes and imagines they are speaking just as how they want to perform – in a loud, clear, confident voice. See the audience fascinated and enthused by the words that one is saying.
Visualization can be used for any art form or sport event. In fact, several authors in the IIGL curriculum have stated that when training Olympians, the most successful athletes visualize the actual event from start to finish many times before actually competing. A powerful principle taught is that the mind cannot tell the difference between a visualization in the brain and what occurs in reality.
Therefore, imagining an outstanding speaking performance is translated as an actual excellent performance, increasing one’s odds that this will in fact occur on the day one gives their speech.
c. Positive Self-Talk. This concept is very similar to what was learned in the book Success Through Positive Mental Attitude and Law of Attraction. The positive focus of one’s thoughts and goals exponentially increases one’s chance in achieving their targets. In Laskowski’s words, “The power of the mind is truly amazing, and those who have a positive outlook experience success, which in turn builds confidence.”
Positive self-talk is not limited by the inclusion of words but is akin to visualization in that the technique can include positive imagery such as the audience giving one a standing ovation once a performance is over.
ii.) Regardless of the length of a speech, a speech should contain three main sections including the introduction, body, and conclusion.
a. Introduction. The three sub-sections of the introduction are the introductory grabber, the purpose, and the agenda.
Just like the first several lines of a cover letter or resume’ must grab the attention of a hiring manager or, most likely, one’s application gets tossed, the introduction must immediately grab the listener’s attention so they are pulled into the speech and are just dying to hear more. Material suggestions for the use of the introductory grabber include the use of statistics, humor, or an answer to the question “What’s in it for me?”
b. The Body. This section, of course, is where the main idea is presented. Appropriate time limits are discussed for an appropriate number of main points such as 20 minutes: 4 points; 30 minutes: 4-6 points; and 60 minutes: 6-8 points.
c. The Conclusion. The conclusion reviews what was discussed and aims to leave the listener reflecting upon the content. The three sub-sections of the conclusion include a) the review, b) the call to action, and c) the closing grabber.
iii.) According to Tony Jeary, the author of Inspire Any Audience, there are several subconscious desires of the audience:
a. To belong
b. To be respected
c. To be liked
d. To be safe
e. To succeed
f. To be inspired
g. To be romanced
When planning a speech, one should try to fill as many of these desires as possible. For example, one might fill the need to belong if speaking to a large group by planning a brief time in which an attendee introduces one to another and asks why the person is attending the event along with another question pertaining to the conference theme.
I imagine that the fulfillment of these desires has a similar effect to the meeting of needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. For example, when the most important needs of physiology and safety are met, there is more hope for the accomplishment of self-actualization and pursuit of intellectual pursuits.
iv.) Use good rapport with your audience, as if you are building a friendship with them. Five key points were discussed:
a. Greet your audience.
b. Begin on time, rewarding people who go out of their way to be early.
c. Recognize people by name.
d. Make eye contact.
e. Pay attention to comments and suggestions.
f. Schedule breaks.
g. Reward participants for valuable comments and contributions.
h. Make yourself available for follow-up.
Currently, I teach a spiritual study. Although intellectual content is important, I am very purposeful in planning fellowship activities such as birthday celebrations to allow opportunities for people to get to know one another, support, and encourage each other, which fulfills the need to belong and be loved. This need may be even more crucial at conferences when people may be attending alone by themselves as fulfillment of an employment requirement or to gain continuing education units. Even though the speaker may feel alone themselves, making friends with the attendees is very important, making the attendees (and in turn, oneself) feel more comfortable as well.
v.) Keep the audience alert, awake, and entertained. Statistics show that the audience will only retain about fifty percent of what they hear. If the groups falls asleep because you as speaker bore them to death, this statistic quickly drops to zero! Thus, ten tips are given to liven up one’s talk.
a. Use effective transitions between sentences, ideas, and topics
b. Let the audience participate and be involved
c. Physically move around
d. Smile
e. Make good eye contact
f. Involve your audience mutually
g. Involve your audience physically by having them stretch or dangle their arms at their sides
h. Give the audience clear directions
i. Conduct a verbal survey – questions and answers
j. Interact with the audience and take time to converse with them
vi.) The use of physical actions drastically improve the audience’s reception rate.
a. Actions make the message more meaningful.
b. People are more alert with speakers which move since looking at moving objects is natural.
c. There is more remembrance of messages which engage multiple senses with the use of gestures, body movement, and facial expression.
d. Physical movement can punctuate speech.
vii.) Use humor.
Humor can be used to a) connect with people and bring them closer together emotionally, b) offer encouragement and a brighter side during a difficult time, and c) entertain and invigorate a speech. Most audiences prefer the use of humor in suitable quantities.
Examples of humorous techniques which can be used include: anachronisms, audience jokes, false guest speakers, cartoons, comic verse, exaggeration, extremely false statistics, roast humor, quotes, and self-efficacy humor.
Although I have a humorous side, I cannot say I am a natural comedian. Thus, sometimes, I purposefully insert jokes in my lesson plans when I teach. Other times, humor will just flow at the right moment. Regardless of the degree of spontaneity, a dash of wit in talks can be used to spark the audience’s tastebuds.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
Improving one’s public speaking is helpful to anyone because even if one is not a public speaker for a living, most folks speak thousands of words each day. Good communication skills are keys to success in most any profession.
Learning how to be a better speaker will help me as an employee, volunteer, neighbor, family member, and friend.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “You are your own best coach. Your thoughts, either positive or negative, determine the success of your presentation.”
One’s positive mental attitude largely determines the outcome of one’s destiny.
Quote #2: “Change your speech by ten percent each time you present it, and incorporate new material or techniques.”
I have a web-ministry portal in which I post a devotional every weekend. Once in a blue moon, I will post one of my old abstracts that I have written in the past. I enjoy the opportunity of revising the old data and adding new, fresh content with the help of divine inspiration.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? Yes.
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
You Just Don’t Understand
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
Men and women have two different ways of communicating to one another, both in speaking and listening. In general, while men are more competitive, women are more collaborative.
Throughout the book, based on research and years in the field of linguistics, Dr. Tannen relays helpful insights about how men and women communicate. It is important to remember, however, that these statements are generalizations and that not everyone relates to each other in such a manner. Each individual communicates in their own unique style to another person.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) Oftentimes for men, conversations are an attempt to achieve status and power. Tannen writes, “For them, life is a contest in which they are constantly tested and must perform, in order to avoid the risk of failure.”
Men are a lot more competitive in conversation in comparison to women. The search for status is achieved by being in the know in the news, politics, and other subjects of interest.
Tannen writes, “In this world, conversations are negotiations in which people try to achieve and maintain the upper hand if they can, and protect themselves from others’ attempts to put them down and push them around.”
This perspective was very eye-opening to me. I had never thought about conversations as opportunities to compete for status, but now that I think about it, I have conversed with people who see dialogue as an opportunity to overpower the other conversationalist and prove themselves to be better.
ii.) Women tend to see conversation as a “network of connections.”
Dr. Tannen states that the goal of the relationship is to give confirmation and support, to preserve intimacy and avoid isolation. Rather than to jockey for status or position, women tend to seek friendships, making the conversation’s focus to build and develop relationships.
I relate to what Dr. Tannen says about why women converse since I tend to take this approach by viewing conversations as an opportunity to build friendships, communicate information, and get to know other people.
iii.) Many women like to consult with men about decisions before making them, but men see the discussions as laborious.
According to the author, women see the discussion as the incorporation of involvement and communication. On the other hand, most men just like acting on a decision versus having a lengthy discussion about it.
When I have a major decision to make, I like to consult as many people as possible to get wise counsel instead of making a decision all by myself. The more wisdom and input I have, the smarter the decision will be. With minor decisions, I tend to make them on my own unless I think it is wise to consult on something that I am not 100 percent sure about.
iv.) People may relate to each other on different hierarchical levels or sameness. These levels include a) being one up, b) being one down, or c) being the same.
For example, when trying to ask a favor from someone, one may approach the matter from the standpoint that they are “one up” by being in a position of authority or a high ranking official. The example used in the book was of a city official requesting a license from a person.
On the flip side is the one down approach. According to the author, the idea here is to have a person feel sorry for you or give you special consideration because of your lower or needy status. For example, a former pastor told me that a homeless people came around every once in a while to ask for meals or housing assistance.
Both of these are examples of relating to a person on an asymmetrical level. Another option is relating to another based on your similarity with them.
For example, you may be from the same town as someone, have a similar hobby, know someone in common, or share a birthday. Sharing a trait, a hobby, or life passion tends to create a shared bond as well.
My leadership style is generally horizontal. I like to communicate with people on the same level. On occasion, I have had conversations with men who like to communicate on an asymmetrical level. Although this is not my preferred style, at least now I see the reason why they may tend to communicate this way.
v.) Studies have shown that the ways women and men engage in a conversation are based on the how each other relate in their childhood.
For example, the author states that from childhood, girls offer criticism to those who try to stand out or appear better than the other girls. This point underscores the fact that women look at conversation as a way to establish rapport with one another.
During childhood, boys learn that talking is a way to get and keep attention. Thus in adulthood, men see talk primarily as a way to keep independence and negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. In adulthood, men do this by demonstrating knowledge and skill, and through occupying the limelight by the means of storytelling, joking, or giving information.
A few of the male friends I know really like to stay in the know in areas such as politics and history. They lead in these areas in conversations. It seems to me that they enjoy their leadership role in expressing information, but I am not sure whether or not they study this information because they like to learn or if it is to maintain a dominant role in conversations or both.
vi.) Not only do the purpose of conversations differ, but also what the basis is for making the relationship stronger.
For example, for women, talking is the building block of the relationship. Just the act of talking to one another about life issues, relationships, and the other topics of importance and the expression of support and encouragement to one another is the foundation for a stronger relationship.
But for men, doing activities with one another is more meaningful than as well as talking about these activities as well. Many men enjoy going to sporting events with one another such as fishing, hunting, or baseball. Just this activity is enough to build a bond of friendship for them.
vii.) Men and women differ in terms of how often they communicate with one another.
From the author’s interviews, some men said they did not discuss problems with anyone. Those who did discuss their problems said that they had a tendency to discuss them with women friends. Some said they discussed them with a man friend.
While men could go days, weeks, and even months without talking to male friends, most women were in constant contact with women friends and discussed even minor decisions with them.
I tend to be in between on this one. I usually don’t talk with my friends every day but I do keep in relatively close contact with them, discussing major decisions as well as minor ones at times.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
Now I understand men more, their communication styles, and what motivates them when conversing with others. It appears from the book that most men communicate with the “one up” approach, at least when talking with other men and perhaps with other women too.
Understanding a man’s way of communicating with another is important and useful in conversing with a man on their level if this is the communication style they use.
Although the information in this book is very insightful, one cannot make sweeping generalizations about all the people they meet based on the knowledge gleaned, and in fact, it is dangerous to do so. Nevertheless, the studies and interviews conducted give helpful insights into understanding human behavior and communication better.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “The most negative image of gossip reflects a situation in which destructive rumors that have no basis in fact are spread.”
Talking about others in negative ways, whether true or false, just does not pay and is not very smart.
Quote #2: “True friends, everyone feels, do not repeat their friends’ secrets to others.”
Sharing intimate thoughts, reflections, and feelings with another is a the basis for trust in a relationship. Once this trust is broken, it may be difficult to win back.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? Yes.
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8
Manage Your Time to Reduce Your Stress
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The book provides many wonderful depictions of stress management techniques and activities supported by numerous examples from real-life stories. In addition, there were exercises at the end of each chapter for the individual to evaluate areas of one’s life that need improvement and motivational questions to spur one to practically implement stress management strategies.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) There are many coping strategies that are useful for combating stress. Such techniques include exercising, relaxing, practicing good nutrition, doing recreational activities, being assertive, taking time-outs, and using humor.
When I first took my new therapist job at Prestera Center in November 2011, I was very stressed out. There was so much to learn in such a short amount of time. I really enjoy running and exercising, so I made it a point to exercise on average three times a week, usually directly after work, even if I didn’t really feel like it. Exercising not only helped me reduce stress, but also increased endorphin levels and kept me in shape. In addition, other favorite activities include reading, running, praying, talking with family and friends, and watching movies or my favorite TV shows such as Flashpoint, Cold Case, and Criminal Minds.
ii.) “Our stress level has nothing to do with the demands made upon us and everything to do with our response.”
I like this quote a lot because even when we have very stressful situations, we are still able to choose our response to these situations. Someone stated, “Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.” I truly believe this. I tell my clients that even when we are going through the toughest circumstances, even though they may not be fun, there are always lessons that we can learn from not-so-positive events. In graduate school, one of the most valuable lessons I learned is no one can make you feel a certain way; you choose to feel a certain way. This lesson can also directly apply to our reaction towards stress and our management of stress. Although we may not be able to change the person or circumstance that is causing the stress, we can choose our response to the scenario. Will it make us or break us? Will it crush our character or develop our character?
iii.) “Most of us don’t work in a place or live in a world that has a system for rewards or appreciation. So guess where I think the reward or appreciation has to come from? Not from the boss – when they go to ‘Boss School’ they learn delegation, leadership, and how to spell ‘priorities,’ but not how to show appreciation.”
Basically, it is up to us to reward ourselves for a job well done. In grade school, I remember getting stickers for excellent papers or “A+”s. Now as an adult, there are not many accolades. Motivation and encouragement must come from within in order to succeed. In one of the leadership books in our curriculum, I remember the author stating that the most important voice that determines our success is not the voice of others, but our inner voice.
A couple of weeks ago, I renewed my subscription to Netflix. Lately, I have been really motivated to watch action-packed TV programs and films such as Flashpoint, Cold Case, Criminal Minds, the National Geographic episodes of West Point, a movie about the Green Berets, and so forth.
In completing level three, one of my goals was joining the US Army. At that time, I was targeting a specific field. However, now, since I like my therapist position so well, I would like to aim for being a part-time soldier with a full-time commitment by serving in the Army National Guard as an Officer. If I obtain this lofty goal, I would be assigned to a field that was in most need of my talents after selecting three preference areas. I’d love to be an MP, military police, but it would be great just to have the opportunity to gain leadership skills, implement them, and serve my country – the United States of America. Being a leader in the army would also be an excellent culmination and implementation of the skills I learned from IIGL.
I subscribe to the philosophy of Just War, meaning that I believe war should be used as a last resort. In fulfillment of one of my other goals, I will attend a 40-hour mediation training mandated by the State of West Virginia to become a court-appointed mediator. There is a time to talk and/or a time for war if necessary.
One obstacle I will have to overcome is weaning off my anti-depressant medication for a year before boot camp if I am accepted. Many people look down on those who have been depressed, but depression is a real thing. It doesn’t mean a person is weak, but may mean that a person has a chemical imbalance in their brain. If you adhere to this former philosophy, here is some helpful reading material: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001941/
I became depressed in October 2011 when my unemployment started running out and my chances of finding a good job looked very slim to none. Then, the therapist position at Prestera Center opened up. With the stress of a new job, I really did not feel at peak performance until the second week in January 2012. I love my job as a therapist because I have the opportunity to help others. Now, I am doing really, really well. However, with daily exercise, I believe I can overcome my depression without medication again.
Another obstacle in achieving this goal would be running the distance of 3 or 4 miles, but I plan on working on this with my treadmill at home, preferably by working out every day including riding my bike outside.
Since West Virginia extends the age of applicants to enter the Guard, I feel like I have been given another shot at what has been a burning desire in my heart for over a decade. I may not succeed, but I know one thing – I am not going to quit until I pursue this one last time. I am not going to quit – I am not a quitter. I am going for the green and gold wholeheartedly!
iv.) “Pursuing excellence will allow you to continue to strive for success (however you may define it) without stressing over what is beyond your control.”
I am a firm believer in reaching for the moon. If I only obtain a cloud, then at least I achieved higher than I ever thought I would.
v.) “What is Success? a) Setting goals but not in concrete b) Staying focused but turning aside to help someone c) Following a plan but remaining flexible d) Moving ahead but not too fast to smell the flowers e) Taking a bow but applauding those who had a part in your success”
These principles are important to me because they remind me to be flexible, help myself and help others at the same time, and be sure to appreciate those who helped me along the way.
vi.) “Surround yourself with nourishing people, not toxic ones.” quoted from John Bradshaw’s Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child
Upon moving to a new location, I had the task of making new friends. This always brings me out of my comfort zone because although I can keep and cherish old friends, I had to meet and make new friends locally and am still in the process of doing so. If you like people, does this process really ever end? It may just become less intense.
Some people who I have met talk negatively about others. I cannot stand this. To me, this is very toxic, and I have made a conscious decision to be nice and friendly, but to not have serious relations with those who gossip about others (After all, you know these types are talking about you behind their backs as well!) My aura is bothered by this, so it is best to secure true relations with those who build up rather than tear down.
Although, I know if I make it into the army, my drill sergeants will tear me down to shreds so I can be built up to be strong to lead and be prepared in case of enemy capture. This is their job and they do well at this.
vii.) “If you don’t know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.” ~Henry Kissinger
One of the most valuable lessons I have learned from the IIGL leadership program is setting goals and making action plans to work towards those goals. Someone once said, if you aim for nothing, you’ll hit the mark every time. When we have a map of what we want to accomplish, we are more likely to achieve and succeed.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
This book has been very inspiring to me. Many of the tips, I already knew; however, the material was very refreshing and helped me to put these ideas into practice. I found the book so useful that I am going to teach some of the exercises to my therapy groups and already have begun to pass on some of the principles. Now, I am more motivated to accomplish my goals.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
I quoted material above.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes, they were very helpful.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
The Argument Culture: Moving from Debate to Dialogue
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea that the author is trying to convey is that when debating, negotiating, or mediating between people, there is an alternative between winning and losing. One can consider the other person’s point of view and not discard their perspective completely, treating the information like a buffet – taking the entrees one enjoys and either trying or avoiding the rest.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. One should attempt to listen and understand another versus attempt to attack, defend, and criticize.
When you are arguing with someone, Tannen points out that most of the time, a person is not listening to the person they are arguing with but instead preparing their counterargument against the other person. Tannen writes, “Instead, you’re readying your response: listening for weaknesses in logic to leap on, points you can distort to make the other person look bad and yourself look good.”
My thoughts about this are if one is actively preparing their counterargument while one is speaking, then how can they be truly listening to all of what the other person is saying? Better yet, if one is preparing an attack so to speak, how is one truly grasping what the other person is saying and trying to understand their perspective?
The best method is to listen closely and formulate one’s response based on what is said, truly trying to comprehend what the other person is communicating. In addition, why does one person have to look good and the other person look bad? Aiming for a win-win solution would be the most effective and efficient argument.
ii. There is not only more than one way to skin a cat, but also more than one way to communicate the same set of information.
Tannen writes about what a woman stated when someone was smoking in an area in which they were not supposed to smoke: “Instead of saying to him ‘You aren’t allowed to smoke in here. Put that out,’ I say, ‘I’m awfully sorry, but I have asthma, so your smoking makes it hard for me to breathe. Would you mind terribly not smoking?’
To me, the most common way is being authoritarian and addressing the issue as if one is the authority. The other way is allowing the person to feel empathy for one’s own personal situation and posing an option to a person versus a directive. In Tannen’s words, “She gave him a face-saving way of doing what she asked, one that allowed him to feel chivalrous rather than chastised.”
There is more than one way to skin a cat. For example, in my lifetime, I have found that many leaders may be promoted to their positions because of skill and experience, but they have not had any leadership training, and thus, do not excel as leaders. In preparing for my last job search, I underwent much training to present my academic and work experience credentials in the most positive light in an extremely competitive job market. Even though I had great experience and education, I needed to polish up my presentation to place myself in a better light.
In leadership, I feel one also requires qualities of good leadership in addition to excellent skills and experience if one wishes to be the best and most leader possible.
iii. Words can be used to either build up someone or tear them down. So few words can be used to tear someone down.
Tannen writes, “Words can be like weapons of destruction: It takes so much effort, and the cooperation of so many people, to build something-and so little effort of so few to tear it down.”
There is a saying that goes, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can’t hurt a thing.” This is not true. Verbal scars often last longer and have a bigger impact than physical scars. A physical bruise can go away in months, but oftentimes a cruel word said by a close family member or friend in the heat of an argument can last for decades and even a lifetime. We need to be careful about what we say and only speak words that build up instead of tear down.
iv. There is a difference between how Americans settle fights and how the rest of the world does. Oftentimes, Americans want to solve disputes for themselves. An example of this is when parents tell children to go and settle fights for themselves on the playground between their child and the avenging party versus having a teacher or themselves and the other child’s parents to act as intermediaries. Tannen mentions that even psychologists “regard it as a sign of maturity” when a person settles their own dispute to a third party.
In contrast, many other people in the world expect conflicts to be resolved by intermediaries. In general, this reflects a more collaborative spirit of the world versus a more independent spirit of Americans. For example, some cultures designate, as part of tradition, family or community to resolve disputes as the acceptable method of dispute resolution.
v. There are many advantages to having an intermediary.
a. Mediators can save face for the parties involved by giving an apology on behalf of someone.
b. They can absorb rejections without taking them personally.
c. Mediators can pressure someone to act without the negative consequences which can happen when one acts on the behalf of themselves.
Tannen writes, “community pressure takes the place of a humiliating one-on-one confrontation.”
vi. One of the most effective ways for tensions between groups to dissipate is to have individuals get to know one another personally. This is the case with, for instance, Israeli and Palestinian women and Catholic and Protestant youth in Ireland and Northern Ireland respectively. In fact, there was a great film called about an exchange program in America for Catholic and Protestant youth.
vii. Approach ideas different than your own with an open mind and acceptance. English Professor Peter Elbow calls this the “believing game.” Tannen writes:
“This does not mean accepting everything without thinking deeply about it. It simply asks you to give it a whirl: Read as if you believed, and see where it takes you. Then you can go back and ask whether you want to accept or reject elements in the argument or the whole argument or idea.”
Tannen writes out some “rules of engagement” in her closing argument:
* Don’t demonize those with whom you disagree.
* Don’t affront their deepest moral commitments.
* Talk less of rights, which are nonnegotiable, and more of needs, wants, and interests.
Leave some issues out.
Engage in a dialogue of convictions: Don’t be so reasonable and conciliatory that you lose touch with a core of belief you feel passionately about. I love to participate in a good debate; however, I have learned to do so by being agreeable and respectful to the other party. To me, the art of argument is like verbal jousting with another person. I like the intellectual challenge. The older I become, the more I am open to consider the ideas of other people.
I believe everyone has a story to tell and that we can learn a little something from everyone we meet. Thus, it is best to keep an eye open for that golden nugget of truth and knowledge from each person we come in contact with.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
In terms of having discussion with others, one must listen carefully to what the other person states and play “the believing game” by being open to the other’s perspective on an issue before articulating one’s carefully thought out response back to them.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
No. See above.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 8
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? no
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8
What You Can Change and What You Can’t
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
Dr. Seligman provides an overview of the major psychological disorders as well as multiple psychiatric and psychological strategies for treatment.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) “Abraham Maslow urged ‘self-actualization’ as the highest form of human motivation, though it is only when more basic needs—like food, safety, love, and self-esteem are slaked that we can achieve it.”
Although this idea may not be new to mental health professionals, the thought is certainly profound. When we think about how Maslow’s hierarchy of needs applies to developing countries, children must be provided with the basic necessities of life in order for them to even begin thinking or dreaming about their future and how they are going to make a difference in the world. Basic necessities include food, shelter, and housing.
Safety is also important. Have you ever been in a situation when your life is compromised? I cannot say that I have felt this fear on a daily basis for months or even years at a time as some have felt, but I have experienced this circumstance several times in my life…when hit by a car while running, when sliding off the interstate during a flash-flood, and when neighbors beat on the side of my apartment several nights during the span of one week. All I could think about was how to protect myself and be safe. The provision of a safe home and safety in general is a necessity in order for upper-level thinking to occur.
The topic most written about in music is love, demonstrating the significance of love in a person’s life. If one is not loved, how can one love another? Jesus emphasized the importance of both love and love of thyself in these two commands:
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
Love your neighbor as thyself.
There are two key sources that can provide love: the Divine and flesh. In addition to experiencing the love of God, people also need to experience love from people with flesh.
How can we show people around the world that we love them, and can we combine this love with provision of basic necessities to demonstrate we care about folks holistically in the form of mind, body, and spirit?
ii.) “AA is not pure bootstrapping…One element in recovery is individual determination and will. This is coupled with a belief in assistance from a Higher Power and vigorous social support from the group. In fact, AA is a curious mix of the seemingly conflicting elements of self-improvement and acceding to a higher power.”
As a therapist, our program recognized AA as a wonderful program to assist recovering alcoholics and drug addicts. The success of the program is the program’s emphasis not only on the individual’s contribution towards abstinence but also reliance on a higher power.
IIGL recognizes the power of the Divine. As a student, I think strength comes from both sources – acknowledgment of the power of God in my life, but also realizing that God gives me free will and expects me to exert effort, diligence, and intelligence; using the gifts She has given me; in pursuit of the calling placed on my life.
iii.) “The claim that personality is inherited has strong evidence behind it. But, at most, personality is only partly genetic. The degree of heritability hovers below .50 for all personality traits (except IQ, which may be around .75)”
I have not studied personality too much, but the fact that half of personality is developed by external factors is fascinating to me. A person’s personality can be influenced a great deal by other people, their environment, their education, and so forth.
iv.) “Mild depression is usually caused by pessimistic habits of thinking. The pessimist sees the causes of failure and rejection as permanent (‘It’s going to last forever’), pervasive (‘It’s going to ruin everything’), and personal (‘It’s my fault’). These habitual beliefs are just that, mere beliefs.”
Changing one’s thinking by changing “I can’t”s to “I can”s can drastically improve one’s mental state and in turn, their behavior. Looking for the positive factors in negative events is a start. Let’s face it…no one’s life is ever going to be all down hill, but is a life mixed with valleys and mountaintops. How one transforms their difficult circumstances into opportunities for growth, strength, and the development of new skills effects one’s mind, body, and their capacity for human development.
v.) “Anger is the effective defense of what belongs to us, the springboard to justice, the emblem of honesty, the path to rosy health. What a splendid emotion!”
Recognize that anger is good, but that it needs to be expressed in appropriate ways. Suppressing anger can lead to depression, self-loathing, and self-destruction. Bottled anger can lead to high blood pressure and heart disease as well as cancer.
Several good outlets for anger include exercise (running, boxing, karate, and so forth), talking with a friend or the person in conflict when ready, and journaling.
vi.) Humans can change and improve.
Dr. Seligman quoted Andrew Jackson:
“I believe man can be elevated; man can become more and more endowed with divinity; and as he does he becomes more God-like in his character and capable of governing himself.”
We as leaders must believe in the power of transformation not only of ourselves but also of other people.
I believe all people can succeed. Not all people are created with the same skill set or talents. Nevertheless, all humanity can be accomplished at something. As leaders, we need to find people’s gifts and build on their strengths.
vii.) “The agent of change is the self: Human beings can lift themselves by their own bootstraps.”
As mentioned before, I believe this to some degree. The other half of this statement for me is the belief in the supernatural power of the Divine to help us accomplish our goals through Her guidance, support, and love.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
I chose to write on this book because the knowledge and wisdom gained is helping me grow professionally as a therapist. In addition, I can use the concepts to help me develop as a leader and as an individual.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “When we defend our children, our land, our jobs, our privileges, or our lives, we are transformed from shepherds, teachers, accountants, and mothers into street fighters and terrorists and Amazons. When we are drafted to fight on somebody else’s turf, we are justly doing a job, weighing the likely outcome of each move, quite ready to cut and run when the fight seems lost. Not so when it is our domain and we are desperate and angered. Vietnam, Algeria, the Warsaw ghetto, and Ireland are memorable lessons of this postulate.”
This quote is important to me. As stated previously, I aspire to serve my country – the United States of America. Some day, I may be fighting a war not because I necessarily believe in the cause, but because I am fighting for America and serving my country. This is still okay as long as I continue to give 100%.
Quote #2: “Children who watch films of adults fighting are much less disturbed when the fight ends with a clear resolution. When you fight, go out of your way to resolve the fight, unambiguously and in front of your child.”
I hope to be a parent someday. When I am a parent, I hope never to fight in front of my children. A fight still may occur in front of my kids nonetheless. If and when this happens, I hope a resolution will take place so the collateral damage may be minimal.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Compassionate Listening
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
This sourcebook about compassionate listening is a compilation of articles from several administrators of peacekeeping organizations. The authors give their perspective of what compassionate listening is, how the technique has benefited them, and how it has benefited groups of people they have worked with such as Palestinians, Israelis, Vietnamese, Vietnam Veterans, and South Africans.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) Compassionate listening is about seeing each other as human. This new perspective allows for the creation of mental and emotional spaces from which resolutions can occur.
Oftentimes, when people are in conflict with another, there is an “us versus them” mentality. The other person is dehumanized and seen as “the enemy.” No attempt is made to understand the perspective of the other person. Instead, one’s own point of view is fought for tooth and nail like a fighter in a boxing match. While the other person is bleeding, the fighter pays no attention, but remains focused on how many points s/he can obtain to win the match. The best way to win is hear both sides of the story.
In performing mediation work in Northern Ireland, I associate with all people involved in the conflict, including those who have vastly different viewpoints and perspective than I do because all people need to be included in the dialogue for any meaningful or purposeful outcome to occur. All people matter. Instead of being recognized as a label such as Catholic or Protestant, Nationalist or Loyalist, resident or dissident, I agree with the author that first and foremost, the person must be seen as a fellow human being who has also experienced suffering in order to become the person they are today. This recognition allows empathy to happen which furthers work towards a constructive solution.
ii.) “Compassionate Listening embodies Gandhi’s teaching that we must be the change we want to see.” All sides are listened to in a way that recognizes every person’s pain. The peacekeeper must be the example, not the exception to the rule. Compassionate Listening recognizes that all people need to be heard, not just one side. People on both sides suffer. In order for an understanding and an appreciation of the other’s hurts, fears, and suffering, one must exercise active listening to hear the other’s story as the first step and the beginning of reconciliation.
iii.) “One of the new steps I think we should take is to listen to those we consider ‘the enemy’ with the same openness, non-judgment, and compassion we listen to those with whom our sympathies lie.” Listening is not the only component of Compassionate Listening. How we listen is also crucial as well. Compassionate Listening will not work if we listen to others but have each index finger in the corresponding ear. The quality of listening is very important. One must listen exactly how one listens to a good friend or family member; that is, with openness, understanding, compassion, love, and respect.
iv.) Listening allows us to become knowledgeable about the opposition’s causes of anger and violence. Knowing the reasons behind the behavior allows us to understand their suffering and see that we are not the only ones who are distressed or suffering. This know-how helps us to have better comprehension of the big picture which provides a better foundation for moving forward.
v.) Listening validates other’s rights to their own opinions and beliefs.
At the end of the session, one still may not agree with the other person, but at least a better understanding and appreciation of their side of the story has taken place. In addition, listening to the other person without commenting or trying to refute one’s own opinion shows respect for not only their perspective, but also the person.
vi.) “I begin with a concept of human nature based on the belief in a divine element within each of us… We must remember, this good exists in those we oppose.” I do not believe that there is the element of the divine in all of us. I believe the divine created each and every one of us and that we are created in the image of God or the Imago Dei. I propose that the concept of the divine in each and every one of us is dependent upon our belief of the divine. I also believe the potential for good exists in each and every one of us. As a whole, I believe good exists in all of us, but not certain individuals. Some people are prone to do evil acts by not wanting to do good for some reason or another. They still have a right to be heard.
vii.) The abused child can grow up and become the abusive parent. I am very familiar with this concept as applied to the mental health field, but I never thought about the cycle of abuse in a political context. Certainly, this concept can be expanded and applied not only to individuals but groups including entire countries.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
Compassionate listening is a technique that I was not familiar with. I was very impressed with the idea. The Bible cautions, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” Compassionate listening emphasizes really taking the time to hear and grasp what the other person is saying before forming one’s own interpretation about the matter. I think this is a very wise practice. The success stories regarding the use of the technique in Alaska Subsistence Fishing and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict were touching and good evidence that the practice is effective. For my dissertation, I will be conducting interviews with various people. I will definitely use Compassionate Listening. As a law graduate, at times, my inherent tendency is to want to support my point of view in a debate and try to win the argument. When doing reconciliation work, however, communication of respect, compassion, love, empathy, and understanding to the other party through intense listening is essential and an absolute necessity. I am really glad to have learned this principle. Compassionate Listening will be very useful in my mediation work from this day forward.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: American poet Longfellow stated: “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” During a dispute, both sides suffer. Everyone’s pain should be understood before action is taken.
Quote #2: …that our job as peacemakers is to hear their grievances and find ways to tell each side about the humanity and the suffering of the other. We have to find ways to bring conflicting parties to listen to one another – not to dialogue at first, not to argue or debate. Just to listen. We must drop any arrogance of thinking that we know how it is for another. Listening comes first, then dialogue and debate. It is important to hear all the facts, opinions, and perspectives first before passing judgment or coming to conclusions.
Quote #3: How can we sit in judgment of someone whose life we have not lived? People have many reasons for doing things. We need to obtain a behind-the-scenes look before we can fully appreciate why one does something.
Quote #4: Peace-building is one person, one heart at a time. It’s a slow process. And it’s the only way. A paper piece – an agreement between governments for example, can happen literally overnight. But peace between people comes slowly, from relationship building. Just because a document is signed does not necessarily mean that everyone is on board with the idea. Peace and reconciliation need to be taught by reaching one person at a time in a grassroots effort.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
Yes. One author provided many exercises on various conflict resolution topics such as reconciliation, compassion, etc. The exercises were quite meaningful. Not only did they further explore the concept taught, but also provided practical application questions for one’s life.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Rating
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Grant Writing
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The book is a great resource for anyone who wants to write a grant for an organization. The book guides a person step by step through this process.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i) There are various types of grants one can apply for.
a. Project support – This is the most common grant. Funders like these types of grants because there is a product they can see from starts to finish. These grants also encourage accomplishment of a specific goal versus funding for items or buildings.
b. Operating support – This grant is known as GOS for general operating support. These grants can be used for programs, staff salaries, rent, utilities, and office supplies. These grants can be smaller than others.
c. Capital Support – Capital grants pay for building expenses. These grants are made fewer than project grants. Capital expenses include those that serve the charity over a period of time from 50 to 100 years to three years for computer equipment. This grant can also include money for major purchases such as automobiles or existing space.
d. Challenge Grants – A challenge grant offers practical support for a project with the contingency that others provide funds to match the project. This type of grant encourages others to contribute to the cause as well.
ii) There are many different types of foundations which support grants.
a. Family Foundations
Most of the time, family foundations are ones in which the whole family is related. These types of foundations may not have paid staff. The organizations have few or no paid staff and mostly depend on volunteers. Only apply if the grant is very well tailored to your program.
b. Community Foundations
Community foundations solicit support from the public instead of one to two individuals. A large number of donors contribute to this fund. Usually, the funders use a RFD (request for a proposal). With this, the funder is proactive in solicitng proposals.
www.fndcenter.org
c. Operating Foundations only make a limited number of grants and have narrow interests.
iii.) There are various types of grants.
a. Formula – These reimburse a charity after a service is performed. The majority of these grants are restricted to government agencies.
b. Project Grants – People compete to be awarded monies for special projects. These grants have a lot of competition.
iv.) What are the components that go into a letter seeking a grant proposal?
In the first paragraph, make reference to a person’s commitment.
a. How has the organization helped?
b. What have you been able to do because of one’s gift?
Before asking for money, meet with the donor. Remind them of a person who came to the meeting to reinforce personal connections.
Explain the need. Explain why there is a necessity for a request with a sense of urgency.
d. Mention any other gifts given by individuals of the company.
e. The request will solve the problems that you are asking.
f. Stress how important their participation is. You need them, not just their gift.
Get the donor involved and emphasize how integral they are to the project’s success.
g. Close by saying that if they have questions, feel free to call. Stress that their input is valued and highly appreciated.
v.) Testing the waters – inquiry letter. This letter seeks information between a request for guidelines and a proposal. Address the letter to a program officer if possible. The inquiry letter should have:
– a reference to newsletters
– a request for information about their programs
– a general description of the project
– an email contact
– a request for a meeting
– a copy of the organization’s brochure
– a press clipping
For an inquiry, don’t include:
– a request for money
– a budget
– supporting materials
– annual reports
Inquiry call
– This is just like an inquiry letter except you just voice your information over the phone.
Informational meeting
– Establish a personal connection
– Acquire feedback
– Learn about founders current priorities
Have an outline to discuss
Ask questions about the founders interests
vi.) Parts of a grant proposal
a. Purpose – What will it accomplish?
b. Need – Why are you doing the project?
c. How will it happen?
d. Who will do what?
e. Who will benefit?
f. Measure of success – How will you know you’ve done well?
Currently, I am writing a proposal for a youth program. I find these questions very helpful to think through what the purpose of the project is and answering all the details about what the project is about.
vii.) Ask for feedback.
Outline the entire proposal
a. Cover letter: One to two page letter introducing the charity or program
b. Executive summary: A one-page document that summarizes everything about the program, including purpose, needs, audience, evaluation, and budget.
c. Grant proposal narrative: Your complete argument for funding.
d. Statement of purpose: A strong one-sentence description of the program followed by a brief elaboration on the theme.
e. Needs statement: Reason why you are doing the program.
f. Process narrative: A description of how the program will be carried out as well as the goals and objectives.
g. Key personnel: Who will be responsible for carrying out the program.
h. Audience: Whom the program will benefit.
i. Evaluation: How you know the program will be successful and how it has met its goals and objectives.
vii. Summary: A final paragraph restating the main reason your program should be funded along with the requested grant amount and a thank you to the funder for considering your proposal.
During any step of the grant writing process, it is very helpful to ask for feedback. In fact, the writers state that some of the most beneficial feedback received is feedback after a proposal is submitted. Of course, the best way to acquire feedback is throughout the whole process, especially before submitting the proposal to the committee.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
I may apply for a grant in the future for the youth program or Gods_i_international. This book has given me specific steps about how to go about doing so including how to find a grant suited to one’s organization and how to write one from start to finish.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “Try not to look at an unsuccessful proposal as a failure-you’ll have many of them. Instead, make it a growth experience by opening communication with a funder and getting feedback about the specifics of your proposal.”
IIGL principles have taught us to turn failures into stepping stones to success. The same applies for a grant proposal that does not get accepted. Try to learn from the experience and see it as a step towards your goal rather than a step backwards. We can always learn something from any experience we have whether it is good or bad.
Quote #2: “Failure to follow instructions and lack of study doom many proposals before they even reach a foundation board.”
Just like job searching, one must tailor their proposal to fit the company needs and desires. Make sure the grant is a good fit for your organizational needs before sending in the proposal because competition is fierce and you do not want to waste time on a funder that is not a good match.
Quote #3: “Will” conveys a can-do, assertive, positive approach. “Would” is conditional and weak. Always use “will” in writing a proposal.
The use of the word will shows more confidence in the proposal.
Quote #4: “Get good news about your program or other grants received for it to the funder without delay. Not only can this strengthen your proposal, but it also reminds them of what you’re doing. It is good to report on any past successes to give your organization credibility and to inspire the funder to give you money based on your past history.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 8
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 8
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Thinking for a Change
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
How a person thinks largely impacts both their outlook and outcome in a given situation. Life is not about what happens to us, but how we choose to think about the circumstance and how we dare to act as a result. If we choose to challenge the storms we face by asking what we can learn from the event and how we can use it to make us grow, then even the worse scenario can be used to stretch one and build character and confidence to overcome.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) Positive thinking is self-reinforcing. The more one engages in this practice, the more second nature this practice becomes.
Thinking is a very powerful tool. A quote from the American Covenant states, “The battle for control and leadership of the world has always been waged most effectively at the idea level.”
Ideas are one of the most influential sparks that ignite change both on a micro-level and a macro-level from the individual to the whole world. Positive thoughts spur changes in both attitudes and behavior and unravel a door of unlimited potential. “If you want to live on a new level, you have to think on a new level.” Challenge the obstacles of the mind, transforming them into positive sparks to keep one traveling forward on the journey instead of being stagnant or traversing backwards.
ii.) The right thought plus the right people in the right environment at the right time for the right reason equal the right result.
An idea builds more momentum when more people are supporting the issue versus just the inventor. More people bring more ideas, impact, and vision. The author suggests making it a goal to find people who add value to one’s life. Find an environment that is supportive and encouraging.
To the contrary, a negative environment, unsupportive people, and naysayers can polarize momentum, but that is only if one lets them. In one of the leadership readings, one writer stated that the single greatest determinant of one’s success is one’s thoughts about their own future versus what others think about a person. This most powerful belief in one’s self is an example of internal locus of control and motivation versus external locus of control and motivation which is like the wind which can come and go.
Angelo State University has a good definition of locus of control which states:
Individuals with internal locus of control believe surrounding events and outcomes are the result of their own behavior and personal actions. People with internal locus of control believe they control their own lives; they have a high level of motivation and are, therefore, able to understand their responsibilities and control their behavior. They recognize their ability to determine obstacles and overcome them, as well as take credit for both success and failure. People with internal locus of control typically seek information and knowledge regarding their given situation in order to make the best of it.
In life, the paths are not all straight or downhill. Thus, one needs to focus on making the best of any given circumstance to learn the most and strive to adapt and become the best one can be, capable of handling and overcoming even the toughest battles.
iii.) Become a good thinker.
Challenge one’s mind with books, trade publications, tapes, and good thinkers. Our brain is a muscle like any other. In order to strengthen it, we must use it. Lately, I have used my time more productively by listening to and reading more books instead of watching television. In fact, for over a month, I have been without television altogether; however, I do have Netflix.
One article I researched which supported the proposition that reading increased knowledge said that in order to raise intelligence, one should read science, literature, and history books. Although this may be true, I argue that reading any type of book will raise intelligence but specific types of subject matter may be more beneficial for gaining wisdom than others.
The author suggests keeping important pieces of material in front of one when one does their thinking time. This is similar to a visualgram or treasure map created in level 3 of the IIGL curriculum in which one selects pictures which are representative of their seven uttermost desires, dreams, or goals in their heart. This picture is then placed where one can review these aspirations daily. The more positive and goal-focused one is, the more apt one is to obtain their goal.
iv.) Actions produce good thoughts and feelings instead of vice versa. If one just goes ahead and does something that they originally intend to do, then more than likely, a good feeling or thoughts will follow the behavior.
Sometimes, I don’t feel like exercising. However, once I start jogging, walking, or boxing, I am really glad I did.
As the motto for Nike challenges, “Just do it.”
v.) Big thinkers expand themselves in ways that ordinary folks do not. They challenge themselves by visiting new places, reading new books, meeting new people, and learning new skills. In essence, they push themselves to go out of their comfort zone. They do not stop growing, but are lifelong learners. The authors encourage one to look for opportunities to gain knowledge, grow, and stretch oneself each day.
From this reading, I learned that I need to break out of routine, step out of my comfort zone, and try to learn something every time there is an opportunity to do so which is every moment I breathe. There’s always something to learn!
vi.) When you have a problem to solve, be proactive in solving it. Helpful techniques include:
a) Making a pros and cons list
b) Imagining the worst case scenario and compensating for it or preparing for the worst
c) Doing your homework
d) Aligning your thinking and your resources
In making important decisions, it is helpful to write down pros and cons to help one decide advantages and disadvantages to both sides. It is also important to look at the situation from all possible angles. What would you feel like if you were the person on the opposite side of the issue? What would they want you to say? What would they want you to feel or understand?
vii.) Become a possibility thinker.
It isn’t always natural to think positive thoughts. Even for George Lucas, the creator of Star Wars, he states, “I’m very cynical, and as a result, I think the defense I have against it to be optimistic.” The higher one sets their goals, the higher one will accomplish and the better emotional and physical outlook one will have.
No one can be 100% positive, but when doubt creeps in, one can counter those thoughts with uplifting ones by saying “Stop – don’t go there” and instead dwelling on a brighter picture and depositing in one’s bank account of positive thinking.
viii.) The author suggests setting a time to reflect upon certain events, times, and relationships. Questions to ask to evaluate include:
• What have I learned?
• What did I like the best?
• What went right?
• What went wrong?
• What can I do differently?
ix.) As one strives to challenge popular thinking, spend time with people with different backgrounds, education levels, professional experiences, personal interests, etc.
It is always good to expand our horizons.
x.) Try new things.
Usually, I like to do the same things. It is good to get out of this rut and routine and experience new things and learn new skills. By entering another world or entering another’s world, one can learn to relate better to individuals.
“Learn, earn, return – these are the three phases of life.” – Jack Balousek
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
The material was very refreshing and helped me be more focused about putting positive thinking to practice.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
No.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
21 Indispensable Qualities for Leadership
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
There are many qualities which make up a leader. The author chooses 21 characteristics and describes these traits as well as provides examples to illustrate his point.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. One excellent quality to possess is charisma. Important characteristics of this trait include:
a) Focus on others
One already knows the inside and outs of oneself, so why not focus on other people? Interestingly enough, when people focus on others, their natural response is to inquire about the one who asks the questions and to be reciprocal in the way they communicate to the initial communicator.
An article titled, “It’s Not About You” by Victor Lipman stated: “’One of the most fundamental lessons of leadership is that if you’re a leader, it’s not about you. It’s about the people following you. The best leaders devote almost all of their energy to inspiring and enabling others. Taking care of them is a big part of this.’”
“The more I thought about George’s comment, the more I felt it nicely encapsulized an often-overlooked facet of leadership. Over the years the most effective business leaders I’ve worked for and with were keenly focused on the needs of others: clients, employees, direct reports, sales representatives… a wide variety of stakeholders. Conversely, those who focused less on others and more on themselves (who became too enamored of their own press clippings, as the saying goes) were the ones who encountered difficulties and were ultimately less effective in their roles.”
I subscribe to the philosophy of servant leadership. For me, leadership means service to others, not service to self. I agree that the best and most successful leaders focus on the population they serve and performing excellently in what they do.
b) Being positive
Think the best in each and every situation. One may not be able to change the hand one is dealt in life, but one can change one’s personal gaming strategy.
c) Treat the other person as a 10 out of 10.
The golden rule states treat others as you want to be treated. The Scripture takes this concept a step further by encouraging people to treat others as better than themselves.
Susan Heathfield states, “A leader makes other people feel important and appreciated. The leader excels at creating opportunities to provide rewards, recognition and thanks to his or her staff. A leader creates a work environment in which people feel important and appreciated.”
Although internal motivation in the workplace is necessary, appreciation and recognition help people perform to their maximum potential by adding a little external motivation and gratitude.
ii. Communication with others is extremely important.
The author asks: What is your focus? Is it you, people, or the material? Focus on others’ needs, questions, and desires and meet folks where they are instead of where one is.
iii. Find three things to do to improve, then invest the time and money to do so. If everyone finds three things to improve upon all the time, then they are constantly growing and becoming a better, more marketable person.
iv. What does it take to have the focus required to be a truly effective leader? The keys are priorities and concentration.
A leader has to know what they have to do and then do it. Setting goals helps one achieve better progress and maintain focus on what they have to achieve.
v. Focus 70% on strengths, 25% on new things, and 5% on weaknesses.
It’s a fact: not everyone can do everything great, nor will one ever be able to do so. Leaders focus the majority of time on their strengths. The Divine made us all unique – we are enabled to do certain things that only we can do best. We are gifted differently.
I need to focus on spending my time on what I do best most of the time. My plan to improve includes focusing on one thing that I need to be working at one at a time and replacing an item when I have mastered the item.
vi. “The measure of a leader is not the number of people who serve him, but the number of people he serves.”
The true sign of a leader is generosity. If a leader sets an example in this fashion, others will follow. How does one become generous? The ability to give springs from a content heart. Being satisfied does not come from the acquisition of many things. Like hunger and the desire for food, if one has a craving for the latest possession, this desire will never be filled. However, if one is grateful for what they have and basic necessities, this desire can be fulfilled.
Zagorka Queen stated, “All that is not given is lost.”
If you think about it, someone in the world needs an item we have right now that is not being used. What do I have burrowing in a closet that can be a blessing to others?
vii. In order to be the most valuable, one has to assess what one’s talents are and who most needs one’s skills abilities, time, and treasures.
One of the greatest gifts I have is the ability to remain on the same level as a person and not judge them according to their status in society. Also, I have a great capacity to empathize with people and share their experiences and struggles. Instead of criticizing people, I also have a huge desire to help those who need it to offer hope, care, and compassion.
viii. The top characteristics that make a person successful is passion rather than credentials, intelligence, and education.
Unless one loves their work, they will not be successful ultimately. Love of work refuels commitment, perseverance, and longevity for one to keep the commitment to continue and finish.
The author suggests remembering why one is passionate about something in the first place and then trying to match this level at the current time.
ix. A positive attitude is essential.
This characteristic is not born. Rather, it is a choice. Your attitude controls behavior and how you act…it is like fuel to the fire. Having a positive attitude can help you get through the toughest incidents by being one who surpasses, not just one who survives. This makes all the difference between one who is just good and one who is great – a champion.
ix. Never get overwhelmed by obstacles or emotion.
Always keep a can-do attitude. If someone says you can’t, ask internally, “Why not?” Challenge the status quo and reach for the sky. Don’t give up or make major decisions when you are in a valley.
As a case in point:
“’Over 40 years ago, when I was in my midteens, I announced at home that I had decided to become a lawyer. The first words I heard in response were, ‘You can’t because you are a woman.’ It was the voice of our parish priest. The next voice I heard was my mother’s, saying, “Don’t listen to him.” To my mother’s surprise, I heeded her advice. A couple of years later, the same year that the first human walked on the Moon, I started law school.’”
If I chose a motto to sum up the teachings I pass on to my clients, it would be to tell themselves “I can!”
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
These ideas transform the way one thinks about a given situation and help one rise above their circumstances.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
John Bunyan stated, “You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”
Help others who need help with whatever skills one has been blessed with. Helping others is a good thing to do and can be done from the kindness of one’s heart. Each and every person in the world will always have the need for another person’s help. It is a great privilege to be able to give assistance to another.
I have volunteered in different capacities for the past 10 years. Caring for others and sharing my skills was ingrained in me as an important value growing up taught to me by my parents. I enjoy giving back to my community and helping others. In addition, my faith tradition honors the value of service.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following question on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
Essential Gandhi
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea that Gandhi is trying to convey in the book is that non-violent resistance is an effective method to overcome injustice, racial inequality, and disproportionate treatment among Indians. When either an individual or a group of people counteract violence with violence, the end result is more violence, not peace. When more wood is added to a fire, the fire increases and the fire gets larger than ever before. In contrast, if the fire is left alone and untouched, eventually it will die out.
Instead of resisting arrest, Gandhi and his compatriots allowed the police to unjustly abuse their power of authority by beating peaceful protesters who were unarmed. During one of the nonviolent peace marches in which over 2000 marchers participated, although approximately 350 of the protesters were wounded and 10 died, the unlawful force used gained the nonviolent resisters welcomed media attention.
As my grandma used to say, two wrongs do not make a right. But the right exercised to show the positive example against a wrong can be used as an instrument of good to overcome evil.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i.) Gandhi wrote, “In the march towards Truth anger, selfishness, hatred, etc., naturally give way, for otherwise Truth would be impossible to attain… A successful search for Truth means complete deliverance from the dual throng, such as love and hate, happiness and misery…
This quote reinforced the idea that there are mixed emotions when one is fighting for a cause. However, in order for truth and success to prevail, love must conquer over hate; nonviolence must triumph over violence.
ii.) The nonviolent love and reconciliation Gandhi’s father had shown to him after a sincere confession of stealing a bit of gold from his brother along with Ghandi’s genuine promise never to commit the sin again made a lasting impression on Gandhi about the strengthening of relationships when sincerity, honesty, forgiveness, and peace are exchanged between two parties. The warmth and compassion Gandhi’s father exhibited towards him was an excellent example of non-violence which I personally believe spurred Gandhi in his peaceful protest against the discriminating treatment of Indians.
iii.) The formula for victory is faith, unending patience, and relentless effort.
Gandhi stated:
“But truth triumphed in the end. The sufferings of the Indians were the expression of that truth. Yet it would not have triumphed except for unflinching faith, great patience and incessant effort. Had the community given up the struggle, had the Congress abandoned the campaign and submitted to the tax as inevitable, the hated impost would have continued to be levied from the indentured Indians until this day, to the external shame of the Indians in South Africa and of the whole of India.”
In essence, Gandhi and his followers never gave up. They put forth an unwavering energy and force which kept the movement going. Despite persecution, police brutality against unarmed marchers, and many injuries and deaths as a result, the flame of equality still remained lit and burned stronger than ever before. Continued injustice even strengthened the movement, but the faith and endurance through hardships sustained the means towards a final victory.
iv.) To be self-fulfilling and meaningful, the purpose of one’s cause must be in alignment with the passion in one’s heart. Service should not be done for show or to bolster public opinion. However, according to Gandhi:
“…all other pleasures and possessions pale into nothingness before service which is rendered in a spirit of joy.”
v.) Material riches do not guarantee one’s happiness and joy. A life well-lived according to the purpose and course God has chosen for one is the moment a person can find meaning and contentment in this life and in the next.
Gandhi stated:
“And those who have followed out this vow of voluntary poverty to the fullest extent possible…testify that when you dispossess yourself of everything you have, you really possess all the treasures of the world.”
I believe each individual was set upon this earth to carry out their own individual, unique mission that only they can fulfill. Only when one spends life pursuing and carrying out this special mission will one find true peace within one’s heart.
Augustine stated, “Our souls are restless until they find their rest in Thee.”
While this is true, I also think that our souls are restless until they find their rest and duty in carrying out the calling God has placed on one’s life.
vi.) “It was a habit with me to forget what I did not like and to carry out in practice whatever I liked.”
I am a lifelong learner. I constantly try to improve myself by reading books which will equip me with new skills or knowledge to apply in life or work. The moment I stop growing as a person is the moment I will be dead. There is always something more I can improve upon myself, whether it be character or learning new things. In order to keep moving forward on the road of excellence, one must prune the branches one does not like about oneself and allow a more desirable limb to grow.
vii.) Diversity of ideas, people, and culture should not only be embraced but welcomed. Just like a beautiful quilt with many colors and designs, different ideas, ethnicities, and races can be sewn together to form a rich fabric in society.
Gandhi stated, “It rests with both to recognize that differences are not necessarily synonymous with superiority or inferiority and to patiently cultivate that spirit of self-restraint and toleration which…will…destroy the senseless rind of misunderstanding.”
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
In relation to my mission of the promotion of peace, equality, and social justice in Ireland and Northern Ireland, I have learned from Gandhi’s mission that one must have patience and determination to see the work through. Some of the most difficult and most meaningful missions take years to work through conflict of the past, present, and future. One must vow to work with the cause for the long haul to make lasting, meaningful change.
Being exposed to all the challenges Gandhi and his volunteers faced while at the same time having the opportunity to see how the work paid off with the result being an independent Indian state and improved human rights, I am given new hope, energy, and determination to do whatever it takes to accomplish my God-given mission to keep the torch lit for the promotion of peace on the Irish isle for eternity so help me God.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
i.) “Passive resistance…is the reverse of resistance by arms…[for] instance, the government of the day has passed a law which is applicable to me. I do not like it. If by using violence, I force the government to repeal the law, I am employing what may be termed Body-Force. If I do not obey the law, and accept the penalty for the breach, I use Soul-Force. It involves sacrifice of self.
…Real suffering bravely born melts even a heart of stone. Such is the potency of suffering…there lies the key to Satyagraha.”
Violence will never be the ultimate solution. For example, in response to rockets fired from the Gaza strip by the terrorist group Hamas, Israel called up her army and fought as a means of self-defense to stop rockets from maiming or killing her people. After 8 days of intense fighting between both parties, a truce was negotiated by the help of Egypt and the United States. Mediated talks by key leaders were the final process before the war ended.
If possible, talks and nonviolent resistance should be the first line of defense. I support the Just War Theory, but as a last resort. Human life is so precious. God affirmed this when She stated to Jeremiah, I knew you before you were in your mother’s womb. God cares enough and takes the time to know us before we are even born, thus supporting the sanctity of human life not only outside of the womb, but also inside the womb and even before the womb is created! Thus, we humans should also cherish and respect the sanctity of life by not just knowing the maxim of “Love thy neighbors as thyself,” but by faithfully putting this knowledge into action by always trying to talk through issues to seek resolution first and foremost.
ii.) “We must refuse to wait for the wrong to be righted till the wrong-doer has been roused to a sense of his iniquity. We must not, for fear of ourselves or others having to suffer, remain participators in it…”
If a cause is strong on one’s heart, one must do whatever God is calling them to do immediately so that the wrong can be stopped as soon as possible. Whenever God asks me to do something, I need to do it as quickly as possible. When Jesus called His disciples, he asked them to drop their nets and follow Him immediately. God asks us to do whatever She asks immediately as well in complete obedience to the Sovereign Lord.
iii.) “Civil disobedience is not a state of lawlessness and license but presupposes a law-abiding spirit combined with self-restraint….Complete Civil Disobedience is rebellion without the element of violence in it. Civil disobedience becomes a sacred duty when the state has become lawless or, which is the same thing, corrupt. And a citizen who barters with such a state shares it corruption or lawlessness.”
When people hid Jews who were wrongfully destined for concentration camps or the gas chambers just because of their nationality, this act was civil disobedience. This act of heroism was necessary to counter evil and such a grave violation of human rights and depreciation and deprivation of humanity.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 8
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
Dale Carnegie gives the reader many tips for how to make a successful speech including how to be more self-confident and psychologically prepared to make a great presentation.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. In order to be a successful public speaker, one must see and visualize themselves as a successful speaker.
While writing about a successful student, Dale Carnegie stated:
“It’s true he followed the directions and faithfully did the assignments. But I’m sure he did these things because he wanted to do them, and he wanted to do them because he saw himself as a successful speaker. He projected himself into the future and then worked toward bringing that projection into reality. That is exactly what you must do.”
The mind cannot distinguish the difference between reality and imagination. Thus, visualizing an event that one wants to see happen inspires motivation and confidence that the goal can be accomplished. One must see themselves as delivering an excellent talk, and solid preparation and self-talk is likely to allow one to accomplish this feat.
ii. The author suggests focusing on several points in order to be a successful speaker:
a.) Acquire self-confidence. Again, seeing oneself as successful in whatever one attempts to accomplish is key to actually being successful.
b.) Do what needs to be done to be an excellent public speaker. This will be discussed further on in this essay.
c.) Enhancing speaking skills will allow the person to acquire more friends. Whether speaking is used in one’s personal or professional life, good communication skills are essential to build relations at all levels.
d.) Being a good speaker allows one to better serve the public. One can express themselves better and communicate and interpret one’s own and others’ wants and needs more effectively.
e.) Good speaking skills help one to be a thriving leader.
iii. When one speaks, one should let others see their inner souls.
If one communicates what is important to oneself and allows other people to see how passionate they are about the topic they are talking about and the reasoning behind one’s strong emotion, then the audience will naturally gravitate to what one is saying. Their hearts will be moved and their lives will be changed as a result.
Carnegie states, “In almost any subject, your passion for the subject will save you. If you care enough for a result, you will most certainly attain it. If you wish to be good, you will be good…Only then you must really wish these things and wish them with exclusiveness and not wish one hundred other incompatible things just as strongly.”
Just as wind propels a sailboat, desire and passion energize success.
iv.) Practice makes perfect. When learning a new skill, usually the learning curve is very slow at the beginning. With hard work and many attempts, one comes closer to achieving an advanced level of attainment.
The author states, “When George Bernard Shaw was asked how he learned to speak so compellingly in public, he replied: ‘I did it the same way I learned to skate-by doggedly making a fool of myself until I got used to it.’” In the end, practice pays off.
For eight years, I have been writing a weekly devotional, give and take a few rest periods in between. When I first started writing, fear, anxiety, and the unfamiliar kept me writing at a slow pace. But with each successive devotional I wrote, the process became a little bit easier until it felt as comfortable as writing a journal entry.
Currently, I am working on my dissertation for my theology degree. Even though I have finished one dissertation already, since this paper is in a different subject, oddly enough, I find myself feeling the same emotions as I did when I first attempted writing devotionals. I also tend to feel this same way about completing my final IIGL project.
In order to stop being paralyzed by fear and new beginnings, I must put into practice some of the suggestions of this book including:
a.) Visualizing success.
b.) Fully embracing and embarking the trial runs that lead up to the final goal and seeing these experiences as exercises which advance my skills.
c.) Increasing positive self-talk and pep talk that I can accomplish the tasks at hand.
d.) Breaking down the steps so that I am tackling a little piece at a time versus the whole project.
v.) Determine to make your weak point your strong one.
Envision your weak point differently such as a strength in progress. The focus is much more positive and will put one in a better frame of mind to achieve their goal.
vi.) When speaking, have a general outline and the words will flow from the ideas. Practice making little speeches based on a theme or topic versus memorization.
Carnegie writes, “All our lives we have been speaking spontaneously. We haven’t been thinking of words. We have been thinking of ideas. If our ideas are clear, the words come as naturally and unconsciously as the air we breathe.”
Have ideas that are easily understood and the words delineating the topics will follow.
vii.) Own the speech by inserting examples of one’s background, thoughts, ideas, and convictions. Carnegie writes, “True preparation requires brooding over your topic.”
When thinking about a topic, questions one might ponder include:
a.) What interests you about this topic?
b.) What examples can you share from your personal life?
c.) What examples can you share from others’ lives?
d.) Has there been anything in the news recently about this topic?
e.) What lesson or goal are you trying to communicate?
f.) What additional lessons might others learn?
g.) Who or what has influenced your interest in this topic? Why? How?
h.) What are one to three key points that you want your audience to remember or reflect upon for themselves?
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
In the future, I would like to facilitate mediation sessions. Learning how to communicate more effectively will enable me to be a better mediator. Additionally, I hold a couple of leadership positions in two groups. Making speeches may be a very present reality in the near future whether it is to an online meeting group or in public. Even in day to day conversation, learning how to spark the conversation with fireworks by making it more interesting is helpful in building better relationships with others.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
Quote #1: “Unless he is consumed by some great cause to which he has dedicated his life, every speaker will experience moments of doubt about his subject matter…In clear, straightforward terms tell yourself that your talk is the right one for you, because it comes out of your experience, out of your thinking about life. Say to yourself that you are more qualified than any member of the audience to give this particular talk and, by George, you are going to do your best to put it across.”
Many a times, it is natural to have doubt come creeping in. However, to counter this sense of uncertainty, one must focus on doing an outstanding job and that no matter what, one is going to put their best foot forward.
Quote #2: “Actions seem to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.” ~Professor William James
Act the part you want to occur and the feelings will follow. Thus, act as if one is a brilliant speaker and good speaking skills and success is bound to follow if the ability to perform is present.
Quote #3: “Draw yourself up to your full height and look your audience straight in the eyes, and begin to talk as confidently as if every one of them owed you money. Imagine that they do. Imagine that they have assembled there to beg you for an extension of credit. The psychological effect on you will be beneficial.”
The idea here is to empower yourself by thinking such imagery. A commonplace illustration I have heard is to pretend everyone is in their underwear, or possibly their pajamas. Such relaxed visions will have the tendency to put one at ease.
Quote #4: “The true example is the finest method I know of to make an idea clear, interesting and persuasive. Usually, I use several examples to support each point.” Norman Vincent Peale
Underscore and enhance a point by using a pertinent example or illustration. This will make the main ideas become alive and vibrant.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 9
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
The World Café
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The author introduces and defines a World Cafe. Essentially, the term describes both an innovative format and environment for gatherings of large groups of 70 to anywhere of 1000 people which involve participation in:
“Evolving rounds of dialogue with three or four others while at the same time remaining part of a single, larger, connected conversation. Small, intimate conversations link and build on each other as people move between groups, cross-pollinate ideas, and discover new insights into questions or issues that really matter in their life, work, or community.”
The author persuades the reader that this type of communication is very beneficial for processing large-scale company issues that need being thoughtfully considered and then solved as well as for hashing out nitty-gritty details of smaller projects with top executives or a board of directors.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Greater wisdom is gleaned from being actively involved in a group.
There is a saying that “No man is an island.” This is particularly true when it comes to the imparting or learning of knowledge. A higher level of learning is achieved through interaction and dialogue with one another to gain exposure to various perspectives, to marinate the ideas that have been put on the table, and then to pick the best solution in consideration of all the possible options. Wheatley states that, “Only when we have many different perspectives do we have enough information to make good decisions.”
This concept is important to me because as I seek to implement new ideas for Gods International, it is so critical to gather information from the collective “we,” even more so since I do not live on the land.
ii. Even though there are no bullhorns or large, obnoxious, incandescent signs, candlelight vigils can be a powerful means to show support for a cause one believes in.
A great idea that stemmed from a small world cafe was a candlelight vigil in Munich which was a response to the violent neo-Nazi group and their attacks on foreigners. Although many vigils took place across the city, the largest one boasted a stunning four hundred thousand people!
If one idea is discussed, adopted, and initiated by many groups in a city or even a country, the initiative can have a huge impact.
iii. At times, people do best when they approach a topic from a blank slate with no preconceived ideas that pose a barrier to listening to the other side in search of the best answer.
Even though, as the authors mention, everyone is influenced by someone including their own thoughts, the cafe style provides the atmosphere in which the aforementioned ideal can be vigorously attempted and sought after. The authors discuss a cafe in which all the participants were leaders in organizations. Since the directors were used to leading the meetings and starting and stopping conversations in order to make the best use of everyone’s time, the organizers decided it would be a good idea to have a small native rock from the country where the cafe was presented to designate whose turn it was to speak. Initially in session one, in order for someone to speak, the speaker had to have the rock in their hand. Once everyone had their space and time to share their original impressions in response to the question, then dialogue was opened up so anyone could speak. The principle here was for each person to be allowed their own interrupted time to communicate while others intentionally listened in the present moment. In one’s quest for wisdom, listening is as equally important as speaking to learn new ideas and different perspectives on the same idea.
iv. Monitoring the means of decision making is more important than managing the results.
Authors Tom and Anders, in their book Profit Beyond Measure, wrote:
“The task of managers is to stop treating results as a target one reaches by aiming better. Instead, results are an outcome that emerges spontaneously from mastering practices that harmonize with the patterns inherent in the system itself. In other words, manage the means, not the results.”
If one gives one hundred percent effort and hard work in the process, then there is a much better chance of obtaining the best results.
v. Intangible results like trust, respect, and a feeling of inclusion are also valued outcomes.
A hot topic today in leadership is the horizontal leadership style. If you imagine an organizational chart, with this new structure, the boxes become more linear instead of stacked in multiple lines on a page. There are still designated leaders within the organization, but front-line and support staff are also recognized and empowered as important partners in implementing a company’s mission and vision. There is an open door of communication in which employees are not only allowed to talk with their direct supervisors, but also are free to share thoughts and ideas with almost anyone in the organization.
The cafe style assists in fostering the atmosphere in which senior level and junior level staff can work side-by-side and collaboratively on issues rather than be silenced by a formal and rigid chain of command. As a leader, I personally prefer open communication among all people and that everyone treats each other as if they are on the same level; that is, with equal love and respect. The traditional leadership style produces bureaucracy, red tape, stagnation, and wasted time in improving the organization for the better. Although I see the value of the traditional leadership style for structure, mentoring, and leadership by a direct supervisor, I think a working combination of both the vertical and horizontal leadership styles produce the best results.
vi. In order to elicit as much creativity as possible, the conference atmosphere has to lend itself to support this objective.
Designers commented that art, items that create a personal connection, color, greeters, refreshments, music, lighting, and pictures are important. Just think of what the “comfort food” so to speak is in your life. When we walk into a comfortable environment such as a favorite coffee shop or living room, what objects or qualities are there to make us feel at home? These things may include candles, flowers, photographs, wall hangings, decorative ornaments, warm beverages like coffee or tea, soft drinks, appropriate lighting, music, friends, family, people who are friendly and open to discussing various ideas and sharing examples from their personal life, etc. These same objects or qualities ought to be present in a conference setting to present participants with a warm environment to stimulate openness in dialogue.
vii. Choosing reflection questions that matter are central to having a successful cafe.
Elements of good questions may contain people’s values, hopes, ideas, dreams, and beliefs. In addition, questions should be framed so that they do not emphasize a problem but rather a possibility. For example, a question such as “How can we keep our company’s turnover rate lower?” could be rephrased to ask “How can we keep employees happy so that they want to work here and love coming to work each day?” or “What does a good company look like from the inside out?”
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
This book has been a very useful resource to me. I had never heard of the World Cafe style in depth before. Since I am a big fan of small groups, I immediately loved the presentation style and think that this will be very useful in the organizations of which I am a part.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“We found that honoring and encouraging each person’s unique contribution seemed more compelling than focusing on either participation or empowerment.” ~Authors
When attempting to illicit feedback from a person, the authors choose to use the word
“Contribute” versus “participation.” The meaning of this word is more collegial and group-oriented instead of individualistic. Since the whole is greater than the some of the individual parts, I think this word is indeed apropos.
“We listened, and through that listening a dynamic of its own developed. The end result…was a group spirit and group coherence stronger than any I have ever known, yet it was a “dance with many dancers,” a group of individuals who had found an emergent reality drawing our differences into a meaningful whole.” Danah Zohar and Ian Marshall
The Quantum Society
Even though individuals have their own differences, when listening to one another respectfully and making valuable contributions to the ongoing discussion, an individual is no longer one in and of themselves but has become one with the group they are now a part.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
There were questions. Yes, they were very thought-provoking.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is the good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9.5
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.5
Open Space Technology
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book is a definition of open space technology, what the advantages are to using this type of platform to discuss issues, and the procedure and all the steps required to facilitate an open space technology meeting.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Open Space Technology is a wonderful format to encourage people from diverse populations to come together around common issues.
From the moment people walk in to begin the meeting (and depending on the facilitator and what style they use to close the gathering) until the close of the meeting, people sit together in a circle formation. “What is so significant about a circular formation?” you might ask. A circle represents a flat style of organizational leadership. Even though there may be many levels of the company represented at the meeting including front-line staff, junior managers, senior managers, executives, and board members, since all chairs are of equal power in a circle, value is assigned to the contributions of all members and is not determined solely by one’s stance in the organizational setting. In addition, responsibility for participation is up to each individual. Thus, senior members of the organization are not solely accountable for leading discussions.
OST is not only beneficial for diverse levels of employees but also diverse cultures. Since people attend Village Marketplace meetings based on a common interest of the issue being discussed; even though participants may be of different ages, ethnicities, race, cultures, languages, or religions; common ground has already been established since there is a passion for the topic and a goal to work together to create resolutions and solutions about this idea.
Furthermore, author Harrison Owen states, “Open Space Technology thrives in areas where there is conflict and confusion.” The example provided is the use of OST in South African townships in order to foster productive dialogue among various political groups. Parties present for the one-day meeting were mostly Caucasian political party members and Caucasian representatives of nearby industry. Even though all the issues were not solved, “discussions were intense, productive, without rancor, and contrasted sharply with conditions in a neighboring township where conversations had ceased and bloodshed commenced.”
The use of OST for future mediation meetings is important to me. I really appreciate the fact that the platform unites diverse groups of people and divisive people around common themes and goals. Even though there are cultural differences, the example of the OST meeting with a South African community is not unlike the environment in Northern Ireland. I am reassured that this medium is promising for future meetings.
ii. OST is useful only when certain criteria are met.
I have already mentioned that OST works well with diverse groups of people. The technology is great for producing creative and innovative ways for handling “complex and potentially conflicting material.” It is even more powerful if no one knows the answer so that ongoing, engaging participation is required to effectively deal with questions.
OST will not work in the following conditions:
• When the answer is already known
• When someone at a high level thinks he or she knows the answer
• When someone must know the answer
• When someone must always be in control or in charge
iii. Two fundamental principles of Open Space Technology include passion and responsibility.
With anything in life, one must have passion in order to inspire motivation and energy to act. Have you ever met an excellent leader who does not have passion or a great love for what they are doing? This shows in how one speaks about the project they are working on, facial expressions used, and the exuberant productivity exhibited to undertake the task. A love for what one is doing is also a “must have” for participants in OST. Without passion, the drive and perseverance to get tasks accomplished will be lacking.
The other necessary quality is responsibility. Since equal weight is shouldered among all participants in regards to task completion and leadership, all group members in a town hall meeting need to be accountable for doing their own part and being fully present in the discussion of the issue itself and of the creation of solutions. The more people who “buy-in” and take ownership for the process, the far greater the outcome will be.
iv. OST should be conducted solely by itself and not simultaneously with any other informational platform.
None of the examples in the book illustrated OST being used with any other type of presentation such as a guest speaker although the authors stated this could be attempted. In the previous book I read, World Cafe, the authors stated that a formal speaking presentation could be included in the overall scheme of the meeting. If this was the case, the speaking presentation would take place at the beginning before the round of discussions.
I agree with this. With meetings and written copies of discussions, much is accomplished during OST. If anything else was added, the addition would diminish the effects of the parts which make up OST.
v. Quote: “Creating time and space is a uniquely human and humanizing activity. In some way, when we create our time and space, we create our identities-I become me, you become you, and they become they. Without our peculiar time and space, we just aren’t.”
Although participants are together at OST most of the time, individual space and time still is created by allowing one to present and be responsible for an issue if they choose. In addition, ample opportunities are given for one to comment about the process.
vi. “Have a great time! Remember: if it isn’t fun, it isn’t working.”
The author makes a good point that even though OST is a workshop designed so that participants do not just sit and soak but are most active in the creation of not only the agenda but also a product, what is required should not be all drudgery. The best results will come when people are comfortable in their environment and when they are having fun. If one is enjoying themselves, then energy is produced which in turn can keep motivation high.
vii. The Law of Two Feet states if one goes to a presentation in which one is not learning or participating, move on to a different meeting.
On the face, I think this is a wonderful law. Have you ever been at a conference in which you go to a workshop based on the title and description only to find out that the session is not what you thought it was going to be? I have been in such a situation and have felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, I didn’t want to be there. But on the other hand, I felt guilty about leaving, wondering what other people would think if I just got up and left. This law gives people freedom and power to leave a meeting so that the person may be fully present at a session in which they feel like they can make the greatest impact.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
Although I was introduced to the concept of Open Space Technology from a Genuine Contact seminar in conflict resolution, I did not know in detail what the format encompassed. I am very impressed with the quality of the format. Even though much is accomplished with various groups working on many different issues, quality does not suffer. Anyone who wants to can introduce an issue of importance and can have as equal a say as any other. With the great amount of collaboration that is occurring among participants and open and encouraged feedback from all, a great product is sure to be the end result.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
No.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No, there were no exercises to complete.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 8.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9.5
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.5
Elie Wiesel Memoirs
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
There is no particular main idea in the book. Wiesel writes about different periods in his life including his childhood, time in the concentration camp, life as a journalist, and times he traveled to New York, Paris, and Jerusalem.
I feel the most interesting and passionate chapter in the book is Darkness in which Wiesel discusses the tragedy of his family in the hands of the German soldiers before and during the time at the camps. Details and emotions are finely and gently captured through the eyes of a prisoner and survivor.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. What is it like to be in love with God? Wiesel describes his feelings directly after his bar-mitzvah: “A new life began for me. I was now so obsessed with God…I sought God everywhere, tracking Him especially to holy places as though He was hidden there. I sought Him everywhere, the better to love Him, to enjoy His gifts, to share His suffering in our exile.”
The Westminster Catechism states that the purpose of humankind is: “To glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.”
When reading over this section, I can’t help but feel that Wiesel was doing just this after his bar-mitzvah, a ceremony in which a 13-year-old Jewish boy is considered to be an adult and responsible for his moral and religious duties (thefreedictionary.com).
God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent, meaning that God is everywhere. What does this mean? God is not limited to space, but is in every place in the planet (Blue Letter Bible). What a comforting thought that God is always with us in both triumphs and even our greatest trials. It is good to seek God everywhere, at all times, and in all places throughout the day.
ii. Family and friends were of prime importance to Wiesel. He has such a tender space for both in his adult life as expressed by his writings.
“Friendship or death, the Talmud says. Without friends, existence is empty, sterile, pointless. Friendship is even more important in a man’s life than love. Love may drive one to kill, friendship never.”
In birth up until death, we live and play in community. In school, we have classes or are assigned to peer groups to work on projects together. At work, we may be placed on a team of employees. At church, there are Bible study and fellowship groups. Once again, I mention here that “No man is an island,” as poet John Donne states. His poem is worth highlighting here because of the work’s poignancy:
No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend’s were.
Each man’s death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.
The best leaders are those who are interwoven with a community. Through this connectedness, one is able to understand people, what they stand for, and what they want to accomplish. When a leader is in-tune with the people’s intellectual and emotional heartbeats, the life of humanity can live through the leader.
iii. Wiesel defines friendship.
Wiesel beautifully describes what a friend is: “More than a brother, more than a father: a traveling companion with whom we rebuild the route and strive to conquer the impossible even if to sacrifice it later. It is with friends that we share the awakening of desire, the birth of a vision or a fear. It is to friends that we communicate our anguish at the setting of the sun or the lack of order and justice…What is a friend? The person who first makes you aware of your own solitude and his, and helps you escape it so that you, in turn, may help him. It is thanks to him that you can fall silent without shame, and unburden yourself without loss of face.”
Friendship is very precious, something not to be taken very lightly. Ultimately, it is a gift from God. A good, trustworthy friend can hold the key to one’s soul and be the greatest counselor, second only to God. A friend is a sounding board, someone to bounce one’s ideas off of and to sort through ideas, struggles, and goals. A good friend will stick with one through thick and thin, and be there when needed.
iv. Imprisonment allowed Wiesel and fellow Jews to run towards God instead of away from God. Furthermore, Jews were brought closer together and cared for one another like a family.
He writes, “With hindsight I realize that it was in the ghetto that I truly began to love the Jews of my town. Throughout the ordeal they maintained their dignity as human beings and as Jews. Imprisoned, reduced to subhuman status, they showed themselves still capable of spiritual greatness. Against the enemy they stood as one, affirming their faith in their faith.”
Usually, tragic events in life either drive people to God or away from God. I was elated to see that Wiesel ran towards God’s embrace. In my own life, with the deaths of close family members, I too have always found God to be quite comforting in times of trouble, “the peace that passes all understanding.” Ultimately, humanity’s sin is the cause of the suffering, not God. A perfect world was part of God’s original plan only to be trampled upon by humans. Even so, God still remains present with us through the difficulties, if we only turn and seek Him or Her.
v. I am not even sure the most difficult part of Wiesel’s imprisonment was death, but of separation from loved ones; men on one side, women on the other; without even having the chance to say goodbye, being kept in the dark whether he would ever see his loved ones again.
“All roads led to the enemy; it was he who would throw open the invisible black door that awaited us. “Stay together,” my mother said. For another minute we did, clinging to one another’s arms. Nothing in the world could separate us. The entire German army could not take my little sister from me. Then a curt order was issued—men on one side, women on the other—and that was that…We were taken away before I could tell my mother goodbye, before I could kiss her hand…before I could squeeze Tsipouka, my little sister, to my heart. What remains of that night like no other is an irremediable sense of loss, of parting.”
There were so many losses that Wiesel had to endure. Being hurt so many times can create calluses, but with Wiesel, I see a lovely tenderness for Jews whose lives were extinguished, a strong resilience and reserve to continue the fight for human rights for those who were literally and figuratively stomped on and snuffed out of existence.
vi. When we care for others instead of just focusing on ourselves, we live longer.
The Germans tried to get people to only focus on themselves and not help fellow Jews. What Wiesel found was that those who survived or lived longest were those who assisted others and collectively cared for one another.
vii. Wiesel discusses hypothesis for why others besides the Germans inflicted such cruelty.
“I ‘understood’ the savagery of the Germans, for savagery was their ‘vocation,’ their politics, their ideology, their education…But what about the others? The Ukrainians who beat us, the Russians who struck us, the Poles who humiliated us, the Gypsies who slapped us, the Jewish kapoks who clubbed us?”
He states that some think the reasons are the killers’ evil influence on their victims, the repressed desire of the oppressed to be similar to their oppressors, survival instincts and respect for power, and transformation found in extreme circumstances.
The magnetism of violence is an interesting phenomena under brutal regimes and how this force influences one’s core personality. For me personally, I would only hope and pray I would choose to savor my morals and Christian values if treated inhumanely by others, but that remains to be seen, but hopefully never.
Desperate people do desperate things. Violence breeds violence.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
I am encouraged and inspired that Wiesel found strength in God and in his community through troubled times and his uncompromising faith and adherence to his nationality.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
I quoted material above.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 8.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9
The Change Handbook
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The main idea of the book is to present key points about 18 different group methods to “make the changes we need and do it in a way that creates high energy and yields extraordinary, sustainable results.”
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Conditions are listed for a successful search conference, which apply to other conferences as well.
The community has demonstrated that the type of conference chosen is the best for their type of situation. For example, a SC’s objective is to find results or the end versus the means to the end, what the book creatively terms as puzzle-solving in comparison to problem-solving.
Pre-conference work is comprehensive, thorough, and thoughtful – a conference is only as good as the behind-the-scenes planning. Active engagement versus passive listening for participants is a more effective teaching method because people learn more through participatory learning styles and do not get bored as easily, retaining more of what they learn.
All essential knowledge about the organizational system is present in the room to provide the pieces of the strategic planning puzzle. This principle is a chief component of a holistic process of organizational development.
Participants are in the system and are aware that they are responsible for implementing the action plans and take responsibility for doing so. Meetings are of little value if there is no or little follow-up for implementation.
ii. “In a future search we become more secure knowing firsthand where other people stand. We discover resources in ourselves and others that we didn’t know were there. We begin to accept our difference—in background, viewpoints, and values—as realities to be lived with, not problems to be solved. We are more likely to let go of stereotypes. New relationships emerge. Surprising projects become possible.”
This point is important to me because, as highlighted in another group method, if not most people are on board with the idea that an issue needs to be dealt with and improved upon, one can talk all they want but the support of the greater community will not be there in order for the change to be implemented.
In the Genuine Contact workshops, I learned that most of the work done by the facilitator is completed before the conference begins in terms of preparation and planning. Especially with an OST meeting, once the facilitator introduces the workshop and explains the procedure, a good facilitator steps out of the way, letting the people lead and take charge of their own organization’s goals and destiny. Likewise, with the SC approach, preparation is seen as paramount – the foundation and scaffold for success.
The Genuine Contact program teaches the organization themselves have the answer and solution for its success within the system. Comparably, the SC purports all the essential knowledge is present with the people and co-creation of ideas at the conference.
The outcome of the product produced at the conference is better if participants take initiative and responsibility for their part, when people have a high degree of buy-in to contribute their energies during the conference and after the gathering is over.
iii. Some great outcomes for the Participatory Strategic Planning (PSP) process that can be adapted to any participatory-style meeting include: a set of charts, a strong sense of ownership and commitment to carry out the plan, clearly defined roles and responsibilities for action, and an enhanced sense of community among the plan builders.
The outcome does not necessarily have to be a set of charts, but data must be recorded in a legible, understandable, easy-to-read format so that the recipients of the data can concentrate their energies on the outcome versus the container for the information.
iv. “The role of the facilitator is to help the group discover common ground and move beyond conflict to a situation in which everyone wins.
In Genuine Contact’s Planning for Highly Effective Participatory Meetings Workshop, I was asked the question by Birgitt Williams whether I could endure the ugliness that comes up when a consultant is brought in to work through a row in a company. I then made the comment that oftentimes in counseling, when matters are openly addressed, symptoms frequently get worse before they get better.
Opposing sides usually do not see the commonalities they have between each other. The facilitator’s job is to point this out and work toward common ground. Perhaps the only thing in common is that each side wants a resolution. This factor is presented along with the concern for the company as agreeable foundations to work for agreeable solutions.
v. In the methods – structuring section of the book, the authors discuss creating “the structures that provide for people to be treated as people. When people hold responsibility for coordinating and controlling their own work and can use their human abilities for learning, thinking, and planning, they respond with responsibility, motivation, and creativity.”
In conjunction with senior management, the facilitator needs to create an accepting climate in which people can be allowed to be responsible for creating change and then implementing the new strategies in accordance with the functions of their position. The facilitator does not make recommendations but enables others to do this.
vi. “Create a blame-free, nonjudgmental culture. Criticism and decisions without good data kill initiative and empowerment.”
Birgitt Williams emphasizes that sculpting an environment that is free of blame and judgment is the appropriate climate for problem-solving and for new ideas to thrive. The reverse is very life-depleting and has a tendency to produce ill-will among team members and a negative, unhealthy environment. Even when there are difficulties which need addressing, these issues can be framed in a way that is suggestive and forward-looking instead of punishing.
vii. There are four foundations of the Whole-Scale method quoted below which may apply to other methods as well:
a. People are hungry for information.
b. It provides the connections with others that people yearn for.
c. The process empowers people at all levels in the hierarchy to be experts on the tasks they do and to use and share their expertise.
d. “Each person’s truth is truth” and is part of the whole picture.
The product is better if people from all levels have the opportunity to participate in the plan and provide their input. They feel good about their contribution and the date obtained is more representative of the company, which will generate a better success rate of the meeting because people will feel valued and respected for their input.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
After being exposed to numerous change models, I personally gravitate to Open Space Technology, World Cafe, and Whole Person Process Facilitation. Even so, the 18 models presented in this handbook are also very valuable for specific situations and should not be discounted but looked at as added tools to be incorporated for special occasions. Additionally, many of the techniques suggested can be incorporated into other models.
Looking at various models is very insightful and useful for when I am a facilitator.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“The basic direction of Whole-Scale is the same: to help organizations uncover and engage the combined knowledge, wisdom, and hearts of their people to meet the challenges of a changing world.”
Collective wisdom from the people is paramount to obtain a successful solution and resolution.
“Dialogue is the skillful art of interweaving the intentions and guides of the basket supported by a willingness to suspend one’s own assumptions and listen deeply for what is wanting to emerge in each moment in the conversation.”
Dialogue does not just involve talking about one’s own perspective but fully getting a grasp and understanding of the information another person is communicating. In successful dialogue, listening is just as paramount as speaking.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 7.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9
C. How easy was it to understand? 8
D. Would you recommend it to others? 8
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 8
Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The author defines introversion and provides a good summary of the distinguishing qualities this personality type has in comparison to extroversion. Susan Cain posits and illustrates via example the distinct advantages for companies to have a balanced blend of both introverts and extroverts on staff despite the tendency of the business world to prefer the presence of extroverts.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. Leaders do not always have to be extremely outgoing to exert undue influence. By their actions, people can make powerful impressions.
One of the most monumental occasions in the civil rights movement occurred when Rosa Parks quietly but courageously refused to give up her seat on the front of the public bus to a white folk. Who would have thought this single act of non-violent resistance would spark a city-wide bus boycott that would last 381 days? At her funeral, people affably described her as being soft-spoken, sweet, and small in stature but also possessing “radical humility” and “quiet fortitude.”
ii. Cain’s definition of introversion is unique and different than what I had conceived.
Cain writes, “Introverts are drawn to the inner world of thought and feeling, said Jung, extroverts to the external life of people and activities. Introverts focus on the meaning they make of the events swirling around them; extroverts plunge into the events themselves. Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone; extroverts need to recharge when they don’t socialize enough.”
Certainly, Cain takes a rather in-depth look at introversion, as this is the topic of her whole book. When thinking about introversion and extroversion, I always conceptualized the terms as dealing more with how one draws their energy, whether alone or around people. Cain digs deep into the psych and personality of such traits.
iii. In the 1920s, America switched her focus from an emphasis on character to personality as the guide for success in the business world.
From the financial crash of 2008, we can see that leaders without character can lead to big trouble.
The components of character consisted of the following: “citizenship, duty, work, golden deeds, honor, reputation, morals, manners, and integrity.” The elements of personality were comprised of these qualities: “magnetic, fascinating, stunning, attractive, glowing, dominant, forceful, and energetic.”
According to Cain, the attitude at the time was either you had these qualities or you did not. They were also difficult to acquire.
The very thesis of Cain’s book is that even those who do not fit the stereotypical portrait of a leader can make excellent leaders with the qualities they possess. One does not have to be someone they are not in order to fit the popular mold of what a leader should look, act, and talk like.
For instance, Cain relays the example of Laura, an introvert who “managed somehow to make it through the crucible of Harvard Law School.” As part of her post as a junior lawyer, one day, she found herself at the head of the table negotiating financial terms for a business loan refinance in a room full of extroverted, headstrong bankers and lawyers. Although on the face Laura seemed as if she was the underdog in the room, since she came prepared to the meeting by “doing her homework” and displaying her calm, uneasily shaken style, she came off confident, intellectual, and powerful without entertaining a shouting match or being forceful. As a result, she not only was successful at the negotiation but also at obtaining a job offer by the head lawyer of the bankers of the opposing client.
A leader can take on any shape or form. Additionally, despite what appears to be the myth of the 1920s, leaders are made not born.
iv. Cain lists some of the advantages to being an introvert.
“You have the power of persistence, the tenacity to solve complex problems, and the clear-sightedness to avoid pitfalls that trip others up. You enjoy relative freedom from the temptations of superficial prizes like money and status.”
Possessing some introvert tendencies, I can relate to this description. I am not going to reveal where I am on the introversion-extroversion spectrum since I would feel like I was unmasking myself. Besides this, I took the Myers-Briggs test what seems like many moons ago, so the exam may not be accurate. It’s interesting to note here that unbeknownst to many, this test was originally used as a tool for career placement, not to solely identify personality traits like the test is predominantly utilized for today.
v. While sitting on a panel at Harvard Law School, Cain discussed the distinct advantage introverts have at the art of negotiation.
“…the ability to negotiate is not inborn, like blond hair or straight teeth, and it does not belong exclusively to the tablepounders of the world. Anyone can be a great negotiator, I told them, and in fact it often pays to be quiet and gracious, to listen more than talk, and to have an instinct for harmony rather than conflict. With this style, you can take aggressive positions without inflaming your counterpart’s ego. And by listening, you can learn what’s truly motivating the person you’re negotiating with and come up with creative solutions that satisfy both parties.”
I appreciate Cain’s empowerment of people who have introvert characteristics. Indeed, I agree that those who thoughtfully and carefully listen to others often have the advantage because others tend to feel heard, listened to, and understood. I can validate that this has been my experience in counseling and working with people throughout my career. People who are successful mediators and workers in conflict resolution validate the importance of these skills as well.
vi. It is important to do what one’s calling is in life.
Cain states that even though she was a successful lawyer in the corporate world, her passion really is her family, writing, and promoting the values of this book. She offers three tips for helping discern what one really loves to do.
1. Think back what you loved to do when you were a child.
2. Pay attention to the work you gravitate to.
3. Be alert to what you envy.
In other words, take note of what you love and value.
I recall that in one leadership book I read, the leader recommended spending 80 percent of time doing what you do best and 20 percent doing the rest. Even if one performs really well at a task but their heart is not in it, then perhaps this is not a good fit and not ideally what the individual should be doing.
What do you love doing and what are you good at? When you find a post that matches these two identifiers, then its like a marriage made in heaven.
I really love doing peace work as executive director of Gods_i_international. I feel like it is a great fit with my theology, law, counseling, and conflict resolution training. I hope there are more and more opportunities to become involved in the future since I am only a volunteer and thus have limited time to devote to this cause. I would welcome the opportunity though.
vii. The story was relayed regarding Jon Berghoff’s incredible success as a salesperson. He stated the key to his success was not that he was an expert at the product that he sold, but that he listened to customers’ concerns, and as a result, they felt understood.
In many professions in which developing relations with others is so crucial, people want to be heard, listened to, and understood. Building good relations with others is very important.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
Cain has empowered and affirmed my qualities that will enhance my mediation and negotiation skills which has been a powerful experience. I now have more insight into myself and others which will enhance and enrich my communication skills and relationship building.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
“Talkative people, for example, are rated as smarter, better-looking, more interesting and more desirable as friends. Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more competent and likable than slow ones.”
I am not sure why this is necessarily. Recently, I met a person who talked so fast that it sounded forced and rushed. I did not think she was more intelligent for speaking in this unnatural capacity.
Today, the business world has this cookie-cutter image that they try to impose on people or leaders in terms of personality and dress. This book proves that companies can achieve equal or greater results when they consider other people who are outside the box like introverts and creative types.
I really appreciate Cain’s passion and efforts to broadcast the message of the value of diverse personalities around the world.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
No.
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9.5
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.5
Mary McAleese: The Outsider
Assessment by Nicole “Lindzee” Lindholm (USA)
1. What is the main idea that the author is trying to convey in the book?
The book is a biography which discusses former President of Ireland Mary McAleese’s family life but mainly centers on the events in her journey to Áras an Uachtaráin, the Irish equivalent to the American White House. Pitfalls, tragedies, and triumphs are described and explored in detail.
2. What were the seven ideas which were personally most important to you and why? List these seven ideas followed by an explanation after each one as to why it was important to you. Use personal examples from your own life.
i. I highly respect President McAleese’s unflinching courage and bravery in the face of danger and the risks she took to promote peace during her presidency. She is the embodiment of a Celtic tiger.
At the ripe age of 21, during the period she was a law student at Queen’s University Belfast, there was a loud skirmish on the street outside of her family home. This was nothing new due to the fact that many moments of violence had occurred in the past three years since the inception of the Troubles. The family stayed inside consoling one another until the event ended. Then all of a sudden, they heard this sequence of sounds: footsteps running away, screams, muffled moans, and finally scratches at the door. Mary was the first one to ease the door open ever so slowly. She did not first recognize the “bloodied bundle” as her brother John because he had been beaten so badly that day and cut with bottles, almost to the point of death, just for being a Catholic.
President Mary displayed an equivalent level of courage in office, loving thy neighbor by frequently talking and meeting with dissidents of the peace process and even inviting them to share a meal in a fervent and ongoing effort to support the theme of her presidency: “Building Bridges.”
An excellent leader needs to be willing to take smart, calculated risks to stand up for others and help people when needed. Because of the fierce sectarianism and hatred for peacekeepers and lovers of the other in the past in Northern Ireland which resulted in numerous brutal murders of the innocent, I continue to face up to fear as director of Gods_i_international when taking a strong stance for peace, equality, and social justice. The truth hurts and can make people angry, especially if they are unwilling to see past their blind spots, injustice, and discrimination. However, when God has called one to do something, as I feel God has called me to serve in light of my religious and ethnic background, then one can enjoy a wonderful freedom and melody of being in tune with the Holy Spirit’s direction and guidance in life after obeying God’s will despite the risk of danger.
ii. President McAleese has an insatiable appetite for knowledge to better herself after already attaining some of the highest posts in both academia and government on the Irish isle. She is not a woman who rests on her laurels but one who is constantly seeking to learn and grow.
President McAleese has a phenomenal and impressive resume. She has served on some of the most prestigious Boards in both States and has occupied the following posts: Professor at Trinity College, RTÉ Journalist and Presenter, Pro-Vice Chancellor of Queen’s University, and most popular President in Irish history, as evidenced by the polls.
Although she has held a very impressive track record of successes, she has not stopped there. After her presidency was over, she almost immediately began work on a doctorate in canon law in Rome. Moreover, this coming fall, she will be Visiting Burns Scholar of Irish Studies at Boston College.
An excellent leader is a lifelong learner both mentally and intellectually. They have a teachable spirit and recognize that they do not know it all. They are constantly analyzing themselves, looking for ways to improve. Great leaders are humble about their abilities, always searching for ways to expand themselves both personally and professionally.
iii. President McAleese is a peacemaker and not a promoter of violence.
Although President McAleese is a strong supporter of peace, she has not always traveled this route in her heart.
After her brother John was badly beaten in his youth as a victim of sectarian violence, as a late adolescent, Mary confessed that she wanted those responsible for such acts of hatred “lynched.”
On a separate occasion, one night when the B-specials were attacking the homes of Catholics, Mary went inside her house to grab some milk bottles to throw. Her father Paddy Leneghan followed right in after his eldest of nine children with a short but important message: “I did not rear a rebel.” This would leave an indelible impression on Mary and her lifelong strategy to counter violence. She would always remember this lesson from here in out, pursuing only non-violent means as a way to resolve the Troubles conflict.
There was a time when I questioned whether the IRA campaign was morally right or wrong. After all, most countries’ acquisition of land was achieved through war. So, I reasoned, why is the IRA guerrilla warfare condemned when all they are trying to do is gain back what was rightfully theirs in the first place? In fact, America has supported numerous foreign guerrilla groups financially and materially in order to overthrow dictators in other countries, so what is the difference in this situation?
The teachings I have learned through IIGL have helped me reinforce my belief that non-violence campaigns are the best way to confront evil and violence whenever possible.
Since the time of the Troubles initiation in 1972, over 3000 lives have been lost and numerous more injured. Many innocent people have been laid down in the depths of an empty grave prematurely because of the blatant disregard for human life that has propitiated careless, reckless bombs and gunfire from both sides of the aisle.
I have come to the conclusion that the proper means for peace, equality, and social justice is to work through political channels.
iv. One of the contributing factors to President McAleese becoming a successful lawyer was support from her parents.
When a priest was visiting her family, Mary revealed her dream of becoming a lawyer. The priest replied, “You can’t because you’re a woman; you can’t because no one belonging to you is in the law.” With just a few words, the response of her mother Claire Leneghan showed firm support of her daughter’s dream—a vote of confidence that Mary could accomplish this feat. To the priest, she said “You, out” and to Mary, she stated “And you—ignore him.”
It is important to have people in one’s life to support and encourage your dreams. These individuals may include one’s family, friends, and formal or informal mentors.
Currently, I am undergoing a Biblical leadership training program at Christian Leaders Institute. On the entrance application, the applicant is required to type in a mentor in recognition of the crucial partnership of talented and knowledgeable experts in the field as a compliment to the traditional educational format. I am so blessed, pleased, and thankful for my mentor who is both brilliant and talented. At the same time, she possesses such a huge heart for being a bright spot in the lives of countless others on a daily basis. She has been such an encouragement and support in my life already.
v. Despite being a busy bee with a professional career and young kiddos, President McAleese still made time with family and friends a priority.
The McAleeses frequently opened up their home to entertain guests and extend hospitality to others. Even though both had successful professional careers, they set time aside to build important relationships with others in their community.
Humans do not just live life in a vacuum. We are created to fellowship with not only God but other people and to support one another as we walk through this journey called life.
vi.) President McAleese did not let setbacks get in the way of winning the presidential race.
President McAleese pressed on towards the finish line even after missing a few hurdles.
vii. The very few times President McAleese has been wrong, she has been big enough to admit her mistake and say that she was “sorry.”
I respect leaders who own up to their mistakes and take appropriate corrective action.
3. How will these ideas or lessons help you in a practical way, both in your daily personal life and in helping you to create a better world?
Many of the ideas here were already in place, but the lessons learned will help make me a better person and leader.
4. Quotes: Are there any statements which the author made that particularly got your attention? If so, please quote them and comment as to why they were important to you.
None.
5. Is there anything in the book that you do not understand or are unclear about, or are there ideas which you disagree with and, if so, why?
No.
6. Did the book contain exercises for the reader to complete? If so, did you complete all of the exercises and did you find them helpful?
No.
7. Was there anything you read in the book that you would like to comment on that was not covered in the previous questions? If so, please comment.
President McAleese is an informal mentor of mine. Although I have never spoken to her, I have sent her several letters. As President, she did, however, take time out of her busy schedule to ask one of her secretariats to send me a personal greeting via email correspondence. I hold the intention that one of these days I will be able to meet the McAleeses in person and what an honor that will be!
I look up to President McAleese as a strong, spiritual leader who is brilliant but not brassy about her superb intelligence and giftedness. Instead, she is intentional about remaining humble and available for the people.
It is important to note that the overwhelming majority of the population look up to President McAleese. Measuring in at a lofty five foot eight and a half, what other option is there?
Please rate the following questions on a scale from 1 to 10. Ten is good and one is poor.
A. How interesting was it to read? 9.5
B. How helpful were the contents? 9.5
C. How easy was it to understand? 9.5
D. Would you recommend it to others? 9.5
E. What is the overall rating you would give it? 9.5